


Reason for Dreaming

by mikasuhdude



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Romance, Slow Build, the best story you will ever read in your entire life probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-09-15 05:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 116,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16927335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikasuhdude/pseuds/mikasuhdude
Summary: Mikasa and Armin have known each other for the past three years, having the same college major and all. It's traditional of them to study in Mikasa's dorm with her stoner roommate, Sasha. One afternoon, they opt to study in Armin's apartment, and that's where she meets his roommate. He's a fiery guy, interrupting their study session by loudly cursing over a mustard-stained shirt and a family-owned restaurant.





	1. Emerald Pools

**Author's Note:**

> Title is inspired by the song, Reason for Dreaming by the Happy Fits  
> First time writing something like this in years, and this is the first chapter to a story I haven't completely figured out yet. I don't expect anyone to read this, but thought I might as well publish for the hell of it! Hello, strangers on the internet! Thank you for reading.

Fall was such an interesting time of year. Nature fought a civil war, warmth and sunshine versus coolness and snow, battling against each other on whether or not to kill its own creation. Even though the results were the same every year, life put up a good fight. Winter is bound to win at the end of each year, but at the beginning of each year, Spring always bounces back with an overwhelming supply of color and rebirth.

Fall was also where an individual could witness nature’s decay at every corner. It was funny how so many people admired the arrangements of yellow, orange, and red. Really, they are just admiring the rotting corpses of trees as they release their death throes out for the world to see before succumbing to the chilly, heartless winds of Winter.

At least, Mikasa saw it that way.

Leaving her college campus, she looked above her to see the colorful collection of leaves withering away from tree branches. There was a long path leading to the school parking garage, trees planted at every square along the sidewalk. Even though the yellow, orange, and red were masking nature’s decay, she still took the time to appreciate the color schemes. It still was a beautiful sight to see, and every _crunch_ Mikasa caused when stepping on scattered leaves felt soothing.

She looked adjacent to her, seeing a bobbing head of blonde hair and a pair of sapphire eyes. The contrast of colors compared to the fading background of trees stuck out like a sore thumb.

Mikasa cleared her throat, adjusting her slipping messenger bag over her shoulder. “It’s gonna be fun seeing your place for once, Armin.”

Sapphire eyes flashed to meet his friend’s and a shy smile crept its way onto Armin’s lips. “I figured it was about time we hang out off campus. We’ve studied in your dorm so much I figured Sasha hates us by now.”

She put her hand up to cover her mouth and laughed softly, shrugging. “She did mention how much it pissed her off that we ate her goldfish.”

“Oh, come on!” Armin smirked, releasing eye contact and looking straight ahead. “If she didn’t smoke so much pot, we wouldn’t have much food to raid in the first place.”

“You _know_ how her munchies get, though.”

The two friends laughed loudly, imagining their colleague taking a draft from her wax pen, running to the cabinet, the mini fridge, and back to the cabinet again. Five minutes into a draft and she was already swallowing whole bags of Doritos. 

Mikasa and Armin would often tease Sasha as she sat on her bed and ate, intensely watching Planet Earth. One time she watched footage of rain and couldn’t stop shouting, “What the _fuck_?! That’s so beautiful!” Armin and Mikasa would be sitting on the opposite side of the room, laughing their asses off to every astonished noise Sasha would make. 

“Since it’s just her this afternoon, you might have to go grocery shopping. I wouldn’t be surprised if she demolished the entire kitchen.”

“Including the cabinets?” Mikasa smirked.

Armin didn’t hesitate. “Most definitely.”

They continued walking, discussing a trip to Home Depot and budgeting for just in case Sasha’s hunger _did_ cause her to eat the kitchen. Mikasa mentioned how she had left over pasta in the fridge, and she was praying to God that Sasha didn’t eat it yet. Eventually they reached the parking garage, and Armin took out his keys, unlocking a very beat up Saturn. 

Getting in and buckling up, Mikasa smiled. “Nice ride.”

Armin popped into the driver’s seat, put on his seatbelt, and turned his keys to start the car. “Gramps gave it to me.” He smiled, plugging the AUX cord into his phone and resuming a Fleetwood Mac song he was previously listening to.

Pulling out of the parking lot, Mikasa leaned back in her seat and clutched her seatbelt with both of her hands. She was smiling. She loved being in Armin’s company, and he reminded her of honey and the summer time. 

“I can’t wait to meet your dog.” She said, watching as the car left their campus and got onto a busy road.

She could hear Armin’s smile through his voice. “Oh, right! You’re gonna love him. He is quite big though, so be prepared.”

She thought for a moment. “His name’s Oden, right?”

“Sure is!” Armin started to ramble. He always did whenever he was excited about something. Frankly, hearing her good friend ramble on about his dog made her so happy. “My roommate and I rescued him from the pound, and since he’s so big and intimidating, I’m sure countless people chose to walk right by him. My roommate was so obsessed with Oden, though, and I’m glad we picked him! The guy is a total sweetheart. He comes off as scary at first but the second he meets you, all he wants is cuddles and pets!”

Mikasa laughed. “Well I’m excited to meet him.” She paused and hesitated. “I didn’t know you had a roommate.”

“Oh, right.” Armin grunted when a car in front of him cut him off. He sighed and continued to talk. “You might get to meet him too, depending on how late you stay. He gets off of work around five.”

“Does he have a name other than, ‘My Roommate?’” Mikasa laughed.

Armin paused for a second, and waited to yield before responding. She didn’t expect him to be such a cautious driver. Usually, Mikasa was the one driving. “Eren.”

“I’ve never heard you talk about him before.”

Armin shrugged. “He’s a really cool dude. I’ve known him since high school. He’s such a natural part of my life at this point that I don’t constantly feel the need to brag about him, y’know?”

“I see what you mean.” 

Mikasa stared out the window and pondered for a bit. She didn’t know anybody from high school still. Ever since she accepted her diploma and graduated, her focus was to just keep pushing forward. She wanted to build her life from the ground up, and connections to her past just seemed to hold her back.

At least that’s what she continues to tell herself. She chooses to stay strong and say she’s the one who pulled away, when really all of her friends seemed to cut ties and leave Mikasa in the dust. She pushes the thoughts down, though. How could she maintain those friendships to begin with when she was the one who moved halfway across the country? 

She lets out a deep sigh, placing her hand on her forehead. Armin noticed.

“Headache?”

She closed her eyes, smiling softly at her friend’s caring attention. “Ye-up.”

The car came to a stop, and Mikasa didn’t realize how close Armin lived to the school. She looked up to see at least six stories of an apartment complex. She blinked at the sight, wondering which floor Armin’s outside life rested on. 

He was already out of the car in the time it took her to take in her surroundings, and she noticed her car door open as he gestured for her to step out. Setting her hand down from her head, she exited the passenger side, and he gently patted her on the head. “Don’t worry. We’ve got plenty of medicine inside.”

Nodding her head with a smile, she wrapped her messenger bag around her shoulder and followed her friend up some stairs.

“We’re on the fourth floor.” She heard him say. “And I’m not sure how much of a mess the place is.”

She laughed slightly. “‘Sall good. You constantly see Sasha’s wrappers everywhere, so I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Armin looked back to flash her a smile, and they made it up to the fourth flight. She followed him down a corridor until he stopped in front of the third door from the staircase. He took out his keys and wrestled with the handle.

“The lock on this door is shit.” He grunted, eventually opening it up. 

Mikasa followed him inside, and her dark eyes widened at the sight in front of her.

The walls were painted an olive green, and random pieces of art scattered throughout the room. Some portraits were on the ground, while others hung on the walls. White windows with white curtains allowed sunshine to pour into the room, leaving rays of sunshine to touch everything in it. The kitchen was overflowing with colorful dishes. Each plate, cup, and bowl was a different color than the one next to it.

A gray couch sat in the living room, and there were two bookcases overflowing with plethoras of books. A desk sat in corner of the living room with an older computer on it, also covered with books and paperwork. 

“Dammit, Eren.” Armin mumbled, headed over to the window. “He left it open and now all the air is out of the house.”

Mikasa smiled, walking over to the living room to take a seat on the couch, immediately noticing the soft cushions. 

Armin spun around after closing the window, and lifted his arms, replicating some sort of confident, crucifixion pose. He beamed a large smile, proudly showing off his home. “Welcome to mi casa, Mikasa!”

Mikasa rolled her eyes at the overused joke. “Good one.”

He took a seat next to her, pointing at a door directly in front of them. “That’s my room.”

Mikasa nodded her head, pointing to a door closest to the entrance and near the kitchen. “I’m guessing that’s your roommates?”

“Yes ma’am! There’s a bathroom connecting the two if you need it.”

Mikasa smiled, and then paused. “Where’s your dog?”

“Oh!” Armin popped up, running to Eren’s door. “Prepare yourself.” He smiled, swung the door open, and out came running a huge, gray dog with floppy ears.

He ran up to Mikasa, sitting in front of her and smelling her knees as she sat on the couch. He licked her kneecap a few times, and then proudly looked at her with hope in his eyes. She smiled, and pet behind his ears, noticing as they flopped with every movement. His tail was wagging like crazy.

Armin laughed, closing the door and walked over to his dog to pet him as well. “Mikasa, this is Oden. Oden, this is Mikasa.”

“Hello Oden!” She smiled, cupping the happy dog’s face in her hands. “You’re quite a handsome boy, aren’t you?” He returned the compliment by giving her a huge kiss on her cheek, causing Mikasa to squeeze her eyes shut and laugh. “Gross.”

Armin stood up and walked to the kitchen to get himself a drink, Oden prancing behind his owner. He held up a bright red cup and raised an eyebrow at Mikasa, silently asking if she wanted a drink. She nodded her head, and he started to fill the cup with water. “He loves Eren more than me, so we keep him in his room when both of us are out. Don’t want him eating all of the books.”

“That’s so sweet.” She smiled as she watched the pitbull pant with happiness. 

Armin walked over, handing Mikasa her bright red cup and an Advil. She smiled, taking the medicine and cup from his hands. Usually, she would just pop pills dry with no problem, but she knew Armin would lecture her if she did. So instead, she placed the pill on her tongue and took a big gulp of the water.

“Hopefully the medicine helps with that head of yours.”

She smiled, looking at the olive green and piles of books surrounding her. This place reminded her of a hug. It reminded her of a home. Not an apartment, not of a house. It felt like a _home_. “I’m already feeling better.”

The duo settled on the ground of the living room. When Sasha wasn’t causing a ruckus, their study sessions were typically quiet and consisted of soothing music quietly playing in the background. The friends were very comfortable with each other’s presence, and they respected each other’s studying enough to know to stay quiet.

There was a coffee table in front of the couch that Armin leaned his back against, their school books and papers sprawled across the floor. He explained that Oden needed a place to play, so Eren suggested they keep the space as open as possible. Mikasa didn’t mind it, considering she was able to comfortably lay on her stomach as she studied. 

Oden sprawled out on the floor next to Armin, who would pet his side as he read his economics book. Mikasa had her laptop out and furrowed her eyebrows, focussing on her business notes. She hoped with all of her heart that if she studied hard enough, she might be able to open her own flower shop one day. 

Armin was in the same business class with Mikasa. That’s how they met. He was studying hard to transfer to Stanford. Mikasa could see it. She could see him opening an acceptance letter and shouting out a “Yippee!” He truly deserved it. She’s known Armin for three years now, and she hasn’t met a single person who cared more about education and a future than he did. 

She looked at the time, seeing it was after five o’ clock. “Oh, shoot. We have class in forty minutes.” Feeling her stomach grumble, Mikasa placed a hand over it. She _really_ hoped Sasha didn’t eat her left overs. 

Armin looked up from his book and his eyebrows raised. His mouth took the shape of a small _o_. “Oh, yeah. It’s Thursday, huh? Did you copy the notes that were posted online?”

Mikasa smirked and proudly held up the piece of paper she was currently writing on. “You’re looking at them.”

Armin returned the smile, holding up a paper he was writing on, too. “Same here, dude.”

The two laughed and placed their sheets down, when suddenly the front door slammed open. A voice shouted, “I need my _fucking_ dog!”

Oden seemed to respond to the voice, and ran over to the figure standing in the door way. It fell to the floor on its back, letting the dog lick its face ruthlessly. 

“Dad thinks he can just overwork me and _not_ pay me for the overtime? Does he realize I’ve got bills to pay? I haven’t had a good cheeseburger in two weeks since bills are more important than fast food, apparently.” There was a long sigh. “Oh, Oden, buddy. You’re the only one who cares, aren’t you?”

The figure stood up, and Mikasa watched it wander into the kitchen, grabbing a blue cup and filling it with tap water. The figure was a man, and a very tall one at that. His hair was a dark brown, tied into a messy bun. Small strands of hair fell out of the bun, and more fell out when he closed his eyes and downed the water quickly.

He slammed the cup into the sink, causing both Mikasa and the cup to jump. “Plus, I got fucking mustard all over my uniform and he expects me to just ‘buy a new one.’ Fuck you, Grisha!”

“Don’t curse Grisha out! He’s a good guy.” Armin stood up, walking over to the angry man.

Louder, he yelled. “Fuck you, Grisha!”

Armin giggled, and the figure opened his eyes, revealing an endless pool of emerald for Mikasa to see. They locked eyes, and Mikasa smiled awkwardly.

The emerald pools widened, and a hint of red flashed across his cheeks. “Oh, my god.”

“You’re the king of first impressions.” Armin laughed louder, punching the arm of the man next to him. “Eren, this is Mikasa. Mikasa, this is Eren.”

Mikasa stood up and walked over to the kitchen, reaching over the counter to shake hands with the blushing figure. She could get a closer look at him now.

His skin was tanned and covered in sweat, obviously from working in some sort of kitchen all day. He was wearing a white button up (clearly stained with mustard) and black pants. His dirty shoes were left at the entrance of the door, and she took note of the numerous holes in his socks. As for his face, he had strong features such as his nose, his jaw, and the Adam’s apple on his neck. His eyes, however, held infinite depth. 

His eyes felt completely independent from his features, yet somehow, they tied his physique perfectly together.

He cracked a half smile, clearly embarrassed. Shaking her hand firmly, he mumbled, “Uh, hi. Grisha is a nice guy. Sorry for my loud rant.”

Mikasa giggled, causing Eren’s half smile to grow into a full one. “It’s okay. Mustard ruining your uniform seems like it’d be worth yelling over.”

Armin rolled his eyes, and Eren looked at him, quietly communicating with an expression on his face Mikasa couldn’t see. Armin seemed to understand. “We go to school together. We have the same major, actually!”

Eren nodded his head, his emerald pools making their way back to Mikasa. He was staring intently at her, causing her to look away at some random corner. “I see.”

Armin continued. “We actually have class at six, so we’ll be out here in a second.”

Eren winked, smirking. “Great. That just means Oden and I get some alone time.”

“Dude, gross.” Armin whined, and Mikasa laughed again.

She had such a hard time talking to strangers. It was easier to just contribute her presence and laughs to a conversation rather than actually talking into it. Small talk was something she despised, and creating new relationships was something she constantly shied away from.

But Armin was her friend, and he so willingly accepted Sasha into his life. It was only fair that she did the same for him. 

Eren let out a long sigh, picking up the cup he threw earlier, giving the inanimate object some sort of apologetic look. He gently placed it upwards. “I need to shower and take my shirt to the laundromat. Do you need me to take anything for you, Armin?”

He shook his head. “I just went yesterday.”

Eren furrowed his eyebrows, slightly ticked. Jeez, this guy was like a fire constantly set ablaze. Did everything make him mad? “Y’know we could save money if we mixed our loads.”

Armin put his hands up in defense. “Hey, you were at work and I had no pants.”

Eren rolled his eyes, turning to a cupboard to look for something to eat. Mikasa laughed to herself. The relationship between these two was nothing like the relationship between Sasha and her. They were like brothers who love-hated each other. The oceans that filled Armin’s eyes matched perfectly with the forests of Eren’s, and together they made Earth.

“I’m gonna take a piss!” Armin smiled, spinning around and headed towards his room.

That’s when it was just Mikasa and Eren. His back was facing her, and she watched as his fingers danced across different snack options. A quick image of the pasta in her dorm flashed in her brain. She _really_ hoped Sasha didn’t eat it yet.

Suddenly, she froze, not knowing what to do. She hated this. She hated small talk. She hated meeting new people. She hated-

“He’s so funny.” Eren seemed to read her thoughts, taking the lead in conversation. He pulled out a rice cake from the cupboard and shoved a bite in his mouth, lazily chewing. Crumbs fell everywhere as he continued to talk. “Thometimeth, I fink Arfminths a wobot.”

Mikasa cocked her head at Eren. A smirk dug into her lips as she rested her elbows on the countertop, leaning against it. “Pardon?”

He swallowed the bite and wiped the crumbs off of his mouth. “Sometimes I think Armin is a robot. But then says stuff like ‘ _I’m gonna take a piss_ ’ and I remember he’s not.”

She laughed, completely confused by what was being said to her. She laughed at the way he raised his voice when mimicking Armin, and she laughed at what could possibly be going through Eren’s brain. “And you think this because…”

“Oh, I’ve had this theory since sophomore year of high school. Plus, A.I. is book smart, but not common sense smart.” He took another bite of the rice cake, and started to mumble more. “Fffat’s why fe wob’t mif-”

Mikasa laughed loudly, holding her hand to her chest. “I can’t understand a word you’re saying when you’re chewing, Eren.”

He nodded his head, smiling with his chipmunk cheeks. He took a few seconds to chew and swallow again. “That’s why he won’t mix our laundry for the laundromat.”

The girl scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

He shrugged, taking another bite of the rice cake. His arms were raised up. “I’m jwusth sthaying.”

Mikasa shook her head, and heard footsteps come from behind her. She turned around, seeing Armin with a disgusted look on his face. “Dude!” He walked over and took the rice cake out of his friend’s hand.

Eren looked utterly defeated. “Whaf the fwuck-”

“You’re gonna choke and die-”

Armin paused, noticing how Eren mimicked his talking with a hand. Armin smirked, hitting his friend’s arm. The two of them laughed and Eren smiled, facing Mikasa. “He also has a hell of a punch, so he _has_ to have a robot’s arm.”

Armin rolled his eyes, scoffing. “Did he tell you that he thinks-“

“That he _knows_.” Eren corrected. The two friends stared hard at each other with evil smirks. 

“I’ll hit you again.”

Mikasa sat there, laughing so hard that she couldn’t breathe. She put her hand flat on her chest, trying to pace her breathing and calm herself down. “Oh, oh my, Jesus.” She smiled, brushing some hairs that fell out of her ponytail behind her ear. “How have you guys not killed each other yet?”

Eren leaned close, his voice low. “You can’t kill a ro- ow!”

Armin had punched his stomach.

“Oh, you little-!”

She heard laughter fill the room as the two friends chased each other, their dog following them since he didn’t know what to do in the shadow of his owners. Eren went to punch Armin back, but he quickly grabbed his text books and dodged before a hit could be made. Forest eyes tripped and fell hard into the ground, an excited dog instantly jumping up on top of its owner and licking his face obsessively. 

The ocean prevailed with a mocking, “ _Oh, you little!_ ” Armin trotted his way to the front door, and he looked at Mikasa. “Let’s go, girl.”

She smiled, standing up from leaning against the kitchen counter. “It was nice meeting you, Eren.” She knelt down to the excited dog who licked her face again. She squeezed her eyes and wiped the slobber off with the sleeve of her sweater. “It was nice meeting you too, Oden.”

Armin and Mikasa headed out the door, but Eren got up and ran to stop them before they left. He leaned against the doorway, arms crossed at his chest, just slightly covering the mustard stains. “Mikasa, right?”

She looked into the pools of his eyes, noticing the glimmer they had in the light. Even in a dark corridor, they still were like two beacons. “Yes, sir.”

He smirked, causing her eyes to widen. He had a nice smile, a really fucking nice one, actually. “It was nice meeting you.”

She smiled, looking down at her feet. She didn’t know what to do, and she didn’t know why she felt so small in front of him. She stayed quiet for a second before she felt Armin’s hand grab her arm and yank her away from Eren’s shadow. The two started walking without looking behind them. 

“ _It was nice meeting you_.” Armin mimicked, smirking.

“Oh, shut up!” She laughed.

They drove to college, sat through business class, and eventually parted ways. Armin drove to his apartment in his beat up car while Mikasa started walking towards her dorm. She wondered what Armin would go home to, a thought she’d never had before. Would he walk into Eren playing with Oden on the ground? Would he and Eren treat themselves with cheeseburgers Eren was complaining about? Whatever it was, she hoped the two of them had a good night.

She opened the door of her room, and Sasha’s head popped up from her bed.

“Hey, stranger.” She lazily smiled, obviously stoned.

“Please don’t tell me you ate my left overs.” Mikasa walked over to their fridge. “I’ve been waiting for them all day.”

She heard Sasha laugh quietly. The room smelled like cannabis, and Planet Earth was on Sasha’s laptop. “I was super close to it, but then I remembered how much I love you.”

Mikasa smiled, taking out her left over pasta and placing it in the microwave. “I love you too, Munchie.”

“Hey!” Her voice squealed. “Stop callin’ me that!”

Mikasa smiled, and the two friends continued to their own activities. Sasha cursed under her breath at her documentaries, while Mikasa ate her left over pasta. It didn’t heat up perfectly, some noodles were made hard while others were too soft. She still ate it all since there wasn’t much left in the cupboard to eat other than Sasha’s snacks. Mikasa yawned, rubbing her eyes and placed her dishes in the sink once finishing her pasta. It was only nine o’ clock, but she was ready to clock out. She had a class early in the morning, anyways. 

After surveying cupboard snacks and landing on some goldfish, she walked over to Sasha, putting her hand out. Red eyes widened, both with concern and with excitement. “Taking a hit?”

Mikasa shrugged. “It’s helped me sleep these past couple of nights.”

The stoner laughed. “Sweetheart, at this rate you’re gonna fuck up your lungs like me.”

The pen was placed in her hand, and she took a long drag, feeling the smoke burn her throat until she couldn’t take it anymore. It tasted and smelt so bad, but she didn’t mind the after effects. Coughing, she handed the pen back to Sasha and took several sips of water to ease the burn in her lungs.

Suddenly the world went groggy and slow. She climbed in bed, and listened intently to the sounds of animals from Sasha’s laptop. She’d randomly laugh at different noises she thought sounded funny, or she’d make faces out of different patterns on the ceiling. It wasn’t long until all of the goldfish were eaten. _Man,_ Mikasa smiled to herself. _Goldfish are the best when stoned._

Eventually, she found herself sinking slowly into pools of emerald, until they occupied her mind for what felt like eternity. Even when she eventually came down from the high, she felt like she was sinking into those pools. Sinking, sinking, sinking…

Until she fell asleep.


	2. Lovers Often Preach About Things They Should Just Keep in Their Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really just an expository chapter for Eren's character. The story will actually start next chapter!  
> (Chapter title is inspired by the first lyrics of the song Tapioca by New Navy)

Eren Yeager wasn’t the type of person who liked to waste his time. 

He was constantly on his feet, doing this or that. Time was just too precious for him to let slip through his hands. To Eren, each day was just like the beach. Time is the sand, the ocean is its passage. Each small, insignificant grain of sand is a second. Just one, small second, but as the waves of the ocean continue to kiss the shoreline with its tides, eventually minutes, hours, and days slip away in an instant. Time is just too precious for a person to let slip through their hands.

Eren didn’t see himself going anywhere in life. Not yet, anyway. Unlike Armin, Eren just couldn’t handle college. School felt pointless to him. He just sat through classes and wasted time taking notes on papers he was never going to look at again. He worked towards diplomas for jobs he didn’t even want. The more he ditched, the better he felt. It was pointless wasting so much time in classes that led him absolutely nowhere in life. There was nothing that made him excited enough to build from the ground up when it came to school.

Fortunately, scholarships kept him free of any student debt, so Eren dropped out not even halfway through his first semester of college, immediately turning to his parents for help. He willingly traded books and knowledge for deep fryer oil and rude customers. He traded a stable future for living in a present where he stressed each month over stacks of bills. The rent he split with Armin, his phone bill, his car insurance, his water bill and his electricity bill. The list dragged on and on from bills to groceries. Why did something as simple as being alive cost so much money?

Eren just couldn’t afford staying still, whether it came to working to afford living expenses or sparing his ideologies about time. He just couldn’t afford to waste a second.

At least once a week, Armin would grab Eren whenever he was in a frenzy, telling him to slow down. “Stop. Breathe. Don’t overwork yourself. It’s okay to relax for just a second.” Of course Eren appreciated his friend's consideration, but he was too different to understand. Armin was like water. Flexible and willing to bend backwards and take different forms if it meant being productive. Armin was willing to take as much time needed if it meant overtime he accomplished something big. Armin relied on each molecule and each droplet of water to build into one, momentous act.

But Eren was like fire. Fires have to keep burning or else they’ll extinguish. All it takes is just one brief pause for passionate flames to stifle. 

That being said, Eren didn’t waste any time being productive the moment Armin and his friend left for class.

Oden followed Eren around the kitchen as he walked, slightly whining and looking longingly towards his food bowl.

“Oh, buddy.” Eren frowned, walking towards the bowl. He saw the water bowl was almost empty, too, except there was a little bit of water left with Oden’s slobber mixed into it. Picking up both bowls and placing them on the counter, he looked at the dog. “Apparently studying is more important than feeding you, huh?”

The dog wagged his tail, sitting patiently as Eren poured dog food in one bowl and provided clean water in the second. “See, this is why you should be glad I just work. Perks of no schooling means I can fully commit my life to you, Oden.”

He walked over to a tray in the living room that the dog bowls rested on, and he turned to his dog. “Sit.”

The dog listened.

“Stay.” He commanded, setting the bowls down slowly. He looked up to see the dog becoming more desperate, his tail wagging faster. With a chuckle, he pointed down at the food. “Alright, go ahead.”

The pitter patter of paws running towards the bowls soon met a symphony of munching and slurping sounds. Dogs sounded so gross when they ate and drank.

Next on the to-do list was some brief exercise. Eren retreated to his room, opening the door to reveal his unmade bed and his pajamas that were randomly thrown on the floor this morning. 

He started doing some simple movements. A few sit-ups here, a few pushups there with some lunges and squats sprinkled on top. As long as he was up and moving at least once a day, that’s all Eren cared about. He’d usually head towards the gym after work or have a more set routine at home, but for some reason, he already felt so exhausted from the day, smelling like grease and feeling too groggy for his own good. He started doing some jumping jacks, and it didn’t take long for neighbors to protest.

“Stop fucking the floor! I’m trying to rest, jackass!”

Rolling his eyes, he wasn’t shy to shout back. “It’s just past six o’ clock, grandpa! Jerk off somewhere else.”

If he was really in the mood, Eren would’ve jumped and hit the floor as hard as he could, but he felt too tired and stuck to his current routine.

Fifteen minutes seemed to be enough for today, considering his body was dying with every breath he took. He undressed, first looking at his mustard-stained shirt with a frown. He placed it on his bed as a reminder to take it to the laundromat later. He turned his attention to his pants, holey socks, and underwear, crumpling them into a makeshift ball and throwing the pile into his hamper.

“Be proud of me, Oden! That was a three pointer right there! Maybe I’ll get a call from the NBA tonight.” 

He let out a long sigh. The dog was sound asleep in the living room, quietly howling in his sleep, and Eren was naked in his bedroom playing basketball with his clothing. He pursed his lips, walking into the bathroom. He made sure to lock the door that led to Armin’s bedroom. Sure, the guy wasn’t here, and even if Armin _was_ here, he would never pop into the bathroom and shout “Hey, Eren! Let me see your dick!” He locked it anyways, though. Paranoia would’ve gotten the best of him if he didn’t take extra caution.

He walked towards the shower, reflecting on his ridiculous day at work. Conversations from earlier this afternoon echoed in his mind. 

_“Hey, pretty boy. Learn to do your job better and fetch me more of this drink.”_

He turned on the water, hopping into the shower. As he was untying his hair from its bun, a scowl dug into his lips.

_“Sir, I’ve explained to you that you don’t have a bottomless drink. If you want more, you’re more than welcome to buy another one.”_

_“Bullshit!”_

Eren grabbed the shampoo bottle sitting in the corner of the shower, lathering its contents into his hair. He closed his eyes, feeling the steam of the room fill up his lungs. The warm water running down his back, releasing all the tension from the day, felt too good to be true.

He smirked at the next memory.

_“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-.”_

_“Where’s the manager? Pretty boy spilled my drink on me! He did it on purpose, I’m tellin’ ya!”_

He chuckled. The old grump was right. It was completely intentional.

_“I’ll teach you a lesson, you bitch!”_

His smirk faded away. Right after that, Eren could only recall the color yellow getting sprayed all over his uniform.

“Jackass.” He mumbled, finishing the rest of his cleaning and turning off the shower.

Not only did some asshole ruin Eren’s uniform, but his dad argued against paying him the overtime he already clocked in for. That conversation started to echo as well, as Eren began to towel dry his long hair. The locks were just past his shoulders.

_“What the hell do you mean I’m not getting paid for overtime today?”_

_“Eren, you agreed to come in early. That didn’t promise the extra pay.”_

_“If you made that clear, I would’ve left hours ago!”_

He wrapped the towel around his waist, making his way back to his bedroom and dressing into his pajamas. Well, they weren’t really pajamas. Eren’s definition of pajamas was just comfy sweat pants and a dark green shirt that had a hole in the armpit. He closed his eyes, running his hands through the wet, long hair and letting out a long sigh.

_“You said if I worked here full time I wouldn’t have to stress about expenses! You guys practically convinced me that I’d be fine on my own!”_

_“When you were eighteen, yeah! But you’re twenty-one now, Eren! If you were still in school-”_

_“Will you fucking stop with that already?”_

_“Eren! Don’t curse at your father!”_

Forest eyes fluttered open, eyebrows knitted together. In frustration, he grabbed the towel, crumpled it up, and tried throwing it at the hamper. He missed and watched the towel open up, slowly falling to the floor.

“Never mind, Oden. I don’t think the NBA will call me anymore.”

“Why the hell would the NBA want you?”

Eren’s eyebrows lifted, his eyes widening. Initially he thought the dog had actually responded to him, but it took him a few seconds to recognize the familiar voice.

“You’re home early. Was class short?”

He got up, walking out of his bedroom and watched his blonde friend sitting on their gray couch, petting an overly excited Oden. Sapphire eyes shrugged. “The professor just wanted us to review notes. There’s a test next week, so he just wanted to review a few things is all. Super simple.”

“Well that’s good.” Eren smiled, walking over to join his friend on the couch. He always thoroughly enjoyed his time with Armin. When it came to most people, Eren became exhausted quickly with their presence. Maybe it was just years of friendship, but Armin had an opposite effect for some reason. “Well, how were the rest of your classes?”

“They were alright. How was work?”

_“I’ll teach you a lesson, you bitch!”_

_“Eren! Don’t curse at your father!”_

He clenched his jaw. “It was alright.”

“Uh huh. It totally seemed alright when you came home a bit ago.” Armin laughed slightly, leaning back and sinking completely into the couch. His tone grew slightly serious. “What’d you think of Mikasa?”

He shrugged, the image of onyx eyes and porcelain skin flashed in his mind. He thought of how her hair was so perfectly placed in a ponytail, little baby hairs and bangs slowly falling out as the ponytail became undone overtime. He thought about the soft shades of rose that flushed her cheeks whenever she’d laugh, and how she’d flatten her hand over her chest as if it were some sort of defense or reminder to not laugh too hard. Her delicate hands, her adorable nose, her little ears, the mysterious scar underneath her right eye. Even the words she spoke carried an atmosphere that made the world fall still for a moment. Everything about the girl seemed to resemble peace. 

“She seemed cool.”

“Oh,” Armin scoffed. “It was clear you thought she was more than just ‘cool.’”

“Not even.” He rolled his eyes. “And even if I did, it doesn’t matter. You know I don’t date.”

“Yeah, whatever Mr. Love Isn’t Real.” Armin sat up from the couch, making his way towards his own room.

Eren started scratching his cheek, slightly keeping his mouth open and continued the conversation. “We’ve talked about this before. It’s not that love isn’t real, it’s that-”

There was a reply coming from inside of Armin's room. Eren assumed he was placing his textbooks somewhere in there. “Dating is pointless and you don’t get the point. Yada, yada, yada.” Armin entered the living room again, his sapphire eyes meeting Eren’s emerald. 

He shrugged. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

Armin laughed. “We can talk about this more over some food.”

“Good luck with that.” Eren groaned, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “There’s not much in the fridge or in the cupboards. We have rice cakes and peanut butter for dinner.”

He heard a rustling of keys, and footsteps walking closer. Eren opened his eyes to meet sapphire, a coat being handed to him. “That’s not what I meant. You wanted a cheeseburger, right?”

Emerald eyes blinked. “Are you sure? Do we have the money for that? You were paid last Thursday, and I don’t get paid until Tuesday. Bills are due in two weeks and I don’t really have much on me.”

“Eren.” His voice reassuring. “Mikasa gave me fifteen for gas money. I only need about ten for my tank, and your shit burger and fries won’t be much.”

“Are… are you sure?”

A smile. “Absolutely.” He placed the coat in Eren’s lap. “You need to go to the laundromat anyways. C’mon.”

A smile found its way into Eren’s lips as he stood up and put the coat over his baggy shirt. He walked over to his room, putting on another pair of holey socks and wrapped a crimson scarf around his neck.

Armin was too kind for his own good. His consideration was endless and overflowing, and a lot of the time, Eren was nervous that Armin gave so much of himself up that there’d be nothing left of him. That never seemed to happen in the seven years that Eren knew the blonde, though. Somehow, Armin found more and more of himself to give to the world every single day. 

Eren grabbed the mustard stained shirt, running outside of his room. He turned to Oden, “C’mon, Oden, buddy. You can cuddle up on my bed if you want.”

The dog’s eyes filled with grief, longing for his owners to stay forever; however, he still listened to his owner’s commands and walked slowly into the bedroom. Eren closed the door, slipped on a pair of beat up Converse, and walked out the front door with his friend. Armin struggled to lock the door of the apartment, drawing a laugh from Eren.

“Y’know, we can complain to the owner of the complex and see if we can get the lock fixed.”

“You see, that would just make sense.” Armin grunted, finally locking the door and putting his keys in his pocket. “Are they actually going to fix the door, though?”

Eren shrugged, flipping one of the ends of the scarf over his shoulder. “Good point.”

 

* * *

 

Armin held up two fingers. “Two double-doubles and two sides of fries, please.”

“Would you like a drink with that?”

He looked up at forest eyes lifting an eyebrow.

Eren shrugged. “Yeah, just one small fountain drink, please.”

“Make that two.”

Eren grinned, whispering at Armin, “Greedy.” He felt an elbow meet his ribcage, the plastic bag with clean clothes from the laundromat rattling in the air.

The cashier smiled, quickly reading over their order to confirm it. Armin nodded his head, grabbing the fountain drinks that were placed on the counter. 

“That’ll be $12.89.”

Eren frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. Wasn’t fast food supposed to be super cheap? He whispered to Armin again. “I’ll get you the rest for your gas. Sorry.”

He shook his head, taking out the small amount of cash and handing it to the redhead behind the cash register. “Don’t worry about it. Luckily we don’t live too far from the college so my tank _should_ be okay until I get paid next Thursday.”

Eren sappily smiled, paired with an, “Are you sure?”

His friend didn’t even hesitate, taking his receipt from the cashier’s hands. “I said don’t worry about it, man.”

They walked over to the drink fountain. Armin getting Sprite, Eren sticking with unsweetened iced tea. He kept the soft smile on his lips. Who would’ve thought that the two kids who sat in English would be struggling to pay for their food together. A memory of the day they became friends began to replay in Eren’s mind, almost as if it was a scene from a movie.

They were just high school freshmen at the time in Mr. Shadis class. Armin was sitting at his desk, quietly reading over some notes before a vocabulary quiz. Eren’s desk was placed right next to Armin’s. They never talked to each other unless it came to Eren asking a favor of copying the homework he missed. He walked over to his desk, plopping his backpack on top and giving Armin a raised eyebrow paired with a smirk.

“You’re actually studying?” He scoffed. “This quiz will be the easiest we’ve had this year.”

Armin looked up from his notes, the tides of his ocean eyes crashing behind a pair of circle, wire glasses. His blonde eyebrows knitted together underneath his bangs. “I heard the format of the quiz completely changed.” He mumbled, looking back down at his notes. “You should try to care at least a little bit.”

Eren grew frustrated. “Whatever. I know what the words ‘cumulative’ and ‘reciprocate’ mean. It’s gonna be no problem.”

“Do you know them well enough to use in a cohesive paragraph, though?” Armin smirked, not looking up from his paper.

“Duh, of course I do.” A lie.

“Well,” Armin looked up, locking eyes with Eren. His face was serious. “If you get a better score than me, I’ll buy you lunch. If not, you buy me lunch.”

“Well I hope you have enough for Red Robin, then.” Eren scoffed.

The memory faded away when Eren looked over and saw the same blonde struggling with grabbing straws and napkins. Sure enough, Armin was right, and Eren completely bombed that vocabulary quiz. He had never been so thankful to do so bad on a test, though, considering it was the thing that pushed for the friendship between him and Armin. It encouraged a friendship that Eren wouldn’t trade anything in the world for. 

Their order was called. Armin headed over to grab it while Eren looked for the cleanest table for the duo to converse at. He found an isolated table in a corner of the place, called Armin’s name, and signaled the blonde to make his way over to the semi-clean table. They sat down, unwrapping their burgers and splitting the fries. 

Eren smiled with content. Shitty burgers had such a special place in his heart.

“So, about this whole, ‘dating is pointless’ attitude,” Armin started, looking up from his burger, concern in his eyes. “When are you gonna get over that?”

“Gawh, fhish shif again?” 

“Goddammit, Eren. Fucking chew.”

He chuckled, taking a sip of his drink to wash down the food. “I said, ‘God, this shit again?’” He took another bite of the burger, taking extra caution to chew and swallow completely so he didn’t get another lecture from his friend. “I don’t know why you’re so concerned with that.”

Armin mumbled into his burger before taking a bite. “Because ever since high school you’ve always gone for trash girls and trash hookups.”

“There isn’t a problem with that.” Eren rolled his eyes. “I’ve told you before, I just don’t see a point in dating.”

“But you never explain _why_.” Armin protested. “You only ever talk about how you get bored whenever you’re talking to a girl and how it’s easier to stay a lone wolf.”

Eren shrugged, leaning back into the chair and crossing his legs. He thought for a moment, long and hard. Armin was the type of person who needed to completely understand situations, thoughts, and opinions before he could accept them. Unless there were specific justifications and arguments behind a claim, he just couldn’t let it go. It was silent for a moment, and Armin decided to take lead in the conversation.

“Don’t you eventually want to grow old with someone? Have someone you can appreciate all of the little details of and care for them in a way that nobody else in the whole world could. Doesn’t that excite you even just a little bit?”

Eren furrowed his eyebrows, conviction stirring inside of him. “Well, of course I do. Who doesn’t want that?” 

“Then what’s stopping you, Eren?”

He thought for a bit, trying to string the right words together. “I guess I feel like romance is just so over glorified and dumb these days. What, you pick someone and put a ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ label on them and call it a day? Do you just get an excuse for PDA?” He shrugged, taking a bite of a fry and taking a quick sip of his drink. “I want to be with a best friend, Armin. I want to be with someone who wants more than just the cheesy words and the trivial, physical things. I want someone who knows me inside and out, and wants to spend time with me as a friend, not just to use me as some sort of reward to brag about. I mean, sure. Of course there’s lots of girls out there who I think are pretty. I just can’t seem to jump right into a relationship without feeling bored or like it’s artificial. Does that make any sense?”

Armin nodded his head, listening intently. He paused and let the words rest for a minute before replying. “There’s people out there who want the same thing.”

“I know, and that’s where my hang up is.” Eren sighed, crossing his arms and staring at the half-eaten food in front of him. “If I _do_ end up finding a friendship that valuable, I don’t want to risk it with some dumb relationship. What would even change? I’d just end up fucking her over.”

“Do you really think that, Eren?” Sincerity was in the ocean’s voice. “You really think you’d mess it all up?”

He didn’t reply. He just nodded his head “yes” silently. A sigh came out of Armin, and Eren looked up to watch his friend staring at his hands. He was wringing them. 

“You’re such a good guy. You don’t even understand how much you deserve.”There was a beat of silence before Armin looked up to lock eyes with Eren. “Part of being in a relationship is taking those risks. Part of it is shrugging and just saying ‘fuck it.’”

Eren looked down. Armin was right. He was _always_ right. 

“I just want to see you be happy.”

A soft, half smile slowly made its way into Eren’s lips. “You’re too kind, Armin.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Well,” He looked up again, giving his friend a smile, causing his friend to stop wringing his hands. “Next girl I meet who’s worth it, I’ll take the risk.”

“I’m holding you accountable to that.” Armin pointed at Eren, reaching over and flipping some of his long hair over his shoulder. “You should cut your hair to up your chances, though.”

“Never.” He laughed. Despite the confidence Eren forced, he grew a little insecure, taking his hair and tying it into a bun once again, feeling some of the smaller hairs fall out of the hair-tie. “You gotta start keeping your side of the bathroom clean if you want a chance either. You’re the grossest person I’ve ever met.”

“Listen here, asshole.”

The duo finished their food, throwing playful insults at one another until nothing was left between them except for wrappers, empty cups, and laughter. They stood up from their small table to refill their fountain drinks before heading back home. Armin stuck with his sprite and Eren stuck with his tea, throwing in a lemon this time.

“Damn, mixing it up with a lemon, Yeager?” The friend teased.

“You know it, baby.”

They stepped out the doors of the building, walking towards their apartment complex once again.It was freezing outside, Eren shoving one hand in his pocket as much as he could while the other held onto his clean uniform. His face started sinking underneath the crimson scarf around his neck in some sort of effort against the cold. A subtle “shit” left his lips as he squinted his eyes and continued to walk against the cold air.

Despite both of them feeling incredibly uncomfortable in the cold, the two friends began to catch up on each others days as they walked along sidewalks and passing cars. Armin started to vent about his schoolwork and how frustrated he was in trying to get back into the swing of schooling after the summer break. Eren told Armin about the jackass who sprayed mustard on him at work. Armin told Eren about Mikasa’s stoner roommate, and Eren told Armin about Oden howling in his sleep earlier that day. Their conversation continued to stay lively until they reached their complex and walked up the staircase.

Armin started to wrestle with the door handle’s lock, and Oden could be heard whining behind it.

“Shut up, buddy. We’ll be there in a second.” Eren rolled his eyes.

“Don’t tell him to shut up.” Armin grunted, finally opening the door. They walked into the house, closing the door and letting the dog out of Eren’s room. 

“He’s just so annoying sometimes.” He teased, kneeling down to pet the dog, scratching behind its floppy ears. He stood up after a bit, looking over at Armin, who was yawning in the center of the living room. “What time is it?”

Looking down at his watch, Armin yawned. “Just after ten.”

Forest eyes widened, taking off his scarf and tossing Armin’s coat back to him. “Already? Damn.”

Catching the coat, Armin rubbed his eyes. “Yup. I’m clocking out for the night. I got work at six tomorrow morning.”

“What could they _possibly_ be having you do that early? You work in the office on campus, don’t you?”

A shrug. “I do. There’s a lot of paperwork they wanna complete before the classes start at seven.”

“Well that’s dumb.” Eren shrugged. The friends parted ways into their own rooms and met in the bathroom to brush teeth. He grabbed his toothbrush, wetting it and squeezing toothpaste on it before sticking it in its mouth. “You shourd jusht quith.”

Armin chuckled in between brushes, spitting into the sink and wiping his mouth. He placed his toothbrush down and rubbed his eyes again. “You’re right. I should. We’ll find other ways to pay rent.”

It was Eren’s turn to spit into the sink, a smile emerging on his lips. “I heard kidneys sell pretty good in the black market.”

Armin pointed at Eren. “You’re right, I’ll have that ready for you sometime tomorrow afternoon. Just ignore me if you hear screaming. I’ll clean the bathroom as best as I can when I’m done.”

He laughed, loudly. “Alright, buddy. I’ll keep that in mind. There should be enough hydrogen peroxide underneath the sink.” The two walked opposite directions, exiting the bathroom and entering their own rooms. “Night, Armin.”

“Night, Eren!”

The doors shut, and silence filled the apartment. Oden pranced his way into the room, hopping onto the bed as Eren turned off the lights and sat on top of his sheets. 

Resting his head on the pillows, he pet his dog who was resting his head on Eren’s hand. 

“Sorry for leaving you alone for most of the day.” He smiled. “You gave that girl a few kisses, didn’t you? Dirty dog.”

He closed his eyes, bringing the blanket over his shoulder and sinking into his sheets. _She_ was _quite pretty_ , Eren thought to himself as exhaustion took over his body. His flames extinguished, waiting to be reignited the next morning.


	3. He's Not Your Medicine

“Mikasa…” A voice sang, pleasant and gentle.

She furrowed her eyebrows. A groan escaped her lips when she was able to see sunlight flushing into the room through closed lids. Mikasa turned to face away from the singing voice to lay on her stomach, grabbing the nearest pillow and burying her face deep into it. She struggled to breathe through the pillowcase, but she stubbornly stuck to it. If staying away from opening her eyes meant suffocating, she was willing to do so. She was melted into the bed, drowning in the sea of pillows and blankets. Everything fell still for a moment, and she let her facial features relax, almost falling back asleep.

Almost.

Mikasa felt two fingers jab into the sides of her waist, right at the sensitive points. She jolted up, a short scream escaping from her lips. “Fuck you!”

Turning around, she looked over to see a pair of eyes that were leaning over her, brown mixed with gold. They were laughing, stepping away from the bed.

“Jean, I told you not to bother her!” A voice shouted somewhere in the dorm. She assumed it was Sasha.

“How else was she gonna get up?” He shouted back, his head turned to face the kitchen.

“Just be glad she didn’t punch you in the face.” Another voice spoke. “Now _that_ would’ve been funny.”

Mikasa sat up, wrapping her blanket over her legs. She wore shorts to bed the night before, and she could already feel her legs begin to freeze off. She rubbed her eyes with one hand while stretching the other arm. “Hey, Jean. Hey, Connie.”

Sasha came running towards Mikasa, from where she assumed was the kitchen, and hopped onto the bed, resting on her knees. She wrapped her warm arms around Mikasa, giving her a kiss on the forehead and gently saying, “Good morning, sweet girl.”

Mikasa rested her head on Sasha’s chest, smiling and sinking into the embrace. Man, she loved this Sasha so much. When she wasn’t up in the clouds, Sasha was one of the most generous and optimistic people in the whole world. Morning hugs and forehead kisses were always provided.

“Get a room, you two.” Connie laughed, and Mikasa looked over to see him standing at the edge of her bed, wearing a smile with crossed arms.

Jean laid on top of Sasha’s bed, closing his eyes and propping his hands behind his head. “This is their room, dumbass.”

Sasha laughed, breaking the embrace and leaving Mikasa to feel cold again. She looked up at big, brown eyes. They seemed apologetic.

“So… don’t hate me.”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow. “Why on earth would I-”

“Oh, look at you!” Sasha blurted out, grabbing Mikasa’s face with both of her hands. She started rambling, her voice as fast as lightning. “You look so well rested, Mik! How could anyone ever interrupt such a beautiful angel in their sleep like you? I told Jean, I sure did tell him. I said, ‘Jean-bo, don’t you dare touch that sweet girl over there!’ I told him I’d punch him as hard as I could in the gut if he did! Connie wasn’t being much of a help either. He called bullshit on me ever hurting Jean! Which I guess is true, I love the three of you so very much, you know that? I’d never hurt any of you! But I told him not to bother you! They kept insisting, though. You just looked so at peace! You finally looked happy in your sleep! I told them that’s been such a rare sight these past few weeks now, I told them you outta get as much sleep as possible! I said, ‘I swear to God if either of you-’”

“Sasha.” Mikasa grabbed the hands that were cupping her face, setting them down. She cocked her head at her friend, finishing the question. “Why on earth would I hate you?”

Sasha took in a deep breath, paused for a moment and then deflated, her head hanging. Her voice was shy. “I didn’t wake you up for your seven o’ clock class.”

Onyx eyes widened. “What time is it?”

There was a pause. “Eleven.”

Jean sat up from the bed, facing the two girls. “We told her, Kasa. She kept insisting to let you rest, though. She kept saying-”

Sasha blurted out and started to ramble again, redirecting Mikasa’s attention from Jean. “I’ll do your makeup work for you, I swear! And you know what? You don’t have to wake me up for my Wednesday classes anymore! I need to start listening to my own alarms! Fix my internal clock, y’know? Connie and Jean are always telling me I need to get better at it anyway. This way, you don’t have to get up so early! You’re not a morning person anyway, right? How about this, I’ll start making you breakfast, too! I can even start right now! We don’t have much in the fridge, but I’ll sure as hell run to the store right now if that means-”

“Jesus Christ, Sasha!” Connie laughed. “Mikasa doesn’t even look all that upset. Chill.”

Mikasa patted Sasha’s leg. “It’s okay. You don’t need to make me breakfast or do any makeup work for me, Sash. Thank you for letting me sleep in.”

She blinked. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.” Mikasa smiled, standing up from her bed and making her way towards the kitchen. She surfed different cupboards for anything to eat, eventually landing on a bagel. Fortunately, she only had a prep period on Friday mornings.

A voice screamed. “Spider! Sash, kill it!”

Mikasa spun around calmly and rested her arms on the counter, ripping off pieces of the bagel and popping them into her mouth. She looked over to see her three friends. Jean, a “bad boy” attitude with a heart of gold. Connie, though it's questionable how he even made it into college, his lightheartedness makes up for it. Sasha, an endlessly generous soul pouring into the hearts of everyone she loved.

The four of them met at freshman orientation when Sasha introduced her new roommate to the two boys. Apparently, they had met in senior year of high school in a government class, where they would sneak underneath the bleachers of the school’s football field to smoke pot. Fast forward a few years, and Sasha was on top of Jean’s shoulders, trying to swat a spider on the ceiling. Connie was standing away, too panicked for his own good.

“Did you get it yet?” Connie squeaked.

Jean rolled his eyes. “This is the smallest spider I’ve ever seen.”

“I’ve almost got it! Don’t worry, Con-con!” Sasha shouted heroically, her tongue sticking out as she concentrated on swatting a spider with her flip-flop.

A smile dug into Mikasa’s lips. Including Armin, the three people in front of her were what made her college experience so worth it. These were her friends, and she loved everything about them.

“Got it!” Sasha shouted, attempting to lift her arms in the air victoriously before slamming them into the ceiling. Jean started to laugh so hard that he almost lost balance and dropped Sasha. She hit his head with her elbow, and the two started to bicker as she sat on his shoulders.

Connie nervously walked over to join Mikasa in the kitchen, grabbing a cup from the countertop and filling it with tap water.

“What,” Mikasa smirked. “Don’t feel like becoming Spiderman today?”

“Nope, nope, nope.” Connie shook his head. He gulped down the water quickly, turning his attention to Mikasa. “Hey, I have a question for you.”

“Alright.” Mikasa smiled, slowly chewing on a piece of bagel she popped in her mouth.

“Since when did you start smoking?”

Loud bickering stopped, and the room fell silent. Mikasa looked down, feeling a burn in her cheeks. So this was why Sasha was so apologetic.

Connie didn’t pick up the awkward tension, continuing to talk. “Plus you’re having nightmares? Dude, you can totally talk to us about them-”

“Connie.” Jean interrupted, and his voice was scarily stern. Golden eyes narrowed, burning into his short friend. Sasha slowly climbed off of Jean’s shoulders, running into the kitchen. She whispered harshly to Connie, a dumbfounded “oh” escaping his lips.

Mikasa kept her head down, staring at the half-eaten bagel in her hands. She couldn’t make out the whispering between Connie and Sasha. All she could hear were her pounding thoughts and worries. Did Sasha really tell everyone about the smoking?

For years now, Mikasa refused to take any drafts. Jean and Connie always tried to pressure her, but she constantly denied the offers. Mikasa vowed in front of them to never smoke. She didn't want to fill her lungs with anything other than oxygen, and she didn’t intend on sparking an accidental addiction.

But her nightmares. Oh, God, the nightmares.

Though it had only been for a few weeks, Mikasa felt stuck in an eternity. Every night was a new movie she was forced to watch. Each morning was a different reaction. Some mornings, Mikasa woke up drenched in sweat with her heart racing. Other mornings, she was sobbing her eyes out as Sasha did everything in her power to calm down the crocodile tears. Occasionally, she would refuse to get out of bed until Sasha reassured her that there was nobody else in the dorm. But every now and then, Mikasa would wake up with no reaction at all. Instead, she just stared at the wall in a dazed state, horrified at the images her mind would force her to see. Surprisingly, those ones felt the worst.

So Sasha offered her to use her wax pen. She told Mikasa that smoking always put her in such a deep sleep afterward. She said she hardly remembers her dreams when she smokes. She said it would be okay.

“Mik, all you have to do is take a hit and wait for about an hour until you fall. When the high is over, you get super tired and quickly pass out. The nightmares might go away.”

Those were her exact words.

So, Mikasa smoked. She’s smoked for eight consecutive nights now. The fear of sleeping left, but the nightmares kept coming. They still plagued her mind and left her queasy throughout the day.

They still worried Sasha.

Mikasa saw how much pain Sasha was in every morning, powerless to help her friend calm down. It broke Mikasa’s heart to be the cause of so much worry. She would sit at the end of Mikasa’s bed, rubbing her back and wiping away tears from Mikasa’s eyes as she cried and cried. She would check every crack and corner in the dorm, counting each one and reassuring Mikasa that she locked the doors and windows the night before and that no stalkers or invaders were present. Sasha would immediately run baths for her friend, filling them with as many bubbles as possible if it meant causing the sweat and anxiety to wash away. She would even cook scrambled eggs with toast, always apologizing that the bread was never toasted just the way Mikasa liked it.

Mikasa’s heart broke to see her friend so frazzled every single morning. It broke her heart to look into those big, brown eyes and see pain. So she refused to tell anybody about the nightmares. She refused to tell anybody about the smoking. She didn’t want anyone else to feel that pain.

But last night, something worked.

She woke up and felt comfortable. She even wanted to go back to sleep. She fell from the high and landed into soft blankets and pillows. She didn’t even think about all of the awful movies the pillowcases held inside of them. She didn’t remember her dreams. She didn’t wake up in fear. She woke up mad at Jean for tasing her. She wanted that to be normal more than anything.

She fell asleep within emerald pools, and she woke up bathed in sunshine.

A door shut, and Mikasa blinked, her thoughts vanishing as reality set in. A hand gently placed itself on her back.

“They’re going for a walk so we can talk,” Sasha whispered.

Mikasa looked up to look at her friend. Defeat was in her voice. “You told them?”

Tears welled up in Sasha’s eyes, and she ripped away eye contact to pace in the middle of the dorm. Mikasa watched her friend, walking in the small space of wooden floor that remained in-between the two of their beds. She had her arms crossed, one of her hands covering her mouth. “Mik, I don’t know how to help you!”

Onyx eyes remained silent, looking back down at the bagel in her hands.

Sasha stopped pacing. “Please, look at me.”

Mikasa complied.

“You’re so strong and courageous throughout the day. I love seeing you laugh, seeing you smile.” She pointed in the direction of the front door. “They love you so much, and all they see is that you’re happy. They don’t see the fear in your eyes each morning. They don’t get their hearts ripped apart each morning.”

“I don’t want them to see that, though.” Mikasa stuttered. “I don’t want you to see it. I hate that you see it.”

“But I am seeing it, sweet girl.” There was a beat of silence. Sasha walked over to sit on her own bed, closing her eyes and holding her hands over her heart. “But seeing you sleep so peacefully this morning… I couldn’t let them interrupt you.”

Mikasa stepped away from the kitchen counter, walking over to join her friend. She knelt in front of Sasha on the floor, taking her hands and holding them. “This is going to sound silly, but it’s obvious that something worked last night. I don’t think it was the weed.”

Sasha opened her eyes, a soft smile starting to emerge on her lips. “Well, what was it then?”

“You know how I went over to Armin’s place yesterday?”

Sasha’s eyebrows furrowed. “Oh, God. Did… did you lose your-”

Mikasa gasped, slapping her friend’s hand. “No! Jesus, no! Not with Armin! Sasha!”

Laughter filled the air, breaking the tension. Sasha’s tears went away, and the girls began to breathe steadily again.

“I met his roommate.”

Sasha cocked her head, taking a few moments to think. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

Mikasa paused, standing up and walking over to her bed to look at a clock near it. It was almost noon. She continued to speak, grabbing her phone and sending a quick text message. “I’m saying that the only things that have changed since these nightmares started happening have been smoking weed and meeting Armin’s roommate.”

A pause. “Mikasa…”

“I mean, sure. The smoking has helped with making it easier to fall asleep, but meeting someone new?” She sighed, smiling. “I think I’ve just needed change this whole time! Maybe he can help me!”

She looked over at Sasha to flash her a smile, but her friend sat looking at her feet. She looked anything but happy for Mikasa.

Mikasa blank. “What?”

She drew out a deep sigh. “Other people can’t fix these sorts of things. You just met him. You can’t put him on a pedestal and give him the responsibility of curing your nightmares. It’s not fair to you, and it’s definitely not fair to him.”

“Well, of course, I know that.” Mikasa grew frustrated. She stood still for a moment, watching as her friend sat defeated on the bed. She didn’t understand where the sudden pessimism was coming from. “I’m running out of options here. Don’t you want a morning where you can sleep in and not worry about me?”

There was a long pause. Sasha kept her head down, staring at her feet, and Mikasa continued to stand. About two minutes passed without either of them talking.

Mikasa clenched her jaw, walking over to a cabinet on the edge of her bed. She opened the drawers, grabbing jeans and a shirt. She quickly started to dress into the clothing as she spoke. “I’m asking Armin to go over there again tonight. No, scratch that. I’m going over this afternoon. He usually gets off of work around noon, and neither of us have any other classes for the rest of the day.”

She zipped up her pants, spinning around to face Sasha. She was still staring at her feet.

“Sash…” Mikasa started after slipping a black turtleneck over her head. “I’m going to fix this, and if I notice even the smallest change, I’m going to run after it.”

She grabbed a brush sitting on top of the cabinet, quickly combing through the bedhead she had. As she brushed, all she could hear from Sasha was a gentle, “Okie dokie.”

Mikasa felt her chest get heavy. She wasn’t causing Sasha to feel this small, was she? She shook the thoughts away, walking over to her friend and planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

She whispered into the brown hair. “I’ll figure this out.” She stepped away, grabbing her messenger bag and walking towards the door. “You can tell Jean and Connie to come back from their walk. I’ll text you when I know I’m coming back home.”

She shut the door behind her, making her way towards the office Armin worked at.

As she stepped outside, she felt a crisp breeze greet her. She lifted her turtleneck, covering her nose with it as a pathetic attempt to bundle up against the nippy air. _Dammit, I should’ve at least grabbed a jacket_ , she thought.

The colors of Autumn seemed to grow more intense each day when Mikasa would observe all the different trees on her college campus. September was coming to an end, and October was just a few days away.

The walk from Mikasa’s dorm room to the front office wasn’t a long one. While it wasn’t the briskest walk in the whole world, it was better than nothing. She looked around her, crunching on yellow, red, and orange as she trotted towards the ocean.

The office was ahead of her, benches sprawled out among decaying trees. Her eyes searched through a crowd of students, searching for any hint of blonde. A hand was waving at her, and she smiled, confidently walking to her friend.

Armin looked tired, and he loosely held onto the strap of his backpack. It was just hanging on one shoulder. She reached over and ruffled his messy hair with her hand.

“Afternoon, sir.” She smiled, setting her hand down. “Didn’t have time to brush your hair this morning?”

He shrugged. “Unfortunately not. I was in the shower longer than I thought, so I had to bolt over here as fast as I could.”

She sat down on a bench that was placed in front of him, and Armin did the same. “As you were driving, you could’ve stuck your head out the window and let God dry your hair for you.”

“Good point. I’ll think of that next time.” He laughed. Turning to face her, they made eye contact. “So, I got your text.”

“Yeah?”

“And you want to come over again?”

“Yup.”

“Why?”

She paused. She couldn’t possibly open up to Armin out of nowhere. She couldn’t get down on her hands and knees and claim her crazy thought of his roommate resembling some sort of medicine for her. She couldn’t tell him that the only thing that’s been different in her consistent, boring life was meeting someone who rudely ate his food and openly cursed out his father. She couldn’t tell her friend that she wanted to hang out to see his roommate, not him.

She shrugged, smiling softly. “I just had a lot of fun yesterday. That’s why.”

A blonde eyebrow raised. “You had fun watching me repeatedly punch Eren?”

“Why’re you so suspicious that I enjoyed going to your place, Ar.” She teased, lightly punching his arm. “It’s mostly for the dog, anyways. He was quite the cutie.”

Armin laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “I mean, alright. I’ll give Eren a call and let him know we’re headed over.”

“Perfect!” She smiled at her friend as he whipped out his phone and opened his contacts.

 

* * *

 

Fourth floor, third door from the staircase.

“This damn lock is going to be the death of me,” Armin mumbled, once again wrestling with the handle to his door.

Mikasa laughed, holding a tight grip on the strap of her messenger bag. “How long have you lived here?”

“Three years.”

“And you don’t have some sort of technique for opening your door?”

She could practically hear Armin rolling his eyes. He spoke in-between grunts. “Of course I have a technique. It’s called wrestle with the handle until it gives up.”

“Yeah, okay.” She scoffed.

The door finally opened, and she walked inside when the blonde held it open for her. He closed the door behind her, and Mikasa was once again greeted by the home that Armin and Eren occupied. The olive greens, the books, the sunshine, the colorful kitchen. A smile emerged on her lips as she, once again, felt some sort of security.

Eren was sitting on the floor, using an old sock to play tug of war with Oden. Was that why his socks had so many holes in them yesterday?

“Armin! Mikasa!” Eren smiled brightly, letting go of the sock, lifting his arms in the air.

He looked so much cleaner than he did yesterday. His hair and complexion looked much cleaner and more put together. He wore worn-down blue jeans and a black jacket, and his shirt was a V-cut style with lace connecting the cut. His hair was tied into a neat bun, though smaller hairs still fell at the front and at the back.

Oden ran past Armin, immediately running to greet Mikasa. She let out a loud laugh, kneeling down to pet the dog. His floppy ears brought so much joy to her heart. “Oden! Hey, buddy. No kisses today, I don’t feel like it.”

She smiled, standing up and letting Armin take his opportunity to pet the dog. Eren stood up as well, walking over to the duo standing in the entrance. He gave Armin a hug and looked shyly at Mikasa.

He shot a half smile. “You gave me a handshake last time, but this is the part where I tell you that I’m more of a hug person.”

“A hug sounds just fine.” She smiled, entering his embrace. It was nothing like a Sasha hug. Sasha’s hugs were gentle, sometimes hesitant. But with Eren, she easily melted into his arms. It was odd how well she fit into the hug, almost as if the two of them were specifically molded to fit into each other’s embrace. She felt so warm.

“Well, that’s a relief.” He pulled away from the hug, the smile still on his face.

Cold.

“Eren gives the worst handshakes since his hands are so sweaty all the time.” Armin shrugged.

Eren didn’t hesitate to shoot Armin an unhappy look. “Why are you such an asshole?”

“It’s okay,” Mikasa smiled, holding out her palms for Eren to see. “I get pretty sweaty too.”

He let out a titter, smiling once again. He pointed at her. “You. I like you.”

His smile was so sweet. His teeth were almost perfectly white and perfectly placed, except for the two front ones overlapped each other in the slightest way possible, but it wasn’t just the condition of his teeth that made his smile worth looking at. His eyes always got a little bit brighter, and they would crinkle just at the corners. His smile was addictive, one that someone just couldn’t deny or ignore, so she smiled back at him.

Warm. So, so warm.

“Well, are we just going to stand here in the middle of the doorway, or do you guys actually want to sit and hang out.” Armin slapped Eren’s back, causing his eyebrows to furrow as he rubbed his hand on the spot the blonde hit. The ocean started walking away, plopping on the couch, and the forest followed after him.

Mikasa started to take off her shoes, watching the duo fall into their daily activities as she did. Eren was playing with the dog, Armin concentrating on his phone. She took in a deep breath and walked forwards, forcing herself to be a part of the world that sat in front of her. She chose to sit on the couch next to Armin.

“You’re joking.” He mumbled.

“What’s up?” Eren didn’t look up from playing with Oden. He held the sock firmly in his hands and pretended to throw it so the dog would get confused.

“I filled some of the registrar’s papers incorrectly this morning and they want me to go and fix them now.”

“Now?” Both Mikasa and Eren spoke, one spoke with confusion and the other spoke with worry. Mikasa didn’t know which one she was.

Armin grunted, standing up and putting on his backpack again. “It should only take me half an hour if I get there quickly enough.” He paused, looking at the brunette on the floor and the dark hair on the couch. “Will you two be okay?”

Mikasa opened her mouth slightly to speak but stopped herself. Would they be okay? Sure, she wanted to get to know Eren better, and sure, she wanted to welcome him into her life, but she was under the impression that Armin would be present during the awkward, “get-to-know-you” phase.

“We’ll be fine.” Eren threw the sock behind him, the dog running after it. He looked up at his friend, closed his eyes, and flashed a cheesy smile.

“Alright. I’ll be back in thirty, promise!”

And just like that, the door closed.

There was silence.

A growing, incredibly awkward silence.

Eren cleared his throat, and Mikasa felt herself sink faster into the couch to try and find some sort of security within its cushions. She started tapping her foot.

Sasha was right. How could Mikasa possibly think that some stranger could be the answer to her nightmares? It had to be pure coincidence that they met the same night she didn’t have a nightmare. The drag she took was longer than usual, so maybe Mikasa just needed to get _super_ high in order to sleep alright. God, what the hell was she thinking? Was she actually this crazy to think an absolute stranger could be her medicine?

“You look so uncomfortable.”

The silence broke, and Mikasa lifted her eyes to meet emerald. Her mouth took the shape of a small _o_. “Oh, do I?”

“Yeah,” he awkwardly chuckled, scratching the back of his head. His fingers were dancing between different shades of brown, fidgeting with the bun and causing some hairs to fall out. “You look like I’m about to kill you or something.”

She tittered, looking off to the side. “Uh, you’re not going to, right?”

Another awkward laugh. “No, I’m not. I promise Armin isn’t living with a serial killer.”

There was more silence.

Cold.

The girl tapped her foot faster, biting her bottom lip. She looked up to see Eren sticking his tongue against the inside of his cheek, blankly staring at his dog.

She exhaled a short breath through her nose. She decided to take the lead in conversation this time, but it was almost as if Sasha was speaking instead of Mikasa.

“I am so sorry. I’m the absolute worst when it comes to small talk. I’m so bad when it comes to meeting new people, and if you feel uncomfortable or awkward, I am so, so sorry. I know you’re not going to murder me, duh! Armin wouldn’t be friends with a serial killer, let alone live with one. You don’t even look like a serial killer! Then again, I’m sure there isn’t a set quota for what a serial killer does or doesn’t look like… Gah! Ignore me. Maybe instead of having a ‘resting bitch face’ I have a resting ‘you could potentially be a murderer’ face. That could be a thing, right? I’m sure at least one other person has a face like that, too. I’m rambling, aren’t I? But my name is Mikasa, oh! Shit. You already knew that. You literally said my name when I came in through the front door, didn’t you? I’m so dumb. I’m sorry.” Her cheeks started to burn. She could only imagine all the shades of red that were flushing her skin. “Anyways, yeah. You, uh… yeah. Hi. You… you seem really cool! You seem like a really cool dude! I might just start calling you ‘cool guy!’ Kidding, I won’t. That’s super lame. But-”

“Woah there.” A chuckle.

Mikasa looked up to see Eren sitting with sincerity in his eyes. His hand was out towards her, gesturing for her to stop, but there was a smile on his face she couldn’t understand.

“It’s okay. I hate small talk, too.” He nodded his head to the dog behind him. “That’s why I like Oden. He’s a really good conversation starter. Why talk about yourself when you can talk about your dog?”

“Right…” The red was still painted on her cheeks. She started to laugh softly. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry.”

“You apologize too much.” He stood up, grabbing the sock Oden was playing with and throwing it far away. The dog was overcome with panic, chasing the piece of cloth in a hurry.

“It’s a bad habit.” She shrugged, scooting over to make room on the couch for him. He sat down, leaving the middle cushion between them. They both sat firmly in their own, designated cushions, looking down at the one in-between them. Ironically, there was an unspoken line drawn in the sand even though they hugged just a few minutes prior.

There was another brief silence, but this one was comfortable.

“Well,” Eren started, looking up.

Mikasa listened closely to his voice. There was gentleness and sincerity within it. She almost felt like he was going out of his way to make sure she felt comfortable. She looked up to meet his forest eyes, closely looking into them. They were green, that was for sure, but they were a green she felt electrified by.

Sasha had to be wrong. Mikasa knew Eren could help her, she could just feel it in her gut. She saw fields of grass within his eyes, and she planned to root herself into those fields. She would root herself in him and flourish, bearing the fruit of amicable sleep and peace.

He continued. “We could ask each other dumb questions to get to know each other.”

“Like they do in elementary school?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Or we could both take turns going on awkward rambles where we apologize too much.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened, and she took in a sharp inhale, not understanding how to react.

Eren leaned over, whispering softly to her. “I was just teasing you. Relax.”

Exhale. She smiled softly. “Alright then, what’s your favorite color?”

Warm. So, so warm.


	4. Roses

She seemed so uncomfortable sitting next to him, just a cushion away with hasty breathing. Possibly it was because he didn’t offer her a glass of water once Armin left, or maybe it was because he immediately confronted her about her tentativeness rather than taking the time to break the ice. He could’ve easily filled the air by making a joke about how flakey Armin tends to be, or he could’ve at least stood up and encouraged her to play with Oden as well.

But Eren didn’t. He wasn’t considerate. He didn’t ask if she wanted water. He didn’t take the quiet and mold it into something comfortable. The silence belonged to them, and his selfish impulsiveness stole it. He let his insecurity get the best of him and used Mikasa’s discomfort against her. It was common sense that she knew he wasn’t going to kill her, so why did he have to make a big deal out of it?

He cursed himself in his brain, closely observing the girl in front of him. 

He couldn’t read her. Was she feeling more comfortable? Was she insecure as well? Eren was sure she just wanted to spend time with Armin, and instead, she ended up with the roommate. He was almost positive he was burdening her with his very presence. She came to their apartment to dip her feet in the water, and she ended up playing with fire. 

But he couldn’t tell if she was more nervous than he was.

It was only their second encounter, but Eren couldn’t help but feel like there was some sort of link connecting the two. Perhaps it was just one-sided, and even if it was, he couldn’t deny the gravitational pull she had towards him.

Something in the air was telling Eren not to mess this up.

Everything in the way she ran her fingers through her hair, the way she pulled the sleeves of her shirt over her hands, and the way she softly asked for his favorite color was entrancing to him. He looked at her and felt the world fall still for a moment. She was peace. 

The universe was in her eyes, holding infinite depth within them. Every light reflecting in her inky pools, whether it was the sunlight in the window or different lamps within the apartment, was a star. She held galaxies within her gaze. She looked at Eren, and he felt himself long to slow down and be still. To slow down and just _be_.

But there’s no oxygen in outer space, and without oxygen, fire can’t burn. She would extinguish him if he dove too deep into her gaze, and he knew very well he couldn’t afford to keep still like that. 

So he redirected his gaze to the nervous blush painting her cheeks.

“Red.”

She tilted her head. Her voice light enough to lift the heaviness in the air. “Really?”

“What can I say,” he spoke with a subtle smirk. “It’s never failed to catch my attention, so…”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “I would’ve guessed some sort of earthy-toned color.”

Eren looked around, noticing the olive green walls matching the gray and brown furniture. He shrugged, sarcastically replying. “I have absolutely no idea why you would possibly think that.”

She laughed, more rose flashing against her porcelain cheeks. She returned the shrug, looking down at her lap as she replied. “You’re right. Call me crazy.”

The empty cushion was still in-between them, but their legs were now pointed at each other’s direction as they sat. _Good, she’s getting more comfortable_ , Eren sighed in relief.

She looked up once again, the galaxies within her eyes sucking him in deeper. “Your turn.”

Eren pursed his lips, pretending to think deeply, but he knew exactly what he wanted to ask. He took a few moments before replying. “How’d you get that scar underneath your eye?”

She scoffed, immediately taking her right hand to meet the scar. She gently ran her fingers over it. “I knew that one was coming.”

“Guess I’m not creative when it comes to questions.” He smiled. “If you don’t want to answer because it’s too personal or something, I totally understand.”

“Oh, it’s not a personal thing at all.” She laughed, pursing her lips and gazing up towards the ceiling. She took in a deep breath. “If I told you, you’d make fun of me.”

He smirked, waiting until she looked down to make eye contact once again. “Try me.”

She let out a breathy laugh, tucking some locks of hair behind her ear. She started talking, her face lighting up with every word. “So I was fifteen, right? And y’know how in high school, everyone obsessively parties because they’re edgy?”

Eren smiled. “Totally.”

“Well, I-, ah! Oh, my god! So,” She took a few moments to laugh to herself, flattening her hand on her chest before continuing to speak. Eren smirked, watching her laugh at her own story. “My friends were begging me to go to a party one night, but my parents were pretty strict when it came to going out late, right? So being the intelligent freshman I was, I tried climbing out of my window. My house was a two-story, right? Oh, my god! This is so funny.” She took more moments to laugh to herself, shifting herself slightly and growing closer to filling the empty gap between the two. 

“I honestly can’t tell if you’re trying to tell me a story or if you’re trying to just laugh until I give up on listening.” He smiled more, watching her try to pace herself.

“Yes, I have an actual story! Shut up,” She laughed, moving some of her bangs to the side. “I couldn’t figure out how to get down from the roof completely, so I thought I could use a _freaking_ _bush_ as some sort of pillow! Long story short, I jumped on top of it, and my parents totally heard me. One of the branches cut pretty deep into my cheek as I fell.”

The two laughed, Mikasa laughing at her story and Eren laughing at how hard Mikasa was laughing. “Oh, man. How long were you grounded for after that?”

“I swear it was for eternity!” She exclaimed, shaking her head and looking away. “Oh, man. My wit isn’t always the best, unfortunately.”

Eren shrugged, a half smile permanently digging into his lips. “It’s okay, I got something like that, too.”

She shifted her seating so she was sitting crisscrossed, facing Eren completely. “You have to tell me now so I’m not the only clumsy one in the room.”

“Oh, God.” He smiled, resting his arm on the back of the couch and leaning into the couch arm behind him. They were facing each other completely now. “I have a big ol' scar on my knee.”

“Cute.” She smiled, placing her own arm on the back of the couch and resting her face in her hand.

“Not really.” He rolled his eyes, beginning to tell his story with exaggerated hand motions. “I didn’t get my license until I was eighteen because my parents weren’t really motivated to teach me how to drive, right? So I used to ride my bike everywhere.”

“Alright…” She listened intently, her gaze burning into Eren’s forest eyes. He grew nervous.

Clearing his throat, he tittered. “Well, one time I was riding my bike to Armin’s house, and this stupid driver was in the bike lane.”

“Oof,” Mikasa furrowed her eyebrows, her mouth taking the shape of a small _o_.

“It was a big ‘oof’ alright. Anyways, I was like, ‘no big,’ right? I thought that I could do some parkour shit and jump my bike from the street onto the sidewalk. I got next to the sidewalk, tried to jump, and I… totally ate shit.”

“You’re so smart.” She laughed, raising her head off of the hand it was rested on. There was a slight imprint of her fingers from the pressure.

“The smartest, I know.” He smirked, shrugging. “I was wearing a pair of jeans with a hole in the knee, and I had the worst road rash for at least three weeks.”

It was Eren’s turn to laugh at his own story now, remembering how he got an adrenaline rush and rode to Armin’s house as fast as he could. He remembered swinging the door open, immediately shouting as he entered the home, “First aid kit! I need it, _now_!”

“Dude,” he continued to speak, squeezing words in-between laughs. “Don’t ever ask Armin to treat a wound. He would make a terrible doctor.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She winked. “But it’s good to know that I’m not the only dumb one in the room.”

He shrugged. “You’re right. Oden can be an idiot.”

“Oh, keep quiet, you!” She scoffed, reaching over to tap his shoulder. 

Eren looked down, a titter escaping him. He stood up from the couch, walking over towards the kitchen. “I, uh, forgot to ask if you wanted a drink or something.”

He walked behind the kitchen counter, looking up to peer at the couch to catch glimpse of a girl. Her dark hair, eyes, and shirt ironically stuck out brightly against the gray couch. “Water, please.”

“Coming right up.” He smiled, pointing a finger gun at Mikasa and clicking his tongue. “So did my story count as a question for you, or are you gonna ask another one?”

He looked up as he filled a mustard yellow cup with tap water. She was looking at him with a smirk, deep in thought.

“Depends on if you count it as one.”

“Nah,” He shrugged. “Ask away.”

He walked over, handing her the cup and watching as she took a sip. The contrast of the yellow and all of the black she was dressed in was complimentary. She made drinking tap water look elegant.

“Where do you work?”

His mind filled with fryer oil and mustard stains. “‘Grisha’s Family Diner,’ but I like to call it ‘Grease-ha’s Family Diner.’”

She shook her head, smiling. “That was lame.”

“Damn. I usually get a laugh out of that one.” He rolled his eyes, sinking back into the arm of the couch. They were both sitting crisscrossed now. “My dad opened the place when I was six, and it’s been my second home ever since.”

She took another sip of water, a gentle _smack_ was made when she released her lips from the plastic. “You seemed really happy coming home yesterday.”

He took in a sharp inhale through his teeth, the sound filling the air, letting out a breathy, “Yeah…” 

“I understand.” She leaned close and rested a hand on his shoulder. Her touch was soft. “Family and business do _not_ mix well. My Uncle Levi owns a tea shop back home, and I used to help him out on weekends.”

He cocked his head at her. Maybe Eren wasn’t wrong about feeling some sort of link. They had a lot in common. There was an unspoken comfort of the air, one clear of judgment and full of understanding.

“Where’re you from? Why’d you come to Detroit?”

“Woah, that’s two questions, sir!” She laughed, releasing her grip from his shoulder. “How’d you even know I’m not from here?”

“Shh, they go hand in hand.” He rolled his eyes. “Armin had mentioned to me that you moved here.”

Eren watched as she looked off to the side as she formulated her thoughts. There was so much thought reflected on her face until she took a deep breath and softly spoke. “I’m from Las Vegas, believe it or not. Colleges aren’t that great back home, and I’ve always loved the east coast, so I figured might as well just move here. Plus, the weather is so much nicer here.”

Eren nodded his head, a soft smile digging into his lips to match the softness of her voice. “Still don’t understand why you chose to come _here_ of all places. Plus, c’mon, the weather can’t be that much of a deciding factor.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. Eren could tell he accidentally unveiled a secret pet peeve. “Y’all start complaining once it hits 80 degrees. My friends and I would be chillin’ outside even if it was 110!”

Eren sucked in air through his teeth again. “Okay, but it’s humid here, so it’s worse.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, and she looked somehow more offended. “You take a walk in 117 weather and tell me that humidity is worse.”

He laughed, lifting his arms up in self-defense. “Jesus, alright. I get it. You’re super strong and heat resistant.”

“I am, thank you.” She flashed a smirk, looking down to take another sip of water from the cup.

Time began to fly. The air was lively and riveting with questions and answers. Her favorite color was purple because it reminded her of lavender flowers, and his favorite animals were giraffes because he thought they looked funny. She worked at the bookstore on the college campus, and he wanted to grow up to be a superhero when he was a kid. She cut her hair shoulder-length because it was easier to style, and he grew his hair long because it pissed his mom off. What once was heavy air and hesitance was now a randevu between two people excited to learn more about each other. 

They both felt secure.

“So, Eren…” She held an empty cup in her hand, tracing the rim of it with her fingers. Her cheeks were rosy with laughter. A soft, subtle rose that still managed to be a bold, enticing color. He secretly wanted to take a sample of that color and paint the walls with it.

“Hmm?” He rested his head on a hand, feeling his knuckles dig into his cheek.

She stared deep into the empty cup, almost as if she was looking for answers to draw out of it. “What do you think about dreams?”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s a weird question.”

She blushed again, but the roses she grew this time were different. “Well, I don’t know. Some people are super into dream interpretation, y’know! Like with zodiac signs and stuff. It’s interesting to hear other people’s viewpoints.”

“What, are you super into it?”

There was hesitance. “No, I was just curious.”

Eren shrugged, looking over to watch Oden sleeping in the middle of the floor. He was being quiet this whole time. “I’m not super into it. I think zodiacs are just stars, and dreams are just your brain organizing itself in your sleep. It’s just a weird phenomenon we have yet to understand.”

“Even the really vivid ones?” She looked up, the universe staring deeply into forests. It looked like she was trying to draw answers from his eyes, now.

He looked away, breaking the contact and looking at the cup she held in her hands. “I don’t usually remember my dreams. My head hits the pillow and I just wake up the next morning. That’s about it for me, so I don’t really think about these type of things.” He looked up to meet eyes with the girl in front of him. “What about you?”

There was silence, and then there was a shaky door handle. 

Mikasa didn’t hesitate to jump up from the couch, and she ran over to the door to open it. “Armin!”

The blonde walked through the door, rubbing his sapphire eyes and cracking a smile at his friends. “Hey, so I broke my promise about taking thirty minutes. Sorry about that.”

Mikasa looked at Eren, and then she looked back at Armin. “How long were you gone for?”

“Almost three hours.”

“No shit!” Eren laughed. “We didn’t even notice.”

Armin smirked, giving Eren a look. His eyes were closely observing Eren’s body language and attitude. “Well, if you two were having so much fun without me, I’ll just leave then.”

“No!” Mikasa blurted and grabbed Armin’s arm, almost too immediately. She looked behind her to look at Eren. His eyebrows raised. Armin’s, however, furrowed. “Uh, we missed you. Stay, please.”

An awkward chuckle escaped Armin. “Don’t worry, I was just teasing. Of course, I’ll stay.”

Eren looked down at his lap, slanting his lips. Maybe the air only felt light on his side, and maybe Mikasa really did feel burdened by his presence. 

Fire can’t rest in the universe. There’s no oxygen, and a fire would extinguish. 

He couldn’t afford to waste time thinking about it.

Eren looked up, flashing a smile and looking at his phone for the time. “Well, it’s almost four. That’s for sure. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m hungry.”

Armin nodded his head, releasing a long exhale through his nose. “I agree with you there, man. If only we were in Mikasa’s dorm, there are so many snacks in there.”

“Stoner roommate, right?” The forest stood up, making its way towards the ocean and the universe. “Sounds like a good time.”

“Do you guys not have food?” Mikasa looked at the both of them. “I can order something if you guys wanted to spend more time together.”

“While that would be greatly appreciated, we’ll have to take a rain check on that. Eren and I have plans in about an hour.” Blue eyes met green. “Right?”

Eren questionably looked at Armin. What the hell was he going on about? It was a Friday, and it was a house rule to keep Fridays as casual as possible. Armin had work in the morning, and Eren only had Fridays and Saturdays off of work. They never had plans on Fridays. Eren would help Armin study with flashcards, but that was about it.

Nevertheless, he agreed to go along with whatever it was his friend was planning. “Right. My parents wanted to take us out for dinner. I forgot.”

“Oh, alright.” Mikasa thought for a moment before letting out a few breathy laughs. “Well, we’ll definitely have to plan a day where I get you two pizza or something.”

“Yeah…” Eren’s voice trailed off, and he reached his arm to the back of his neck to scratch it. “That sounds great, Mikasa.”

She flashed him a smile before looking at Armin. “You really did miss a good time. Sorry work can be stupid.”

“‘Sall good.” He smiled, watching as she knelt down to grab her shoes.

She quickly slipped them on before standing up to face the two boys. “Well, I had a lot of fun talking to you, Eren.”

“Yeah, same here.” He spoke slowly, forcing a half smile. The atmosphere was weird all of the sudden.

“Bye, Oden. Sweet dreams, boy.” She gently whispered to the dog, who was still sound asleep on the other side of the apartment.

And just like that, the girl spun around and closed the apartment door behind her.

“What the hell was that?” Eren didn’t hesitate to whisper at Armin.

The blonde rolled his eyes, walking over to the door of his room and opening it. “That was weird, right? When Mik asked me to stay?”

Eren thought for a few seconds, waiting for Armin to walk into his room to put away his bag before entering the living room again. “I mean, yeah. It was a little weird, but she was totally fine before that.”

“You didn’t say anything weird to her, did you?”

Eren scoffed, slightly offended. “No, Armin. I was actually doing everything I could to make sure she was comfortable. It got really awkward the moment you left, and I fixed it, thank God.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” Armin paused for a moment to sit on the ground, gently rubbing the belly of the sleeping dog on the floor. He woke up slightly to stretch. “I don’t know. I just felt like something was off.”

Eren looked down at his feet, thinking intently. “We were just asking questions back and forth to get to know each other. I asked her something right when you came home. Maybe she was trying to avoid it or something.”

“The hell did you ask her?” Armin’s voice questioned, causing Eren to look from his feet to meet sapphire. 

The brunette shrugged, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Something about dreams. She asked what I thought about them, so I was just returning the question.”

“Huh,” Armin pursed his lips. “But other than that, it was good?”

It was amazing. She bubbled over with excitement to every question Eren would ask, and she listened so intently to every answer he would give. He watched her grow from a stiff statue into a comfortable being in what felt like minutes. Her body language, her rosy cheeks, her addictive laugh, her easy-going atmosphere.

Her peace.

Eren smiled to himself, thinking of his favorite color painting itself on her cheeks at every dumb joke and sarcastic remark he would make. “It was a good time. You really did miss out.”

The blonde stood up, grabbing Eren by the shoulders and speaking low. “Eren, you’re glowing.”

It was Eren's turn for roses to grow on his cheeks. “The hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t know,” Armin smiled, tilting his head at his friend. “You have a different energy than usual.”

Eren grabbed his friend’s wrists, releasing the hands from gripping his shoulders and walking away from the entrance of the doorway. “I think you’re tired from doing office work all day. C’mon, I picked up a few groceries while you were gone this morning. You can ‘thank my parents’ for the frozen burritos.”

“Sounds good,” Armin grunted while getting up, walking over to the fridge to take out two frozen burritos. Eren watched as he prepared them. “So what’d you learn about her?”

Emerald pools shrugged. “I guess she wants to open a flower shop one day.”

The microwave beeped, and Armin took out the burritos, the smell of beans filling the air. Oden immediately woke up to the smell, prancing over to the kitchen to beg for the food.

“Yeah, that’s been a goal of hers since day one. That was one of the first things I learned about her.”

Eren nodded his head, a small smirk digging into his lips. The first thing he learned about her was that she jumped off of her roof at fifteen to go hang out at some party. “It’s fitting for her.”

“I hope she can, one day.” Armin smiled, handing a plate for Eren to eat off of.

The friends wandered over to the gray couch, plopping on top and slowly eating the piping hot burritos. Armin complained about work. Apparently, he had to refill an entire stack of papers, only to find out that they were records from the previous year. He had spent all morning organize useless paperwork, only to spend all afternoon scrambling to finish the correct paperwork. Eren nodded his head, intently listening to the friend vent.

His mind wandered through the vents, though. 

Armin wanted to go to Stanford, and he wanted to go soon. He always said that the spring semester of his third year of college would be his last in the state, and then he would move away to California. Sure, they would most definitely stay in contact with each other, but Eren wouldn’t have a friend to wake up with anymore. He wouldn’t have someone to hear useless rants from anymore. He wouldn’t have someone to argue over laundry and cleaning with anymore.

Without Armin, Eren was going to be alone. He was going to be stuck with his coworkers at his parent’s restaurant, and he was going to come back to an empty apartment.

But, of course, Eren had to be supportive of his friend’s ambitions. He would be an awful friend to _not_ want the best for him, but Eren wanted to be selfish. Deep down in the deepest parts of his heart, he secretly wanted Armin to receive a rejection letter. He secretly wanted Armin to give up on his dreams of going to Stanford. He secretly wanted Armin to stay for the sake of their friendship.

But that wasn’t going to happen, and Eren needed to swallow his pride.

He looked up at his friend, quietly eating, blowing into each bite of his burrito to cool it down.

Eren smirked. “You sure you’re not a robot?”

Armin rolled his eyes. “Oh, my god.”

“I’m just saying,” he grabbed his food, closely looking at it. “You cooked these pretty perfectly. I don’t think a person could do that.”

The blonde scoffed. “I would take that as a compliment, but I’m not going to.”

“Shuit yourshelf, dufe.”

“You’re disgusting.”

Eren laughed.

“Hey,” Armin started, grabbing the plates after they finished eating and walking over to the kitchen. “I don’t really feel like studying tonight if that’s okay. I just kind of want to spend the night relaxing.”

Eren’s eyes widened as he listened to the rattling of dishes. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Armin shrugged. “If anything you can help me tomorrow.”

“If you insist.” Eren thought for a moment, speaking slowly. “Hey, you don’t even need the studying to begin with. You’ll get into Stanford with no problem.”

The ocean looked up, disbelief in his eyes. “I don’t know about that.”

The forest forced a smile, saying the very words that pained his heart. “Trust me, you’ll be out of here in no time.”


	5. The Colors of Autumn's Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight disclaimer: Gets a little dark (?) but it's v wholesome at the end pinky promise

Sasha loved Saturdays.

Most people tend to, considering it’s the start of the weekend and all of that, but it was the only day of the week where all of her friends were free to see each other. Jean and Connie didn’t work in the cafeteria, Mikasa didn’t work at the bookstore, and Sasha wasn’t drowning in her classwork. It was the only day of the week she consistently looked forward to.

Being the early bird she was, she fluttered her eyes open once sunlight began to pour through the windows adjacent to her bed. A smile emerged on her lips, and she stretched her arms, yawning.

She looked over at Mikasa’s bed, watching her as she slept. She came home yesterday without a text, her cheeks rosy with laughter and an ambitious hope in her eyes. The optimism she held made her confident enough to take a break from smoking the night before, and for the first time in just over a month, Mikasa seemed _excited_ to go to bed.

Sasha was so worried, though. She knew very well that another person wouldn’t be able to fix Mikasa’s nightmares like she hoped they would. It was a matter that Mikasa alone needed to handle, whether it was an internal issue or if she needed to seek help.

But Mikasa did whatever Mikasa wanted to do. She was so stubborn sometimes that it made Sasha’s face hot, steam fuming out of her ears. It took her a long time to learn that no matter what Sasha told her roommate, she was always going to go her own direction and create her own path, even if it meant crashing and burning in the end.

She closed her eyes, hoping the thoughts would disappear in the darkness once she opened her lids to sunlight again.

“Good morning, world!” She whispered, crawling out of her blankets and making her way to the kitchen for coffee. _Clair de Lune_ was stuck in her head from her Music Appreciation class the day before, so she began to hum the piano parts as she quietly shifted around in the kitchen to get her coffee ready.

She grabbed her favorite coffee mug, which was given to her as a birthday gift by Connie and Jean. It was just a baby blue mug, the words “ _Meat Queen!_ ” written in cursive on it. They pointed out that she had concerning addiction to meat, and this eventually turned into an inside-joke that felt way funnier than it ever actually was. Sasha grabbed Mikasa’s favorite mug as well. She preferred a more simple style, a dark brown with a wood grain design. Sasha’s coffee had a splash of half-and-half in it, Mikasa’s coffee was black.

There was a shift in the covers of Mikasa’s bed. Sasha didn’t take note of it, continuing to pour the coffee into the two mugs.

But when she heard the faintest sniffles, she felt her heart break.

Sasha set the coffee pot down, quickly making her way over to Mikasa’s bed. Her face was shoved into her pillow, leaving Sasha to only see her friend’s body shake with each cry and breath she released. She was used to this site.

“Sweet girl…” Sasha’s voice whispered, and she crawled into Mikasa’s bed to join her. She laid down next to her, gently grabbing her friend’s face to separate from the pillow to face her. Mikasa’s eyes refused to open, but streams of tears fell through the closed lids. Sasha felt a pit in her stomach. “It’s okay, sweet girl. I’m right here. Talk to me. What happened this time?”

There was silence, but after a few minutes of Sasha wiping the silent tears from Mikasa’s eyes, the cries grew hysterical.

“I couldn’t save him!” She shouted, immediately pulling in Sasha to bury her face into her chest. “I-I tried so hard… I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it!”

Sasha winced at the words, closing her eyes and furrowing her eyebrows. It was so hard not to cry with Mikasa in these moments, but she knew she had to stay strong for the sake of her friend. She ran her fingers through Mikasa’s hair, pulling her closer into the embrace. Mikasa was crying incoherent sentences into her chest, but they all contained the lines, “I couldn’t save him.”

“Shh, it’s okay, sweet girl.” She whispered into dark hair before pulling away from the embrace, staring directly into glossy, onyx eyes.

The girl tried to speak, losing her breath with every other syllable. “Sasha, I tried so hard. I tried so, so hard, but I couldn’t save him.”

“I’m sure he’s perfectly fine right now. It’s okay, Mik. It was just a bad dream, I promise. C’mon, breathe with me, sweetheart. Let’s do it together. In, and out. In, and out…”

The room could only listen to hysterical sobs slowly transform into gentle ones. Sasha’s voice calming down the mourning universe, both of their shaky breaths trying to create a tempo that mimicked tranquility.

“I-I tried.” She choked.

“I know you did, baby. I know you did,” Sasha took in a deep breath, brushing loose hair and bangs out of her friend’s sweaty face. Her skin was a deep red, a crude color Sasha was all too familiar with. “Who couldn’t you save?”

Mikasa pulled Sasha into an embrace again, burying into her chest. She grew more hysterical than before.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa could only stare at the wooden door in front of her, her breath shakily trying to pace itself.

She ran her fingers through her hair, letting the strands fall down in front of her face. She felt like her hair served as some sort of security blanket that she could hide behind, especially her blushing cheeks.

Her mind quickly flashed an image of a limp body. A shudder made its way through her.

This dream was different. Her other dreams only haunted her throughout the day. They never gave her the motivation to seek out those who just so happened to be in them.

Her nightmares typically made it so she had a loss of power. She was usually watching people she loved or things she cared about brutally be taken away from her. She had seen so much. She saw Sasha murdered while they were in a drive through. She saw children massacred when she worked as a teacher at a school. She saw Armin set off a boobytrap, killing himself even though she told him it wasn’t safe. She saw a man with a mask follow her and stare at her through every window she encountered. She watched herself get deformed at the hands of a monster who fell in love with her.

But she had power in this dream.

She saw a body choking up blood on the ground, and she saw herself struggling to perform CPR. She felt ribs crack underneath her palms, and she heard whimpers from a man who seemed so strong. She saw her hands sinking deeper into his chest, creating a black pit as she kept pulsing. She felt the blood on her hands as she pushed, and she felt the blood on her lips when trying to breathe life into the struggling body. She heard her screaming his name as if it would revive him somehow. She saw him cry. She saw his eyes. She caused green, the color of life, to fade into gray, succumbing to death.

She just had to make sure she didn’t have blood on her hands, so here she was: fourth floor, third door from the staircase.

Of course she knew that he was on the other side of the door. All she had was a bad dream, but she just had to make sure. She had to see that he was still alive.

She had to see that Eren was just on the other side of the door, using a sock to play with Oden. She had to see the corners of his eyes crinkle at every laugh and smile he would flash. She just had to. She had to make sure green wasn’t gray.

She took in a deep breath, straightening her posture and firmly knocking on the door.

There was no response.

 _Please be alive_ , her eyebrows knitted together, worry filling in her chest. With a deep breath, she started knocking again. It was a forceful, almost desperate, knock.

The door slowly opened, and when it did, he was in front of her. The worry faded away. So she wasn’t a murderer after all.

Eyes widened. “Oh, uh… hey?”

All she could do was smile.

He continued, clearly confused. “Mikasa, good to see you. Uh, Armin isn’t here right now. He’s at his grandpa’s birthday party.”

There was no pit in his chest. There was no blood dripping from his mouth. There were no tears in his eyes. There was no gray. There was a confused man who clearly had just woken up, scratching his head and furrowing his eyebrows.

“Eren,” The name felt so wonderful to speak. She tapped her head, gently shaking it. A laugh coming from her as she spoke. “Damn! He told me all about that, too. How could I forget?”

He shrugged, returning her smile gently and humming an “I don’t know” sound. They didn’t say anything. The two of them just stood there staring at each other. One felt incredibly awkward, and the other felt incredibly thankful.

“Well, then,” She looked back at the staircase adjacent to her. She wanted to stay a little longer just to make sure he wasn’t a phantom, but she knew that this situation had to be uncomfortable on his end. “Sorry to bother you. I’ll be on my way out, then.”

She spun on her heel, facing away from the living man and walking back towards the staircase. She took out her phone to call Sasha and apologize for impulsively storming out of the house. She wanted Sasha to know that he was still alive, too.

“Wait.”

She stopped, putting her phone down and spinning on her heel once again.

He continued. “Uh, so I- um…” He cursed under his breath.

She took a few steps closer, and she noticed Eren swallow before cracking a nervous half-smile. “Yes?”

“This might be a little weird, but,” he paused, leaving enough time to pass until Mikasa was in front of him. She lifted an eyebrow as she looked up at him. He was blushing. “I was gonna take Oden on a walk. You wouldn’t wanna…”

Mikasa paused, tilting her head at him. Her mouth opened slightly as she tried to understand the simple question he was asking. When she figured it out, she let out a small, “Oh!”

“It’s totally weird, I know, but we can get coffee maybe? I know you came for Armin and all, but-”

“I would love to.” She brightly smiled, watching as the boy let out a titter and look down at his feet before looking into her eyes again.

His voice was filled with some sort of childlike excitement. “Really?”

“Yes, sir.” She straightened her posture, looking past his shoulder. She could faintly see Oden behind him, eating his food in the living room.

He seemed dazed in disbelief for a moment before realizing he was completely blocking the entrance of the apartment. “Oh, sorry!” He opened the door and stood out of the way. “Come on in.”

She nodded her head, to say “thank you” before entering a world of olive green and mismatched tableware. The moment she stepped inside, Oden noticed her, running over with excitement. The pitter-patter of his paws against the floor caused her to break into a smile.

“Oden!” She squealed, kneeling down to pet the dog.

He barked playfully at her, licking her cheek a few times.

“Oh, man! He only barks like that when he’s _super_ excited.” Eren said from behind her. She looked away from the dog to see him running into his room and quickly coming out with a crimson scarf around his neck.

She shrugged, looking back at the dog to give him a few scratches behind his floppy ears. Mikasa’s voice raised a pitch as she spoke to the dog. “Well, I’d hope he’d be excited. I'm trying to be his best friend.”

Another bark.

“Get a room.” She could hear a chuckle followed by a jangling sound behind her. Oden’s attention redirected from Mikasa to Eren in an instant. She turned around to see him holding a leash. “And while he might like you a lot, I’ll always be his favorite.”

She watched him as he knelt down to put a leash on the dog. Oden was squirming so much, oozing with so much excitement that he couldn’t stay still. Eren, on the other hand, seemed frustrated by the dog's quick movements. He would command the dog to stay, and he would listen for half a second before getting excited and standing up again.

Eventually, Eren managed to put the collar and leash on the dog, and he stood up to flash Mikasa an excited smile. “Shall we?”

She grinned, following the man and his puppy out of the front door.

A happiness filled inside of her that she couldn’t explain. Not even an hour ago, she was in bed sobbing hysterically, convincing herself that she had accidentally killed Eren, yet here he was, inches away from her, lecturing his dog not to run down the stairs so Eren didn’t fall and eat shit.

Sasha was always good at calming down Mikasa from a bad dream, offering up all of her love every single morning; however, Eren seemed to make her feel like she was flying.

She felt frozen in fear, but when she went to him for warmth, his fires melted away the barrier and gave her peace.

They reached the bottom of the staircase, and the trio began to walk to exit the complex. Mikasa looked around her to see the colors of autumn painting the sky, the yellow, orange, and red surrounding them as they walked. Mikasa looked over to see Eren. He was enchanted by all the different colors of fall, pursing his lips and quickly looking around as he walked the dog. There was a childlike amazement in his eyes as he scanned the world.

And that’s when she realized that nature _wasn’t_ in a civil war.

Right in front of her was the forest, captivated by every single leaf and tree he saw, and when his green eyes would observe each tree, life would be given to it. It was as if he was giving every single leaf a little bit of color from his own eyes, and Mikasa watched the world transform from a graveyard into a celebration. Nature wasn’t fighting itself, it was just embracing all of the different forms it could take. Spring wasn’t dying, it was just taking the time to appreciate the artistic abilities Autumn had to offer.

The yellow, orange and red weren’t rotting colors to Mikasa anymore. They were the fire that passionately kept the world looking warm despite the cold winds.

“It’s beautiful,” Eren spoke quietly once he caught her staring at him.

Mikasa smiled to herself, quickly looking down at their feet as they walked. “Yeah, sure is.”

They continued to walk in silence until Eren made a quick turn, unveiling a small building. He smiled brightly, turning to face Mikasa. She read the name “ _Bott’s Cafe._ ” He tilted his head in the direction of the place.

“This place belongs to my friend’s dad.” He smiled, gesturing for her to walk towards the entrance doors with him.

“You seem to know a lot of people in the restaurant business,” She smiled, holding the front door open for the man and his dog.

He shrugged. “Our dads are good business pals. I’ve grown up with the guy.”

Mikasa let out an “ _mmm_ ” as they walked through the front door. It was a minimal looking place, rusty brick walls with dark wooden floors. The place was lit up mostly with lanterns strung along the ceiling, and different succulents were placed on the cashier’s desk.

A man stood there, a huge smile on his face when the trio walked closer. Mikasa observed him, noticing that his face was covered with freckles. It was as if an artist took a paint brush and dipped it into a brown watercolor, flicking the brush so all the spots would land perfectly on his cheeks. She looked down at his name-tag to read the name, “Marco.”

“Eren!” He smiled excitedly. “You brought Oden! And…” He paused, looking at the girl with confusion.

“Mikasa!” Eren answered boldly before she could. “She’s a friend of Armin’s. We were just taking the dog out on a walk, figured we might as well grab a cup.”

Marco nodded his head, paused to wave at the dog, and then looked at the chalkboard menu behind him. “What can I get you both?”

“I’ll just have a black coffee.” Mikasa smiled as Marco started writing her order down on a cup.

“Eren, you want your usual?”

“Uh…”

“Coming right up! On the house!”

“Hey, wait a second-”

Marco spun around and started to prepare the drinks, the sounds of grinding beans and different machines loudly drowning Eren’s voice. Mikasa noticed he had a slight red shade painted on his cheeks.

Her coffee was finished promptly, and soon after, Eren’s “Birthday Cake Frappuccino” was placed on the counter. There were sprinkles atop the whipped cream. Mikasa smiled greatly.

“Thanks, Marco. Catch you later, man.” Eren sighed, hesitant to grab the sugary drink.

The two left the shop as the boy with watercolored freckles bid them goodbye.

She paused, noticing that Eren still had red on his cheeks. “You got a sweet tooth?”

“Pfft, no.”

“I thought I saw that drink option on the kids' menu.”

He was refusing to look at her. “So?”

“You can only order it in a small, but they gave you a large.”

A pause.

She continued, a slight laugh escaping her. “You love it so much you unlocked your own secret menu, huh?”

“I don’t even like this drink.”

Another pause.

“Do your ears turn red when you lie? Cause they’re pretty red right now.”

“No!” He wasn’t hesitant to take his scarf and attempt to cover his bright red ears with it.

She smirked. “They were pretty red when you said you had dinner with your parents yesterday, too.”

“Do you just enjoy being annoying?” He blurted out, still not taking a second to look at her.

There was another pause.

“It’s cute.”

That was when he looked at her, his facial features shifting from frustration to confusion. “It’s cute to be annoying?”

“No, silly.” She rolled her eyes. “You like kid’s drinks and your ears turn red when you lie. That’s adorable.”

He bit his bottom lip, his cheeks transforming into a shade almost as dark as his scarf.

She giggled. “You’re blushing so much that you look like the Kool-Aid Man!”

“Shut the hell up!” He shouted, looking away and burying his face in his scarf.

But all Mikasa could do was laugh. She laughed so hard she felt tears coming to her eyes. All she could do was feel so much joy. He wasn’t dead at all. The only red he was covered in was shades of embarrassment. The blood wasn’t being coughed up from his mouth, it was just rushing to his cheeks over some sugary drink. He was very much alive, and for the first time, she felt like she had the upper hand against her own mind.

Mikasa was crying tears of joy at this point. She had to pause in the middle of the sidewalk, her hand on her chest as she tried to pace her breathing.

“Hey, now,” She heard Eren scoff, but all he could do was watch the girl stand there, crouching over and laughing incessantly.

Eventually, he found himself laughing too. He was almost laughing as hard as she was.

“The fucking Kool-Aid Man!” Eren laughed, causing the two to grow equally hysterical.

They just stood there, laughing in the middle of the sidewalk, surrounded by the colors of Autumn's passion. Oden jumped on Mikasa to make sure she was alright, causing them to laugh more. The dog was barking along with the joyous sounds Mikasa and Eren produced. Each second inspired more laughter than the last, and neither of them could breathe at this point.

She eventually paced herself, her hand flat on her chest as she breathed in and out. A breathy “ _oh_ ” escaping her when she finally was breathing steadily again. She smiled, speaking in-between faint giggles. “Sorry, I don’t know why that was so funny.” She wiped away a tear from her eye. “Oh, my God. You have no idea how much I needed that.”

Eren smirked, letting out his own breathy chuckle. “Glad I could help.”

As if she couldn’t smile any more than she already had, she glowed at him. He returned the grin, and they both walked back to his apartment. Spring and Autumn met together as the two walked among Autumn colors with Spring's roses blooming on their cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Because of the holidays, my job has been crazy town. I've been trying to update consistently (every other day), but if I don't for a little bit, my apologies!  
> This chapter was slightly shorter than the others, but it's been my favorite to write so far.  
> Thank you so much for all the support. Y'all have been flooding my heart with so much joy.<3


	6. Questions

Armin’s eyes widened. “You _what_?”

Eren bit his bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and shrugging. He looked down at his wringing hands.

They were standing in the middle of the bathroom. It was morning, and Eren was halfway dressed in his uniform before heading to work. Armin just needed to brush his teeth before throwing on his blue cardigan and going to class. He came home the night before without saying a word to Eren. It wasn’t until right now, at eight o’ clock, that he decided it was time to start the day off with confrontation.

The ocean shook his head in confusion, continuing to speak. “And when did this happen?”

“Four days ago.”

Crouching over in the middle of a sidewalk, laughing so hard that he couldn’t breathe. Refusing to stand up for a good minute because his stomach was too cramped up. Four days ago he watched her wipe away incoherent tears that read both happiness and sadness. Four days ago they went back to the apartment and played Uno until she angrily threw cards in his face. Four days ago, she offered to sew the hole in his pajama shirt. Four days ago, she hastily left before Armin came back home.

It was all only four days ago, but it felt like yesterday.

He could remember everything so clearly: the sounds of her laughter and the perpetual teasing. He saw the little hairs that fell in front of her face and the way her nose would crinkle when she laughed. He couldn’t stop thinking about her laughing with leaves falling around her because, at that moment, she had looked so ethereal. Her rosy cheeks, her hand on her chest, the holes in her jeans, the bulky messenger bag she would clutch onto. The way her coffee was kept black just like the rest of her features. The pout she would make whenever he’d play a “draw four” card during their game. It was almost convincing enough to make Eren think he could reach out and grab her from the memory.

“Why didn’t you tell me about it? Why do I have to find out from Mikasa four days later that this happened?” Armin stared intently at the forest, trying to find answers within the trees.

Eren looked up from his wringing hands, shrugging once again. “I didn’t want to bother you with it. I know you’re studying to retake your state tests for your resumé, and you came home from the birthday party that day seeming so happy. I didn’t want to piss you off.”

Armin rolled his eyes, walking out of the bathroom and going into his room. Eren watched from the sink as the blonde grabbed his backpack, shoving books and paperwork inside. Each item he shoved in was more careless than the last. “It pisses me off more that you refused to just tell me about your day so I could be happy for you. Why on earth would I get mad that my two best friends hung out and enjoyed each other’s company?”

They could hear Oden snoring in his sleep on Eren’s bed. 

The forest shrugged, backing up and sitting on the bathroom counter. He watched Armin angrily come back into the bathroom to grab his toothbrush. “I don’t know. Some people get territorial of their friendships, y’know? I didn’t want you to feel like you weren’t included.”

The blonde looked annoyed, pausing his brushing and shaking his head. “Whern ther hall hwave I evew-”

“Armin.” Eren deadpanned, using all the strength he could muster not to call his friend a hypocrite.

He spit into the sink, quickly washing the toothpaste out with water before beginning to speak in rushed sentences. “When the hell have I _ever_ been like that, Eren? Look, I get what your thought process was. I totally understand. But all consideration aside, by trying to spare me from feeling left out, you intentionally kept me out of the loop. It’s contradicting! Don’t you get that even just a little bit?”

Eren clenched his jaw, feeding off of the frustration Armin was emitting. Every word he spoke was unintentionally drenched with a sarcastic tone. “Well what do you want me to do about it? How do I make it up to you, Armin?”

“Eren, what is your deal?” Armin went back into his room to grab his laptop. He carefully shoved that item into his backpack. “You can’t just feel sorry about it. You and Mikasa hung out. Cool, I don’t care. You guys could’ve fucked on the stove and I really wouldn’t give a damn, but you intentionally kept it away from me. I don’t expect you to do anything. All you ever do is try and fix everything. You’re in a constant ‘go, go, go’ mode. You can’t relax for just a second. I don’t need you to do anything for me! I just want you to be a good friend, and I want you to tell me about your life.”

Eren was quiet. He looked back down at his wringing hands, his feet gently kicking in the air as he sat on the counter. His jaw remained clenched.

Armin sighed, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “I’m sorry for getting mad, and I’m sorry for ignoring you last night. You just do this thing where you get territorial over certain parts of your life, and you shut the whole world out from peering in.”

He closed his eyes. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you’d care.”

“Eren,” his friend spoke, his tone suddenly reassuring. Eren opened his eyes to see Armin standing in front of him, clutching onto the backpack strap that swung over his left shoulder. “Of course, I care. Absolutely I do. You’ve been so different lately and I haven’t been able to make out why. I want to watch you grow into the wonderful person you’re becoming, but I can’t do that without you being honest with me.”

Eren took in a deep breath, gently smiling in an attempt to ease the tension. He hated fighting with Armin, whether it was over chores or personal issues. “We sound like an old married couple that hasn’t had sex in six months.”

Armin rolled his eyes, letting out a titter. “Yeah, we do. So stop lying to me and we might actually sound our age for once.”

The blonde playfully punched the brunette's arm, leaving the bathroom. Eren hopped off of the counter to walk his friend out the door, reflecting on the words as the sounds of Oden’s snoring grew louder. Their arguments always ended with Eren questioning his characterization, feeling undeserving of Armin’s grace and friendship.

“How are you always right?” Eren mumbled. 

He was in the kitchen, rumbling through different snacks to grab before his drive to the college. “I’m not trying to be right or wrong. I’m just expressing to you how your actions made me feel.”

_No,_ Eren thought to himself. _You’re a robot programmed to always have the right answers._

“Most people can hardly do that.” He sighed. There was a pause, and he watched Armin grab a banana, peeling it quickly and ripping off a piece to bite. “What do you mean by, ‘ _you’ve been so different lately?_ ’”

Armin chuckled, quickly swallowing the banana piece. He was just laughing, not even answering Eren’s question. He clenched his jaw again, waiting for Armin to say something either all too clever or all too dumb. He checked his watch, mumbled a quick, “shit,” and walked over to the door. He opened it, quickly looking at the forest. “Eren, I already told you last week.”

Eren furrowed his eyebrows, reaching over and taking a piece of the banana in the ocean’s hand and popping it in his mouth. “If you did, then I forget talking about it.”

“You’re glowing, Eren.” Armin flashed a soft smile before closing the door. All Eren was left with were retreating footsteps on the other side of the wood.

He rolled his eyes, throwing his arms in the air to stretch. “What the fuck does that mean?”

All he heard in response was a gentle howl come from his room, the sound of sheets ruffling as the dog ran in his sleep.

Eren ran his fingers through his dirty hair, feeling the strands fall down, gracing his cheeks and shoulders. It was annoyingly long, but at this point, he was too used to it to cut it. He let out a sigh, walking into his room to grab a black jacket before looking in the mirror to finish buttoning up his shirt. He frowned. The yellow washed out of the shirt, but the remnants of a stain were slightly on his chest. 

“Oden,” the dog’s head perked up. “You’re gonna be alone until Armin comes home this afternoon.” He walked over, giving the animal a gentle kiss on the forehead. The dog let out a yawn, licking his owner’s cheek.

He tied his hair into a bun before walking out of the room, closing the door and grabbing his car keys. He wrestled with the door handle when it came to locking the apartment. He grunted, cursing under his breath until he finally heard the _click_ of the door. “I swear you weren’t shit when we first moved in here.”

He rolled his eyes, making his way down the staircase and scanning for his off-white truck in the parking lot of the apartment complex. He smiled at the vehicle, patting the hood as he entered inside of it.

“Appa, yip, yip!” He joked to himself before putting the keys in the ignition and bringing the car to life. Pulling out of the parking space and merging into traffic, he heard Armin’s voice echo in his mind.

_“You’re glowing, Eren.”_

What was that even supposed to mean? The question riddled Eren’s mind. Sure, there were people in the world who just had such light energy that they seemed to shine, or whenever people would talk about their passions, they naturally start to shine. But Eren? He had nothing to glow about. He was just a man trying to survive each passing day. He didn’t like his job, he didn’t go to school, he didn’t have a girlfriend, and he didn’t really have any other friends other than Armin. The only thing that he really cared about was Oden. Other than that, he felt like he was in a constant dream. He was just going through the motions and waiting for _something_ to wake him up. He wasn’t living, he was just existing.

But the moment those thoughts began to appear, a pair of dark eyes flashed in his mind.

Why? Why was he thinking about them all of the sudden? He was in the middle of traffic, ready to punch the driver in front of him for being too slow. Why was she suddenly on his mind? There was no reason for her to be. There were no reminders of her anywhere. 

But he kept thinking about her. He thought about the black coffee in her hands, perfectly matching the darkness of her hair and her irides. Her eyes themselves were like coffee, and when Eren would peer into them, he would feel himself become energized.

Maybe it was just a caffeine addiction, but the past four days without her was giving him withdrawals. He wanted to peer into those eyes and feel the reassuring energy she would grace him with again. He wanted to hear her laugh, watching the roses bloom on her cheeks. He wanted to see her hands. No, he wanted to fill the gaps in-between her fingers with his own. He smiled to himself, a titter escaping through him. He was addicted to that girl.

Mikasa.

The name itself even tasted wonderful when it escaped his lips. The way the syllables would roll off the tongue, starting off with a graceful “ _mee_ ,” the name suddenly confident with a hard “ _k_.” The rest of the name would slip off the tongue, gracefully once again. _Mee-kah-sah_. Her name itself reflected her personality: initially gentle, powerful in progression. The spaces in-between each letter were full of peace, joy, laughter, and roses. Each letter was drenched in her snarky comments and nose crinkles. Her name itself was captivating enough.

Mikasa. Why was he thinking about her? Maybe it was because, in the midst of his dream, she made him feel alive for just a second. She made him feel joy and embarrassment all at once on that sidewalk. She woke him up for a brief moment in time.

Was she what was making him glow? The only thing that had changed in the past week was meeting her. That’s when Armin said Eren was acting differently. That’s when his coworkers asked what the sudden mood-swing was for. That’s when his mother pointed out that his smile had been brighter. It was the new month of October, and everyone was saying there was a new Eren around as well.

Eren shook his head, pulling into a parking spot at his work and making his way into the restaurant. People can’t mold you into a certain way. Some random girl wasn’t going to be what caused him to suddenly change.

Fire doesn’t belong in the universe. She would extinguish him. He couldn’t, just couldn’t, deal with that.

“Eren!” His mother’s voice rang, interrupting his thoughts. “You’re five minutes late.”

He forced a smile, letting out a short exhale from his nose. “Mom! Great to see you, too. You look beautiful, as always.”

She walked over, grabbing her son’s shoulder and standing on her tippy toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Did you memorize the seasonal breakfast options?”

He nodded. “Pumpkin spice pancakes, apple cinnamon French toast, sausage and cheddar casserole. No, there’s not a vegetarian option for the casserole. We also have-”

“Sounds like you did your homework,” The woman smiled, patting him on the shoulder. “That’s my boy. Now, go join Ymir with greeting customers at the front desk. I’ll clock you in.”

“Love you, Ma.” The boy sang, walking over to a desk that a freckled brunette stood with two friends, one with blonde hair, the other with dark brown.

She tilted her head back and smiled. She lifted up a fist. “Yo, what’s up, E?”

He nodded his head at her, meeting her fist to bump it. “Ymir. I see you three are working very hard.”

“Reiner’s a waiter and I’m on bussing duty right now, but there’s only like two people.” The dark hair shrugged, clapping hands with Eren to pull him into a hug.

“Let’s hope it stays like that for the rest of the day.” The blonde sighed, giving Eren a high five.

“You expect it to be slow on a Wednesday?” Eren laughed, shaking his head. “Just wait until lunch.”

“Oh, they already are.” Bertholdt rolled his eyes, leaning over to speak to the forest. “Word has it a certain blondie will be dropping by to say ‘hi’ this afternoon.”

Eren’s eyes widened, a teasing “ _ooo_ ” escaping his lips as he began to smile. “Ah, I see. Historia came back from her trip, huh?”

“She’s totally coming to see me.” Ymir crossed her arms, closing her eyes with a confident smirk.

Reiner huffed, hitting the back of her head gently. “You’re delusional. Clearly, she’s coming to see _me._ ”

Eren’s eyebrows furrowed, a smirk permanently digging into his lips. “Oh, I don’t know about that Reiner. She couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of Ymir last time.”

Reiner scoffed. “That was only because Ymir kept stealing every second to ask the dumbest questions. It was obvious she wanted to talk to me the most. She’s not even gay!”

Ymir opened her eyes, glaring at the blonde. “And how do you know that?”

“She hasn’t said so.”

“She hasn’t said she’s straight, either!”

“You two,” Bertholdt rolled his eyes, grabbing Reiner’s arm and walking away from the counter. “We’ll see what happens when she comes this afternoon. It looks like a party is coming inside. Let’s go prepare a table for ‘em, Rei.”

Eren smiled to himself, greeting a large group of people as they entered the restaurant.

Sure enough, the place got busy. Noon rolled around, and the empty tables filled eventually. As much as Eren hated working here, he had to give his dad credit for running a successful business. Historia did make an appearance only to spend ten minutes of Reiner and Ymir gawking over her every move on their lunch break. It was funny watching the both of them. They were talking over each other, struggling to show her which person cared more about the things she had to say.

Bertholdt walked over to Eren, patting him on the back as a greeting. “It’s funny watching them fight for her attention.”

“Yeah,” Eren laughed, looking down at his hands. “Were you like that with Annie?”

He shrugged. “Initially, all I wanted to do was give her reasons to pay attention to me, but the faster we became friends, the faster that I realized I didn’t need to fight for it. She was equally interested.”

The forest smiled gently, resting his arms on the desk to lean his head in his hand. “That’s sweet.”

“Yeah,” the dark hair sighed. “It wasn’t easy getting her, but I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for it.”

An image of onyx eyes flashed in Eren’s mind as he stared down at the wooden desk. His eyes danced across the patterns of the grains as he thought. _Why?_ He pondered. _Why do I keep thinking of her?_

“Table for two, please!” A voice bombarded his thoughts.

Eren’s head bolted up to meet sapphire.

Bertholdt shouted. “Armin! Hey, buddy! I haven’t seen you in weeks!”

Armin flashed a smile, high fiving his friend over the front desk. “Bert! I’ve missed you, man.”

“Likewise!”

Eren smiled, nodding his head at the blonde. He teased. “Who let you in? Thought I told everyone to call the cops if you ever step foot in here.”

“Well, that’s rude!” A voice chirped behind Armin, the owner revealing themselves.

He peered into the universe, and Eren’s heart began to race.

“Mikasa…” He spoke quietly, his nerves suddenly growing hypersensitive. 

Why? Why here, and why now? Why was he nervous? Why did he care?

All he could do was stare at the universe, flashing a forceful smile at her. “Good to see you, ma’am! Welcome to Grisha’s Family Diner! Home of the world’s shittiest food!”

“If you were saying that to someone other than Armin, I would’ve knocked you out clean.”

“Dad!” Eren laughed nervously, bolting up to straighten his posture. He awkwardly laughed. “I, I was just joking!”

“Armin, good to see you.” Grisha smiled, pushing his slipping glasses up the bridge of his nose. “And this young lady is…”

“Mikasa,” She answered, a sweet smile on her face. “I’m a friend of Eren and Armin.”

He felt a weight on his chest, but it was one that felt like unbelievable happiness had been placed on him. He could only stare at the universe with a smile on his lips, letting out a breathy, “Yeah, she is.”

“Well, Bertholdt, will you please show these two to their table since Eren’s seemed to forget how to do that.” His father laughed, patting his son on the head and ruffling his hair before walking away.

He felt his cheeks get hot. “Right, my bad.”

“Right this way!” Bertholdt smiled, whisking Armin and Mikasa away from the forest’s sight.

Eren stared back down at the desk he was sitting at, his fingers beginning to trace the wooden grain. He smiled to himself, softly whispering, “Friend. I’m her friend.”

He looked up from the desk, staring straight at the door to see no incoming customers. Getting up from the desk and running to the kitchen, he hastily walked through it.

He paused to quickly converse with one of the chefs, her hands quickly moving as she prepared food. “Hange, have you seen my dad? Or my mom, she works, too.”

“Your dad’s probably talking to customers. I just saw your mom in the storage room.” She looked up from her food to look at the boy standing behind her, a smile slowly creeping on her lips. “You’re not planning on ditching again, are you?”

“I couldn’t afford it even if I wanted to.” He laughed, his tone suddenly growing nervous. “My friends are here, so I was just going to ask if I could serve their table.”

Hange nodded her head, turning around from the kitchen counter to face him completely. “Friends? Armin and Marco came?”

“Not Marco, there's a new one.”

She laughed, her disbelief _almost_ ticking Eren off. “A new friend! I didn’t know you were still capable of making those. You’re so grumpy all the time, y’know.”

Eren clenched his jaw. “Well, if I do end up serving them, I need you to do me a favor and cook the best food in the entire world.”

She took note of his sudden nervousness. “Is this friend a girl?”

“Yeah.”

Her eyes widened. “A special girl?”

“No!”

“Your ears are red.”

“Oh, whatever,” He groaned, pouting and placing his hands on her shoulders. “Just, please?”

She gave him a wink, turning around to focus on cooking again. “Anything for you, Yeager. You know I already make the best food, though. Glad you asked me and not that asshole, Erwin.”

“You’re the best, Hange!” 

He flashed her a smile before walking away from the kitchen and heading towards the storage room to find his mother. She was kneeling at the bottom shelf, sorting through a box of fruit. Once she heard footsteps enter the room, she looked up to see her son standing over her.

“Eren!” She stood up. “You’re supposed to be greeting customers. What’re you doing here?”

“I had some friends come in, and I wanted to ask if I could serve their table.”

“Armin and Marco came?”

He didn’t feel like explaining who Mikasa was. “Yup!”

She thought for a moment before squatting back down to look at the fruit again. “Alright, but just this once.”

“You’re the best, Mom!” He ran over to give her a kiss on the top of her head before bolting back to the front of the restaurant. Ymir should be off of her break right now, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem for her to be alone on occasion to greet customers while he served Mikasa and Armin.

He ran over to the counter, and sure enough, he was right; however, he saw a blonde greeting the universe and the ocean at their table. He made a b-line for Reiner, running over and bumping into him halfway through his sentences.

“Can I start you guys off with any-oof!”

He lost his balance, almost falling over. Reiner eventually found his footing again, and he wasn’t hesitant to yell at Eren. “Bro, what the fu-”

“Oh look, Reiner! Ymir is greeting a huge party over there. Maybe you should go and serve them. I’ve got this table.”

Reiner’s head turned to see Ymir completely alone at the front desk. She was on her phone. “The hell are you talking about? You’re a greeter today-”

“Oh man, she’s drowning in _so_ many customers. I bet she can hardly breathe anymore.” Eren’s eyes burned into Reiners.

The blonde furrowed his eyebrows, hesitantly turning around to walk away. Eren cleared his throat, flashing a smile and whipping out a notebook from the apron around his waist.

“Welcome to Grisha’s Family Diner! Home of the world’s most famous pancakes! Can I start you two off with any drinks?”

He looked to see Armin and Mikasa sitting with their hands resting on menus. They both looked incredibly confused. 

An awkward laugh escaped Armin. “Did you seriously just-”

“Ye-up!” Eren smiled, leaning down and speaking lowly to Mikasa. “Reiner gives the worst service, so I had to convince the top dogs to give you the best service we have to offer.”

Amin scoffed. “Eren, the ‘top dogs’ are your parents. It’s not that hard to ask them to serve your friends. Also, last time I ate here, you got my order wrong three times.”

Mikasa giggled, and Eren cleared his throat, standing up straight. He put the notebook back in his apron. “That was another Eren.”

“Another Eren?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And where is he?”

“Dead.”

Armin rolled his eyes, looking at Mikasa and whispering, “He’s so weird, can you believe it?”

Eren hit the back of the blonde’s head, a yelp escaping him. “Hey, keep up the bullying, and I’ll spit in your food.”

“Gross, please don’t do that.” Mikasa giggled. “We’ll just have waters, please.”

“Coming right up. I’ll give y’all time to look through the menus.” Eren smiled, spinning around on his heel towards the kitchen. 

His mother stopped him right as he opened the kitchen doors. “Marco looks different.”

Blood rushed to his cheeks. “Uh…”

She laughed, walking away. “I’ll let this one slide, Eren, but you’ve got some explaining to do later."

“Yeah,” He breathed, pursing his lips before entering the kitchen to grab the cleanest cups he could find.

* * *

 

Within time, the nine to five job was over. Ymir and Reiner were arguing again over who Historia paid more attention to, Bertholdt was on the phone with Annie, and Eren gave his parents kisses before walking over to his truck, a “ _See you tomorrow!_ ” escaping him. He found his truck parked next to Reiner’s blue Fiat. 

“Aye, fuck you too, Ymir!” The blonde laughed, shouting across the parking lot as Ymir drove away with screeching tires.

“I’m waiting for when Historia shows up with a boyfriend one day and the both of you end up shitting your pants.” Eren smiled, opening his car door.

Bertholdt laughed behind him, finally off the phone with Annie. “That’d be the best showdown of all time.”

“Top ten anime plot twists.” Eren joked, leaving Reiner with a scowl. 

“Too bad that’s not going to happen because she’s going to end up with me, one day. But enough about Historia,” Reiner paused and turned to face green eyes. “Who was that chick with Armin? She seemed nice.”

“Her name’s Mikasa. She’s a friend.” Eren felt his senses grow out of control again. 

“A special friend?”

“What does that even mean?”

Reiner laughed. “Oh, you know exactly what it means.”

There was a pause, the air growing awkward until Bertholdt interrupted it. “Reiner, get in your damn car. I’ll hop inside in a bit. Can I have a word with Eren?”

The blonde rolled his eyes, entering his car and starting it. Eren was sitting in the seat of his truck now, his window rolled down so he could talk to Bertholdt through it. 

Eren blinked. “You want to talk?”

“So is she really just a friend, or is she something more?”

Eren looked away from his friend to stare at his wheel, his hands stiffly grabbing it. He pouted his lips, trying to think of what to say. Bertholdt was really good at reading people, so everything Eren said and did was going to be transparent to him.

There was a brief pause before the dark hair slowly spoke again. “When Annie and I were friends, I had no idea how to tell her how I felt. It wasn’t until I felt this sudden courage to just lay it all out on the table to tell her. I really can’t explain it, but it got to a point where I was too nervous to keep it a secret anymore.”

Green eyes looked up to meet brown.

He hesitated. “I knew I wanted to be more than just friends with her when she went on her trip back home for a month. Whenever we were together in person, there was no hint of romance in the air whatsoever; however, whenever we were apart, I couldn’t help but feel like…”

Eren looked down at his hands on the wheel again, his chest sinking in. He hesitated. “What even changes from being friends to dating, though? There isn’t a point.”

Bertholdt let out a short laugh, sparking Eren to look up at his friend. He had the door of Reiner’s car opened, and he looked like he was just about to hop in. “Nothing changes at all, Eren. You just get to love the other person even more than you previously ever could. If anything does change, it’s just that your friendship grows even stronger than before.”

Eren furrowed his eyebrows. “But why take that risk?”

“It’s so much simpler than you make it out to be, Eren.” He heard the car door close, and he looked up to see Reiner begin to pull out of the parking space. Bertholdt rolled down the window, shouting quickly as the car bolted away.

All he shouted were the words, “Because why not?”

Why not? Because Eren was bound to ruin everything. Because any girl who was foolish enough to rely on him had low standards. Because it would be incredibly unfair of him to depend on another person like that. Because relationships always ended in one of two ways: in physical death or in the death of love itself. He didn’t want to mourn anyone. He didn’t want to be mourned, yet at the same, time he was so curious. He was almost curious enough to just risk it all for the sake of just seeing what would even happen.

But he couldn’t. He had to remind himself to forget about those onyx eyes. There was no point in wanting to draw something out of them. The only reason she kept coming to mind was because she was the only thing brand new in his boring, consistent life. He felt completely platonic towards her. He just had to keep reminding himself of that.

He groaned, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on the wheel of the truck. His head was pounding, and he was exhausted from having to happily greet people all day. 

A cell phone rang, and with closed eyes, he answered, his voice obviously tired. “What’s up?”

“ _Hey_ ,” it was Armin. A soft smile dug into Eren’s lips. “ _Were you doing anything after work, or were you planning on coming home straight afterward?_ ”

He opened his eyes and put the phone on speaker, turning on his car and pulling out of the parking space. “I’m too tired to do anything. I’m leaving now, actually.”

“ _Oh, okay. Sounds good. Mikasa left some pretzels before she left. I wanted to know if I should save one for you_.”

Eren smirked, merging into traffic. “Yes, please. That literally sounds so good.”

“ _Okay_.” His voice broke up slightly in between words, but Eren could understand what he was saying. “ _How was the rest of your shift?_ ”

“Eh,” Eren shrugged. It wasn’t like Armin could see it, but he hoped it reached over the phone call. “It got pretty busy tonight. I think it’s just because we have a bunch of seasonal food options now, so people are shitting their brains out over pumpkin spice everything.”

There was a laugh on the other end of the phone, inspiring a smile on Eren as he drove. “ _Oh, man. I’m sure. It seemed crazy this afternoon. I can’t believe you got away with ditching the front desk to serve our table._ ”

“I have my ways,” Eren paused, focussing on making a left turn. “How were your classes today?”

“ _They were alright._ ” Armin started to go on about school, venting about a dumb teacher or something like that. Eren tried to listen as he drove, but most of the information went in one ear and then out the other.

He arrived at the complex, hopping out of the truck and locking the doors. “Well, maybe you should punch your professor in the face if he’s giving you that many assignments.”

“ _I’m not sure how that would go over_.” Armin laughed.

“What’re you talking about?” He was walking up the steps, reaching the fourth floor. “There’s absolutely nothing that could go wrong.”

There was another laugh on the phone as Eren struggled to unlock the door. A barking dog could be heard behind it, and Eren hung up the phone. Eventually, it swung open, and Eren saw Armin on the couch putting his cell phone down as well.

“Mikasa brought pretzels?” Eren smiled, closing the door and walking into the kitchen. Sure enough, there was a Tupperware with three pretzels in it. 

“Yeah,” Armin shrugged, throwing a ball for Oden to catch. “Apparently she made them with Sasha or something.”

“Sasha’s her roommate, right?”

“Yeah.” 

Eren grabbed one of the pretzels, hesitant to sink his teeth into it. “Isn’t she a pothead? These aren’t edibles, are they?”

Armin laughed. “No, but they do taste like absolute shit.”

“Ah…” Eren nodded his head, taking a bite. He smiled as he chewed. It was the best pretzel he had in his whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pretzels really did taste like shit. Eren just loved them so much because Mikasa is the one who made them :0


	7. The Sun, The Moon, The Eclipse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slight sexual undertones

She did it. She figured out what it took to break the cycle of the nightmares. All she had to do was see Eren once during the day and take a ginormous hit from Sasha’s wax pen before going to bed. It was simple, really. Thank God she was close with Armin and had an easy way of seeing Eren. It was all so simple, truly. 

Sasha didn’t understand in the slightest. She kept saying things like, “Mikasa, other people can’t help you,” and “You’ll only hurt yourself more in the end.” She kept saying that Mikasa would draw as much water out of his wells as she could until he was left dry. She kept saying it was so unfair to steal from him so that she could be quenched. 

But Sasha didn’t understand. Sasha didn’t wake up with an unavoidable cloud hanging over her head every morning. Sasha didn’t have to shower every morning because she was drenched in sweat. Sasha didn’t have flashes of horrific images come to mind throughout her day. Sasha didn’t have to worry about any of that, so how could she speak any wisdom into Mikasa’s life?

She was going to take from Eren. She was going to establish a friendship with him and bear all the fruit she could.All the things she needed were just green eyes and a green plant. God, it was all so simple.

It had worked twice now. When she first met Eren and when they laughed on the sidewalk together. Her nightmares disappeared both times, so that had to be the answer.

Right?

If only she met Eren in September when the nightmares started happening. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so on edge all of the time. Maybe every loud noise wouldn’t cause her to jump. Maybe she wouldn’t feel haunted by the images her brain would taunt her with.

When she was frozen in fear, his fires melted her away. This had to be the way.

Right?

When she came home the night after studying with Armin, her tummy full from going to Grisha’s Family Diner, she felt a confidence she had been lacking. She knew she was going to have a good dream tonight. Maybe when her head hit the pillow, she would dream in ways she had never imagined. Maybe she would have an abstract dream that made absolutely no sense. Maybe she would meet a celebrity or character she loved. Maybe she would have a boring dream where nothing happened at all. That’s all she wanted.

What was it like to wake up disappointed about not remembering a dream? What was it like to wake up blissful from one? She just wanted to know what it was like. Was that too much to ask for? Was it too much for her to want to wake up like everyone else in the world? 

If she saw Eren and took a huge hit from Sasha’s pen, then she would sleep peacefully.

This was just what she had to do in order to be normal.

She swung open the door of her dorm, meeting Jean and Sasha sitting on a bed, both of their eyes already red. Sasha’s laptop was open, loudly playing another documentary. The place was full of animal sounds and food munching. 

It was ten o’ clock, and Mikasa had returned from a night class, her head pounding from the busy day. She worked early that morning, studied all afternoon with Armin and attended back to back classes. It didn’t sound like a lot, but Wednesdays always took a lot out of her from an emotional standpoint. Constant busyness exhausted her.

She grabbed her favorite pajamas, slipping into the bathroom and changing. She got the essentials out of the way: brushing her teeth, washing her face, applying lotion, etcetera. It was such a pain to keep up with personal hygiene. The amount of upkeep almost made Mikasa want to give up on her hygiene completely.

Stepping out of the bathroom, she let out a yawn, walking over to her two friends and disrupting their enchanting documentary. She set out her hand, waiting for her roommate to notice. Her red eyes looked up, and Mikasa could swear she could see the slightest image of a worried, sober Sasha within them. There was a brief pause before Jean laughed, stealing the pen and placing it in Mikasa’s hand for her.

“You’re so stoned you can hardly move,” Jean smiled, laughing much harder than was necessary. 

Mikasa smiled at him, closing her eyes to take a drag. The burn of the smoke filled her lungs, and she could feel a cough anxious to come up in her throat. She resisted the urge, tightly holding onto the pen and sucking in much harsher. There were a good forty seconds of her struggling to breathe in as much smoke as possible.

She paused, holding the smoke in her mouth for a few seconds before slowly letting the air out. It took a moment for her cough to finally catch up to her, and her throat became sandpaper. She rushed to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, quickly drinking it down as the coughs kept coming. She could hear Jean and Sasha laugh as she spilled water on herself in her attempts to drink it down. She took about a minute to calm down, her hand flat on her chest and the world going slow.

Then everything felt hazy. She could swear that the very air in front of her was turning into fog, and she reached out her arm in an attempt to wave through it so she could see the path to her bed. She blinked, her eyelids incredibly slow. This was the highest she had ever been. Her head felt heavy, and she knew she had to get in bed before she fell over.

She took a step forward, bumping into the counter of the kitchen, a soft “Jesus,” escaping Mikasa’s lips as she hit her hip. Taking another step forward, she felt like a brick was chained to her opposite arm, causing her to stumble. Why was this so hard for her? Seconds ago, Mikasa ran to the kitchen to grab a drink, but now she could hardly stand straight. 

She took in a deep breath, taking as many steps forward as she could before collapsing into bed. Her feet wobbled, and she tripped over herself, but when she met the sheets of her bed, she closed her eyes and melted into them. Her blankets and pillows had never felt so soft before. A hum escaped her when she shoved her face into the covers. It was like she was on a cloud or as if she was hugging a giant teddy bear. It was the best feeling in the whole world.

She giggled, her eyes opening slowly to look over at Jean and Sasha on the other bed. “Guys.”

“What’s up?” Sasha slurred, looking up.

She smiled, sharing her epiphany with the two. Her arms were wrapped around the bed like she was hugging it. “This blanket feels like a bear.”

Sasha giggled. “How would you know?”

“You can’t hug a bear, stupid!” Jean furrowed his eyebrows, frustration painting his face. There was concern in his voice. “They would eat you!”

Mikasa slowly sat up, and she began to wave her arms around as she spoke. “Maybe they just attack people when they’re having a bad day.”

“They must be having a lot of bad days, then.”

“Well, duh! Of course, they are! All of their trees are being stolen from them.” Mikasa pointed at Jean to get her monumental point across as she started to crawl underneath her sheets.

“That’s so sad,” Sasha looked up, her eyebrows furrowing. 

Jean joked around, clapping slowly as he spoke. “Alexa, this is so sad.”

Mikasa looked around the room, looking to see only the three of them in the dorm. “Who the fuck is Alexa, Jean? It’s just the three of us.”

Jean shrugged, and “I don’t know” sound escaping him. Sasha continued to talk about the bears. “They just want a home. People are so mean. Fuck discrimination!”

Jean giggled. “Do you mean deforestation?” 

“I said that,” Sasha smiled, punching the man’s arm slowly. “Domestication!”

Mikasa started laughing until she couldn’t breathe. “Sasha! It’s _deforestation_!”

“I’m saying that!” The girl shouted, throwing her arms in the air. “You guys are just too high to hear me correctly!”

Jean let out the loudest laugh Mikasa had ever heard from him, enticing her to laugh loudly as well. She felt tears come to her eyes. “You’re gonna make me pee.”

“That’s gross.” Jean squirmed. 

Sasha shook her head, pointing at her computer screen. She tried to hit Jean’s shoulder to get his attention, but she kept missing. “Shut up! They’re- Jean shut the hell up! They’re showing whales now! Shut up!”

His eyes widened. “Oh, _fuck_ yeah.”

Mikasa smiled as she watched her friends glue their eyes to the laptop, whale noises emitting from it. She laid back down and pulled her blanket over her shoulder, turning to face the wall. She was nowhere near coming down from the high, but the past five minutes felt like an hour, and the passing time was convincing enough to lull her to sleep. She closed her eyes, sinking deeply into her bed. _Happy dreams only. Happy dreams only. Happy dreams only…_

_And he was standing in front of her, a half smile digging into his lips, and his hair was sloppily tied into a bun. There were strands framing his face, the dark hair contrasting the tone of his tan skin. He was tall. Well, he has always been tall, but something in the way he was standing right now seemed to enforce a strength inside of him that Mikasa was yet to uncover. His posture was nearly perfect, and his eyes burned passionately into her. She could feel the fires he carried leaving holes in her skin, blistering her._

_He turned around, his back facing her as he bent down to sit on the floor. They were in a place Mikasa had never seen before. There were no walls, and there was no sky. They were just surrounded by a deep red, a mournful color that seemed to stretch for an infinity._

_He lifted a hand, motioning for her to join him. She nodded her head, crouching down on her knees so they were both next to each other on the ground. He was sitting crisscrossed, she was on her knees. There was no speaking. The world was filled with silence, and it was loud. He looked at her again, shifting his position so that he was facing her. Her mouth took the shape of a small_ o _, and he stretched his arm out to reach her. It was resting on the small of her back._

_His touch was warm, and she felt safe. She felt so, so safe. Goosebumps raised underneath her skin in the places he touched, and she felt the blood begin to rush to her cheeks. Suddenly, she was made light, and he pulled her in so she was sitting in his lap. Their faces were inches apart._

_He just stared. Those damn, green eyes just stared at her. There were no words spoken, but his gaze was deafening. Her face felt hot, and she raised her hand to trace his jawline gently with her index finger. He closed his eyes, his facial features softening as her fingers danced across his skin. Her finger started to trace his lips while the other hand made its way to his hair. She felt the messy bun, the strands intertwining with her fingers._

_He let out a soft exhale, fluttering his eyes open again to reveal the piercing, versatile greens. She loved his eyes. They looked like water lilies dancing on the stillest lake in the world. The soft hints of blue surrounding the lilies on the outskirts of his eyes were so calm; however, the greens of his lilies spoke volumes. His gaze was contradicting, both peaceful and exhilarating at the exact same time._

_She felt like they had all the time in the world to stare at one another. She wanted to count every single eyelash, pinpoint every little freckle and trace every crease that hid in his skin. He, on the other hand, didn’t seem like he wanted to wait any longer._

_He cupped her face in his hands, pulling her in gently to kiss her. Their lips clashed, tender and gentle. He felt so soft against her lips, completely oxymoronic to how he appeared. He looked so mighty, yet he felt so delicate when she kissed him. She could feel his hands crawl underneath her shirt, beginning to trace her frame. One was grazing up and down her curves while the other was tracing the line on her back. Shivers ran through her body with each touch he offered. It was all too easy to melt right into his arms._

_He separated from the kiss, holding her by the waist and staring deeply into her eyes. She felt more blood rush to her cheeks, and she looked down to see her legs straddled around his waist loosely as he sat. A hand grabbed her chin, lifting her face tenderly to look up at him again. He just stared, lovingly, passionately, intensely. She melted so easily, both of his gaze and his hands overwhelming her senses. She was nothing but a candle, and he was the fire easily burning through her._

_She was made light again, and he laid her down on the ground. She went to move her legs, but one of his hands was holding them up, encouraging for her to keep her legs wrapped around his waist tightly. She felt him lower into her, clothing keeping them locked away from skin to skin contact, but she could feel everything already. A silent gasp escaped her lips. He was on top of her now, his hands grabbing her wrists and placing them above her head. She swallowed nervously once their noses were touching. There were no words spoken, but their intimacy was booming. She smiled smugly. Actions really did speak louder than words, huh?_

_He stared intently into her onyx eyes for a few moments before closing his lids and going to kiss her again. She was smiling against his lips as he stole all the oxygen from her. The passion was undeniable, and she felt her chest heave when his hips started to roll against her, the friction he created causing her to see stars as she tried to move with him. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep up with the kisses and the movements. She had no control. He was the composer of the symphony they were creating. His lips started to run across her neck and jaw, leaving a trail of gentle kisses. She closed her eyes, feeling their thrusting grow more intense with each kiss he would plant on her. He eventually came back up to meet lips once again. The desire she was feeling was almost unbearable. Did he want her, too? She went to let out a moan when he bit her lower lip._

_But nothing came out._

_He kept moving, but suddenly, the euphoria began to fade away. She tried to say his name in between the heavy kissing, but nothing came out of her mouth. She couldn’t speak. She went to release her arms from his grip to place them on her throat, but he forced them down._

_Her eyes widened, and any sentence she tried to produce came out silent._

_He noticed her struggle, stopping his movements and getting up. Her legs released from his waist, and he positioned himself so he was sitting on the tops of her thighs. He felt like air on top of her. He smirked, looking around at the mournful color that surrounded them. It was darker than before._

_She went to lift her hands again, but they stayed in place. She felt her eyebrows furrow, her gaze shifting upwards to look at the arms above her. It felt like weights were placed on them. She couldn’t lift her own hands. Panic filled her heart, her chest beginning to heave faster with every attempt to lift her arms from the ground._

_She had no control. She had no control yet again._

_A hand grabbed her face, forcing it to look away from her hands. The tenderness was gone. There was no care in his actions, and the gentleness ceased. She was staring at green eyes, now, but they looked different this time. They looked menacing. There were no words spoken, but his gaze was deafening._

_Her breathing quickened when he stood up, walking away for a bit and leaving her completely alone. The color of the world started to darken even more than it previously had. She felt like the entire world was painted in a deep merlot shade. Her thoughts began to worry her. Why? Why was this happening? Why couldn’t she make any sounds? Why did her hands and feet feel so heavy? What was happening? Where did he go?_ _Didn’t she do everything right?_

_Didn’t she do exactly what she was supposed to do?_

_She saw a figure begin to move in her peripheral vision, and she looked over to see the menacing green eyes making their way towards her. He was slowly walking over, and she started to observe him. There was a knife in his hand. She tried to scream out. She tried so hard to shout at him to stop, to shout at him to leave her alone. She tried to tell him to go away and to leave her alone forever. She tried so, so hard, but nothing was working out in her favor. She wanted him to stop. She just wanted him to stop._

_He straddled her while she was pinned to the ground by invisible weights, a smile creepily digging itself into his lips. She furrowed her eyebrows, tears starting to stream down her face. There were no words spoken whatsoever, but by his gaze, she could tell exactly what he was telling her._

_He was telling her no._

_He leaned so that he was hovering over the helpless girl, showing her the pocket knife he had in his hand. He wanted her to stare at it, observing how rusty the blade was. He wanted to imagine how ragged it was going to feel against her skin. Her body started to squirm more underneath him, and all he did was smile at her struggle. His eyes were telling her to calm down, inspiring more tears to fall from her eyes. He was telling her that it would only hurt a little bit._

_He took the knife, placing the tip at the spot underneath her right eye and drawing blood. His expression suddenly turned cruel as she used every ounce of strength within her to make her screams heard. He lifted his other hand in the air, throwing it down hard to slam the knife into her skin._

Mikasa’s eyes fluttered open, and she immediately sat up in her bed. Sweat was beading out on her forehead, and her hand was wrapped around her throat. She cleared her throat, hearing the sound of it inspiring a sigh of relief. She shook her head, placing her hand flat on her chest and pacing her breathing. Sasha always did that with her, and the simple exercise always seemed to work just a little bit.

“In, and out. In, and out.” She whispered to herself, thankful to hear that she had a functional voice. 

It was dark outside, and she still felt a little groggy. She used the back of her hand to wipe the sweat emitting from her forehead, a “dammit” escaping her lips as she got up from the bed. She fell asleep while still stoned. That was a definite guarantee for a bad high, let alone a bad dream. She stretched and looked over to see Sasha sleeping peacefully in her bed. Jean must’ve left at some point or another. Mikasa smiled softly to herself. Sasha was so cute when she was asleep. She had pillows and blankets of different, girlish colors, and she was cuddling with a stuffed elephant. She was like a little kid stuck inside the body of a 21-year-old.

Her eyes drifted to the clock that sat in-between their beds. It was three in the morning.

She frowned, closing her eyes and resting her face in her hands. She was wide awake, terrified from another dream yet again. She could still feel his touch on her skin, and she could still feel the horror that flooded her heart the moment he lifted the knife up to her.

Why him? Why _him_? He changed her dreams since they met, and there was no denying that this dream was different.

But wasn’t Eren supposed to be the one who saved her from the nightmares? He wasn’t supposed to be the one encouraging them to continue. 

Didn’t she finally figure it out?

A long sigh escaped Mikasa, and she slowly lifted her face from her hands. She had to get out. She was restless and needed to leave the dorm before she imploded. She grabbed her phone from her bed, throwing five bucks in the phone case, and threw on the first sweatshirt she saw. She dug through her cabinet to find a pair of yoga pants. Thank God it was so late, otherwise, she would’ve looked like an absolute mess to the outside world. She quickly tied her hair into a bun and walked out of the front door, cautious not to wake up her friend.

She walked. She didn’t know exactly where she was going, but everything inside of her was just telling her to _go_. She didn’t want to feel him on her skin anymore, so maybe she could find a means to wash him off of her. There was a park with a splash pad not too far from her, so maybe she could go there.

She rolled her eyes. It was way too cold to play in some park water, and he never touched her to begin with. He was probably sound asleep, snoring his heart out or whatever it was that he did. Mikasa let out a sigh, leaving the college campus and walking down the sidewalk of an empty road. She needed a drink. She needed some sort of warm beverage, hot cocoa being the first thing to come to mind. She turned the corner, her eyes searching for a McDonalds that sat around here somewhere. Her arms wrapped around her chest, shivering from the cold.

Everything felt cold. The air, her body, her heart, her mind. She was frozen in fear once again. 

She walked into the McDonalds, ordering a hot chocolate and sitting down at one of the tables, her thoughts continuing to flood her brain. Ironically enough, she wanted to be with Eren. She wanted him at her side, telling her funny jokes and making sarcastic remarks that made her smile. She wanted him to give her a hug. She wanted him to say all of the right things. She wanted him to be there for her and support her through the terror. Maybe the two of them could change the dream, replacing the fake one with a genuine one. 

She smiled to herself, thinking about the things they could do so late at night. Maybe they could run around in the splash pad of a park, throwing water at each other's faces until they were freezing cold. Maybe they could lay in the grass out in the middle of nowhere and just stare at the night sky together, memorizing each star. Maybe he could pick her up and they could go on a drive. No destination, just endless, pointless driving. Maybe they could-

A voice behind the counter of the front desk began to speak, holding her hot cocoa. “M-Meek? My-casa? Mee-”

She got up, grabbing the cup from the man and leaving the McDonalds. The cold air embraced her as she stepped outside once again, the familiar chill taking hold of her. She frowned, lifting up the drink to take a sip. It wasn’t the best drink she had, but she was going to get her money's worth and drink the whole damn thing.

She found a bench and sat on it, shaking her head. She huddled her legs close together in a pathetic attempt to resist the cold. Why did she want to be near him? She just felt him jab a knife into her face. She just felt terrified of him. She just saw a cruelness in him she didn’t know could exist. What was it that was so enticing about this guy? They were so opposite from each other, yet, that seemed to be the very thing that attracted her to him. 

She secretly wished a cliché would happen. She secretly hoped that he would be walking the very sidewalk she was on. She secretly hoped that she got a call from Armin, shouting about how badly Eren wanted to see her. She secretly hoped she’d spot him driving in a car down the empty street, pulling over to ask what she was doing out so late. She secretly wanted to pour her heart out to him about the nightmare, begging him to confirm that it never actually happened. She knew it was impossible for any of these to happen, but deep down inside, she wanted them to.

He was so interesting, that Eren. He was an oxymoron.

He was the sun. Mostly, he stuck to wearing all dark colors such as earth tones and different shades of black, and that illuminated absolutely everything around her. His head shakes and sarcastic remarks left her smiling until it hurt. She felt inside that she was practically bouncing off of the walls whenever she was next to him. The low tone of his voice left her aching to hear more, and when he smiled? Wow, talk about a solar flare. His smile left her squinting, and his laugh left her blinded. His stories left her burned, and his passions left her blistered. It was almost as if she was scarred from head to toe because of how bright he was. Everything he did just seemed to glow.

But he was also the moon, and she was the sea. The closer she got to him, the wilder she became. The further he got, the more shallow she became. The closer he was, the more hopeful she felt. The opposite happened when he was far away. It was simple—he had an incredible weight on the movements of her tides: the tsunamis of her mind and the tidal waves of her nightmares.

He was the sun, and he was the moon. With both of those things, he made a celestial trinity. A historical event people from all over the world scramble to see. He was a rarity that only pops up once in a while. The pieces of him were so exact and precise that the smallest variables were exactly what made him so incredible. He was an eclipse.

And maybe that’s another reason as to why she was so intrigued by him. He was different. He was rare. He was just… _new_.

He changed her dreams. He, a stranger and the roommate of her best friend, came out of nowhere and changed her dreams. She still had the nightmares, yes, but they were so different now. She could just feel it. There was a feeling she couldn’t explain nor describe, but she knew for a fact that the feeling existed inside of her.

She closed her eyes, letting out a long sigh and taking a sip of the hot cocoa in her hands. A smirk emerged on her lips as she rested the cup against her chin. 

How ironic. Her aspiring medicine tried to kill her in a dream. That was a first. She was used to trying to save him from death, but look at what just happened. Why was that? In fact, out of all of her nightmares, this was the first time something was trying to kill her. She was used to witnessing horrible things, not being the victim of them.

She thought about the menacing look in those eyes. The eyes that brought life suddenly rooted fear within her. She thought about where he placed the knife, right at her scar. That was the first thing he had asked about her when they met. Funny how in her dream, he went to attack the very foundation of their friendship.

More importantly, she thought about what had come before that. Those gentle kisses, the pleasurable grinding, the insufferable butterflies. The power within his touch, the security within is arms, the desire within his eyes. Why did her subconscious paint him in such a light? She never thought about those kinds of things. She didn’t focus on relationships. She never submitted to lust. She didn’t see any meaning within any of those things. She was twenty-one with zero experience. She had a boyfriend in middle school whom she broke up with because he played too many video games. Her first kiss was with a friend five minutes before accepting her diploma because she wanted to have it before she graduated. Her “first kiss” really was just a peck on the lips with a girl. 

Mikasa shook her head at herself, softly laughing at how pathetic she was. Laughing at how pathetic she felt. She was a wreck, drinking hot chocolate at three in the morning and sulking about some stupid dream. She should be used to them by now, anyway.

She took another sip from the cocoa, feeling its fleeting warmth run down her throat. _I fell asleep stoned, and that variable influenced me to have a weird dream,_ she convinced herself, and that seemed to be enough.


	8. Boundaries

Bills.

The very word itself made Eren’s skin crawl. He swore that his insides imploded and exploded simultaneously whenever he thought of them. The stress, anxiety and second-guessing that came with each number and each payment were inconvenient enough to convince Eren to live off the grid in a forest somewhere. Armin would never let him actually get to that point, though, so he was stuck with coping through the stress of numbers.

Bills were due next week, but whenever they were due, Eren always made sure to sit down and organize through the expenses at least a week prior. He analyzed every pay stub, counted all the numbers, and wrote everything down to the exact decimal. He knew Armin was always stressed about his college work, so Eren always took the time to balance the checkbook so the ocean didn’t have the added stressor. They couldn’t afford to let their payments be half-assed, and Eren held that responsibility heavily on his shoulders. 

He was sitting at a desk in the corner of their living room, the top of it covered in paperwork and notebooks, filled with hasty handwriting and quick maths. His hair was loose, grazing his cheek as he looked down and wrote different numbers. It had gotten long, aggravatingly long. Earlier that morning, he took a pair of scissors and chopped off the strands in different places until he felt less annoyed. Maybe it was because he succumbed to the stress of bills, taking out his emotional frustrations and physically taking them out on his hair. All he was certain of was that it looked awful.

He could imagine Armin’s face walking through the front door, seeing the unevenly cut hair and responding with an overdramatic gasp. He’d probably run over, grabbing the different strands and rushing Eren to the barber to chop it back into the short haircut he had years ago. A smirk dug into Eren’s lips, and he checked the time, waiting for when his imagination would become a reality.

Eren sighed. “Oden, I should make you pay rent.”

The dog bolted his head up from nuzzling his nose in the couch, staring at his owner inquisitively. 

“You seriously could help out more around the house. All you do is eat, sleep and shit.”

The dog yawned, shoving his face back in-between gray cushions. 

Eren laughed to himself, getting up from the desk and walking away from the bills that awaited him. He made his way into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for himself and quickly drinking it down. It was Thursday, and while the forest typically worked these days, Reiner offered to cover Eren’s shift for him. He’d usually be one to oppose the offer, but Armin was quick to persuade his friend into taking the day off and having a three day weekend. 

He set the empty cup in the sink once done drinking from it, looking over at a gray couch to watch his dog bury himself in it. It had just been the two of them that day, and it would continue to be. Eren didn’t realize how lonely Oden must’ve felt with the two of them gone all day. Eren worked from nine to five. Armin had classes all morning, studied with Mikasa in the afternoon and had a night business class. He usually didn’t get home until six or seven o’ clock. 

Eren walked over to his dog, sitting on the couch and pressing his forehead against the gray fur. “How do you avoid getting so bored? All you need is a sock or a rope and you’re the happiest dude ever.”

The door handle started to rattle, causing both Oden and Eren to jolt their heads up.

It took a few moments for the door to swing open, the dog excitedly greeting a blonde man happily walking through the door; however, when he spotted a pair of onyx eyes, he started to excitedly bark. Eren remained silent on the couch, his expression clearly confused at the unexpected arrival.

Armin was in the middle of a conversation. “I’m not being rude. I’m just saying your opinion is wrong.”

“Why are you such a jerk?” Mikasa rolled her eyes, looking over at the forest. “Eren, please tell Armin that York Peppermint Patties are the best candy!”

He blinked, tilting his head and scratching his cheek. He was still trying to understand why Armin was arriving so early and why Mikasa was with him. “I don’t know. Armin’s never been the type to like chocolate. Even then, Kit Kats are really where it’s at.”

She let out a frustrated grunt, walking inside and kneeling on the living room floor to pet Oden. Her messenger bag slipped down her shoulder as she sat. “You people wouldn’t be able to pick a good treat if your life depended on it.”

“‘ _You people_?’” Armin scoffed, walking over to the couch to greet Eren. He lowered his voice. “I swear there is something wrong with this girl’s brain.”

Mikasa let out a frustrated, “Hey!” as Eren stood up, ready to give his friend a hug.

“Weren’t you two going to study on campus today?” Eren questioned, hugging the blonde. Right as they released from the embrace, the forest’s eyes widened. He forgot about his hair. He not-so-casually bundled it up in his hands, reaching for the hair tie that usually sat on his wrist.

Usually.

“What did you do to your hair?” Armin’s tone grew serious, reaching for Eren’s hand to let go of the bundle of strands.

Desperate fingers let go of their grip, releasing uneven locks to frame the brunette’s face. He flashed a nervous smile, holding one of the strands to look at. “I mean, it’s not that bad.”

“ _It’s not that bad_?” Armin repeated, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. Each word he spoke seemed to grow just a decibel louder. “The hell is your mom gonna say?!”

“You’re sure acting like her right now,” Eren mumbled, looking over to see Mikasa get up. Great, she was going to get a look as well.

She sucked in through her teeth, and Eren felt the blood rush to his cheeks as she spoke. “Yup, it’s pretty bad.”

He looked down at his feet, tucking the hair quickly behind his ears as if they could block his friends from viewing his strands any longer. “It was getting annoying.”

“That doesn’t mean you just cut it!” He sighed, shaking his head. “It looks like you blindfolded yourself and guessed where your hair was.”

Eren lifted eyes to meet the blondes. “I can assure you that didn’t happen.”

“It looks like you gave Oden a pair of scissors and told him to have at it.”

“That didn’t happen either.”

“Or you put your hair in the garbage disposal and turned it on.”

“Armin,” a voice spoke softly.

“You look like Britney Spears when she-”

“Armin,” the voice was stern, and Eren realized it was Mikasa who was talking. “We get it, Eren did a shit job. If you have a pair of scissors, I’m sure I can fix it.”

Eren blinked the girl for a few moments, surprised at the defense she was demonstrating towards him. “Uhm, that’s very sweet, but I have to focus on balancing the checkbook. We have bills due next week.”

Armin sighed. “I can do it.”

She was hesitant but protested. “Shouldn’t you study for the test at six?”

“You should be, too, but you’re cutting hair. I can finish what Eren was working on.” The ocean checked the watch on his wrist, quickly counting the time in his mind. “It’s three right now, so we have about two and a half hours before we have to go. It should be fine, Mik. We can use your flashcards on the drive there.”

She thought for a few moments, running her fingers through her own hair before closely observing Eren’s. He felt his cheeks grow hot for a moment underneath her stare. He knew for a fact that his hair looked bad, but he felt himself become more aware of its condition. He was quickly growing insecure, feeling small underneath the stare despite her size. He cleared his throat as she thought over Armin’s words.

“Alright,” She shrugged. “Sounds like a plan.”

Armin nodded his head, walking over to the desk flooded with paperwork. He lifted his hand dismissively as he sat down. “I think the scissors are in the bathroom.”

Eren bit his bottom lip watching Mikasa spin on her heel and walk towards the door that led to Armin’s room. She paused before grabbing the handle. “Do you have a chair of some sort that we can use?”

The forest opened his mouth slightly, thinking before he spoke. “I have a stool in my room we can use. It’s a little low, though.”

She released her grip from the handle, walking over to face Eren and stare just above his head. “That should be fine.” She looked down to meet his eyes. “You’re much taller than me anyway, so it should be good.”

“Yeah…” He breathed, pausing for a moment before walking over to his own room.

He swung open the door, revealing his bedroom and inviting the girl inside. His pajamas were tossed to the side of the floor earlier that morning, and he rushed over to throw them into his hamper. There were clothes, cups and wrappers scrambled about the room. _The one day I don’t clean_ , he lectured himself. A small, red stool sat in the corner of the room, a pair of beat up shoes placed on the top of it. He walked over, throwing the shoes on his bed and grabbing the stool.

“Bathroom connects the bedrooms.” He pointed with the chair in the direction of the bathroom. He looked down for a minute, taking in a deep breath before continuing. “And, uh, so sorry about the mess.”

“I came into your home without a heads up.” She flashed him a smile as she looked over her shoulder to open the bathroom door. “You didn’t know you’d have company over. Don’t sweat it.”

He returned the smile, following the girl’s lead into the bathroom. He set the stool so it was directly facing the mirror. He sat down, staring at his reflection and adjusting his seating slightly. A laugh was drawn from the girl behind him. 

He watched her reflection, that damn hand flattening itself on her chest. “What, too short?”

He tittered, looking down at his legs awkwardly positioned on the floor. “You could say that.”

“You sure you don’t have another chair?”

“I’ll manage.” She walked directly behind him, placing her hands on his head and staring at him through the reflection of the mirror. He could feel himself grow small again. She looked captivating behind him, her hands on his hair and her small stature emerging behind his rough one.

“Uhm, Eren.”

“Yes?”

There was a beat of silence.

“I need the scissors.”

“Oh!” Eren’s eyes widened, and he stood up from the stool, kneeling down to the different drawers underneath the sink. He rummaged through them, his fingers surfing through Armin’s mess before finding the blue pair of scissors he tortured his hair with earlier that morning. He stood up, proudly handing them to her.

She smiled, her fingers tracing the curves of the handle. “Do you have a bedsheet we can use as well? That way the bathroom isn’t made messy.”

“Oh, right.” Eren furrowed his eyebrows, looking back in the direction in his room and thinking. “I don’t have a clean bedsheet, but I can use one of my pillowcases.”

Her eyes widened. She started to ramble. “Are you sure? I mean, we can use anything, really. A shirt, pants, underwear! Oh, never mind that last one. They’d have to be clean, of course. Oh, God. That’s so weird. Ignore that one. But hey, maybe you could use that scarf I saw you wear last week! Was that last week? Gee, I really can’t remember. Maybe that could work. Oh, I don’t know. I’d ask Armin but he’s doing bills right now so I feel like it’d be rude to bother him. That reminds me, we totally interrupted you by coming over last minute, huh? I’m so sorry. That was rude, wasn’t it? Oh, right! The bedsheet. Anyways, if anything we can use my jacket if you want! I’m a little cold, but if anything-”

He held up his hand, silently telling her to stop the nervous rambling. A smirk dug into his lips and he shook his head in an attempt of unspoken affirmation. “Using a pillowcase is an easy fix. Don’t sweat it.”

She stood silently as he spun on his heel to his bed, grabbing one of his pillows and taking the case off of it. He figured he could shake any excess hairs off of it once she was done cutting. He smiled to himself, thinking about her rambling. That seemed to be some sort of defense mechanism she would turn to when she was embarrassed or overwhelmed with a situation. She did it quite a lot when Armin had to leave for work last week. Eren recognized it was possible she resulted to nervous rambles when she was starting to feel out of place, so he made it his mission to make her feel comfortable. 

It was a weird situation, after all. They had just met within the past week, and here she was, cutting his hair in his messy bathroom, but she had said it herself: they were friends. This was a normal, spontaneous thing friends do. There was no need for any awkward or nervous tension. 

He walked back into the bathroom, a gray pillowcase in his hand. He watched her, standing and staring at the scissors in her right hand. She looked almost too perfect to be standing in the midst of the imperfection he lived in. Her porcelain skin, dark features and intense gaze had no right to be surrounded by empty shampoo bottles, used towels and toothpaste-covered counters. It was almost disrespectful to see something so lovely among his filth. He cursed Armin in his mind for keeping the bathroom so dirty.

She gestured to the stool, a smirk on her lips. His uneasiness faded away. “Sir.”

He nodded his head and sat down, wrapping the pillowcase around his shoulders. The girl wasn’t hesitant to grab a strand of hair once he settled, taking the scissors and growing close to making a cut.

“Wait.”

She blinked at him, setting the scissors down and looking intently into his eyes.

“Question.”

“Answer.” There was confusion in her smile, and she returned her gaze to brunette strands, running her fingers through his hair. He felt himself grow sensitive underneath her touch, each finger that traced patterns on the top of his head sending shivers through his body. She was facing directly towards his reflection, so it was too risky to show any signs of weakness or enjoyment. That is _not_ something new friends typically do. It would be too weird and awkward, he decided.

He cleared his throat, watching her fingers dance through his hair. “Can we try to keep it long?”

“I don’t know,” She pursed her lips, closely looking at the hair before responding. He watched her reflection intently, the contrast of his hair against her porcelain fingers bringing a gentle smile to his lips. “You cut it pretty unevenly.”

He shrugged, feeling a strand fall in front of his face as he tilted his head to look off to the side. “I didn’t really have a strategy. I just cut the places that were most irritating.”

She giggled, and Eren smiled at the sound. “Well, we might be able to get away with it being just above the shoulder. It’ll still look uneven, but I’ll try to make it look more intentional.”

His eyes looked up to meet Mikasa’s through the reflection, a half smile dug into his lips as he gazed at the girl. “You’re the best.”

She nervously smiled and looked back down at the hair, almost shying away from his gaze. The slightest hint of rose bloomed on her cheeks. There were a few moments of silence as she combed through his hair with her fingers, Eren using every fiber in his body not to close his eyes and let out a sigh. He watched her take the pair of scissors, hold them against the back of his head and…

_Snip._

“No turning back now.” She smiled, looking up from the hair and looking into the reflection of forest eyes. “You’ve officially trusted me with this.”

“No kidding,” He breathed out, the feelings of peace and anxiety welling up inside of him. “I’ll fuck you up if you do a bad job.”

Mikasa let out a _pfft_ , laughing as she cut off another strand. The _snip_ of the scissors seemed to ring in the bathroom. “Don’t worry, I’m cut out for this.”

He rolled his eyes. “Such a bad joke.”

She laughed, obviously amused with herself. “I am, though! I would cut my cousin’s hair all the time when I was a kid.”

Eren lifted his eyebrows, hesitant to nod his head as he listened. He didn’t want to risk any more uneven strands. “Is that so?”

She smiled. “Yeah. I wasn’t always the best at it.”

“How comforting.” He chuckled.

“Oh, shut up!” She took her other hand to hit the back of his head gently. “I obviously got better over time.”

“I sure hope so.” He smiled, making eye contact with the girl through the mirror.

She smirked, cutting another strand and letting the _snip_ of the scissors ring out. “Can’t turn back now, remember?”

He laughed at the tease, looking down to rub his hands on his lap. His personality was always so independent and courageous, unwilling to let anyone attempt to tame him, yet here he was, on a short stool and entrusting some girl to fix the mess he made. “You’re right.”

Time slowed down for a brief moment, Mikasa continuing to shape Eren’s hair. His strands littered all over the bathroom floor despite the pillowcase’s desperate attempt to keep the place somewhat clean. 

They didn’t talk much, other than the few times Mikasa would ask if he was comfortable and if he was okay. She was so focused, biting her bottom lip and knitting her eyebrows together as she carefully made sure every cut was even. The room was mostly filled with the sounds of snipping scissors and her steady breathing. Eren was struggling to mimic her steadiness, trying not to come off too strong. He resonated in her touch as her fingers glided through his hair, the warmth radiating off of her body as she stood behind him, his senses heightening. He wanted to closely watch her as she worked away at his hair. He wanted her to step closer to him so he could feel her better.

It was weird how she drew him in so easily. The gravitational pull within her universe pulling him in at an accelerating rate. She was like a magnet, sparking a connection and inviting him in, but Eren was a magnet, too. He knew all too well that magnets can never fully meet, they recoil when they’re too close. He had to remind himself of that.

Mikasa was _Armin’s_ friend, not Eren’s. Sure, they were mutual friends, but when it came down to it, it was always going to boil down to the ocean and the universe. The forest would be overstepping boundaries by trying to get too close to her. He had to recoil. 

“The back is done.” A voice chirped behind him, his gaze looking up to meet her eyes in the mirror. “I just need to trim up the front and you’re all set.”

Eren nodded his head, watching the universe make her way to stand in front of him. Her hand reached for his chin, positioning it so his head was straight. He was looking at her, a boyish smile on his face as her hand cupped his face. “Thanks for cutting my hair.”

“No problem,” She smiled for a moment before an unreadable emotion fixed itself among her features. “So, this might be a little weird, but I’m gonna need you to keep your head as straight as possible. If you don’t, the front will be uneven with the back.”

“Why would it be-” He straightened his posture, his eyes meeting a chest in front of him. His eyes darted to the floor, a flash of red painting itself on his cheeks. Eren grew tense for a moment, denying how close she really was to him.

A slight giggle escaped Mikasa, the awkwardness rattling his mind even more. “Just look down at your lap or close your eyes if you want.”

His voice cracked. “Sounds good.” 

He cleared his throat, closing his eyes and feeling her fingers grasp the hairs framing his face. Eren felt his senses go into overdrive, the feelings of excitement and conviction stirring inside of him greatly. Part of him wanted to enjoy the closeness, knowing that just a few inches away and underneath a thin t-shirt was a captivating woman. Part of him wanted the different dirty thoughts to plague his mind and take over his thought process, while the other part of Eren wanted to slap himself across the face. 

Mikasa was _Armin’s friend_. He couldn’t be thinking like this. He couldn’t overstep those boundaries for the sake of Armin. He couldn’t overstep those boundaries for the sake of respecting Mikasa.

He felt his cheeks grow hot, frustration playing itself heavily in his emotions. _Right when I have to recoil,_ he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Are you okay?” Mikasa spoke, the softness in her tone causing his stomach to drop. She was a real person. A real person right in front of him, and he was letting a facade of imagination and unspoken boundaries define who she was. He needed to let the facade fall, and he needed to let her be another, everyday person.

“Sorry,” He breathed, trying to relax himself. A slight chuckle escaped him. “It’s just funny.”

She scoffed, her hands touching his jaw and repositioning his head to the side. She continued to delicately cut at the hair. His gaze was facing the wall, now. “You look like you’re about to take a crap.”

He shrugged, smirking and turning his gaze to meet her eyes. “I just wasn’t expecting to have tits in my face today.”

She gasped, punching his shoulder. A faint smile was on her face despite the fact that she was lecturing him. “Eren, you dickhead!”

He laughed, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. “I’m just saying how it is!”

Fingers grabbed a strand, cutting it quickly. He stopped laughing, looking into the mirror to see one strand was _much_ shorter than the rest of the hair. A snicker escaped Mikasa as she set the scissors down on the counter.

“Dude!” Eren shouted, standing up to run his fingers through the hair. “The hell was that for?”

A voice came from the opposite side of the bathroom, causing Mikasa and Eren to spin around and see the ocean standing in the doorway of his connected bedroom. “What’s going on?”

“She cut the front piece in my hair so much shorter than the rest of it!” Eren complained, holding up the short strand for Armin to see.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What did you do to deserve it?”

Mikasa laughed, a shocked gasp escaping the forest next to her. “Eren’s a pervert.”

Eren scoffed, crossing his arms. “I am not _._ ”

“Yes, you are.”

“Am not!”

“Then don’t talk about my boobs!”

“Wait, what? Eren, you creep.” Armin entered the room, laughing and whispering to the universe. “Sometimes I hear him listen to the weirdest porn in his room.”

“Jesus Christ, what the hell, dude!” The frustration had raised to a new level. He raised his arms in the air in defense. “I’m not a fucking pervert!”

“You’re so easy to pick on.” Armin let out a hearty laugh, shaking his head and walking over to look at the freshly cut strands. “On the real, though, you did a really good job, Mik.”

A confident smile flashed across her lips. “Thanks, man!” She turned to Eren, standing on her tip-toes and flicking the short strand she cut. “Don’t worry, hair grows back. You’ll be fine.”

He rolled his eyes, fixing his attention to the mirror in front of him. Eren ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the strands fall over time. It was just above his shoulders like she promised it would be. “Whatever, I guess you did a great job.”

Her smile seemed to beam more, encouraging Eren to smile as well. She looked so happy with the results of such a minimal task. 

Armin grabbed her arm, walking in the direction of his room. “I finished with balancing the checkbook, and we have just over an hour until business class. Why don’t we head to the college and study for the test?”

She nodded her head, walking to exit the bathroom. She paused when she reached the doorway, turning her head to face the forest. “See you later, Eren.”

He nodded his head, watching the duo leave the bathroom. The sound of trailing footsteps lasted for a few moments before he heard the front door shut. Eren leaned against the bathroom counter, his forearms facing outwards. He furrowed his eyebrows as he stared directly at his reflection. “I do _not_ watch weird porn.”

 

* * *

He held up a flashcard. “The Picture of Dorian Gray.”

Armin was sitting crisscrossed across from him on the ground, a paper plate with half eaten pizza on it. He was slightly slouched, his arms crossed with pursed lips as he thought. They turned most of the lights off, leaving the living room to be lit up through candlelight. They sat comfortably in the dark as they studied. “Written by Oscar Wilde and published in 1890.”

“What’s a summarization of the story?

Another pause. “A very attractive man named Dorian Gray has a painting of himself done. It’s so beautiful that he wishes he could look like it for eternity. Essentially his wish comes true, but his sins and evil desires cause the painting to become more ugly overtime; however, Dorian himself remains attractive.”

Eren smiled, placing the card down. “Spot on! You’re doing much better with these than last time.”

Armin shrugged, taking a bite of the pizza. Oden walked over to take a bite as well, but he was shooed away. “Whenever Mikasa and I hang out to study, we end up seeing you instead.”

Emerald eyes blinked. “For real?”

He took another bite, taking time to swallow the piece. “Yeah. We haven’t really been studying much. On top of classes, work and homework, I haven’t been able to keep up with studying for retaking the state tests.”

Eren shrugged, leaning back and resting on an elbow. The flashcards were set down at his side, and he stared at his friend admiringly. Armin deserved the whole world, and he deserved all of his dreams to come true. The guy was a genius, and he wrestled life with the kindest spirit. If anything, Eren was jealous of Armin for that. “I’m proud of you for juggling so much. I’m always astonished at how you manage to come up on top.”

Sapphire blinked. “Really?”

Emerald smiled softly. “Absolutely.”

Armin looked down at his lap for a moment, thinking intently. There was a brief pause before he spoke up. “Sorry for not telling you I was coming over this afternoon.”

He sat back up again, shrugging and taking a bite of his own slice of pizza. “It’s cool. Mikasa is fun to have over anyway.”

Armin tilted his head back, a smug smile emerging on his lips. He teased. “Oh, is that so?”

Eren was hesitant. “What’re you hinting at?”

“How dull are you?” The ocean rolled his eyes, changing his seating so he was hugging his knees into his chest. There was a spark in his eyes as he spoke. “You’re so different around her.”

“Am I?”

The blonde nodded.

He paused before continuing to speak. “Well, she’s different herself, so…”

“How so?” Armin tilted his head, peering intently at the friend across from him.

Eren felt his mind wrestle with himself, struggling to string together the right words and phrases. How was he supposed to describe someone so unreal and ethereal with such a limited and bounded alphabet? Mikasa seemed to invent different letters and words with each step she took, inventing new languages and definitions as she walked in his apartment. She was beyond words. She was beyond his pathetic attempts of bringing justice to her existence. She left him speechless.

“She just seems so cool. You know that person that you just feel so gravitated towards, or that you can just feel it in your gut that you have some sort of connection with them? That’s how I feel with her.” His eyes drifted to a candle of the side of the room. He watched the flame flicker as he spoke. “I like hearing her laugh, and I like making her laugh. She can go from being a smart-ass to being nurturing in a split second. I like how she comes off as cold and distant, but when you spark a conversation with her, she’s so warm and enchanting.”

His eyes looked up to see Armin smiling, sincerity in his eyes. “Eren, you like her, don’t you?”

A _pfft_ escaped Eren’s lips, causing him to look down at the candle. “No.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Armin grunted.

“What?” Eren shook his head. “I haven’t met a new person in a while, so I’m probably just excited to have a new friend. All I ever meet are assholes at Dad’s restaurant, so it’s nice to meet someone genuine for once.”

“This is different, though.” The tone in Armin’s voice encouraged the brunette to meet eyes once again.

He blinked. “You keep saying things are different, and I have no idea what you mean by that.”

Armin paused, his gaze looking up towards the ceiling as he thought intently. There were a few moments before he spoke. “You just seem happier around her, is all. For the longest time, you’ve been in a mindset of just getting everything done. It’s like you’re just focused on surviving each day without any real purpose to it. You’re suffocating yourself with work and your priorities.” He looked down to meet Eren’s gaze. “You seem to take a moment to breathe around her.”

_Fire can’t rest in the universe or else the flames will extinguish_ , he reminded himself.

“Other people can’t change me or how I act.” Eren bit his bottom lip.

“I know that, and I’m not saying that’s the case here.” Armin set his legs down, taking a quick bite of his pizza before continuing to speak. It had to be cold by now. “You’re too independent and too stubborn to let another person dictate your decisions or personality. You’ve never been one to let other people influence you like that, but with Mikasa, you actually take the time to pay attention to her.”

Eren laughed. “You make it sound like I’ve only paid attention to one person in my whole life.”

“Maybe that was a bad choice of words,” Armin laughed, rethinking his statement. “Mikasa is incredibly independent, too. She’s stubborn and assertive in her own ways. You guys are very similar because of that. Usually, the personalities you two share would cause you both to butt heads and compete for who can shine the most, but you take the time to let her independencecompliment yours. It’s a good mix, really.” 

The forest blinked, letting his friend’s words sink in before responding. “I guess I don’t really see what you mean by that.”

“It’s hard for you to see it, especially because you’re not a third party. An example would be this afternoon,” Armin finished his pizza, setting his plate on the coffee table adjacent to them. “You let her cut your hair. You _never_ let anyone even think about touching that mane of yours, but you let her take the lead of cutting it. At the same time, you still took the lead of the conditions: the length she’d cut, what chair to use, how to go about cleaning the mess, etcetera.”

Eren grabbed the short piece of his hair, closely looking at it. He started to mumble. “She still cut a smaller piece, though.”

“See? She’s spunky in her own, unexpected way.” Armin laughed, shifting to sit crisscrossed again. “It’s funny watching you two bounce off of each other. You seem most like yourself with her.”

Eren smiled to himself, his gaze focussing on the candle once again. He always did enjoy her perpetual teasing and their witty banter. He always felt most connected with her in those moments. 

His smile faded after a few moments. “So then why would I want to throw away a potential friendship with her for something more? She’s your friend anyways, so I’m overstepping to begin with.”

“Not even a little bit,” Eren looked up to see the blonde shaking his head, a finger pointed at his face. “And do you remember what you promised me?”

The forest blinked.

“You said that the next time you were interested in a girl, you’d take the risk.”

Eren felt his stomach sink. “Oh, God.”

“You know what that means.”

“Jesus, Armin, no.” Eren shook his head, watching his friend stand up to take plastic plates back to the kitchen sink. “If I fuck it all up, then the two of you will have an awkward friendship! I’d ruin so much! Your study sessions, your school relationships, your life, her life-”

“Will you stop feeling sorry for yourself?” Armin’s tone was suddenly stern. “You promised.”

“Yeah I get that, but I didn’t think it’d be freaking Mikasa!” He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the strands that she had just cut hours beforehand. “I can’t do that to you, and I can’t do that to her!”

Armin shook his head while washing the dishes in the sink. “Something tells me you wouldn’t ruin it.”

“Something tells me I absolutely will!” Eren protested, standing up to meet his friend in the kitchen.

“Eren,” Armin grabbed his friend by the shoulders, staring intently into his eyes. “Why is it that she’s always asking me to see you?”

He gulped, his response was small. “I don’t know.”

The blonde released his grip, returning to cleaning the dishes in the sink and placing them in the dishwasher. “She’s called you a serial killer, a pervert, and a shitty waiter, so why is she so set on seeing you so frequently?”

“Since when did she call me a shitty waiter?”

“Nevermind that part, but do you see my point?”

Eren didn’t respond, he just stood quietly, following the blonde as he left the kitchen and sat on the living room floor again. The forest grabbed the flashcards adjacent to him, raising the next one in the air. “Let’s just continue your studying, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for the patience. Don't know why but I had a really hard time writing this chapter, so I'm hoping it turned out okay.  
> Also, thank you for 700+ hits and 60 kudos. I haven't told a single person about this story, so I'm astonished at the feedback this has received.


	9. Crimson Amidst Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter for y'all :)

_Each wall was made of iron, the ceiling wide open and the floor covered in shards of glass. They were together, wearing restraint suits, the kind that patients would wear in an asylum. She looked at him for reassurance, his eyes wincing as he slowly took steps closer to her._

_“It’s okay, we’ll figure a way out of here.” He said, and she nodded her head in response. His voice was harsh and raspy, for they had been screaming for what felt like hours. Screaming as each shard of glass cut into their feet, screaming for help to get out of this box. Someone had to help them._

_But things got worse. The walls began to close in, the sound of glass scratching the floor._

_“I’m right here,” He was yelling this time as the walls grew closer. “I’m right here.”_

_She took a step closer to him, feeling the shards dig and shovel into her skin, the floor painted with crimson. She couldn’t speak. What were you supposed to say in this kind of situation? All she could do was continue to scream and cry for help. He tried to run over to her, comforting her being his first priority, but the sounds of his grunts as he ran on glass caused her heart to sink. She couldn’t bear to hear him in so much pain._

_The walls grew even closer, not accelerating in speed. The dread of the slowly moving walls as they awaited a crushing death growing more and more unbearable each second. He was next to her now, and she leaned her head against his chest to cry. He rested his head on top of her since both of their arms were restrained from each other._

_The walls were up against them now, and she could feel the pressure building on both sides of her body. He was screaming, and so was she. The idea of walking a mile in glass seemed much more preferable than iron slowly crushing each of her bones. She felt a rib break, her screams becoming louder by the second. She forced her eyes open, the last thing she could see was a pair of lily pads resting on the stillest lake in the world. He squeezed them shut, screaming out horrifically._

Mikasa bolted up from her bed, her hand over her heart as she gasped for air. She breathed loudly, not seeming to take up enough air in the room to fill her lungs. Sasha ran over to the bed, wiping the sweat away from Mikasa’s brow. 

“You’re okay, it’s okay,” Sasha reassured, planting a kiss on the top of her friend’s hair.

“I’m alive,” Mikasa said aloud, restating the phrase as if it would prove reality even further. Her hand was directly over her heart, affirming that she could feel its beat.“I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive.”

 

* * *

Mikasa’s job was so boring, sitting at a counter and selling books to peers once or twice throughout the day. It was just a few days into October, so it was very rare for students to come into the bookstore and buy anything. Sometimes people would buy snacks, and other times, parents would buy merchandise to represent their child’s college. Mikasa spent most of her work hours with her face resting in her hand, her phone hidden underneath the countertop as she scrolled through social media.

She did most of her thinking at work, watching people walk in and out of the store in hushed manners. She thought about her dreams, she thought about her friends, she thought about the food she would grab after her shift was over.

Recently, she was thinking about Eren. She didn’t know why, but she justified it with seeing him so frequently. It seemed now that she would bump into the forest and get lost within the plethora of trees and vegetation every day. Ever since she cut his hair the day prior, she couldn’t stop thinking about how sweet he looked, his hair a complete mess in contrast to his clean-shaven face. She thought about the pout he made when she impulsively cut the strand at the front. She thought about his flushed cheeks when she and Armin teased him unfairly. 

She didn’t have Eren’s phone number or any other way of contacting him, either, and she was too embarrassed to ask Armin for the ten digits. So she did what any normal person would do and stalked him on Instagram, finding an abandoned profile with photos from three years ago. Her favorite photo on the account was one of Eren with Armin, the two boys about seventeen, facing the camera with a beach behind them. The caption was simple, tagging Armin and stating, “Love this guy!” The photo itself was of low quality, the lighting was too bright and the image quality was too grainy. She loved looking at the two, young boys. 

Armin was much shorter and scrawnier, a shy smile on his face and a pair of wire glasses, which surprised her since she didn’t know Armin ever had glasses. He had his hands behind his back while Eren was next to him, his arm wrapped around the blonde’s shoulder. The brunette was waving at the camera, a large smile on his face as if he was in the middle of laughing. His hair was kept short, his ears sticking out of his head and his stature nowhere near as toned as it was now. His eyes and smile didn’t change, the youth that resided within them sticking out to her. She never realized how much of a boyish energy Eren kept inside of him.

They seemed so happy, the photo capturing a candid moment of pure bliss and joy. 

All of her photos from her teenage years were too convoluted to hold any nostalgia within them. Her friends were always so focussed on “getting the right angle” and were too busy trying to make themselves look good or hot or whatever. Every picture she had from high school was about sucking in air, making sure her face thinned and her stomach flattened perfectly. She was stuck in a routine of propping her leg forward, arching her back, sticking out her ass and popping up her shoulders in a way to make her collar bones stick out better. If something as little as her arm or leg or foot or whatever it was, wasn’t placed perfectly, the picture was ruined. To Mikasa, photos didn’t mean memories for her to look back on, they meant looking presentable for other people.

She ran her fingers through her hair, thinking intently as she watched a figure enter the bookstore, walking over to the snack section and shuffling through the different options of chips.

Maybe she was slightly jealous of the lifestyle Eren lived. Everything he did was out of freedom, doing whatever it was he deemed best for him, doing whatever made him happy. Whenever she was around him, she could feel his energy feeding into her, changing her ideas of what it meant to live for your own sake. He did what he wanted to do and he said what he wanted to say. The stupid half smile he would always flash at Mikasa was engraved into her memory, his eyes flickering brighter with each word that would come out of his mouth.

The figure from earlier set a bag of chips on the counter, handing her cash as she checked out the item and handed over a receipt.

All she wanted was freedom, hence why she moved so far away from home to start over. She wanted the freedom to live her life the way she wanted to. She wanted to just do the things she needed to do, say what she needed to say, go where she needed to go, but the second-guessing that infiltrated her mind seemed to always hold her back. She wondered if Eren had the same insecurities. All she wanted was the freedom to change her subconscious and have dreams instead of nightmares. She wanted the freedom to take ignorantly blissful photos on the beach instead of micromanaging the aesthetics of the photo.

In just the very, few short weeks of knowing those forest green eyes, he had rooted something inside of her. She hated the darkness she held, her eyes black holes and her hair mimicking after it. Her dark aura was a vacuum, suffocating and destroying anything she held within its gaze. She looked at every good, little moment and killed it with her darkness, turning beautiful things like autumn leaves into metaphors of a fading civil war. Sasha always said Mikasa had beautiful eyes, stating that they were calming and provided a sense of security. She didn’t understand the compliment, though. All she saw was a pair of empty wells, nothing to draw out of them except for pessimism and nightmares.

But Eren, with those bright, colorful eyes, rooted something within her. He flourished and encouraged her to blossom as well, the greens within his trees encouraging the darkness she held to grow more colorful. His greens dancing across each day and bringing life to the littlest of things. The fires within him sparking fireworks to each, small moment. She learned to love little moments throughout the day, like stubbornly talking with a mouth full food and sacrificing socks to provide happiness to a dog. She learned to love the colors of autumn, and whenever she walked down her college campus to see the different trees, she could only smile at the thought of laughing in the midst of a sidewalk with a barking dog. 

His very existence contradicted the dreams that tormented her at night. She watched him die repeatedly, and on occasion, she would watch as he would be the one to kill her. Each dream she had with him was consumed with so much fear and so much hatred, yet when she saw him in person, a stupid half smile on his dumb face, she felt peace. When she was frozen in fear, his fires melted her doubts, causing her to pour into the security of emerald pools.

Her eyes were the color of death, but the life in his eyes encouraged her to see the world much differently. Even when she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep, her dreams had changed to make sure he didn’t succumb to the death within her. She wanted him to keep living in her, to keep showing her that the world was full of beauty. 

A pile of books was slammed onto the counter, causing her to jump. A pair of eyes peered at her with a bright smile. “Afternoon, Mik!”

She rubbed her temples, closing her eyes and calming down from the loud sound of the books against the counter. “Armin, can you give me more of a warning next time?”

“Sorry,” He shyly smiled, scratching the back of his head and grabbing a wallet from his backpack. “I didn’t know you were working today. You usually don’t work on Fridays.”

“I got a last minute request to come in,” She shook her head, grabbing the different books and scanning them to count up the total. There were lots of different study material. “You taking the state tests soon?”

“Yes, ma’am,” He nodded, propping his elbows on the counter and leaning against it. There wasn’t a line behind him, so she anticipated he would stay and chat for a while. “Stanford is waiting for me, y’know.”

She smiled gently, treasuring the small moment in front of her. Armin was so kind to her, constantly visiting her during her bookstore hours, knowing very well how her shifts would drag on too long at this point in the semester. They had a routine where he would buy something small, like a bag of chips or a small book, and she would apply her employee discount to his purchase. They would sit for at least an hour, catching up and engaging in fellowship. She was so thankful for his sweet, simple gesture of making sure she wasn’t alone. 

She was going to miss him like hell when he moved to California.

“That’s true,” Mikasa smiled, entering her discount to his purchase and placing out her hand for his debit card. “Are you still up to studying later today? Jean and Connie might tag along if that’s cool.”

Armin watched as the universe placed his books inside a plastic bag, pushing them off to the side when she placed them on the counter. “Actually, I was gonna invite you and Sasha over for dinner tonight.”

She blinked, hesitantly handing the blonde back his debit card. “Is there a special occasion?”

“Any occasion with you is a special occasion.” He winked, putting his card back in his wallet.

“That was lame.”

He shook his head, a gentle laugh escaping him. “Eren and the dog miss you.”

She tittered, resting her face in her hand again. Her eyebrows knitted together. “I just saw them yesterday afternoon.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know any better,” Armin smiled, his finger tracing the lines of the wood grain on the counter they were propped against. “Oden was howling your name in grief all night. I couldn’t sleep, it was so annoying.”

“Well, I better not disappoint him, then.” She looked off to the side, the slightest warmth coming to her cheeks.

Was Eren really expressing to Armin that he missed her? Why that fact made her blush, she didn’t understand. All she knew was that he was starting to mean a lot to her, and hearing the affirmation that he cared about her mutually brought a gentle smile to her face. She spent so many nights trying to save him from death in her dreams, yet here he was, bringing life to her once again by blooming roses on her cheeks.

“Well, do you feel up to coming tonight?”

“Absolutely,” She blurted out, her excitement a tad too obvious. “I’ll shoot Sasha a text right now.”

“Good,” Armin smiled reassuringly. “Try to dress nice,” he added, grabbing his books from the counter and adjusting the slipping backpack on his shoulder. “Eren and I have always wanted to have a nice dinner party with some friends, but the lack of a table always stopped us.”

She took a moment to send a text message to her roommate before responding. “Did you get a table, then?”

“Nah,” Armin laughed, shrugging with a smug smile on his face. “We just thought, ‘Why the hell not?’ If we wanna have a dinner party, why not just go for it? Who said you can’t have a nice meal on the floor?”

She laughed, shaking her head and musing for a moment. A phone buzzed, and she looked down to see the text.

**_Sounds good. I miss Armin a lot, but we can only go if I get to wear that cute blouse of yours._ **

“Sasha’s in,” Mikasa looked up from her phone, flashing a smile at the blonde in front of her. “She says she misses you a lot.

“I miss her too.” Armin smiled.

“What time do you want us to come over?”

“Does six work?”

“Sounds perfect,” She smiled, eyeing another customer in line. 

Armin quickly apologized to the person behind him, whispering a “ _See you later,_ ” to his friend as he left the building. Mikasa smiled, checking out a water bottle and a bag of chips. 

She was going to see Eren again.

 

* * *

 

Waving goodbye to his friend at the counter of the bookstore and walking out, a smug smile permanently dug into Armin’s lips. The boy whipped out his phone, shooting a text to the contact, “Stupid Idiot.”

_Make sure to clean the house. We are gonna have company over later._ He typed, sending the message promptly. 

It wasn’t until he reached the parking garage that he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket.

The reply read, **_no we don’t what are u talking abt lmfao_**

_I invited Mikasa and her roommate over for dinner_

He felt several buzzes in his hand as he entered his car.

**_ARMIN_ **

**_dude_ **

**_no_ **

**_why_ **

_I told her you missed her._

**_why the fuck would you do that_ **

_Because you do._

**_no, I do not. I’ve never said that_ **

_You didn’t have to say it ‘cause it was obvious you miss her._

**_well fucking great! now it’s going to be so awkward!_ **

_No, it won’t. Just clean the house. I’m going to the store to get stuff for a nice meal._

**_Armin pls tell me you’re joking this has to be a joke_ **

_Nope, I’m being completely serious. Make sure the place is picked up, and find that black dress shirt of yours. I told her to look nice._

**_I hate u so fucking much oh my god_ **

_Okay, I’m driving now! See you when I get home! Pls make sure to shower!:)_

**_literally fuck you_ **

_Stop cursing so much and stop texting me bitch_

 

* * *

 

Mikasa stared in the mirror, running her fingers through her hair, a frustrated huff coming out of her. Armin said to dress nice, but she didn’t have a lot of nice clothing: just one blouse and one dress. 

It was a simple black dress, quarter sleeves, and the length just passing the knees. Mikasa always gravitated towards simple clothing, to begin with, but when she saw this simple dress had pockets in it, her mind exploded, convincing her to purchase it immediately. Her hair was kept down, and she wore minimal makeup. She had absolutely ruined her relationship with makeup in high school, wearing copious amounts every single day whether she stayed at home or went out in public, until one day she just stopped wearing it completely. Occasionally, she’d swipe some concealer under her eyes, but she usually stuck to a simple coat of mascara on her lashes with a little bit of clear lip gloss.

“Aren’t you going to be cold?” Sasha’s voice chirped behind her, and she spun on her heel to see the brunette tying her hair into her usual high ponytail. “Temperature is starting to drop later at night.”

Mikasa shrugged. “I’ll bring a jacket or something. You took my blouse from me even though you have so many.”

The girl nodded her head, finishing her ponytail and straightening the shirt. It was a simple, maroon blouse with little, pink flowers dotted across it. Mikasa never understood why Sasha loved it so much, but she was always persistent in borrowing it from her roommate’s wardrobe.

There was a jangling of keys as the universe grabbed a coat, swinging her messenger bag over her shoulder. She slipped on a pair of Converse, pressing her lips together as she waited for Sasha to put on her own shoes.

Sasha snickered. “What, you excited?”

She cleared her throat, tapping the tip of her foot lightly against the floor. “We’re five minutes late.”

“You took a while to shower, that’s your own fault.”

Mikasa scoffed. “Just cause I take a long time to shower doesn’t mean you get to as well! We would’ve been on time if you didn’t spend so much time in there jerking off or whatever.”

“I’ve got legs to shave, missy.” Sasha rolled her eyes, opening the front door and walking out of their dorm. “Besides, everyone knows that the company you invite over is hardly ever on time, anyway.”

She shook her head, shoving her hands into her coat pockets as they walked outside. “Armin and Eren are very punctual people, _especially_ Armin. It’s insulting that they invited us to a nice meal and we are late.”

The duo made their way towards the parking garage, Mikasa feeling the cold air nip at her legs. She crossed her arms tightly and cursed herself in her mind, knowing damn well she should’ve at least worn tights. She should’ve denied Sasha the opportunity to wear her blouse, her eyes staring enviously at the warm jeans and long sleeves the brunette was wearing. She felt her phone buzz, and she pulled out to see a message from Armin.

“Great, Ar’s asking if we’re okay,” Mikasa grunted, finally eyeing her red Volkswagen Bug parked on the first floor of the garage, her shivering hands reaching into her messenger bag to unlock the doors.

“I don’t know why you’re so stressed,” Sasha mumbled, getting into the passenger side of the car.

Mikasa shook her head, buckling up and starting the car. She looked over her shoulder and waited for other cars to exit the garage before pulling out. “Maybe if you were better at time management, I’d be less annoyed with you.”

Sasha thought for a moment. “I don’t know why you’re so mad at me either.”

The universe paused, taking the time to merge into traffic, starting the duo’s drive to the apartment complex. She sighed, pursing her lips slightly. “I don’t mean to make you feel like I’m mad at you. I just am nervous about you meeting him, is all.”

It took Sasha a moment to figure out who “him” was. She took in a deep breath, her tone suddenly calm. It was the nurturing, kind Sasha Mikasa grew to love so much. “Why would you be nervous about that?”

“You don’t seem to like him.”

“What makes you say that? I’ve never admitted to–”

The car in front of them suddenly stopped, causing Mikasa to hit the brakes hard. She grit her teeth, mumbling her driving frustrations under her breath. “What the fuck? I hate driving. People suck.”

Sasha laughed, her gaze shifting the side mirror of the car and adjusting her bangs slightly. “I just am nervous that you’ve attached yourself too quickly to him. All I ever hear about Eren is that you expect him to cure your nightmares, hence the frequent visits.”

There was a brief pause, the car coming to a stop light and the girls sitting in silence. Mikasa had both of her hands on the wheel, her eyebrows furrowing in frustration. Sasha just didn’t understand. Eren started off as her medicine and was slowly transforming into some sort of inspiration for what she wanted to be. She still found hope in his cure, but he also became a symbol of freedom for her. Freedom from her nightmares and freedom from her pessimism.

“He seems like a great guy, though.” Sasha continued, causing Mikasa to look over and blink. Her eyes widened slightly as she watched her friend talk. “Since you’ve met him, you’ve changed a bit. You’re more hopeful, more confident even.”

Red painted her cheeks. She whispered, part of her hoping Sasha wouldn’t hear. “He’s more than just a great guy.”

“I’m sure he is,” Sasha made eye contact with Mikasa. “So I’m hoping he doesn’t disappoint me when we meet tonight. You cry over him every single morning, and I’m the one who has to wipe away the tears. I want to tell him that he better not cause any more, unnecessary ones.”

“Sasha, don’t–”

The girl jumped when the car behind her honked loudly. The stoplight had turned green without her noticing, and she waved a hand of apology to the angry driver behind her. She continued driving in silence, entering the complex and parking in a space next to a white truck. 

The car parked, and the girls exited the car, the crisp air hugging them tightly the moment car doors opened. They walked in silence, Mikasa showing her roommate to the fourth floor, third door from the staircase. They stood in front of the door, Mikasa smiling at the small handle and the familiar frame. She could slightly hear the sounds of two grown men arguing behind the wood.

Sasha wasn’t hesitant to knock boldly on the front door, the bickering of the men behind it shushing before it was swung wide open.

Armin stood in the doorway, wearing a blue button up with faded little white dots all over it. He smiled brightly, the aroma of Italian food suddenly greeting the girls’ noses. “Sasha! Mikasa! Welcome!”

“Armin!” Sasha let out a shout as she wrapped her arms around the ocean, splashing headfirst into his waves to greet him with a ginormous hug. “I’ve missed you so much, kiddo!”

Armin took a step back, stumbling slightly and taken aback by the force of her hug. “Sasha, it’s so good to see you, girl!”

She separated, entering the home ahead of Mikasa. Onyx eyes made their way into the apartment, the olive greens making her feel at home once again. She gave Armin a hug as well, much gentler than the excited one Sasha gave. She looked over to see the ponytailed girl playing with the dog, her face brightening up with each lick he would provide her.

“So sorry we’re late,” Mikasa said lowly.

“We’re just glad you could make it!” A voice rang from the kitchen, and Mikasa looked over to see Eren tossing a salad together in a large bowl, two frail plastic forks in his hands. 

His hair was in a small bun, hiding the haircut she provided the afternoon before. His usual strands and baby hairs at the front fell out, but the impulsive cut she made hung confidently, just grazing his upper cheek. He was also wearing a button up, his a dark gray shade, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He had that stupid half-smile on his face, Mikasa feeling her breathing grow just a hair heavier, even though he was trying to toss a salad with plastic forks like an idiot.

“Sasha,” Armin smiled, walking the girl into the kitchen. “This is Eren, my roommate.”

She smiled at him, her eyes widened slightly. “It’s nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much about you from these two fools, but mostly from Mikasa.”

“I hope they’re saying good things.” His half smile grew deeper, causing Mikasa’s insides to twist a little bit.

“I’d give you a handshake, but you’re obviously busy with your salad.”

“Don’t worry about it,” He set the forks down, turning to face Sasha completely, that stupid smile burning into Mikasa as he spoke to her friend. “I will let you know that I’m more of a hug person, though.”

She watched the two embrace, Sasha taking the time to mouth, “ _He’s cute!_ ” to Mikasa over his shoulder. Onyx eyes took her hand and made a cutting motion at her throat, gesturing for her friend to cut it out. Eren released from the hug, walking over to give Mikasa one.

He smiled at her, his emerald eyes pulling her in. “Mikasa, long time no see.”

She grinned, stepping on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his shoulders for an embrace. Sasha was in vision, giving Mikasa a thumbs up, mouthing, “ _Hella cute!_ ” Mikasa pouted at her friend, thanking God that Armin was too distracted with Oden. “I know, I haven’t seen you in a whole twelve hours it seems.”

They released from the embrace, Eren taking a moment to look at her and scratching the back of his neck, his elbow lifted in the air, the muscles underneath his shirt slightly shifting underneath the fabric. She felt her stomach flutter at the sight of how put together he was. She found him attractive yesterday, especially when she cupped his face in her hands and he thanked her for cutting his hair. It was one of the cutest sights she had ever seen, but right at this moment was an incredibly handsome man before her. 

He stuttered in the slightest way. “You, uh, you look great.”

Her emotions went into overdrive, and it was her turn to stutter at the compliment. She never understood how to reciprocate those damned things. “You’re too sweet! You, uh, you look great as well! Really great. I like that shirt. It suits you.”

He shrugged, setting his arm down and gently smiling. “Armin made me wear it.”

“I sure did,” Armin’s voice emerged from the living room, drawing a laugh from Mikasa. 

The forest turned around, walking back to the salad he was tossing. Mikasa walked over to pet Oden, and he was barking as she approached him. The night continued with the friends conversing, Sasha sending Mikasa silent signals to let her know Eren was attractive. They sat on the ground, eating a baked ziti Eren had learned to cook from his mom’s recipe. Armin swore by it, claiming the ricotta cheese was truly what sold the dish, and Sasha opposed him, arguing that the marinara sauce would’ve made or break the dish. 

After eating the pasta and munching on too much garlic bread, the four shifted to playing different card games. First, it was Uno, then it was Spoons and then it was a simple round of Go Fish. Armin seemed to win every single round, Mikasa occasionally stealing the trophy from him. Sasha was left throwing a fit while Eren was left pouting, saying things like “It would just be rude of me to show off how good I _actually_ am at card games.”

Mikasa genuinely laughed throughout the night, feeling alive and free for once. She didn’t feel haunted by any burdens or by any second-guessing. She didn’t feel iron walls crushing her ribs, and she didn’t hear the screams of the man sitting next to her. She heard laughter. She heard trash talking. She heard friendships flourishing into a beautiful bouquet. She was alive.

It was well over an hour and a half after they finished eating, and Mikasa joined Eren in the kitchen to help wash the dishes. Her dark eyes danced across the different colors of each plate and cup. She was standing next to him, washing the dishes and handing them over for him to dry. He nudged her slightly with his elbow, a gentle smile emerging on her lips as she focussed on washing the dishes.

She reciprocated the nudge, and she heard a soft chuckle come from him.

“Hi.” He said.

“Hi.” She looked up to smile at him, and they locked eyes. There was a smile on his face, and she watched a hair come out of his bun, falling in front of his eyes.

“Oh,” she breathed, reaching over to tuck it behind his ear. His cheeks flashed the slightest hint of red as her fingers gently grazed against his skin. It was surprisingly soft despite his rough appearance.

He looked back down at the dish he was drying, murmuring a “Thanks.”

It was quiet for a moment before Armin walked over with Sasha, the duo leaning against the counter as they watched their friend’s wash dishes together. There was a leash in Sasha’s hands.

“Sasha and I are gonna take the dog for a walk while you two clean up the place.” The blonde had a smug look on his face.

Eren’s eyes widened, setting down the dish he was drying. There was a dread in his voice that Mikasa couldn’t understand. “What?”

Mikasa blinked, puzzled on how to contribute to the conversation. “Well, if you guys help clean up, then we can all go on a walk together–”

“Okay, we’re leaving now, bye!” Sasha grabbed Armin by his arm, rushing him out the door with the dog on the leash. She quickly winked at Mikasa before slamming the door shut.

The apartment grew near silent, the sounds of running water and Mikasa’s hands fiddling with dishes the only noises left to be heard. There was a buzz from Eren’s back pocket, and she glanced over to see him take it out, checking a text message. She only caught a glimpse of the contact name, Eren turning the phone off quickly before she could see what the message said. It was from someone named “Stupider Idiot.”

She sighed, her gaze focussing on the last dish as her lips pursed into a pout. Neither of them spoke, either out of confusion on what to do or out of nervousness to break the awkward tension in the air. She heard him clear his throat, and she stopped the water to hand him the last dish to dry. His lips were pressed together, and he shifted his position so he was leaning against the counter, crossing his legs so his rear was pressed against the countertop. He was drying the dish slowly.

Mikasa let out an awkward laugh. “We always end up like this.”

He looked up, silently responding through a furrow of his eyebrows.

“Alone. We always end up just the two of us.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, mimicking Eren’s position against the counter and looking down at her feet. 

“Yeah, no kidding,” She heard him titter, taking a beat of silence before continuing to speak again. “Well if they can go out, so can we.”

She looked up, her mouth in the shape of a small _o_. “What would we do, then?”

He thought for a moment, setting the plate in his hands on the counter. “Let’s go to my friend’s café again. They just released a bunch of seasonal drinks. Girls like pumpkin spiced shit, right?”

She giggled, shrugging a shoulder and looking up to meet eyes again. “I mean, I’m more of an apple cider type of girl.”

“God, thank you!” He shouted, his eyes widening as if he found some sort of treasure. “Armin is always shitting on hot cider! I always say he has zero brain cells to think that.”

She laughed, grinning at him, walking over to the living room to grab her coat. “Hot cider it is, then.”

A wide smile emerged on his face, and he ran into his room, coming out with a crimson scarf around his neck and a jacket around his shoulder. He swung the door open for her, and they ran down the flight of stairs, fighting against the nippy air to drive towards the cider that resided within _Bott’s Café_. Ironically, Eren’s car was the truck she had parked right next to. He told her he was obsessed with how her car looked, and she joked about selling it to him, to which he quickly declined the idea. 

He got in the car, starting the engine and letting out a joking, “Appa, yip, yip!” She laughed loudly at the Avatar reference, begging the question if he said that every time before he started the car. He quickly declined this idea as well, this time his ears turning a bright shade of crimson she just couldn’t ignore. She pointed it out, and he told her to shut up, rambling on about how it was cold outside and that her nose was pink, claiming that it was impossible for his ears to “act like mood rings or some dumb shit like that” when it came to him telling lies. She couldn’t stop giggling at how defensive he was and how stubborn he was acting whenever she noticed the smallest hint of insecurity or weakness.

They eventually made it to the café, Eren incredibly cautious to let Marco know he was getting an apple cider _only_ , no “Birthday Cake Frappuccino” this time around. They waved watercolored freckles goodbye after Eren had a chance to catch up with his friend, and the duo found a bench among different autumn trees, Mikasa noticing how the forest seemed so captivated by the dying trees around him. Just one glance with his eyes and the trees became ethereal in the moonlight.

They sat together on the bench, Mikasa huddling up closer to him than she usually would’ve allowed herself to, but she was just too damn cold. He noticed this, turning to her with an affirming smile.

“You cold?”

“Just a little,” her teeth were obviously chattering from the crisp air. She wasn’t used to this type of weather back in Nevada, and she internally cursed at herself for letting Sasha use her blouse and for wearing a dress without tights.

“Here, maybe this’ll help,” he mumbled, shifting so he took off his crimson scarf.

Warmth surrounded her within seconds as he wrapped the thin cloth around her neck. Her mouth was in the shape of a small _o_ , astonished at the simple gesture he was demonstrating. The scarf itself hardly helped her, since the fabric was tethered and worn down. It was obvious he loved this thing, considering she had seen him wear it consistently since she met him. His smell surrounded her, the scent of pine trees mixed with an aroma of freshly washed bed sheets. She felt a smile slowly emerge on her lips, staring at Eren with a thankfulness she couldn’t describe. She took her hand and grabbed the scarf gently. The scarf didn’t fight against the cold even a little bit, but the act itself was so warm.

So, so warm.

He hesitated, setting his hands down after wrapping the fabric around her. The faintest blush was on his cheeks as he stared at her with care. Where was this all coming from? “You can hold onto it for a bit.”

He looked so handsome in the moonlight at that moment, Mikasa feeling infatuation rise within her as a slight breeze blew by. She buried her face underneath the scarf, squeezing her eyes shut in some sort of resistance against nature itself. 

But the forest scooted closer to her once the breeze hit, attempting to shield her from the wind. Their legs brushed against each other, and Mikasa felt herself blush at the contact.

She looked up to meet his eyes, and she felt herself start to sink into the emerald pools as if she didn’t know how to swim. “Eren, I–”

“Hmm?” He hummed, his eyes staring intently at her. She couldn’t read him in the slightest, the roses on his cheeks being the only clue to what he could be thinking.

She paused, holding her breath and looking away at a corner. Her fingers still wrapped around the scarf. “Thank you.”

“You look like you’re about to turn into ice, it’d be rude of me not to offer something.” He lifted the cup of hot cider in his hands, blowing into the cup to cool the contents down before taking a sip.

She smiled gently to herself, breathing in the smells of bedsheets and pine trees. There was a brief pause before she responded. “I feel much better now.”

“Mikasa,” He started, and she looked up to meet eyes with him. His cheeks were flushed more than before.

“Yes?”

“I–” He paused, hesitant to speak. His eyes darted all around as he strung together stammering sentences. “You–ah. I just, ugh…”

She blinked at him. “Are you okay?”

He couldn’t find the right words to speak, so instead, he cupped her face with his hands and kissed her.


	10. Clair De Lune

Eren didn’t know what came over him, seeing the girl sit so beautifully under the moonlight. She wore all dark colors, yet she still managed to be the brightest thing in the vicinity, sitting on the bench right next to him and nervously sipping on cider. The only colors on her were hints of red in her cheeks and the crimson scarf he gave her, and seeing her drenched in his favorite color made it so difficult to resist the urge to get close to her. 

He couldn’t stop peering into the galaxies within her eyes, her gravity leaving him weightless as she pulled him into her gaze. He couldn’t stop watching her eyelashes flutter with each blink, noticing they were longer than other times he’s seen her. He couldn’t help but stare at the hair that framed her face so elegantly, the sides of her face slimming down to that small point of her chin. Her nose was the softest pink, and the way she squeezed her eyes at each breath of wind nature released made him melt. 

When she entered the apartment, he felt so undeserving to even be in her presence. The way the dress fit her curves perfectly, the way she would run her fingers delicately through her hair, the way she melted perfectly into his arms when he embraced her. He was captivated by the sway of her hips, the nervous smiles she would flash, the mysterious tattoo on her wrist. He never wanted their greeting hug to end. He wanted to hold her, touch her, relish in her nose scrunches and make her laugh for an eternity. She was adorable yet so gorgeous at the same time. She was so innocent yet somehow managed to conjure up sinful thoughts in his mind. She had him fucked up by just sitting next to him.

Of course, Armin had to inflate Eren’s ego, sending a text message that simply read, “You promised. Just go for it!” He was high on the idea that he might actually have a chance with her, and for a brief moment in time, he genuinely felt confident she might feel the same way. He wanted to tell her she was beautiful, that she sparkled so brightly amidst yellow, orange, and red leaves. He couldn’t string together the right words because she had left him breathless. Actions became the tool he could use to express himself to her, so when he tasted her for himself, his lips intertwining with hers, he thought he was finally right about something.

But Eren was wrong. He was _so_ wrong.

It was the worst kiss ever.

Watching her quickly pull away from his lips and turn away from him sunk his heart. 

He had to force himself to ground back to reality, his head was too caught up in clouds and daydreams. He wasn’t set out for romance, and he knew that better than anyone. He was bound to ruin everything, and he knew that. He couldn’t imagine what was going through her head, her misconceptions of him being a perverted serial killer were most likely becoming facts at this point. 

He was left to just stare at her back, the scarf that contrasted against her universe was taunting him. He thought he could bet on the milky way, winning a lottery of harmonious affinity.

_Eren you idiot,_ he cursed himself, begging to shout it out loud rather than thinking it in his mind. _You absolutely useless fucking idiot._

She didn’t even kiss him back. She just pulled away instantly, her soft skin abandoning his rough hands, and he sat next to her like a fool, his arms still lifted to cup the air. He brought his hands together and started to wring them, a soft “fuck” escaped his lips. Anxiety pooled inside of him until he started to drown in the panic. His eyes were darting all around her now, tracing her figure and watching as each strand of her hair danced in the breeze. He watched as she held her hands to the scarf, wrapping her pale fingers around the crimson cloth. His teeth sank into his bottom lip, his eyebrows furrowing and worry flooding his heart.

He was selfish with her yet again. He couldn’t just let her sit on a bench and drink her damn cider, could he? Why did he have to make it about himself, grabbing her and kissing her like that? Did he have no respect for her? Did everything have to be about him?

She was the universe, an ever-growing expansion, so marvelous and mighty. He realized that he was wrong about the girl extinguishing him, and he had been selfish all along. He couldn’t be with her because she was an infinite universe and he was nothing but a finite flame, short-lived and waiting to be smothered.

Mikasa let out a sigh, turning her head so he could only see her profile. Her eyes were shut.“Eren, I–I don’t know what to say.”

He felt himself wince when she said his name, the torture of her beauty nearly ripping him in half. His syllables didn’t deserve to be on those gorgeous lips. He was so cruel to think he himself deserved to be placed on them. He remained silent, tongue-tied and helpless in knowing what to say to her. 

There were a few moments of silence, the air growing heavier by the second. He saw her tense up slightly in his peripheral vision, but he chose to keep his gaze at his feet. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, his embarrassment the highest it had ever been. He hated succumbing to insecurity and shame, but he crumbled so easily with her.

She cleared her throat, her voice very slow. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” he blurted, his voice was both firm and weak. His eyebrows furrowed, and he closed his eyes. _She_ was sorry? How could she be sorry? There was absolutely no need for her to be sorry. He was the one who just ruined a potential friendship. He was the one who just made it so she would never visit his apartment again. He just made Sasha hate him. He just made Armin hate him. He just made Mikasa hate him. He made him hate himself. “You don’t get to apologize. It should be me apologizing.”

“Eren,” he winced again at her words. “Why?”

He could feel her gaze on him. A sad laugh escaped him, and he shook his head before speaking. “The frequent visits, the teasing, even the blushing. Armin had me so convinced.”

He looked up to see her staring at him, eyebrows knitted together, a hint of shame in her eyes. He couldn’t understand the reason she looked so ashamed of herself. Eren was the one who read into things too much. She did nothing wrong.

Eren shrugged, straightening his posture and looking up to stare at the moon. It was full, so there were little to no stars in the sky. Moonlight comforted him in the midst of the awkwardness he was drowning under. “I guess I just thought there was some mutual, unspoken thing.”

She didn’t speak. She remained silent, and the heaviness in the air was crushing him to death. He continued to speak, filling the air with all of his thoughts. At this point, he didn’t care what Mikasa thought of him. He only cared about getting his thoughts off of his chest so he could move on from them quickly.

“I’ve always hated dating and relationships. I really, really have. I’ve always thought romance was stupid, so I’ve only ever hooked up with different girls, most of them I regret.” He laughed to himself again, looking over at her beauty for just a second before averting his attention to her shoes. She was wearing a pair of beat-up Converse, just like him. He smiled gently, taking a moment to pause before speaking. “I guess I just thought you could prove me wrong about that, that you could cure me of my pessimism or something along those lines. I know, I know… it’s ridiculous of me to even think that. I’ve been in denial this whole time, but Armin brought up some good points last night after he came home. That asshole, making me think you’d actually have feelings for me. How long ago has it been since we first met? Just over a week, right? It was last Thursday.”

He tittered. He thought about when Armin would grab Eren by the shoulders, telling him to slow down because he was moving too quickly. Eren never noticed when he was quickly burning from one thing to the next, but he sure as hell could see it right at this moment. He met Mikasa just over a damn week ago and he already kissed her. He was rushing things, racing through the motions without a single thought. His fire and flames burned too damn fast. He didn’t think about how he might end up blistering Mikasa in the end. She was the universe, after all, and it took billions of years for her to grow into the marvelous creation she was. It was insulting of Eren to think he could simply burn his way directly to her heart.

He let out a long sigh, forcing himself to look into her eyes before continuing to speak. Her mouth took the shape of a small _o_. “Once again, I’m sorry. Truly, I’m so, so sorry. I meant to tell you how beautiful you looked, ‘cause you do. You really do. I really don’t know what came over me. I had no right to–”

She held up a finger, silently gesturing for him to stop. She gulped, tilting her head ever so slightly. There were unreadable tears in the girl’s eyes. “This is my first time doing this, so I apologize if this sucks.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean by–”

And Eren was wrong. He was _so_ wrong. Wrong about ruining their friendship. Wrong about ruining her life. Wrong about making it awkward for her and Armin. Wrong about being an idiot.

She kissed him back. She fucking kissed him back. She proved him wrong and kissed him back.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, melting her body into his, and pressed her lips against his. He was startled by the force of her body suddenly jumping onto him, his hand automatically making its way to the small of her back. He closed his eyes and felt his heart rate increase dramatically. He was afraid it might break free from the prison of his ribcage and hurt her on accident.

There were no cliché movie moments, no fireworks exploding behind them or anything. There was no tongue or anything fancy. Her lips were chapped from the cold, and the chapstick she was wearing didn’t even taste all that great. In fact, the kiss absolutely sucked. She had no idea what she was doing.

It was the worst kiss ever.

Eren loved every second of it. 

It was the simplest of exchanges, just a boring, five-second kiss. He savored her jittering hands, her squeezed eyes, her too-puckered lips. Her lips composed the shittiest yet best kiss he had ever received. He loved it. God, he loved it so fucking much.

She pulled away, blushing as she kept her arms wrapped on his shoulders. She bit her bottom lip, staring nervously into his eyes. He could get lost in those irides, the depths of them carrying all the secrets of the world. His hands both held her back now, and a half smile easily dug into his lips. The roses on her cheeks bloomed even more when he smiled, and he took a mental photograph of the beautiful sight in front of him. He wanted to handpick every single flower that bloomed against her porcelain skin. He never wanted to forget the way she looked in this moment, the moonlight illuminating her eyes in a way that made the sparkle, holding trillions of stars.

“Hi.” He was breathless.

“Hi.” She was shy.

He tittered, tilting his head down before flickering his eyes back up at her. “You’re a bad kisser.”

They laughed softly, their hands glued to each other, too reluctant to let go. It was silent again, but it was comforting in a way Eren didn’t know to be possible. It was as if the moon itself was commanding the world to stay still, the colorful leaves too afraid to disrupt the moment the forest and the universe shared with each other. 

Mikasa smiled, shifting her gaze to look down nervously. “I, uhm…”

“Yeah,” Eren breathed, watching intently at the onyx eyes avoiding him.

“This is…” her voice trailed off.

His voice trailed off as well. “You look…”

She looked up, the softest smile on her. It made him forget how to breathe.“You too.”

There was a beat of silence, the world still hesitant to intervene. Nature held its breath back as it watched the duo stare at one another, arms and hands still hesitant to let go.

“Maybe we should–”

“Head back?”

“Yeah.”

“No.” She shifted one of her hands so that her fingers started to tangle in the strands of his hair, his bun loosening in the midst of her dancing porcelain. Her voice turned to a whisper. “Let’s stay here.”

He whispered back. “Okay.”

There was another pause.

Her eyebrows furrowed, onyx eyes darting around the vicinity for a moment as she spoke.“So what does this…”

“Mean?”

She hummed in response, nodding her head gently.

He blinked, his eyes darted around as he thought. “I don’t know.”

She didn’t respond.

He continued. “Is this too fast?”

“Fast?” She repeated.

It was his turn to hum in response.

“It might be.”

There was a pause.

“Should we slow–”

“No.”

“Why?”

She paused. “You’re the peaceful sleep I want to have every single night.”

He smiled at the metaphor, his cheeks feeling hotter than they already were. There was another pause, and she looked up at the moon. He mimicked her and gazed the planet above them. There was a good minute before he chose to continue to speak, and he looked down to see the universe. She managed to shine brighter than the moon itself. “What do _you_ want it to mean?”

She met his gaze, looking past his shoulder as she thought of a response. “I don’t know, either.” 

He shrugged. “I mean we just…”

“Met a week ago.” She thought for a moment. “I feel like we’ve known each other–”

“For years?” He smiled softly.

She nodded. “Yeah…”

“That’s so–”

“Cliché.”

“Absolutely it is.”

They both laughed, a giggle escaping her and a chuckle escaping him. 

He smiled greatly to himself, basking in the beauty of the girl that sat beside him. He felt happy. He felt relieved. His mind was so quick to fabricate a reality where the exact moment he was experiencing would’ve been impossible. His insecurity was his biggest enemy, and his stubbornness was a major disadvantage. She was right there in front of him. He was holding the girl right in front of him.

A phone buzzed, nature finally exhaling the breath it was holding back. The breezes resumed and the leaves continued to dance within it. The beautiful interlude had come to an end. Eren tried not to frown at the interruption. Mikasa’s arms abandoned his shoulders and hair, reaching into her messenger bag for a vibrating phone. She quickly answered, and he stared at her as she spoke into the device.

“Hi! Oh… Okay.” She paused, the sound of a voice chirping incomprehensible, loud words within the device. “ _Bott’s Café_. Eren’s friend works–oh, Armin told you about–Okay… I say hi to him, too.” She looked up at Eren, pointing at the phone and mouthing Sasha’s name. He nodded his head, a gentle “ah” escaping him. “Yes, we’re safe. Mhm… No, we took his truck.”

Mikasa got up from the bench, struggling to slip her bag over her shoulder. Eren joined her, adjusting her bag for her and offering to hold her cup of cider. She started walking ahead of him in the direction of the parking lot, Eren watching her hips sway underneath her dress as she spoke into the phone. His eyes drifted towards her rear. He smiled smugly, the angel on his shoulder lecturing him for staring at her ass, and the devil gave him a high five.

A laugh escaped the girl in front of him, forcing his eyes to look up. “Did they really? We should’ve told Jean we weren’t there tonight… Why not Connie?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. Eren was just left to blink in confusion at the names being thrown about. They approached the car, and he held open the passenger side for her. She gave him a gentle smile in return. “Have you met Connie? He’s not the most intelligent–It’s not rude if it’s the truth.”

He closed the door for her, walking over to the driver's side of the truck and hopping in. He buckled into his seat and looked over at the girl next to him, a puzzled expression on his face. She hung up the phone as he entered the car, the universe shrugging at him.“Looks like I’m headed home. Sasha said she’d meet me in the parking lot of your apartment complex.”

He allowed himself to frown. He didn’t want her to leave. He wanted to bask in her beauty and relish within the infatuation she provided him. He had won the lottery of harmonious affinity, and he wanted to take a moment to cherish the expenses. She couldn’t just leave after their moment on the bench, moonlight spilling around them, the gentle whispers of words they would only ever know. He didn’t want that moment to end. 

He clenched his jaw slightly, the selfishness within him pooling again. He wanted to spend the night with her. He didn’t want to go home. He wanted her to stay outside and freeze so she would turn to him for warmth. He wanted to count every star within her eyes until he memorized them. He wanted to get lost in the infinity she held.

All he could respond with was, “Yeah? How come?”

She shrugged, watching his hand as it placed the keys in the ignition and brought the car to life. “Sasha forgot to tell some friends we weren’t home tonight, and she’s too good-hearted to just leave them hanging.”

“Ah,” Eren nodded his head, pulling out of the parking spot and making the short journey back to his apartment.“It’s almost nine, though.”

He didn’t look at her, keeping his eyes on the road and simply listening to her make an “I don’t know” sound. He nodded his head in a silent response, opening the doors for still air, only the sound of the engine and passing cars left to be heard. He swallowed, resilient to the awkward silence. He didn’t want any more of those things, even though awkward silences were the symphony Mikasa and Eren seemed to dance the best to. He took the lead in the conversation.

“Look, I hate to be _that guy_ , but I don’t want to ignore what happened a few minutes ago.” His nerves grew more uneasy with each word he spoke, and he forced his eyes to stay glued on the road ahead of him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the girl next to him. He didn’t understand why anxiety was playing into him at that moment. 

“Alright,” her words were soft. “What do you expect to happen now?”

Eren lightly groaned in frustration, pulling up to a red light. His eyes remained on the road as he felt her gaze strongly on him. He didn’t know how to answer her. What did he expect? He never thought about that. He avoided this kind of stuff like it was the black plague. He never thought about what he would do afterward if his plan to woo Mikasa actually worked. His voice could only trail off. “I, uh…”

The light turned green again, the sound of the rumbling car growing loud again. There was a brief moment of silence before Mikasa took the lead in conversation herself.

“If you think relationships are dumb, let’s just forget about what happened.”

His eyebrows furrowed. How could he forget about what just happened? How could he forget about the strands of hair that gently fell in front of her eyes? How could he forget about the delicacy of her fingers as they graced the back of his head, fiddling with his hair? How could he forget that look on her face when he wrapped his favorite scarf around her? How could he forget that striking shade of rose that flushed her cheeks? That color was becoming his favorite, more than red.“No, we’re coming up with a game-plan.”

He heard her titter slightly as they entered the parking lot of his apartment complex. The drive was just too short to have the heavy conversation ahead of them. He parked, turning to peer into the universe adjacent of him. She was looking out the window, her eyes scanning up and down the different apartments and balconies. There was no sign of a ponytail waiting for Mikasa just yet. She took in a deep breath to let out a long sigh, onyx fluttering over to make eye contact. “How about this…”

He watched her shift her position, the scarf around her neck falling slightly as she moved to face him. She flashed him a reassuring smile. Her eyes were telling him that she had it all figured out. “We’re both new to this, right?”

He hummed, blinking at her sudden confidence.

“And even though we’ve known each other for a bit, we’re arguably still strangers.”

He nodded his head, once again silently responding to the girl's words.

She lifted her hand to run porcelain fingers through black hair, her eyes staring off at the compartment that sat in-between the driver’s and passenger’s seat. “Let’s focus on building that friendship for now, and if flirting gets caught in the mix, that’s okay. We’re still learning.”

“You _could_ use some kissing lessons.”

She smirked. “You’re so mean.” She laughed out of embarrassment, grabbing her messenger bag once she spot a ponytail walking towards a red Volkswagen. She hopped out of the car door, grabbing onto her cup of cider and giving her friend a hug. Eren exited with her, hearing Mikasa shout. “Sash!”

“You had me worried, sweet girl.” The brunette frowned, wrapping her arms around Mikasa and looking at the forest as she spoke. “You couldn’t at least text one of us that you were out?”

“Sorry, Sasha.” He smiled, watching the girls release from the embrace. “It won’t happen again.”

She glared at him. “Good.”

Mikasa smirked, shooting green eyes a nervous glance. She held up the cup in her hands for him to see. “Thanks for the cider.”

“It was on the house. Thank Marco, not me.”

“Yeah, but you drove me. So thanks for that.”

“No problem,” he breathed.

There was a beat of silence, two people feeling comfortable, one person feeling confused.

Mikasa’s eyes widened. “Oh! Here, your scarf–”

“Nah,” Eren put a hand up, gesturing for the girl to stop her hands from taking the crimson off of her neck. “Hold onto it.”

She blinked. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s still cold out.”

Her response was small, Mikasa’s eyes wandering over to a clearly puzzled Sasha. “Okay.”

“Well, we can’t keep Jean and Connie waiting.” Sasha grabbed the universe’s arm, walking over to the Volkswagen and opening the car door. “Eren, it was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise,” he smiled, watching Sasha enter the driver’s side of the car. He watched onyx eyes go to open the passenger side, but he stuck his arm out. “Wait.”

She paused, looking up and blinking at him.

“Can…” He was nervous, scratching the back of his neck. He took his phone out, holding it out for her to see. “Can I get your number or something before you go?”

It took Mikasa a few seconds to digest the question properly before responding, a shocked, “ _Oh!_ ” escaping her. Eren watched as she quickly grabbed the phone, punching her digits into his device and taking the time to double check and make sure she provided the right string of numbers. When she handed it back to him, he looked at the screen, looking at the ten digits and contact name with a boyish grin.

“Mikasa Ackerman,” he read, looking up to smile at her. “I had such a good time with you tonight.”

“Eren…” She blushed as her voice trailed off, running her fingers through her hair, deep in thought. “Sorry, I forgot what your last name is.”

“Yeager,” He smiled, turning off his phone and placing it in his back pocket.

“Eren Yeager, I had a wonderful time, too.” She smiled, the two of them blinking at each other nervously as she held the car door open. Neither of them knew what to do, whether to hug goodbye or to limit the farewell to words only. There was a tension in the air neither of them experienced together before.

Silence broke with a voice from the car. “Wellp, Sasha Blouse wants to go home. Bye now!”

Mikasa giggled, hopping into the car and buckling up. The screech of tires met asphalt, and Eren watched the two ladies drive away and out of the complex. He stood to stare at the empty parking lot, a smile permanently digging itself into his lips. He felt like Scott Pilgrim after receiving a phone number, except he was thankful that seven little x’s weren’t attached to this one. 

Eren made a b-line for the staircase, running to the third door adjacent from it on the fourth floor. He opened the door of his apartment, walking in and pressing his back against the wood once it closed. Armin was sitting on the floor, using an old sock to wrestle with the dog. 

The ocean smiled, asking, “So, how’d it go?”

Eren closed his eyes, smiling triumphantly. He could only fist pump in the air, a loud, “ _Yes!_ ” escaping him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is named after the famous Debussy piano piece. I’ve written several parts of the story with this song playing on loop, but I feel that this chapter is the one that deserves the name. “Clair de Lune” of course translates to “Moonlight” in French.   
> Some of the dialogue is very spacious bc I’m hoping the beauty of the moment is what fills the missing words in-between. I strongly believe that less is more. Just like the world was too hesitant to disrupt them, so was the alphabet.  
> Once again, thank you for all the feedback. It makes me feel like this story is worth pouring my heart into, y’know?   
> Anyone who gets the Scott Pilgrim reference wins my heart forever. Happy new year, and much love!<3


	11. Hardcore Studying and Greasy Food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for 1k hits and almost 100 kudos!!!<3 This is pretty lame, but I do have a Tumblr if anybody cares (I post manga spoilers tho so u have been warned if ur an anime only or something lol). I’m sort of new to it so I’m still trying to understand how it works lmfao, but if anyone wants to hang out and be friends with me, I’m [mikasuhdude](https://mikasuhdude.tumblr.com/)

It was the fourth week of October, midterms plaguing each day of the week as if to taint the celebration of Halloween.

Mikasa saw the ocean obsessively throughout the upcoming weeks, Jean, Sasha, and Connie joining in the mix to study their asses off. The exchanges of textbooks, study material, flash cards, and highlighters would rain about library tables, frustratedly hushed exchanges in the vicinity as the five friends would stress and encourage one other to study more in preparation for exams. 

Armin and Mikasa practically memorized their business textbook cover to cover. Jean, a secret mathematical genius, was stuck with the duty tutoring Sasha in math equations she should’ve memorized the first week of the semester. Connie’s nose, stuck in a dictionary after Armin shoved one in his hands, urging the question of how the buzzcut even managed to survive the past three years without knowing what the definition of “onomatopoeia” was.

It had become ritualistic, bickering in a library and succumbing to the stress of academics. Each of them persistent on meeting up together as if it were like going to church every Sunday. Each of them burying their noses in bounded pages as if they were devotionals. Each of them blurting out definitions and flashcard answers as if it were some form of worship. They dedicated themselves to the commitment, holding onto every piece of academic information as if forgetting a single thing would be the death of their salvation, the saving grace of a dependable job after graduation.

Seeing how dedicated everyone became to their studies made Mikasa nervous for when finals would take place in December.

They even came up with a game, one that broke college students scrambled to win. At the end of each study session, they’d quiz flashcards. Whoever won the previous afternoon would hold the cards up for the other four individuals to trip over, blurting out correct answers. Any incorrect answer resulted in negative points. The person who got the most amount of answers correct got to pick where to go for food, while the person who got the least amount had to pay.

Truthfully, it was a cruel game to lose.

Connie had lost the game for eight consecutive days, each loss urging one of the other four to pity his suffering wallet and help with the expenses. Armin ranked up most of the wins, Jean occasionally stealing the trophy on a good day.

Mikasa was determined to win this afternoon, though, and she wanted to go to the home of the world’s most famous pancakes. 

She hadn’t wandered through the forest in the past few weeks, the last time she saw him was on accident when she bumped into him and Armin on a morning walk to clear her mind after yet another a nightmare. He was touring the college campus, Armin discreetly trying to persuade Eren to go back to school again by showing the beauty of their school. Of course, this persuasion met an uproar of excuses, such as, “I can’t afford it,” and “I don’t have the time for that sort of commitment.” Other than that, the last time she saw him was on that night.

_That_ night.

The night where she mustered the courage to kiss him as if she would never have the chance again. The night where he rested his hands on the small of her back, holding her gently as if she was a delicate, glass ornament. The night where when he wrapped his scarf around her, the smells of pine and freshly washed bed sheets surrounding her as if it was the new atmosphere she would thrive in.

Yeah, _that_ night.

She couldn’t believe it when he asked for her number, her fingers flying across the keypad to give it to him, and she grew terrified of being so excited that she punched the wrong number until he texted her the next morning.

**_this is Mikasa, right? I took the cutest picture of Oden this morning wanna see lol_ **

That was the first thing she woke up to after the tears of her nightmare washed away, and she couldn’t even believe it was real. They had spent the past few weeks texting and video chatting, Mikasa discreetly texting him at her work under the counter, and she had his full attention whenever he’d have a short break at his work. Night was when they would do most of the chatting, discussing nonsensical things and having useless conversations about anything and everything. She would complain to him about studying for exams, and he would constantly talk about how bad he wanted to master yoga so he could “become a human pretzel or some cool shit like that.” He would make fun of how her voice sounded when she got tired, and she had at least five screenshots from when his side of the video chat would freeze on a funny face.

She loved talking to him on the phone late at night, Sasha typically too high to ask her to stop, so the duo would talk until their eyelids grew too heavy to keep open anymore. Mikasa’s desire for smoking weed disappeared, and she longed to memorize the warm, raspy voice that emitted from a cold, metal screen. His voice was so low when he was tired, the decibels sparking butterflies in her stomach she didn’t even know were possible to have. Through simple texting and video chats, she found the infatuation within her start to escalate quickly. 

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since she was in his arms, the moonlight illuminating his eyes like beacons despite the dark night, beacons that led her to security. Maybe it was that distance made the heart grow fonder, his vacancy becoming more obvious as she would notice exact moments throughout the day that would’ve been perfect for her to be by his side. Three damn weeks. She was done with the rift that separated the forest and the universe, and if winning some dumb study game was going to give her an excuse to see him, then she was going to throw herself at it.

Armin had won the previous day, so it was his turn to quiz the other four. The ocean placed a bell in the middle of a round table, standing up as the rest sat in plastic chairs. They found a corner of the library, mostly isolated so that nobody would disturb them or be disturbed by how hectic their game would get. He cleared his throat, straightening out his blue cardigan before whipping out a stack of flashcards. “Alright, everyone. Today’s topic is Environmental Science.”

Connie frowned, throwing his hands up before placing his forehead on the table. “Alright, so that’s that. I’m paying for everyone’s lunch again.”

“Don’t be so sure, Con-con!” Sasha was reassuring, rubbing his back and smiling. “I take this class with you, silly, and you’ve been passing the semester just fine!”

“Only ‘cause I borrow all of your notes.” He sighed.

Mikasa smiled smugly, having an ace up her sleeve and a chip on her shoulder. She studied Environmental Science for years in high school, even taking the AP class her senior year. Granted, she failed the test, but while she was a business major, she still had a lot of useless, environmental facts stuck in her head. She was confident she was going to win this afternoon. Jean was the only competition she really had to worry about, being a Biology major and the overall fact that he was surprisingly very smart, but she was determined to go see Eren, even if it meant loudly claiming incorrect answers in hopes of getting the right one.

Armin whipped out the first flashcard, showing the front to everyone and reading out loud. “Define what, ‘tragedy of the commons,’ is.”

_Ding!_

Mikasa’s hand slapped the bell, immediately shouting the answer and startling the individuals around her. “That’s when too many people share resources in a single area really, really fast, until there’s a depletion or there’s nothing left!”

Jean rolled his eyes, his hand was still lifted in the air to hit the bell himself. “That’s a pretty dumbed down definition.”

“But that’s what it is!” She shook her head, flicking the end of a crimson scarf over her shoulder. She was too stubborn to let Jean make it so her answer didn’t count.

“It works. That’s one point for Mikasa!” Armin smiled, winking at her and writing down the score on a piece of paper. She was so thankful to be best friends with the referee. He lifted up a second flashcard. “What qualities make up a k-selected species?”

“Isn’t that like insects and shit?” Connie mumbled, his head still pressed against the table. It didn’t seem like he had any faith in winning whatsoever.

The other three pairs of eyes glanced up at Armin, watching as he was hesitant to give any clue as to what the correct answer could be. “That’s an example, yeah, but I asked for qualities.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened, her hand lifting up to ring the bell and …

_Ding!_

“Oh! A species that reproduces really fast but has a short lifespan! They’re also pretty small!” Sasha was sitting out of her chair now, hovering over the table with her hand covering the bell.

Armin scribbled another tally mark on the piece of paper. “One point for Sasha!”

“She wouldn’t have gotten it if Connie didn’t ask if insects were an example.” Mikasa scoffed, crossing her arms and hoping Armin would redact the point so she could be in the lead again.

He didn’t. 

“Doesn’t matter, still counts.” He lifted up the third card. “Next question: what’s the Coriolis effect?”

There was a lull at the table, all four people thinking intensely, and the air grew heavy with anticipation for the answer. The universe furrowed her eyebrows. _The Coriolis effect_ , she mused. _It had to do with something flying. Was it birds?_ She scratched her head. _No, it wasn’t birds. It was… planes! Planes, it had to do with planes!_ She lifted her hand, the definition was just at the tip of her tongue. 

_Ding!_

“It has to do with the deflection of stuff traveling while the earth is spinning, like planes and shit.”

Another tally mark was scribbled on the paper. “That’s a point for Jean!”

The game continued, the sounds of a ringing bell following epiphanic gasps, flashcards like grains of sand as the ocean would quiz his four friends before slipping them away from the shorelines. Nobody knew the score, other than the fact that Connie had a negative point. It was nearly pathetic, the poor guy keeping quiet until the moment it came to define what photosynthesis was, a point being redacted for giving the wrong answer. He hit the bell and yelled that plants created salt, not sugar. Sasha, Jean, and Mikasa spent the afternoon shouting and tripping over each other to claim the prize of picking out what to eat for lunch. It was one of the most intense study sessions the group had encountered.

It whittled down the last card, Armin holding it up. He sucked in through his teeth, eyebrows furrowing. “This one wasn’t on the study guide, it’s just a fun fact I wrote down for myself ‘cause I thought it was cool. I forgot to take it out of the deck.”

“Just ask it anyway,” Mikasa blurted. She was determined to rank up as many points as she could. “You never know.”

Armin cleared his throat, holding up the card, shrugging as he spoke. “What’s the name of the seaweed that originates in the Pacific Ocean and tastes like carrots?”

Everyone was silent.

Armin continued. “See? Nobody was gonna–”

_Ding!_

“It’s called ‘Dead Man’s Fingers!’ I’ve tried it before, and it really does taste like carrots.”

Everyone turned their heads to face Connie, a red circle was on his forehead from resting it on the table up until now.

Armin cleared his throat, hesitantly writing down a tally mark. “Point for Connie.”

Jean blinked. “You don’t know fucking photosynthesis, but you know _that_?”

The rest of the group laughed, golden eyes staring dumbfounded and the buzzcut. Armin wove his hands in the air, calming everyone down and getting their attention with an, “Alright, alright, alright.”

“So, Ar,” Sasha smirked, resting her cheek against her hand, “what’s the score?

Sapphire eyes darted across a tallied paper, quickly scoring them up. “Well, Connie has zero points now, and Sasha has seven.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened, inching off of her seat and anxious to hear the rest of the results. Her eyes darted at Jean, who seemed anxious in his own way. She didn’t understand why since he chose where to eat just the other day.

“Jean has ten points, and Mikasa takes the prize with twelve.”

“Yes!” The universe thundered, her arms in the air victoriously with her eyes squeezed shut. Someone on another side of the library was hushing her. “We’re going to _Grisha’s Family Diner_ , everybody!”

 

* * *

The aroma of deep fryer oil and the sounds of cluttering dishes surrounded the five friends, Jean, Sasha, and Connie squished on one side of a booth while Armin and Mikasa sat comfortably on the other side. Sasha’s nose was stuck in a red menu, flipping through it with licking lips and blurting out different dish names, anticipating for her friend’s to give their honest opinions on them.

“Chicken fingers and shrimp,” she read, a groan escaping everyone at the table. “You’re right, the shrimp can’t be that good. Ooh! How about a Philly cheesesteak? God, that sounds _amazing_ right now!”

Mikasa was shaking her foot underneath the table, avoiding to look at her menu as her eyes scanned the vicinity to find a pair of emerald. She couldn’t see them anywhere. All she could see was a busy restaurant, spotting the faces of waiters and bussers she remembered vaguely from the last time she came to visit. She let out a sigh, looking at the menu in front of her with dejection in her eyes. So much for knowing all about environmental science.

“What’s up, Mik?” Armin nudged her side softly, and she looked up to see troubled waves within the ocean’s eyes. “Why the long face? You picked to go here.”

She forced a smile, hoping it would be enough to calm his worried nerves. The last thing she wanted was for her melodrama to be an added stressor for him. “Nothing, I’m just super hungry, is all.”

Armin nodded his head understandingly, and a waiter walked up to the edge of their table, eyes staring off into the small notebook in hand and speaking with a robotic, monotone voice. “Welcome to _Grisha’s Family Diner_ , home of the world’s most famous pancakes. Our special today is a limited time seafood gumbo. Granted, I don’t think it’s very good, but whatever. Can I start you guys off with anything to drink?”

“Yeah, we’ll just do waters all around.” Armin started, setting his menu down. “Also, can we get a better server?”

The waiter’s eyes blank quickly at the sound of the ocean, the lifelessness in them flickering fragments of green. “Armin?”

“Er-bear!” Sasha shouted, waving a hand at the startled server. Her eyes shifted in Mikasa’s direction, raising an eyebrow at her. “I didn’t know he worked here.”

“Crazy, ain’t it?” She mumbled in an attempt to play it cool. Her gaze shifted up at the man, watching as he held a notebook and pen, a stunned expression on his face. “Good to see you, Eren.”

He took a few moments to recollect himself, that damn half smile cracking itself on his lips, the disconnected wires within his brain finally sparking together. “Mikasa, nice scarf. Sasha, nice nickname.”

“Thanks, I just thought of it,” Sasha smirked, shrugging nonchalantly and adjusting her bangs.

“Well, are you gonna introduce us?” Connie huffed. Jean was eyeing the forest up and down. It was almost scary to watch.

Mikasa opened her mouth to speak, but Armin took up the air. She quickly closed it, hoping nobody would notice her attempt to introduce _Armin’s_ roommate to everyone. The forest shook hands with the two strangers, nodding his head at each with a smile. “Really nice to meet you all. It’s good to know Armin’s not a total loser at school.”

“Oh, he still is,” Jean teased. “He pays us to hang out with him.”

Eren chuckled. “Dude, me too. I hope he pays you better than he does with me.” Armin scoffed, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. Eren’s eyes nervously darted in Mikasa’s direction for a brief moment, the slightest hint shyness within them. “So, what brings y’all here today?”

There was a lull, eyes peering at Mikasa to provide an answer to the curious forest. She forced a casual smile. “We were all just hungry after studying for midterms and thought to pop over.”

“Well, then,” he knocked on the table, scribbling in his notebook, “I won’t keep you guys waiting on those drinks any longer.”

The forest cracked a half smile, turning to walk away and eventually disappear into the buzz of the hectic restaurant. Mikasa released a heavy breath she didn’t even realize she was holding, and she felt a gentle nudge at her rib.

The ocean teased her. “You sly dog.”

She felt blood rush to her cheeks, pouting her lips and burying her face into the scarf around her neck. “I don’t know what you’re hinting at.”

“Wait, does Mik have a thing for…” Connie’s eyes widened, his voice trailing off in realization.

“ _That_ guy?” Jean scoffed, crossing his arms and huffing.

“What, Jean? Jealous much?” Sasha sang, leaning towards the boy

“No,” golden eyes avoided onyx, letting out a _pfft_. “I just think she could do better, is all.”

Armin laughed. “Ooh, jealous Jean!”

“Not even! I could care less. Why would I be jealous of a guy I’m _clearly_ more attractive than.”

The ponytail was offended. “Excuse me? Do you have eyeballs?”

Connie shrugged. “I don’t know, man. Even I have to admit, he’s a good lookin' dude.”

“Anyway,” Sasha rolled her eyes, leaning over the table to whisper to Armin. “Mik won’t stop talking to Er-bear. When I’m stoned, she FaceTimes him all night long.”

“Have you really?” Armin’s eyes widened, a smile creeping on his lips. His gaze shifted towards Mikasa, and there was a genuine excitement within him that she couldn’t understand. “I thought he was talking to himself in his room this whole time.”

All eyes were on the universe, looming over her as they watched the pink flush her cheeks, anticipating any form of a confession from her.

The forest wandered over again, placing the drinks on the table, “Alrighty, four glasses of water and an iced tea. I’ll give you guys a few minutes to look over the menu.” He spun on his heel to walk away.

Jean’s eyebrows furrowed. “Wait, I didn’t order an iced tea.”

Eren spun back around, blinking curiously. “Yeah, you did. I have it written down right–” He flipped open the notebook from his apron, his eyes scanning the scribbled handwriting quickly. His mouth hung open, a tongue pressing the side of his cheek. The smallest hint of red painted his cheeks, his hand reaching for the drink to walk away. “The iced tea if for table six. You guys are table nine. My bad, I’ll be right back.”

He walked away, Jean immediately leaning in towards Mikasa, hissing at her. “You can’t pick a guy who can at least get orders right?”

“Hey, six and nine can be confusing. One’s just upside down.” Connie shrugged, picking up his menu to look over it.

“We had the simplest order possible,” Jean hit the back of his head, a yelp escaping the buzzcut, “and have no place to talk. You said photosynthesis is where plants make salt.”

“Will you stop with that?”

“Jean, don’t be a dick!” Sasha squirmed, reaching over to swat his hand.

The ocean and the universe just looked at each other, shaking their heads in disapproval at the mess in front of them. It was like babysitting on steroids when it came to this trio. Eren returned with the water, and despite forgetting to bring appetizers and to refill drinks, the meals came out pretty timely, even if the tall waiter with dark hair (it was the one Armin kept referring to as,“Bert”) was carefully helping him with the main course. Within time, the food was demolished, and Connie begrudgingly stood up to pay for it. Sasha stood up with him, following him towards the cash register with a hand on her wallet. 

“Y’know, for as often as Connie loses, you’d figure he’d think to study more.” Armin sighed, his eyes following the duo pay for the meal.

Jean shrugged, his eyes wandering in the same direction as the ocean’s. “He agrees to play the game each time we study, though. It’s not like he’s being held against his own will.”

Mikasa took the time of their distraction to reach into her wallet, discreetly placing a tip of her own underneath her water cup. Her eyes darted up when Sasha’s arm was waving in the air, signaling that the meal had been paid for, and the ocean and universe followed golden eyes to leave the restaurant.

Jean wasn’t hesitant to complain when the group walked out the front doors, going on about how they could’ve had a better time at McDonald’s or something like that. Armin was hushing him, saying to be considerate of the staff’s time, that they could just be having a bad day or something along the lines of that. Mikasa just silently listened, her tummy full of too-greasy food and a smile on her face.

 

* * *

She fled to her phone once she heard a buzz, a text from Eren popping up on the screen.

**_this is urgent. can I call u?_ **

Her eyebrows furrowed, fingers immediately pressing the little camera icon underneath his contact name to video chat. A panic started to flood her heart, wondering what was wrong and why he was contacting _her_ , of all people. Was Armin okay? Were they together? Did something happen where they needed a place to stay?

The phone rang until he came on screen, the audio of ruffling coming first before his image appeared. He was sitting with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, a white wall behind him. She assumed he was just sitting on his bed.

“Urgent?” She wasn’t hesitant to ask, shifting into her bed to mimic his position. She placed a pillow against her wall before leaning into it. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he responded, the audio cutting slightly in-between his words, he wore a calm expression. “I was at work today, right?”

She blinked. “Okay?”

“And this group of people come in, a bunch of rowdy and stuck up college students, right? The most arrogant crowd ever. You’d probably hate them, too.”

She tilted her head, a worried sigh escaping her until she felt calming breaths start to regulate. Everything sure _seemed_ to be okay. “This doesn’t sound very urgent.”

“Oh, no. It is, trust me. I have a mystery to solve, Mikasa.” He rubbed his nose with an index finger, looking off into a corner as he continued to speak. “So I ended up serving this table, unfortunately. One of them seemed really pissed off about my service, but whatever, I’m pretty used to that by now. So like…” His eyebrows furrowed, lost in thought for a moment.

“Eren,” she grabbed his attention.

He stopped rubbing his nose and looked at the screen again, eyebrows lifting up and an “ _Oh!_ ” escaping him. “Sorry! The dog almost knocked down my hamper.” He whistled, his hand gesturing a “come here” motion to something off screen. “Oden, bud, over here! Yeah, you can get on the bed. Oh, good boy!”

“Hi, Oden!” The universe smiled, waving at the camera to see a pair of floppy ears sit in Eren’s lap, his head tilting slightly at Mikasa's voice in confusion before laying down to sleep. Eren started petting the dog’s side.

“Anyway, so my urgent story,” he smiled.

She nodded her head, smiling as well. “Right, go on.”

“They leave after an hour or so, and I’m cleaning up their table, right? Turns out that one of them had left me a twenty dollar tip.”

She felt roses bloom on her cheeks. “Is that so?”

“Yeah! I was shocked to find it tucked under one of the glasses.” His face was smug, so damn smug. “See, I have to solve the mystery of who left the tip.”

She rolled her eyes, scoffing. “It's not that much of a mystery. The answer is pretty obvious.”

“Oh, is it?” He smiled, biting his bottom lip with that damn smile. She nodded her head, and he continued to speak. “It was nice to see you this afternoon, and you really didn’t have to leave the cash.”

“Of course I had to, silly goose.” She rolled her eyes. “You seemed out of it when you first came to our table.”

“The customer before you guys seriously pissed me off,” He rolled his eyes, rubbing his hands on his face until he landed on his temples, his forests closed. “It was some old lady, and I guess Erwin–he’s one of the chef’s in the kitchen–didn’t toast her bread the way she preferred, so y’know, of course, it’s _my_ fault that I didn’t ask her how she likes her toast done.”

She sucked in air through her teeth. She sarcastically replied, hoping humor would soothe his frustrations. “C’mon, Eren. How dare you? Old lady toast is the most important thing in the world.”

He nodded his head. “Ah, you’re right. How could I forget? That’s one of the first things they teach you in restaurant training school.”

Mikasa blinked, confusion painting her face. “There’s a restaurant training school?”

“No, you dummy.” He laughed, his eyes fluttered open, endless trees revealing themselves to Mikasa through the screen. “Anyway, it was really nice to see you guys after that. Relieving, almost.”

“See?” She gently smiled at him. “You needed a good customer to come in and leave you something to make you smile.”

He smiled back. There was a lull before he continued to speak, the audio emitting through her phone suddenly louder than it was a few moments prior. “Where’s Sasha?”

Mikasa yawned, grabbing the pillow adjacent to her and hugging it close to her chest. “She’s gone for tonight. Her parents adopted a little girl named Kaya, so she’s spending time with them at the moment.”

“Well, that’s wholesome.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa smiled. 

The night continued with the two talking over the phone, nonsensical conversations casually occurring as if they were together in the same room and sharing the same air. He complained about work, she complained about the stress of midterms. He kept showing her when Oden would sleep in a cute pose, she gave him a tour of her empty dorm as if he’d be quizzed on it. The night rolled on, and eventually, hours slipped by quickly. She remained seated and he decided to lay down underneath gray covers, the universe explaining to the forest what all of the differences between star signs, moon signs, Venus signs, and so on, were.

“Alright, this website is saying that your moon sign is Aquarius.” She took a few moments to read off of her laptop screen. “It says you’re super friendly and have futuristic ideas, an innovative sort of mindset, really.”

There was a long sigh emitting from the other side of the screen, and she looked up to see Eren with a subtle double chin, his eyes closed and his mouth slightly hanging open. She blinked, a soft smirk making its way into her lips. “Eren?” He didn’t respond, instead, he groaned and shifted his arm so a hand was placed on his chest.

“How dare you fall asleep when I explain your astrological chart to you,” she whispered, laying down herself and staring at the screen. She didn’t know what to do, whether to hang up the call or to see if she could wake him up so he could turn off his bedroom lights, but she decided to just sit and watch. She felt a little creepy, knowing very well how startled he would be if he woke up to see her dark eyes staring directly at him, watching him sleep. She just sat still, though, not knowing what to do becoming exactly what she needed to do.

So she just listened, listened to the sound of his soft breathing, listened to the sound of the fan in the background of the audio create white noise, listened to the dog huff loudly every five minutes or so. Her heart would skip a beat when the connection would cut for a moment, the audio going silent and the sounds of his fan going flat. When the white noise would return with his gentle breathing, she would let out a sigh of relief, knowing that he wasn’t actually gone and that the one-sided moment they shared could continue. 

It was comforting, his company. It was bittersweet, feeling like he was right beside her even though, in all actuality, she was completely alone. A piece of her felt prideful, knowing that her own voice was the lullaby that eased him to sleep.

But she knew it couldn’t last forever, and they both had to get up early in the morning.

“Goodnight, Eren.” She whispered, reaching over to end the video chat. He disappeared from her screen, the room falling silent as she turned out the lights and tucked herself into bed.


	12. Ziggy Stardust Around Her Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title inspired by lyrics written by [Alohaha, the third song (7:55) on the Side A track](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaGnCg27ReQ&list=OLAK5uy_lVidvBBIdYiS3NEbBMcaYUJSHVPDxT_QE)

Bertholdt cleared his throat. “Alright, Ymir, you’re the role of the askee. We’ll have Eren practice with you.”

“The fuck?” She groaned, rolling her eyes and slumping against the front desk of the restaurant. It was a Thursday night, closing time was in thirty minutes, and the place was empty. “Why do _I_ have to?”

“You’re the only girl here.”

“Annie is _right there_.”

“Okay, so you’re the only single girl here.”

“Does that even matter? This is a hypothetical situation! Annie, help me out here.”

The blonde girl scoffed, shaking her head and leaning forward on the table with her elbows. “As tempting as the offer is, I’m good.”

The brunette rolled her eyes. “Have him practice on Reiner or something.”

“Ymir.”

“Fine!”

Eren adjusted his posture, standing up straight and running his fingers through his hair. “Hey, uh–”

She wiggled an eyebrow at him, winking. “Hey, hot stuff.”

Eren blinked. 

Bertholdt shook his head, his thumb pointing at the blonde adjacent to him.“Okay, Reiner, your turn to be the askee.”

The blonde rubbed his hands over his face, taking in a deep breath before leaning against the wooden counter, fluttering his lashes and speaking in a high-pitched voice. “Hey, Eren!”

Eren looked up at the other three figures holding in their laughter, muffled wheezes coming from Ymir. He sighed, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Reiner, I’m gonna need you to tone it down a notch.”

The blonde pretended to flip hair over his shoulder, his eyes flirting at forest eyes and a hip popping out to the side. “Who’s Reiner? I’m Mikasa.” He blew a kiss.

“Bertholdt, dude, you can’t seriously expect me to–”

“Don’t leave the girl hanging, E!” Ymir teased. 

“Yeah,” Annie smirked, laughter escaping between every other word she spoke. “At this rate, you’ll never have the guts to ask this girl out.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, frustration painting itself on his face. “That’s not true! I had the guts to kiss her!”

“So be a man and ask Reiner out on a date, goddammit!” The blonde demanded, her boyfriend laughing adjacent to her.

The forest furrowed his eyebrows, taking in a deep breath and avoiding eye contact with the man in front of him. “Mikasa…” His voice trailed off, the blonde fluttering his lashes flirtatiously. “Would, would you want to go on a date with me sometime?”

“I thought you’d never ask, my sugar-wugar caramel apple boat baby-waby!” He blew a kiss.

Eren blinked, his voice suddenly grew into a frustrated yell. “Are you all terrible at this?!”

The bell at the entrance of the restaurant rang, a figure entering the building and a disgruntled groan emitting from all of the employees, frustrated at how someone could decide to wander into the place right before closing time. The groan disappeared when everyone realized that, lo and behold, Historia Reiss was the one to walk through the front doors. Reiner bolted up in his posture, clearing his throat and producing as much masculinity as he could; however, Ymir only tightened her ponytail with a confident smirk. Annie greeted the girl as she walked through the front doors, a clustered, “ _Hey!_ ” coming from all the voices that relaxed at the front counter to greet their old coworker.

She was clutching onto a pink purse wrapped around her shoulder, a bright smile blinding everyone in the room as her head tilted towards the group. “Friends! What’re you all doing here?”

“We work here, Historia,” Eren winked, giving the girl a side hug.

She shook her head with a laugh, greeting the rest of the gang with hugs as well. “Well, _duh_. I meant what are you all doing at the front? The place closes in half an hour, right?”

Reiner only gestured to the empty restaurant, the sounds of banging pots and pans rustling in the air as Erwin and Hange cleaned and organized the dishes. She nodded her head, an understanding “ah” escaping her lips.

“We’re trying to help Eren with asking a girl out.” Bertholdt shrugged, walking over to Annie from the behind and massaging her shoulders. “We’ve made little to no progress.”

“A girl?!” Her diamond eyes widened, sparkling in Eren’s direction with excitement. 

He chuckled, heat rising to his cheeks and scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah… hard to believe, right?”

“No, not at all!” The diamonds were shining, blinding the room with her joy and elation. “You’re such a good guy! You deserve the absolute best, so she better not disappoint us!”

“She’s a real hottie, right Bert?” Reiner nudged the brunette’s side, smirking.

His girlfriend glared. “I mean, uh, she–ah… She seems like a nice person! She… she has a cool scar!”

“Good save.” Annie rolled her eyes.

The forest let out a sigh, pressing his lips together and giving Historia a pained expression. “If you have any advice, it’d be better than anything these guys,” he gestured to the coworkers behind him, “can manage combined.”

A giggle emitted from the girl, both Reiner and Ymir fawning over the sound. “Well, you want to take her out on a date, right?”

He shrugged. “Something like that.”

“Well, you can’t be timid about it.”

He frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You just have to go for it, man!” She smiled at him, stepping up on her tiptoes to straighten his shirt at the shoulders and pat him on the head. “Even something as simple as pulling her aside and saying, ‘Hey! I’m into you and want to take you out,’ is perfect. Eren, no matter what you do, I can’t imagine as to why she’d reject you. Besides, most girls find that kind of thing attractive.”

Reiner choked, his eyes widening as if to take notes on how to impress Historia for himself. “What kind of things?”

She shrugged, looking over and speaking with exaggerated hand gestures. She had an odd habit of doing that. “Oh, you know, authority, initiative, making the first move. Seeing a guy take charge of a situation and handle it maturely is hot.”

Eren lifted an eyebrow, noticing Annie nod her head subtly. He licked his lips, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. “That simple, huh?”

Annie shrugged, chiming in. “Yeah. Sometimes all it takes is guts to win a girl’s heart.” She smiled up at Bertholdt, grabbing his hand and smiling up at him. “When this fool first asked me out, I didn’t really know what I was signing up for, but seeing how he overcame his shyness and insecurity to try and be with _me_ , of all people, spoke much louder than the words he spoke.”

A tenuous shade of hibiscus grew on his cheeks. “I wasn’t _that_ shy.”

There was the sound of a pot banging in the kitchen, a woman’s voice screaming out in frustration, a man’s voice following the yell with a booming, “You bonehead!”

“Looks like those two are at it again,” Eren rolled his eyes, stepping away from his comrades as he walked backward in the direction of the kitchen. “I’ll go check on them.”

The group reciprocated the wave, a jumbled, “ _See you later_ ,” emitting from the five friends as they started making preparations for closing time, Annie helping Bertholdt stack menus in a neat pile while Ymir and Reiner fought over Historia’s attention. The forest spun on on his heel, facing two large doors to reveal a kitchen, counters glistening with water after an assumably fresh clean, the sound of running water echoing in the room was accompanied by two voices bickering.

There was a woman in the middle of the floor, pots and pans surrounding her as she scrambled to stack them, frustration painting itself on her face as she rambled, a pair of bushy eyebrows standing with his facepalmed. Eren approached, kneeling down to help the woman stack the pots properly. “Oh, Hange, what happened?”

She grunted, her glasses reflecting the frustration that resided within her eyes as she gestured to the tall blonde standing over her. “ _This_ asshole likes to think he’s in charge whenever your parents aren’t around, and he’s more concerned about their duties instead of his own.”

Eren went to grab the handle of a pot that was upside-down on the tile floor, remnants of soap water still within it. He took his apron, wiping away at the soapy dewdrops. “Well, technically, seniority gives him a good excuse for that. Although, Erwin, you could at least call other people to help poor Hange with cleaning the kitchen.”

The man sighed, kneeling down to help with the dishes as well. He looked up at the woman, an apologetic look in his eyes. “Sorry for calling you a bonehead, Zoë.”

She smirked. “Show you’re sorry by scrubbing the grease off of the stovetop, then we’ll talk.”

Erwin gave her an, “ _Are you kidding me?_ ” sort of look, only to be reciprocated with a pair of lifted eyebrows. He sighed, standing up and walking over towards the sink. He spoke over the sounds of running water as he wet a sponge. “When Grisha hands this place down to me, you’re going to hate me so much.”

“No I won’t,” She protested, standing up with a pile of dishes in her arms. She placed them on a counter, pushing her glasses up her nose with an index finger. “You owning the place just means I’ll officially be the kitchen’s top-dog!” She put her hands on her hips, closing her eyes and yelling with a smile. “Move out of the way, world! Chef Hange Zoë is about to kick your ass!”

Erwin chuckled, bending over to scrub the stove thoroughly. “We’re not adding any of your experimental dishes to the menu, though.”

“You’re such a food prude!”

“You’re the Frankenstein of chefs,” he scoffed.

“Nuh-uh,” she protested, pointing a finger at him, “I’m innovative, that’s what!”

Erwin placed a hand on his forehead, closing his eyes. “Oy, you are going to kill me with all of your shenanigans.”

Eren stood up to put more dishes on the countertop alongside Hange, the chaff shared between the two adults inspiring a smile on his face. Though not actually blood-related, Hange and Erwin were family members the forest cared greatly about, his memories with them deeply rooting themselves into his upbringing. It was almost mandatory that every afternoon, a nine-year-old boy would barge into the diner with muddy shoes, his mother scolding and chasing after him as he ran towards the kitchen shouting, “Auntie Zoë! Uncle Erwin! The _coolest_ thing happened on the playground today!” 

When he looked at Erwin, he would think about the bushy eyebrows encouraging the boy’s impulsive and fiery personality, always pep talking Eren on how to confront bullies at school and how to defend his peers from said bullies on the playground. He’d always sit the kid down, going on different rambles and lectures about how courage is the foundation of a strong spirit. He would often go on about how life is what shaped people into warriors, that warriors are no good without battles to face. Most of the information would go in one ear and out the other, the nine-year-old too confused to comprehend the heavy life lessons. All Eren understood was that he looked up to Erwin a whole lot, and he would rush to help the man in any way possible if it meant earning a smile or a pat on the back.

When he looked at Hange, he would remember a pair of four eyes that would sit him on countertops and clean the scrapes and scratches he would get from the fights he’d endure at school, wiping away at his watery eyes and soothing him with tickles. She was always attacking at his armpits and stomach and he would beg her to stop, the laughter emitting from the kitchen stirring up several noise complaints from customers. He recalled his parents, scolding the woman for keeping so many orders backed up because she prioritized Eren’s happiness over food. She would sneak off with him to the storage room, a stack of books hid underneath one of the shelves, and they would read together, Eren sitting in Hange’s lap as she read aloud through stacks and stacks of _Choose Your Own Adventure_ books.

Erwin would keep the boy fighting with a courageous spirit, and Hange would tend to his wounds, fixing broken pieces of a shattered young boy’s heart back together.

“Eren,” the glasses chirped, reminiscence and nostalgia fading away. “You don’t have to stick around in here for long. Eyebrows and I can hold down the fort.”

He blinked, wiping nonexistent dust off of his hands by rubbing them together. “You sure? I can force any of the gang outside to help out.”

“We just needed to clean the stove and pick up all the pots and pans, one of those you’ve already helped with,” Erwin responded, looking up from scrubbing the stove to flash a smile.

The forest nodded his head, giving quick hugs to his relatives and smiling at them. “Alright, I’ll see you both on Sunday, then?”

“See you Sunday!” The two chirped, returning to focus back on their task of cleaning the kitchen. 

And so, after waving goodbye to all of his coworkers, departing with hugs, and making his way towards his truck, he began his drive home. The jubilated euphoria of social-hour faded away as he sat in the driver’s seat, and the memory of a flamboyant Reiner popped up, the kisses blown in his face drawing out a chuckle or two from Eren. Of course, thinking of Reiner paired with thinking of Ymir and Historia. He sighed, the girl’s dating advice echoing in his mind.

_“You just have to go for it, man!”_

And that seemed to be everyone’s advice as of late: to take a gamble and face the anxiety head-on. To push past the mountains of insecurity for the sake of just _seeing_ what happens. To take a chance on making a wonderful person either love or hate you for the rest of their lives, to either cringe or fawn at the mention of your name. Bertholdt said to just go for it, and he was so happy with Annie. Armin reiterated the same advice, and he was a robot programmed to know all of the right answers.

Eren didn’t know what was wrong with him, why he was so hesitant and inconsistent in his emotions towards Mikasa. One second he was willing to jump straight into the commitment, flipping off the world with a tremendous shout of, “Fuck it!” The next, he was apprehensive, faint-hearted and doubtful that her emotions towards him were nothing but a mirage he ran to out of thirst, his romance life previously so dry and withered. He would justify her crappy kisses and perpetual phone calls as pity she demonstrated towards him for embarrassingly kissing her. He was inconsistent, indecisive, oxymoronic and contradicting. He was afraid. God, he was so afraid about taking that gamble, and he knew that an attempt of satisfying her grand infinity with his lackluster finity was just short of pathetic.

But when he thought about how she was still borrowing that scarf he gave her, the crimson so brightly contrasting the aura of her universe, the rushing thoughts that would beset his mind would sit still and surrender to her gravitational pull. 

Contradicting emotions vanished from his heart, peace encapsulating his soul. He wanted to peer into the universe, memorizing the trillions of little stars that would glimmer in the sunlight, giving each and every single one a name to cherish and celebrate the marvel within them. He wanted to dive deeper into those galaxies and explore the uncharted territory, placing a flag on every planet so that he could claim her as his own. He wanted to take color samples of the nebulae that would form in different light perspectives, sometimes brown, purple, or grayish blue surrounding the black holes of her irides. If only he could paint every wall, street, and corner with those nebulas, the whole world forced to admire the endless cosmos that were just an atmosphere away, the totality of it all too grand to comprehend. He wanted to memorize those eyes so attentively that he, and _only_ he, had the pride and joy of saying he knew the universe like the back of his hand.

And that ambition alone was enough to convince him she was worth the risk.

 

* * *

_morning! i hope u slept well_

**_Top o’ the mornin’ to ya! I hope you slept well, too :)_ **

_have any fun dreams?_

**_Can’t say I did. You?_ **

_i don’t really remember it. i just remember having a superpower where i could transform into this monster thing. it was so badass_

**_Sounds like fun bahaha_ **

_maybe if i remember what happened i’ll tell you more about it later_

**_I’d love to hear about it at some point lol_ **

_are you busy today?_

**_Other than work, not really_ **

_let’s hang out soon_

**_Sounds good. What do you wanna do?_ **

_whatever you’d like_

**_I have some errands to run if you’re in the shopping mood_ **

_guess we’re going shopping then lol_

**_When were you thinking?_ **

_whatever works best for you. i have a question i wanna ask you in person_

**_That’s ominous. Way to make my anxiety levels skyrocket lol. Is everything okay?_ **

_don’t trip chocolate chip! nothing is wrong i promise. just a dumb question_

**_Alright, well my shift is over later this afternoon if that works for you_ **

_sounds perf. i’ll meet you when you get off of your shift_

**_Where would you even know where to meet me? Last time I checked, you don’t go to this school_ **

_do u underestimate me?_

**_Yeah_ **

_you’re mean_

**_Facts aren’t mean. You just can’t handle honesty_ **

_oh whatever_

**_I’m just saying it how it is. Sorry that you’re sensitive_ **

_sorry that you’re so ignorant to my potential_

**_Uh huh. That’s totally what it is_ **

_whatever, hater_

**_Lol_ **

_i’ll see you after your shift then?_

**_Can’t wait. That way I can bully you in person_ **

_wouldn’t have it any other way_

 

* * *

He watched Mikasa step outside of the building, trotting alongside autumn leaves, the bright colors of yellow, orange, and red fading with each step she took in her near-grayscale palette. Black jeans, gray turtle neck, dark navy jacket, and a crimson scarf wrapped around her neck. The girl made her way to him, and he stuck out his arm once she reached about a foot’s distance from him, a warm cup in his hand. She blinked, a smile slowly creeping itself amid the rose of her lips. “What’s this?”

“This,” he lifted the cup slightly as a way to encourage the girl to grab it before his hand burnt off, “is just some cider. Thought you might want some.”

Somehow, her smile grew deeper. She timidly grabbed the cup, holding it with both hands and closing her eyes to waft the smell of apple. Her eyelashes were longer, just like the night when they bathed in moonlight. Her eyes fluttered open, those long lashes leaving him in awe, and her coffee eyes shooting a nervous energy through his nerves. “That’s so sweet. Thank you, Eren.”

He tittered, half smiling and shrugging with a shoulder. “No problem.”

Mikasa lifted up the cider to her lips, blowing into the lid to cool down the contents before taking a sip. A pleased hum escaped her once she swallowed down the cider. “So are you driving, or am I driving?”

They turned around from facing each other, Eren now at the girl’s side and following her to the entrance of the school. Their steps gradually seemed to slow down, as if each of them secretly desired to dwindle within the colorful weather just a moment longer. “I think there’s a Target in walking distance.”

She groaned. “Eren, it’s sixty degrees outside.”

“Exactly, super nice weather! All the more reason to walk in it.”

“No,” she scoffed. “You forget that I grew up in a desert. I’m freezing right now.”

“Oh, get over yourself.” He joked, flashing her a smirk. “You’ve lived here for three years. You should be able to handle this weather for a brisk walk.”

The universe rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her cider and flipping one of the ends of the scarf around her neck. He smiled at the crimson, her voice chirping, “Well, in that case, lead the way.”

He smiled, the duo turning the corner to leave the college campus and walk along the sidewalk, Mikasa making an effort to crunch each leaf that was in range of her feet. He smiled, watching as her darkness illuminated against the autumn palette. “How was work?”

She shrugged, looking up at the sky to see an endless expansion of blue. It was as if her gaze commanded her surroundings, the cosmos within them inspiring the things she would observe to become infinite as well. “It was alright. Armin hung out with me for about an hour before he left for his state tests.”

“Oh, right,” he bit his bottom lip, the memory of a stressed blonde cramming his studies that very morning. “I hope he does well.”

“I’m confident he will,” She looked over to smile at him reassuringly. “I mean, this is _Armin_ we’re talking about. He’s an absolute genius.”

“Yeah,” he breathed. There was a brief lull. “I don’t want him to leave for Stanford.”

Mikasa sighed, her gaze once again directed towards the ground as she stepped on scattered leaves. “I don’t want him to, either.”

“Like, I want the best for him, absolutely I do. It’s just…” His voice trailed off, and there was an unspoken understanding in the air. 

They turned on another corner, a Target just down the block, and an exciting squeal emitting from the dark hair next to him. She grabbed his hand, making a b-line for the store at full speed. He laughed, allowing the girl to spring with such enthusiasm towards the store.

They were inside for what felt like hours, stalling Mikasa’s errands with every aisle they would approach. First, it was clothes, Mikasa’s eyes widening at each simple clothing item they would land on. Eren didn’t understand the pricing: how something like a simple shirt could end up costing over twenty dollars. With each price tag he saw, he felt less and less attracted to the clothes around him; however, onyx eyes didn’t seem too bothered by the expenses, her hands dancing on every clothing rack and her fingers shuffling through any pile of clothes to _maybe_ find a piece she thought looked cute. Frankly, Eren was quick to become exhausted at the clothe surfing.

He was most excited to go to the video game section, daring Mikasa to a few rounds of Mario Kart. He found her confidence and trash talk adorable, considering how easy it was to kick her ass after at least five rounds. She would throw a fit every time she lost a race, urging him to play again, yelling, “I promise I’m so good at this game! I’m just not feeling it this afternoon, for some reason.” He immediately called bullshit on that statement, and she responded with a playful punch on the shoulder. She did, however, beat him in a sword fight in the boy’s toy section, to which he was very grumpy about.

It took ages for Mikasa to actually think about buying her errands, which turned out to be a pack of deodorant and some shaving cream for her and Sasha. The extended Target run amounted to a simple, ten dollar purchase.

They were walking back to the college, now, just about a block away. They were quiet, cheeks rosy from laughter and content silence filling the air. She looked up at him with a smile, and he reciprocated. They stared quietly at each other for a moment. “What?”

“Oh,” she mused, “nothin’.”

They stared at each other for just a moment longer, and Eren blinked slowly, staring deeply into the universe. “I like your eyes.”

She blushed, looking down at her feet. He missed the galaxies, longing for them to return to his gaze. She murmured a bashful, “They’re so dark.”

The stars within them would protest. “I like them.”

She was too modest, too humble. “I don’t.”

He blinked. “How come?”

“Don’t know,” she shrugged, still staring down as she fiddled with her hands. She half-heartedly laughed as she continued to speak. “This is dramatic, but they make me think of death.”

“Death?”

“Being so dark, and all.”

He tilted his head at her, puzzled by her shyness. Death? The universes of her irides held all of creation within them. Life itself would be impossible to thrive without her. The supernovas and nebulas within her gaze were so colorful, stars glimmering within bountiful peace and tranquility. They were so dark because they held such an abundance of color inside of them. “Well, I like them.”

Her response was bashful. “Thank you.”

There was another pause, and the college was just in front of them. Eren sighed, stopping in his steps to let the girl take a few steps forward to spin on her heel to face him, the campus littered in autumn leaves painting a beautiful background behind her.

“Thanks for going shopping with me.” She smiled, lifting the plastic Target bag, the different toiletries slightly visible through the plastic.

He nodded his head, smiling. “Sure thing. Thanks for hanging out with me.”

“I’ll hear from you soon, then?”

“Absolutely, you will.”

She smiled, waving goodbye and spinning around, and he was just about ready to leave himself before she grabbed his attention by gasping. “Oh! You had a question, right?”

_Oh, shit,_ were his first thoughts, anxiety pooling inside of him and flooding his nerves, her eyes staring at him inquisitively as he drowned in the uncertainty. Asking her out was the whole reason they even were together right now, and he just _forgot_? He bit his bottom lip, looking down at his feet as the butterflies and worry took control of him, trying to stifle the courageous flame inside of him.

But he remembered his work just the night before, his coworkers shuffled around a front desk and encouraging him to just ask the girl out. They were rooting for him, even if they sucked at giving him genuine advice. He first heard Annie tell him to just, “be a man,” and then he recalled Historia’s statement about girls finding initiative and taking charge attractive.

He cleared his throat, standing up straight. He forced confidence despite the nervousness he was feeling. “I’m taking you out on a date.”

She blinked. “What?”

“And…” he started to string nonsensical, stammering sentences together, the confidence ceasing with each blink of her eyes. “It’s, it’s going to be the best date ever… we can get Olive Garden or something. I, uh, I like you a lot, and I’m tired of looking at you through a computer screen ‘cause I like picking on you and giving you hugs and I want to see your face more. So I’m taking you on a date, and you can’t say no.”

The girl looked at him and…

Giggled. She was giggling. “Why are you being such a dork right now?”

He frowned. “I, uh…” He felt the slightest bit offended that she didn’t notice his efforts. _I made the first move! Wasn’t that supposed to be hot?_ “A dork?”

“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.” She rolled her eyes, looking down bashfully at her feet for a moment before continuing to speak. “Though to be frank, I was under the impression that _this_ was a date.”

He blinked. “Did you really?”

“Yeah,” She giggled again. “I put on makeup and everything.”

Eren’s cheeks were burning, teeth sinking into his bottom lip. “Well, aren’t I an idiot, then?”

“You really are,” Mikasa shrugged, her eyes drifting off to the side, wind blowing the strands framing her face with subtle elegance. 

“Well, stop me if I’m wrong here, but,” he bit his bottom lip, scratching the back of his head nervously. “A proper date ends with a kiss, shouldn’t it?”

She shrugged, furrowing her eyebrows. “I’d say so, yeah, but you didn’t think this was a date, so…”

Eren lowered his arm, rolling his eyes and grunting. “Oh, you tease.”

“I’m just saying how it is.” Her arms were shrugged, palms facing the sky.

“Well, you’re a bad smoocher, so I wouldn’t want to ruin my day with that, anyway.”

Mikasa had cringed when he said the word, “smoocher.” She shook her head, laughing and hitting his arm gently. “Ew, that’s the grossest thing you could say.” She looked bashfully at him, a beautiful bouquet of roses blooming on her cheeks.

He shrugged, breaking into a half smile and lowering his voice softly. “Seems to be the case.”

They stood in front of each other, Mikasa’s hands holding each other at her chest, and Eren’s in his pockets. There was a moment of hesitance, but a voice in Eren’s mind preached the lessons everyone had thrown at him for the past few weeks. _Just go for it, dude_.

And so he did, one of his hands lifting to lightly grab her chin and pull her into a kiss, and the forests of Earth and the infinity of the universe met at the borders of hesitant lips. He took a few moments before he pulled away, the remnants of apple and cider lingering on both of them.

“Yeah, you’re better at that than me.” She nervously smiled, her eyes sparkling more than they had just moments ago.

He shrugged, hand still holding her chin. “Well, I’ve offered to give you some pointers before.”

She placed her hand over his. “When do you wanna start on those?”

His eyebrows lifted, eyes peering just past the girl to see several students walking along the sidewalks in the campus. He was hesitant. “Your dorm is nearby, right?”

She nodded her head.

“Is Sasha there?”

She took a moment to think. “No, I’m pretty sure she’s taking her environmental exam with Connie.”

Eren watched as roses bloomed greatly on her cheeks when his gaze focussed on her again. His voice was a whisper. “So…”

She grabbed his hand, and they ran on crunching leaves towards Mikasa’s dorm, child-like giggles escaping the both of them.


	13. I Think I Was Blind Before I Met You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title inspired by lyrics from the song [First Day Of My Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nL-uzN_NEvA) by Bright Eyes  
> Extra long chapter! I apologize for any grammatical errors/weird wordings I didn't catch.

She thought it was funny, how one second she depended solely on electronics to communicate with Eren for weeks, and the next second he was on top of her in her dorm bed, her fingers tangled in his messy bun and their mouths pressed together, breathing each other in as if there was no other form of oxygen. He was slow at first, taking all of the time in the world to show Mikasa the basics. There was a lot of pausing against her lips and mumbling things like, “Your lips are too puckered, try to loosen up,” or, “You can breathe, y’know?”

She thought it was funny how patient he was, occasionally pausing and pulling away to look at her, strands falling out of his bun and gracing her cheek as he looked down at her. She’d blush whenever he would do so, feeling like she did something gross or wrong, but he’d just lick his lips and dive back into the kiss. It was when he pulled away and told her to let him take the lead that the kisses grew more beautiful, more intimate, more effortless. She still didn’t know what she was doing, but she did know that she loved the taste of his smile. 

She thought it was funny, how the two of them were in her nest of nightmares, the pillows stuffed with horror films and tears transforming into clouds, competing to be as soft as Eren’s lips and touch. He took all of the death within her mind and brought it back to life when he’d look at her with those green eyes, vegetation and foliage growing over every anxious thought, every tear, and every bead of sweat.

His hand, already resting on her waist, started to travel lower to the sides of her hips, traveling to a place a little _too_ far behind. Mikasa’s heart fluttered, and she grabbed his hand to put it back at the midriff. He paused, green eyes fluttering open and eyebrows furrowing. “Oh, I…”

“It’s okay.” Her chest rose and fell quickly, still trying to catch her breath from the heat of the moment.

He was also trying to catch his breath, furrowing his eyebrows and darting his eyes in an attempt to read Mikasa’s expression. “I didn’t mean to–”

“It’s okay,” she repeated. He sat up, sitting next to her on the bed and staring at his lap, his eyebrows furrowed. She remained laid on the bed, eyes tracing his frame as it sat nervously. She blinked, taking a deep breath. “Eren, really, it’s okay.”

He was silent, shrugging a shoulder and peering his eyes at her. She could understand exactly the emotions he was feeling, the atmosphere emitting from his shrugs speaking louder than any words he could manage to express his feelings. Each kiss they exchanged was growing more intense after a flirtatious afternoon, so it made sense for him to see just how far she’d be willing to go. She noticed how consistently he would need reassurance to combat his quick insecurity, and her heart slightly smiled and broke over that fact. She didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable, though. She wanted to see that half smile, to see the fragments of green that would flicker in his irides.

She lifted a foot and gently kicked his shoulder, his face painting with confusion. He cringed, wiping his sleeve off quickly and turning to face her, shaking his head. “You’re disgusting.”

“What, don’t have a foot fetish?” She teased, lifting her foot again to poke at the center of his chest with her big toe, his cringe growing more intense as he swat her foot away. She giggled, and he gagged.

“Feet are so ugly, get that shit away from me,” he complained, squeezing his eyes and crinkling his nose as if to recollect himself. “They just look like elongated hands with nubby fingers.”

“C’mon,” Mikasa was having too much fun watching his disgust, going to poke at his chest again before he grabbed her ankle, his face inching away from the foot quickly. “Some people would pay good money to see these toes, and you’re getting them for free.”

He placed her ankle down on the bed, shifting to sit in a crisscrossed position to face her. His eyes carefully watched her feet in the event of another attack, a queasy expression still worn on him. “Out of all the things that could be happening right now, this is a worst-case scenario.”

“Hey, now,” she laughed, flattening a hand on her chest. She used her opposite foot to place itself in Eren’s lap, his eyes staring at it in horror. She teased, persistent in annoying him. “Nothin’ wrong with some toesy-wosies.”

“God, I’m gonna puke,” his fingers cautiously grabbed at the hem of her jeans, moving her leg off of his lap and placing it away from him. She giggled, sitting up next to him and leaning against his shoulder. He shook his head. “You’re not getting any more attention. You’re gross.”

“Eren,” her voice sang, eyes fluttering up at him. She hoped to pull him in with her gaze, but he remained stubborn in his attitude toward her.

He crossed his arms, and his eyes were filled with sarcasm. She smirked at him, but Eren kept a cool expression. “Nope.”

“Damn,” she shrugged, sitting up from leaning against him and letting out an overdramatic sigh. “I guess you hate me forever, now.”

“You got that right.”

“All ‘cause I’m disgusting, huh?”

“The most revolting human to exist.”

She looked up at him with a pout, his forest eyes changing from sarcastic sternness to apologetic care. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her and nuzzling his face into her hair. “I’m kidding, y’know?”

It was her turn to be sarcastic. She kept her arms crossed, closing her eyes in objection to the hug. It felt nice, the warmth of him wrapped around her and his nose poking into the side of her head. She took in a deep breath to breathe him in, wishing she could sleep in his scent of clean bed sheets and pine instead of her own nest; however, Mikasa was having too much fun egging him on. “No, you’re a bully.”

“Mikasa,” his voice sang into her hair, and she felt a gentle kiss placed against it. She felt a blush rush to her cheeks, somehow the simple gesture of apology causing her heart to flutter more than when he was on top of her just minutes ago. 

She opened her eyes, releasing her arms from their crossing and holding onto the outsides of his, the strong arms still wrapped around her frame in apology. She smiled with a hum. “Alright.” 

She felt him smile, his grip around her tightening slightly, and a gentle “ _Yay_ ” was whispered into the strands of her raven hair. She nudged him slightly for him to lift his face, her hands moving to cup him and pull him into a kiss again. He smiled, speaking lowly in-between the exchanges. “You’re getting better.”

“You’re a good teacher,” she spoke lowly as well, his arms releasing from his hug and allowing her to sit on her knees to change the angle. Her fingers went to fiddle underneath his shirt, hands tracing the different muscles underneath the fabric. He went to lift it up and remove the cloth.

“What the fuck?!” A voice shouted, and Mikasa’s eyes bolted open. _Connie?_

She looked up to see the buzzcut halfway through the door, his face aghast. “That’s the server dude from Monday!”

Eren nodded his head, sucking in air through his teeth. His voice trailed off with the words he spoke. “Yup… Server dude…”

Another voice chirped behind Connie. “Er-bear’s here?!”

“Oh, my god,” Mikasa shook her head in disbelief. “You’re–You’re kidding me, right?”

The familiar ponytail rushed into the dorm, catching Mikasa red-handed, kneeling next to Eren, whose shirt was half-way off. She gasped, eyes widening and a hand covering her mouth. “Jesus, Mikasa! You could’ve texted me to stay out of the place this afternoon if you were planning on losing your–”

“Sasha! Shut the hell up!” Mikasa shook her head, hopping off of the bed and pinching her friend’s arm. The girl let out a yelp, and the universe looked up to see Connie still shocked at the doorway. She sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose with her fingers. “I’m so sorry, to all three of you.”

She heard Eren titter behind her, the sounds of him adjusting his shirt filling the room. “Connie, Sasha. Good to see you guys.”

“‘Sup, Eren,” Connie breathed, cautiously entering the dorm and closing the door behind him. The awkward tension in the room was too heavy to pick up, and Mikasa, of all people, thought small talk might lighten it a little.

“How was your exam?” She blinked, pressing her lips together and praying that the blush on her cheeks would fade quickly. 

“Fine,” Sasha cleared her throat. _Obviously, small talk isn’t ‘gonna work when your roommate walks in on you making out with some guy, you headass!_ Mikasa took in a deep breath, looking over to see Eren standing up from the bed. He was the tallest in the room.

He scratched the back of his head. “I think I should…”

“Yeah,” Sasha butted in, licking her lips and pressing them together. “Jean’s coming over any second now, too. We were ‘gonna help Connie study for his exam tonight.”

“Wanna do that elsewhere?” The universe butt in this time, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.

“It’s fine, really.” Eren smiled, placing a hand on Mikasa’s shoulder. “I’ll take you out on that date tomorrow night.”

Mikasa looked up at him, blinking quickly. She furrowed her eyebrows. “That soon?”

“Why not? I’ll pick you up at eight,” He smiled, looking up at Sasha and casually conversing with her despite the awkward air. “That cool with you?”

Sasha nodded her head hesitantly, blinking slowly. “Alright, sounds good.”

“Cool,” Eren smiled, slowly making his way out of the front door of the apartment. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Mikasa.”

“Yeah,” she breathed, red still on her cheeks and confusion taking control of her. “Tomorrow night.”

And with that he left the girl alone, Sasha and Connie both exploding in laughter as a very confused Jean walked through the door, saying something along the lines of, “That Eren guy just walked by!”

 

* * *

Mikasa peered at her reflection through the mirror, leaning against the bathroom counter and observing each detail of herself. She had to admit it, Sasha did a fantastic job getting onyx eyes ready for this date. Mikasa was reluctant at first, wanting control over her appearance so she knew exactly what she’d look like when meeting with Eren tonight, but Sasha was persistent in pleading to help her friend, and Mikasa obliged, saying, “Just do a more natural makeup look, please.” She did just that, accentuating all of Mikasa’s features and pairing it with loosely curled hair, her dark strands reaching just past her collar bones at this point.

Then when it came to dressing and shoes, Mikasa was going to stick with the only black, pocketed dress she owned until the ponytail tossed a pile of clothing at her to try on. Sasha did the whole fashion show bit as if the girl was a ten-year-old who wanted to show their brand new clothes to their parents, making Mikasa walk in and out of the bathroom to display the different dresses. She had lots of different options to pick from, a striped dress, a pink dress, and a red dress the first to come out of the bathroom; however, when Mikasa put on a certain maxi dress, a dusty purple shade with a halter top design, Sasha was swooning, hugging the girl tightly and shouting, “You’ve never looked so beautiful, sweet girl.”

Mikasa turned around, looking at herself from the behind before doing a quick twirl to feel the dress petal out like a blossoming flower. She smirked, memories of getting ready for prom or homecoming coming to mind. “Sasha, are you sure this isn’t too, I don’t know, fancy?”

“Absolutely not,” the girl smiled, Mikasa watching the ponytail stand beside her, making eye contact through the mirror. “You’re going to blow him away.”

The universe could only smile at the remark, tilting her head to look at herself through the reflection, her eyes dancing across every curl in her hair and blinded by the dewy highlighter Sasha painted the upper points of her cheeks with. She jumped slightly when there was a firm knock on the door.

“Oh, it must be eight already!” Sasha smiled, rushing out of the bathroom to leave the universe staring at her reflection. She heard the door open, her roommate loudly greeting the person at the door. Mikasa took in a deep breath, staring at her reflection for just a second longer before abandoning it in the bathroom.

And there he stood in the living room, wearing black dress pants and a white button up (she was suspicious of seeing Armin wear the same shirt in the past, but she brushed the thought away). His hair was neatly brushed into his signature bun, the strand of hair she cut weeks ago, though longer, still confidently hanging to graze his cheek. He had his hands in his pockets, smiling politely at Sasha as she welcomed him to the door, probably lecturing him to give Mikasa a good time or something parental-like that.

His eyes looked up to see the purple figure entering the room, pupils dilating against the contrasting green instantly. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words seemed to come out. A subtle hibiscus rose to his cheeks, and the girl smiled at him nervously. “Hey.”

He blinked quickly, shaking his head slightly before letting out a stammered, “Hey.”

There was silence, Mikasa taking in his appearance and energy, too nervous to speak as if words would intrude on his stature. He was the piece of a painting, standing amidst her messy dorm as if to bring the surroundings around him to life with the green of his eyes, every step he took transforming the world into a mural. A mural an artist spent months on, making sure every line and shade was exact and perfected.

She wondered if he was thinking the same things about her, too.

Sasha disrupted the silence exchange by handing Mikasa her coat and the crimson scarf. “Here, you’ll freeze to death without these.”

“Oh,” Mikasa muttered, grabbing the clothes to put on, careful to make sure the scarf didn’t ruin her hair or touch any foundation on her chin. “Thank you, Sash.”

“Sure thing, sweet girl,” she cooed before pushing the forest and the universe out of the front door. “Now, c’mon and get goin’ you two.”

“She’ll be home safe, Sasha,” Eren reassured as she pushed them, spinning on his heel to face her once they were at the entrance. “Don’t worry. She’s in good hands.”

“She better be,” Sasha gave him a smirk, one that was both teasing and threatening. She looked back at onyx eyes and her smile changed to one that was reassuring and soft. “Let me know when you’re headed home?”

She reciprocated the sweet smile, pairing it with a “Will do.”

The sound of a door shutting was met with the nervous breaths of two individuals, one of them spinning on his heel to walk in the direction of, assumably, his truck, the other following next to him. The girl couldn’t tell if the silence was comfortable or nauseating.

He was the first to break it. “Mikasa, you, uh, you look–”

She scoffed, her fingers playing with the end of the scarf around her neck as she stared at the moving ground below her. “So fancy, I know.”

“Captivating.” He blurted, and she looked up to see his red cheeks, emerald eyes staring deeply into her as if he was lost within her cosmos.

She blushed when his lips formed into that half smile, immediately looking away and to the ground again. “You don’t look that bad, either.” She heard him let out a soft chuckle, and she smiled at the sound. 

They walked into the parking lot at the front of the college, Eren holding open the passenger side of his car for the girl, but he stopped her with a hand before she could enter. “Alright,” he smiled, pointing at the red scarf around Mikasa’s neck. “Use that as a blindfold.”

“Eren,” she shook her head, “Sasha spent time on my hair and makeup, so I can’t do that.”

He shook his head, making a “nuh-uh” sound at the back of his throat. “You can’t see where we’re going.”

“Can’t I just close my eyes or something?”

“Nope.”

“Eren–”

“Do you trust me?”

The question caught her off guard, and Mikasa looked up to see his calming green, his expression silently telling her it was going to be okay, and that she just needed to take the gamble and do whatever it was he said. After all, she had no idea what he had in store for the night ahead of her. The girl let out a sigh, taking the scarf around her neck and wrapping it into a makeshift blindfold, making sure to tie it loosely so it didn’t ruin her hair or press too hard against her eyes. She reached a hand out, trying to find Eren’s to help her into the truck. Maybe he should’ve let her put it on _after_ she got into the passenger’s seat. She felt his hand grab her wandering fingers, another hand gently resting on the small of her back to help her up into the seat. She got comfortable when she heard the door close, depending on memory alone to find the seatbelt to buckle herself in. 

Another door opened and closed, and she heard the sound of a seatbelt buckle before a murmured, “ _Appa, yip, yip!_ ” She smiled, taking in a deep breath and resting her head against the head of the car seat.“You’re not going to kill me, are you?”

She was startled when the vehicle started moving backward, and she heard him scoff. “God, do I still have to prove that I’m not a serial killer?”

She shrugged, adjusting the scarf that was slipping at the back of her head from pressing it against the seat. “Well, if this is all just some elaborate plan to kidnap and murder me, I’ll give you props for the dedication."

She heard him titter. “Even if I was, I’m not _that_ smart.”

She laughed at his response, and the ride remained quiet, the radio playing some song she had heard too many times, her adrenaline rushing with every turn and pause of the car. Of course she trusted him, he had been nothing but sweet and generous to the girl since they had met, but being stuck in a moving vehicle with no vision, muffled audio coming through the scarf that wrapped around her ears, made her nervous. What was this guy planning?

The car came to a halt, and she first thought there was a stoplight before the rumbling of the car stopped completely, a jangling of keys heard as the truck stopped moving. “You wait there, I’ll help you out. Do _not_ take that blindfold off.”

She nodded her head, hearing a variety of doors open and close before the one next to her did, cold air greeting the right side of her body. She stuck out her right hand to find him, her fingers suddenly on a chest, her hand scattering itself to move upwards along his shoulder and neck, eventually landing on his face. She felt his nose and went to the lower right to feel his cheek, flicking it with her fingers.

“Ouch,” she heard him groan, grabbing her hand with his own and guiding her to step out of the car. She flattened her feet on the ground and heard a car door close.

Mikasa smiled, still holding onto his hand and feeling another hand hold onto the leftmost side of her waist. He was behind her, taking slow steps to encourage her to move forward. “That was scary.”

He laughed, turning her to turn left. They continued to walk slowly. “But you’re alive, right?”

“True,” she shrugged. “Still, every time you would make a turn, my heart would–” He abruptly turned right, the two of them taking a few steps forward in that direction. She let out a long sigh, shaking her head. “Little warning next time.”

“We’re here,” he whispered, and she felt the scarf untie at the back, slowly unwrapping around her eyes until she gained her vision back. Her mouth turned to the shape of a small _o_ at the sight of the door in front of her.

“What…?” Her voice trailed off, her brain confused and unable to form sentences. She was trying to figure out what was going on, why she was _here_ , of all places. Didn’t Eren mention going to _Olive Garden_?

“Mikasa,” his hands abandoned her, and he walked to the front door of the building to open it. There was the sound of a ringing bell as he swung the door open. “Welcome to the best thing I’ve got up my sleeve.”

She looked up at him to see excited green eyes, his eyebrows lifted as he nodded his head in the direction of what was to come after the front doors. She hesitantly walked inside, hearing the door close behind her as he followed her. She approached a familiar wooden counter at the front of the vicinity, and she paused at it as if to wait for someone. The room was dim, the ceiling lights on a very low setting. She looked at the counter confused, but she heard Eren say, “Over here,” and she looked up to see him walking past the counter and to the left, so she followed.

He paused, stepping to the side, and there sat a table, an off-white tablecloth covering it with a bouquet of lavender flowers proudly sitting in the middle of it, baby’s breath and white carnations complimenting the purple flowers. There were candles on other tables that illuminated the room with a warm glow, almost every table pushed to the borders of the room to leave the decorated table to be the center. She also noticed a keyboard in one of the far corners of the area.

He walked her over to the table and moved the chair for her to sit on, offering to take her coat and scarf to place them elsewhere. He disappeared with her belongings, and she could look at the table closer now, seeing the beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting in a little mason jar, twine wrapped around it and forming a small bow. Her mouth was still in the shape of a small _o_ , her eyes dancing along each candle to see the flickering flames. She furrowed her eyebrows, lost in thought. She almost didn’t notice when he returned and sat in the chair in front of her.

She was speechless. “Eren…”

He smiled at her, adjusting his seating as his eyes darted around the room as well, closely looking at every detail. He seemed nervous, a blush growing on his cheeks whenever his eyes would dart in the direction of Mikasa. She tilted her head at him, trying to solve the puzzle of his nervous demeanor. Did… did _he_ do all of this?

A man walked up to the table, it was the tall one that Mikasa seemed to recognize the most. He smiled, arms formally behind his back as he spoke. “Good evening, and welcome to _Grisha’s Family Diner_ , home of the best date in the world. My name is Bertholdt, and I will be your server for tonight. Would you two like any drinks?”

Mikasa looked up at Bertholdt, so speechless she couldn’t seem to mold any form of words into even the smallest sentence. There was a lull as both men looked at her, and her breathing began to stagger, her guts twisting and heart fluttering in a manner she couldn’t understand.

Eren cleared his throat, catching the attention of the dark-haired server. “Let’s just do two glasses of water, and did you guys manage to bring…” His voice trailed off, arching an eyebrow at his friend.

Bertholdt thought for a moment before something seemed to click inside of him. “Oh, the wine?” His voice turned into a murmur. “We didn’t get a very good brand.”

“That’s okay. Mikasa, red wine sound okay?” 

The girl blinked quickly for a few moments before comprehending the question asked. She cleared her throat, nodding her head subtly. “Yeah, that sounds really good.”

The dark hair nodded his head, smiling and walking away to what Mikasa assumed was the kitchen. She looked at the boy across from her, candlelight illuminating his features, her eyes dancing across his jawline and down to the Adam’s apple on his neck, the broadness of his shoulders, and the roughness of his hands. She smiled gently to herself, finally meeting the lily pads that rested on the stillest lake in the world, the candlelight causing the water to glisten with a blinding light that left her blistered.

“Eren, you didn’t…” Her voice trailed off, struggling to formulate even the slightest of sentences. “Did you plan all of this?”

He gently nodded his head, the strand she cut jumping with the nod and grazing his cheek slightly.

“For me?”

Another head nod.

And she felt her insides twist again. She was overwhelmed, truly and utterly drowning underneath the waves of gratitude that crashed inside of her. She couldn’t understand, couldn’t comprehend why Eren would plan something like _this_ for her–no, she couldn’t understand, couldn’t comprehend why Eren would plan something like this for _her_. She felt her heart explode and implode simultaneously, the emotions overwhelming her and encapsulating over every blood cell and nerve within her body. All she ever did was tease him and annoy him, yet he deemed her worthy of his energy and consideration. She couldn’t understand why the life inside of him combat the death inside of her, and she couldn’t understand why it worked, how he broke her pessimism like a twig and flourished fields upon fields of sweetness and joy over her racing heart.

Not to mention that he nailed the smallest of details right on the head, the fact that her favorite flowers sat in front of her made her heart flutter enough. He remembered, weeks ago when they asked dumb questions to each other and she said she loved the color purple because it reminded her of lavender flowers. He rearranged the room so that it was just the two of them, Mikasa forced with nothing to distract her other than the sound of his nervous breathing and the sight of his forests. She was excited for a date, sure, but this? _This_? And him? _Him_? It was all like a dream come true.

Bertholdt came out with two waters, cautiously setting them down and grabbing glass cups to pour wine, the sound of the red liquid filling the glass loudly disrupting her thoughts. Three more figures came from the same direction, walking towards the keyboard that was plugged in at a corner of the room. She noticed everyone she had met was wearing the same thing: black jeans and a black, long-sleeved shirt. A blonde man held a guitar, a brunette held a box drum, and a blonde woman stepped behind the keyboard. The figures sat down, taking a few moments before filling the silence of the air with soft, acoustic music. Their playing was nothing more than mediocre, but it was pleasing, fitting perfectly to the atmosphere Eren had painted. The whole room was a mural, perfectly painted, and each stroke caused Mikasa’s emotions to grow deeper, her infatuation reaching levels it had yet to encounter.

Bertholdt cleared his throat once done pouring drinks, smiling at Mikasa. “For appetizers, we have a spinach and artichoke dip paired with pita chips, and breadsticks will be on the way. Our top two chefs will bring those out for you in just a few moments.”

Mikasa blinked. “None of those things are on your guys’ menu.”

“I called in a favor,” she heard the forest say, her eyes glancing over to meet a soft smile. There was still blush in his cheeks and anxiety in his demeanor. She nodded her head, heart racing, and her breathing still quickening. Great, so not only did he go above and beyond with the setup, but he went above and beyond with their meal as well. She opened her mouth to say more but was disrupted when a man and woman greeted them, one placing down a green dip and the other placing down a basket of bread. They were both still young, but they were the oldest people in the restaurant Mikasa had met so far.

“Spinach and artichoke dip with homemade pita chips!” The blonde man smiled, placing his plate adjacent to the bouquet.

“And don’t forget about the bread!” The woman placed her own basket down, much less formal in her conversation than everyone else had been thus far. Mikasa was slightly thankful for that, considering she wasn’t expecting everyone to be on their best behavior for _her_ sake. The fact that Eren banded a group of people to provide a nice meal was admirable and overwhelming enough. The woman smiled, sticking her hand out to Mikasa, a glimmer of either candlelight or excitement reflecting in her glasses. “I’m Hange Zoë, the best chef in the house!”

Mikasa shook the hand, smiling greatly as she listened to the man scoff and speak. “Actually, I’m the best chef in the house,” he nodded his head at Mikasa and shook her hand firmly. “Erwin Smith.”

Mikasa giggled, flattening her hand on her chest and looking up at the two chefs. “It’s really nice to meet you both. I’ve heard a lot of stories about you two!”

“Really!?” Hange shouted, leaning over at Eren and loudly whispering. Mikasa couldn’t tell if the chef wanted her to hear the words or not. “When you said she was special, I was excited, but _wow,_ Eren, she is beautiful!”

His cheeks grew a deeper red than they already were, lifting his hand to make a hasty cutting motion at his neck, shaking his head. He was harshly whispering. “Auntie Hange! Please, not now!”

Mikasa’s eyes widened, excitement in her voice as she looked up at the woman. “Are you really his aunt?”

She laughed, placing her hand on the shoulder of the blonde next to her.“Oh, no! Erwin and I have just been working here for as long as Eren can remember, so he’s sort of adopted us as his family.”

Onyx eyes smiled, her eyes darting between the jubilated pair of glasses and the smug look on the tall blonde. “That’s so cute”

“Ain’t it?” She smiled, taking a moment to laugh with her hand on her stomach. “Oh, boy, you should’ve seen him when he was a kid! He would loudly stomp in here and leave mud all over the floors and–”

There was a loud, embarrassed voice emerging from the seat across from Mikasa. “Hange!”

She laughed, winking at Eren as Erwin gave the boy a pat on the back. They started to walk away. “My bad! I just get excited, y’know? We’ll keep working on dinner.”

The duo disappeared, and Mikasa was left smiling while the boy in front of her had furrowed eyebrows and visibly red cheeks. He murmured something under his breath, standing up to grab Mikasa’s plate and scoop some of the dip onto it, taking a handful of pita chips and setting the on the plate as well. She murmured a thank you and watched him sit down in his seat again.

His voice trailed off as he scooped his own portion of the dip. “Do…do you, uh…”

“Do I what?” She blinked, taking a chip and scooping it into the green. The dip was too heavy, and the pita broke in half. She frowned, using a finger to rescue the drowning chip. 

He paused, watching her struggle to save the chip and put it in her mouth. He spoke slowly as she chewed. “Do you like everything.”

Her eyes bolted up from the green dip to green eyes. “Dfo I wike evewythinf?”

“Mikasa,” he smirked, and Mikasa cursed at the hypocrite in her head. 

She took time to swallow the chip, taking a quick swig of her wine to wash it down. She should’ve gone for the water, the sweet bitterness of the wine overpowering the delightful dip. “Do I like everything?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged, fiddling with a chip and hesitantly placing it in his own dip. “You haven’t said much this whole time.”

She quickly blinked, feeling guilt reside in her for not being more verbal about her thoughts. Of course she liked everything–no, she _loved_ everything. He painted a priceless night all just for her, and she didn’t know if she could ever repay him for the kind actions. Mikasa felt like she was in a dream, a dream she never wanted to wake up from. He looked up at her with insecurity, and she started spurting out rushed, stammering words in hopes that he would feel better. “Oh, my God! Eren! ErenErenEren! I–I can’t even explain–I have no idea where to even, where to even _start_! This… This is absolutely perfect.”

A soft half-smile dug itself into his lips, and his eyes glimmered a little more. He stared at the chip in his hand, fiddling with it again.“Yeah?”

She nodded her head reassuringly, pleading that her words would soothe his nerves. “Absolutely. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay you.”

“No,” he interrupted, putting up a hand as if to tell her to stop. He looked up from the plate. “I told you we were going to have a wonderful night, right? Enjoy it.”

The voice of the woman on the box drum in the corner of the room spoke up, slightly startling Mikasa. “You can always count on Eren to be a cheesy motherfucker!”

“Ymir!” Eren’s voice was stern, annoyed in the same way he was with Hange. “Can you shut up? Focus on playing the cajón, okay? Thank you.”

Mikasa giggled, shaking her head as her eyes looked at the brunette curse a “ _Fuck you_ ,” under her breath, returning to playing a steady beat on the box drum. Ymir. She’d seen that one before, typically at the front of the restaurant and greeting customers in a lackadaisical manner. Mikasa’s eyes drifted to the acoustic guitar player, a blonde man, and she could remember his name was Reiner. She remembered Eren nearly knocking the guy over so he could serve her table when she first came to the restaurant with Armin. She smiled to herself at the memory before her eyes drifted to the girl behind the keyboard. She didn’t recognize that one. “Who’s on keys?”

Eren paused before responding. “Oh, that’s–”

“I’m Annie!” The girl interrupted with a smile, using the hand that was playing the bass clef on the keys with a smile. “I don’t work here. I’m Bertholdt’s girlfriend!”

An excited smile met Mikasa’s lips as she waved her hand at the blonde. “Annie! It’s so nice to meet you!”

“Likewise!” The girl smiled before placing her hand down to return to the keys, lower notes filling the room again.

The universe smiled at the exchange, looking back over to see Eren. He was nervous, his eyes darting back and forth between the direction of the door and the lavender bouquet in front of him. He was still playing with the chip in his hand. “You haven’t touched your food,” she frowned, lifting up one of her own chips in his direction. “You should eat. Hange and Erwin did an amazing job.”

He looked startled for a moment when she talked to him, and he nodded his head, taking a bite and humming. “They usually do.”

She paused, licking her lips and sinking her teeth into her bottom lip. He was still eyeing the door behind her. “Why are you nervous?”

He tittered, finally making solid eye contact with the girl and shrugging. “Someone’s late, that’s all.”

“Well, it’s a good thing everything is already so perfect.” She took another chip, lathering it in the green dip and slowly chewing it before she spoke again. “I’ll be surprised if you manage to top what you’ve already got going on.”

He smiled at her softly, the quiet response booming throughout the room.

Mikasa cleared her throat.“Your friends are all so talented, huh? Musicians, chefs, plus they all are such good and kind people.”

“I don’t know, the ones in the corner over there,” he pointed to the makeshift band and spoke with a whisper, “are a bunch of assholes.” She giggled, watching as he sat back in his chair smugly and smiled. He started to go on an excited tangent, and she happily smiled along to his words. “For real, though, I do have some great friends. I mean, you know Armin, right? The guy’s a genius! You’ve met Marco, and he’s such a good dude. I tried to get him to bring cider tonight but he was out of town, ugh. Anyway, everyone here is pretty great, and I’m so thankful for all of them. I try to keep my little friendship nest, niche, whatever full of good people. Don’t want any negativity, y’know?”

She nodded her head at his words, insecurity starting to creep up behind her. He must’ve viewed her as a good person, considering he dedicated so much time and energy for this date of theirs, and yet she was the very girl whose subconscious tried to kill him every night. She let out a sigh, hoping he wouldn’t notice her sudden uneasiness. She didn’t deserve this, she didn’t deserve his attention, yet here he was, giving his efforts to her on a silver platter. She knew very well she wasn’t the one who deserved his kisses, his touch, his attention, but he was so willing to give himself to her.

The sound of the bell at the entrance of the restaurant rang Mikasa’s thoughts away, and she watched a small woman run up to Eren, her hands in exaggerated motions as she spoke in rushed sentences. Mikasa didn’t recognize this one, either. “Oh, my God! Eren, I’m so sorry! So, so, so sorry! There was such an awful accident on the highway–thank God nobody was hurt, but it was an ugly accident–but you _know_ how long the drive is for me to get here, so I got here as fast as I could! I didn’t want to ruin such a special night for you–”

“Historia,” Eren placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. She was wearing the same thing as everyone else, black jeans with the black, long-sleeved shirt. It was as if they all dressed in a way to ensure that the forest and the universe were the most colorful things in the room. “This is Mikasa.”

The girl, a beautiful blonde with diamond eyes, immediately looked over to Mikasa with wide eyes. There was an excited smile on her face, and she rushed over to excitedly shake her hand. It was an understatement to say this girl was thrilled. She was stammering again. “It’s so nice to meet you! I’m Historia, but Eren already said that. I used to work here, but I quit for hospital work and to focus more on schooling! Why am I telling you my life story right now? I don’t know, but I’m so excited to meet you! You look drop-dead gorgeous, by the way!”

Mikasa shyly laughed, slowing down the excited shake with the girl and eventually letting go of the grip. “You’re so sweet. Really, it’s nice to meet you–along with all of Eren’s friends.”

“Just between you and me,” diamond eyes leaned closely to Mikasa, speaking in a hushed whisper, “you’re on a date with one of the most amazing, good-hearted people to exist. Make sure to enjoy every single second of it.”

Mikasa’s eyes wandered over to look at the forest, who was giving Historia a, “ _Please just hurry up_ ” sort of look. As she rushed in the direction of the kitchen, Hange and Erwin walked back into the room with plates in their hands. Bertholdt followed them to top off any drinks that sat on the table. As the two chefs came closer to the table and set the meal in front of the duo, Mikasa inhaled the scent of the dish. Her eyes widened.

Erwin spoke confidently, wiping his hands off of his pants before speaking. “Tonight’s dinner is California Style Burgers.”

The two walked away, Eren not hesitant to immediately cut into the dish. He shoved the burger into his mouth, a hum escaping him as he chewed. Mikasa sat and stared at the burger in front of her, a smirk on her lips. “These are my favorite.”

Eren looked up from his food, smiling with chipmunk cheeks before quickly swallowing. He took a sip of water. “Yes, ma’am.”

She blinked, tilting her head at the boy. She noticed how he was much more at ease that everyone was present. “How did you…”

He shrugged. “I asked a certain friend.”

There was a pause. “Armin?”

“Yes, ma’am. It’s funny, ‘cause burgers are my favorite, too. I was expecting some fancy shit, considering we were going to dress up all nice and whatever, but when he said ‘ _She’d die for a good cheeseburger_ ,’ I thought he was lying,” he smiled, shoving another bite of food in his mouth. A little bit of avocado stuck on the side of his lip.

She tittered, slowly taking the burger and holding it midair. “You got everyone involved, huh? Even Armin.”

“It was a no-brainer. You’re great and deserve a great night.” He smiled. Mikasa slowly bit into the burger, her heart feeling like it was flying outside of her. She could cry, his generosity was too much, too overwhelming. Every little detail of the night had so much thought squeezed into it, and she couldn’t understand why or how she was blessed with such a reality. He continued to speak. “Just you wait, though. Dessert is really what’s going to blow you away.”

Mikasa giggled. “This night just keeps getting better and better, huh?”

So they chomped away at burgers, wearing elegant clothing amidst candlelight and acoustic music. Mikasa didn’t know if it was the wine that was easing her nerves or what, but she felt safe. She felt so, so safe locked in his gaze. She’d make fun of him for the avocado that kept sticking to his lip, to which he would stubbornly leave alone just to spite her. She took a mental photograph of him at that moment, the half-eaten burger and the smug half smile he held burning itself into her memory. She was blind up until that moment, the image he presented being her entry into seeing the world in a whole new perspective. She didn’t want this dream to end. No, not even a little bit. She was drowning in the colors of the mural he painted, and as they finished their meal, she felt both excitement for how the night would continue and dread for how the night would conclude. 

Bertholdt came out to the table when the meal was finished, smiling at the duo with his hands behind his back again. Hange and Erwin emerged as well, taking away empty plates covered in crumbs. “Since Historia was late, dessert won’t be ready for another five to ten minutes, give or take.”

“That’s okay,” Eren smiled, standing up from the table and placing his hand out to Mikasa. Her mouth made the shape of a small _o_. “We can kill time.”

Mikasa took his hand, slowly standing up from her chair and feeling her bunched up dress fall to the floor. She tilted her head at the boy, now looking up at his tall stature instead of staring straight ahead at an even table. “What’re you doing?”

He smiled. “Dance with me.”

She shook her head, laughing nervously. “I don’t know how to dance.”

“Neither do I,” he shrugged, looking at her with sincerity, “but let’s do it for the hell of it.”

She heard the blonde guitar player shout. “Yolo!”

She could only blink in response, silently nodding her head as he walked her over to the corner of the trio playing instruments. He put his hands around her waist, and her arms made their way around his neck. They stood there, Mikasa waiting for him to take the lead, and he did after a brief moment. They just swayed, the mediocre music becoming Mikasa’s favorite sound. She loved the inconsistent thump of the cajón, the staggered notes on the keyboard, the untuned strings of the guitar.The sway of the universe and the forest became the melody, the vocals of a song she never wanted to escape, a song she wanted to sing in the car and listen to on loop forever.

He leaned forward slightly, and she mistook it as a cue to move, her foot stepping on his shoe. They both giggled, Mikasa whispering a soft apology and Eren reciprocating with a gentle forgiveness. She felt so safe, in the music, in his arms, in the candlelight, in _Grisha’s Family Diner_ , and she felt beautiful. It wasn’t because of the makeup, the fancy dress or the romantic setting. She felt beautiful when he looked at her, beautiful when he held her, beautiful when he spoke to her. She was a shadow amidst color, the darkness of her hair and eyes flourishing within the atmosphere of warm candlelight, lavender flowers, rosy cheeks, and green eyes.

It didn’t even matter that they were in front of his teasing friends–Historia walking out with dessert and gawking over the moment they shared, Ymir, Reiner, and Annie making teasing sounds at the dancing duo, Bertholdt popping his head out of the kitchen, Hange and Erwin proudly watching their adoptive nephew slow dance with a girl in the middle of the restaurant. It didn’t matter that they were out in public because it felt private, and it felt like their mutual emotions, at this moment, were unspoken agreements to cherish for however long was to come. Promises to enjoy each other’s company, to keep at this “thing” they have going, to maybe try and go further one day and discover the uncharted territories of what it meant to be in a relationship together.

And Mikasa loved it. God, she loved it more than anything. In her arms and holding her was the forests of the earth. The terrain of the very planet was holding _her_ in his arms, silently telling her how beautiful she was through the swaying of hips to gentle music. And she loved it. God, Mikasa loved it more than anything.

Historia cleared her throat awkwardly, the couple blinking out of their euphoric haze and looking over at the blonde. She held up two plates, a soft smile emerging on her lips. “Dessert!” They smiled, abandoning the makeshift dance floor to return back to the table, Historia placing dessert in front of them. “I present the one, the only, Reiss family lava cake! It’s paired with a salted caramel ice cream.”

Mikasa took a bite of the lava cake, warm chocolate and salted caramel invading her taste buds in the most pleasing, satisfactory combination. “Jesus Christ! Dude! _Dude_! This is so good!”

“Amazing as always, Historia.” The forest smiled, the diamond eyes pinching his cheek before walking away.

And so they feasted on chocolate cake, the cake practically disappearing in front of Mikasa’s eyes. It was damn good, and eventually, both of their dishes were left empty on the table, the remnants of melted caramel ice cream painting a pretty brown on the surface. She watched him, leaning back into her chair as he rambled on about something she couldn’t really understand. He was handsome–no, _he_ was the captivating one, not her. All of his kindness throughout the night shone through at this moment, his half smiles, generosity, tenderness, and warmth were blossoming from the inside, out.

Erwin came from behind Eren, the boy looking up to look at the blonde sitting behind him. “What’s up?”

“Eren, as much as I love you,” the man patted the forest’s shoulder, rubbing it slightly and smiling, “I do need to close this place down.”

Eren nodded his head quickly, sitting up straight and grabbing his dessert dish. “Absolutely, do you need help cleaning?”

Erwin grabbed the plate from the boy’s hands, shaking his head and patting his shoulder once more. “No, you enjoy your date. Mikasa, it was great to meet you.”

She nodded her head, both the universe and the forest standing up to walk out of the restaurant. Eren disappeared to grab her coat and scarf from earlier. Ymir, Reiner, and Annie stopped playing, beginning to clean up their instrument set up and blow out the candles, the house lights suddenly illuminating the empty room. A hand suddenly placed itself at the small of her back. A coat and scarf were put in her hands. “Ready?”

Mikasa took a deep sigh, giving one long, last look at the bouquet of lavender at the dinner table Bertholdt was picking up. “Yeah.”

They started their way towards the front door, but Annie tapped on Eren’s shoulder, causing the boy to spin around and blink, clearly confused.“Here, let me get a photo of the two of you.”

Anxiety started to flood Mikasa’s heart. She was _not_ about to ruin a perfect night with a photo she wasn’t prepared for. “Oh, we don’t have to–”

“Yes!” Eren was excited, grabbing Mikasa by the waist and pulling her close to his frame. He smiled at the blonde, handing his phone over to her and nodding his head. “That would be great, Annie! Thanks.”

“No problem!” The blonde smiled, grabbing Eren’s phone and opening the camera.

Mikasa cleared her throat, feeling her body naturally go into the mechanical process of photo-posing. It was almost muscle memory at this point, leg propped forward, back slightly arched, suck in a deep breath of air, and–

“Hey,” Eren interrupted her thought process, and she looked up inquisitively at emerald pools.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

He crossed his eyes, sticking out a tongue at her, and she was caught off guard, laughing at the childish face and placing a hand on her chest. “Eren!”

_Click!_

“Oh, that’s a good one!” Annie smiled, her face emerging from the phone she held. “You guys are too cute.”

“Thanks, girl!” Eren smiled, waving the girl goodbye and placing his phone in his pocket. 

Mikasa felt panicked. That was the photo? _That_ was the photo? Worries of her appearance started to flood her heart, the thoughts that if she didn’t look a certain way, then Eren would stop liking her. That’s how it worked, and that’s what photos were for, right?

“C’mon, let’s get you home.” Eren smiled, sweeping the girl out of the restaurant, the ring of the bell on the door concluding the night that was in _Grisha’s Family Diner_.

 

* * *

They were at the front of her door, Mikasa brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “You really didn’t have to walk me to the door.”

He shrugged, hands in his pockets as he looked intently at the girl. “Sasha might’ve actually killed me if I didn’t.”

She laughed, placing her hand on her chest. “True! Very true.”

There was a lull, the two too hesitant to conclude the wonderful night they had shared together. Eren was the one who spoke first. “Well, I had a great time.”

“Eren…” Her voice trailed off, not ready to say goodbye, but ready to reminisce over the night: the thought about the music, the dancing, the burgers, the chefs. She hated for it to end. “Thank you”

He smiled. “For sure!”

“No, seriously. Thank you,” her voice was much softer in an attempt for him to understand the weight of her gratitude. “You went above and beyond, and I don’t even know what to say or how to react or–”

He kissed her quickly, cupping her face with his hands and she hummed, reaching to kiss him back as well. He paused before whispering against her lips. “The best part of tonight was how beautiful you looked.” 

And she couldn’t speak, keeping her eyes closed as their foreheads pressed together, noses touching and his breath warm on her face to contradict the cold air. She wanted to stay like that with him, forever.

But good things are temporary, and he pulled away to knock on her door confidently. “I better go back and help clean up the restaurant, but I hope you have a good rest of your night.”

“Yeah…” She breathed, watching the man standing at her door casually, unaware of the effect he had on her. She wanted to melt back in his arms. She didn’t want him to go, no, not after such a wonderful night. Not after everything he just blessed her with. She wanted him to stay. “Please drive safe.”

He smiled at her concern, that damn half smile causing her insides to twist even more than they already were. “I will.”

The door of her dorm flew open, and there stood Sasha, sober and with a smile. “Eren, Mikasa! Hey, you two!”

Eren smiled, encouraging Mikasa to step forward into the building. She turned around to face him as she stood beside the ponytail. “Sasha! Here she is, all in one piece.”

“Thank you, Eren.” The ponytail smiled, rubbing her hand on Mikasa’s back.

He paused for a moment, staring at Mikasa long and hard. His expression changed from a confidently social one to a more longing, almost mourning expression. Did he not want to leave her, either? “Have a good night, Mikasa. I’ll text you?”

“Please do,” she blurted out, closely watching his every movement. She licked her lips, and she noticed his Adam’s apple bobbed with a swallow when she did so. “Make sure to tell everyone I said ‘thank you,’ alright?”

He nodded his head, his eyes refusing to tear away from the universe. He seemed in a dazed state, staring at her with a tenderness she had only briefly understood. He looked awestruck, almost childlike amazement in his eyes. “Will do.”

There was a brief pause, the forest trying to memorize constellations and the universe trying to roll in blades of grass. He snapped out of it, though, bidding his last goodbyes before closing the wooden door of Mikasa’s dorm.

And Eren was gone. Their night was done.

Sasha wasn’t hesitant to blurt out in excitement. “So?!”

She paused for a moment, mourning and grieving for his absence, but she took a few deep breaths before breaking into a smile. Her voice was breathy, roses blooming on her cheeks as she shook her head in disbelief. “Sasha, it–he–it was amazing! He was amazing!” She leaned her back against the door, placing both hands over her heart to feel it quickly beating. She smiled more, teeth blinding her friend. “Did that all really just happen?”

And so she explained everything she could into stammering sentences, how the menu was perfect, how there was live music, how they slow danced, how he managed to get a lavender bouquet despite the flowers being out of season, how the dessert was to die for, _everything_. Even as she spoke, she felt like she was in a movie, explaining a cliché first date to her college roommate as if it was scripted, as if she was scripted to say he kissed her and called her beautiful, as if it was scripted to say he was truly the best view of the whole night. She couldn’t believe all of that, all of his attention and care, was given to her, _her_. Those green eyes were hers, _hers_.

The ponytail squealed, tilting her head at her friend with astonishment in her voice. “Mikasa!” Was all the friend could say, jumping in place for a moment before gathering herself with a smug smile. “Good thing you had me around to make you look hot.”

“Oh, shut up.” Mikasa rolled her eyes, taking off her scarf and jacket. “I’m surprised you're not stoned already. It’s well past ten, y’know?”

“I couldn’t smoke or sleep until I knew you were home safe, sweet girl.” Sasha smiled sweetly, turning away from the entrance of the door and walking over to her bed. She was already in pajamas, and Mikasa noted the goldfish on her friend’s bed. “But now that you’re here, I’m going soaring tonight, if that’s cool with you.” She lifted the wax pen that sat on her sheets.

“Fine by me. I’m not having any, though.” Mikasa smiled, and she felt a buzz in the pocket of the jacket she was holding. She dug her hand into the pocket to take out her phone, the screen bright with a notification.

**_ATTACHMENT: 1 IMAGE - Eren Yeager_ **

She let out a quick sigh, knowing exactly what the photo was. She dreaded this moment, but she opened the message to reveal the image, and she…

Smiled. She smiled so hard. Eren was holding her, pulling her close to his chest with a stupid face, Mikasa’s face twisted up in genuine laughter, her hand slightly blurry in the photo when it went to flatten itself on her chest. He had his attention directly on her, the photo accentuating the sharpness of his jawline and side profile greatly. The color of her dress was the brightest thing in the image, the dusty purple contrasting so greatly from her surroundings yet perfectly matching and blending in with Eren’s physic. It was just a dumb candid photo, blissfully ignorant to the fact that this moment was captured forever, and she loved it.

Sasha coughed for a moment, speaking after taking a draft. The room flooded with the familiar smell of cannabis. “Are you happy?”

“Sasha,” Mikasa smiled, staring intently at the photo on her screen, “I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever felt.”


	14. The Waiter and the Flapper Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing a Halloween chapter in January to get me hyped for a holiday ten months away bahaha. But once again, hi everyone thank you so much for all of the support and love y'all provide on this fic. It warms my heart so much :(

Armin arched an eyebrow at the phone screen sitting on the coffee table, a smug smile on his lips and a sense of pride within him. All he needed was to see the time, his usual watch left on his nightstand from when he forgot to put it on this morning, once again running late for work (He kept telling himself to go to bed earlier instead of staying up so late, compensating for the hours he lost to studying by scrolling on his phone or watching different television shows until nearly one in the morning). His eyes widened when they met the wallpaper of the cell phone, a boy making a silly face and a girl’s face twisted up in laughter, smiling in a way Armin had never seen her smile before. He didn’t even look at the time, the photograph too much of a pleasant distraction.

The echo of a flushing toilet emitted from the bathroom, a variety of doors opening and closing until Armin looked up to see a brunette start to wash his hands in the kitchen sink. Emerald eyes quickly looked up at sapphire, a mumble escaping him as he looked back down at his hands. “We need to refill the soap in the bathroom.”

“I like your wallpaper,” the ocean smiled, picking up the phone and turning on the screen in Eren’s direction as if to remind him what his own background was.

He watched the slightest shade of red paint itself on the forest’s cheeks, turning off the running water and drying his hands on an adjacent towel. “Thanks.”

The blonde mused for a moment, walking over to the kitchen to hand the device over to his friend. He leaned against the counter and rested his face on his hand, closely observing his friend’s demeanor shift from casual to shy, the red consistent on his face. “You never told me how the date went.”

Armin took offense to that fact, considering _he_ was the mutual friend who practically set Mikasa and Eren up together, the one pushing for Eren to make the moves and encouraging the individuals to keep meeting up after noticing their exchanges: darting eyes, quick glances, how when one spoke, the other would provide full, undivided attention. Truly, it was a pain to sew them together, both Mikasa and Eren way too stubborn to admit to any hint of feelings. It was a miracle that their threads actually listened to the needle for once. 

When Eren planned the date with the blonde, Armin could feel himself bouncing off of the walls to know that his two best friends seemed to confide in each other, but he only recalled Eren coming home that Saturday night, his cheeks rosy and his eyes both vivacious and mournful. The boy just went straight into his room, returning a borrowed white button up and rushing off to work the next morning, leaving sapphire eyes to dejectedly sit on the couch, excitement for details draining from him. It was hard to be the bystander of a story he wrote the introduction to, to know his two best friends were creating memories he would never understand or hear about.

Eren shrugged, shoving his phone in his back pocket and scratching the back of his head, his hair slightly knotting up as his tanned fingers tangled in the dark chocolate strands. “Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” No, it wasn’t. “I just wish you’d talk to me about these sorts of things, considering I’m the reason you even know Mikasa.”

Eren tittered, shrugging and putting his arm down. He stepped back to lean against a counter in the kitchen, his arms crossed and his gaze zoning out into some corner of the ceiling. The demeanor of the man changed from a nervous one to a dumbfounded one. “Dude, she was a dream. I pinched myself under the table at least three times to make sure I was awake.”

The blonde simply smiled, looking at his friend recall the memories of an unknown night, a night that Armin would never truly understand or witness. He witnessed glimpses of that date through Eren’s rosy cheeks and breathless words, and that seemed to be enough to understand what happened. He glowed so brilliantly. Eren never understood what Armin meant when he said that, but, _God,_ it was so obvious to everyone else that Eren was glowing. His eyes were greener, his smile wider, his laughter louder, his consideration deeper. Hell, he even started to play with the dog more. He shone so brightly, that sparkle in his eyes defeating Eren’s tunnel vision and showing him other routes, other paths and directions of living happily. 

Armin watched the forest struggle with purpose for so long, watching him resort to different responsibilities and ambitions as if to fill a hole inside of him. He didn’t go to school, he worked a dead-end job, and he spent nearly every second of his existence stressing over the technicalities of living. He missed the ambitious boy he knew in high school, the flirt of the school who wanted to be in the Olympics one week, the president the next week, a policeman the next, and so on. He recalled one day where Eren preached about living “just as our ancestors did,” begging Armin to live on a farm with him deep in the mountains, only to preach why “living in a mansion would be dope as shit” the next day. He missed that spirit, that boyish energy that resided in Eren now replaced with the stress of adulthood at only twenty-one.

Eren put too much weight on his shoulders, lying to himself that life was geocentric, that the forest was the center of the solar system and everything revolved around him, dependent on his gravity and ability to satisfy the planets and stars. It was like the guy thought he was the conductor of a symphony he didn’t even know. Mikasa proved him wrong, proved to him that life was heliocentric, that if he trusted in the universe to let her gravity do the work, things could fall into place just fine, whether it was cutting his hair or leaving tips she knew he needed at the tables he served. She thought she was so sly, placing twenty dollar tips underneath her glass cups, but Armin saw. He knew exactly what she was doing, and it made him happy. He could see how they subtly needed each other, the forest needing gravity and direction from the universe, the universe needing the forest to hold close and appreciate.

He blinked, watching Eren stare off at the ceiling as he reminisced the night Armin would never know. “Halloween is tomorrow, right?”

Emerald eyes met to sapphire, slowly nodding his head and escaping reminiscence of the past to focus on the present in front of him. “Yes, sir.”

“You should invite her to Bert and Annie’s Halloween party.” Armin smiled.

Eren furrowed his eyebrows, thinking a moment before shaking his head. He left the kitchen to enter the living room, petting Oden’s side with his foot as the dog napped on the ground. “Why? She doesn’t know anyone, other than briefly seeing them at the restaurant. It’d just be weird.”

The ocean watched the dog stretch his arms, groaning a little bit before falling back to the floor. “Stop overthinking, everyone loves her. Why else would they agree to help you out with the date the other day?”

He scoffed, settling down on the floor to lay next to the dog. “Have you met me? All I do is overthink.”

“You should ask her to be your girlfriend.”

He choked a little. Armin couldn’t tell if the sound he made was a laugh caught in his throat or a genuine sound of panic. “What?”

“You should ask her to be your girlfriend at Bert and Annie’s party.” The ocean repeated, sitting down on the floor next to the forest.

Eren paused for a moment, pursing his lips to think before responding. “Isn’t that a lil’ rushed?”

Armin rolled his eyes. “You’ve been flirting for weeks, and you _literally_ went on a date just the other night. Dude, just the way she looks at you is evidence enough.”

He shook his head, getting up and sitting crisscrossed. He rested an elbow on his knee and slouched to rest his face on his knuckles. Armin noticed his breathing slightly quickened, his words were slightly rushed. “I don’t know, Ar.”

Armin threw his hands to his sides, smiling encouragingly at the boy. “You guys could have your anniversary on Halloween! That’d be adorable!”

He nodded his head, silently considering the idea, keeping his eyes on the dog next to him. Armin knew the forest needed his guidance and encouragement. The guy was too insecure for his own good, often needing reassurance and genuine advice as a motivator to make the smallest of decisions. The guy came off as fierce as a bear, but in all reality, he was just a big teddy bear underneath his tough layers. “Eren, if you like her so much, you can’t let the opportunity slip away.”

He sighed, looking up at Armin and giving him that look he always gave, the look that was always plastered on his face when he was insecure or upset. His eyebrows would furrow and he would pout, the expression completely unique to Eren. He sucked with words, but his expressions and actions were so loud.“Yeah, I know that.”

“Do you, though?” The ocean tilted his head at his friend, concern in his voice. He was letting his anxiety get in the way of his life again, and Armin couldn’t let that happen. “Relationships are like flowers, E. If you pick it too early, it’s short-lived and has little to no use or purpose. If you pick it too late, the opportunity is dead and long gone. You ‘gotta wait for when the flower is grown at the right season to end up with something beautiful. You and Mikasa have really good chemistry and potential, so don’t let the opportunity grow before it’s too late.”

Eren’s gaze fixed off to a corner, zoning out again, the pout on his face lessening a little bit. He let out a long sigh, shrugging a shoulder and blinking slowly. “What if she says no? What if I’m just embarrassing myself and she wants nothing more than someone to talk to without the strings attached?”

He thought about the wallpaper on his friend’s phone, the image of Mikasa laughing, her eyes squeezed and nose crinkled with her hand rushing to her chest like it always did, the smile lines and teeth of hers making a rare appearance. It had to be the happiest Armin had ever seen the girl, her smile managing to be brighter than if someone were to combine all her other smiles into one. There was so much life shining through her in that photograph, especially since he had noticed how much more anxious and downcast the girl had grown since September. She used to be such a morning person, happily greeting Armin every day with coffee _just_ the way he liked it, but something changed, and he had no idea what it was. Seeing her smile so brightly in that photo was reassuring to know she was, for a brief moment in time, okay. Why would she let go of someone who made her smile like that with something as simple as a silly face?

“There’s no way she would say no.”

“I don’t know, man.” Eren moped once again.

Oh, he knew.

He was tired of hearing the excuses Eren pulled out of his ass, the boy obviously too hesitant and insecure to take a chance on her. He whipped out his phone, pulling up the contact “Closeted Goth” and calling it. He held the phone up to his ear, waiting for the ring to start. “Here, let me call her right now and see if she can even come.”

Eren’s mouth turned to the shape of a small _o_ , his eyes widening the moment he could slightly hear Mikasa’s voice from the device. “ _Hey, what’s up?_ ”

“Hey, Mik!” Armin smiled, staring directly at Eren as he spoke. “Got any Halloween plans?”

“ _I mean, not that I know of. Sasha_ …” He heard her mumble a bit to someone else in the room, taking a few seconds before speaking back into the phone. “ _Yeah, there aren’t any plans tomorrow. Did you want to do something?_ ”

“Eren and I are going to a Halloween party, and he’s too nervous to ask if you’d like to come.” Armin smiled smugly at the boy, his eyebrows furrowed and mumbling an, “ _Oh, fuck you._ ”

“ _Oh, that sounds fun! Can I invite Sasha and the guys?_ ”

Armin furrowed his eyebrows, trying to imagine how, exactly, Annie would kill him if he invited three potheads to her party, whether or not it would be less painful to plead that he thought someone had mentioned that it was open invitation. He tried to hide the hesitance in his voice. “Yeah, go ahead.”

She was conversing with Sasha. “ _Hey, how does going to a Halloween party sound? Armin’s asking. Tomorrow… No, the party is tomorrow–Yes I know Halloween is also–That’s the point, dummy. I mean that the party is tomo–Okay, well, if you’re acting like a dummy I’m going to call you a–Just answer the damn question… Okay, language, Jesus. I’ll let him know._ ” Eren tilted a head at Armin as he heard Mikasa’s jumbled conversation. She took a deep breath and paused before speaking into the device again. “ _Still there, Armin?_ ”

He nodded his head as if she could see. He stuttered once he realized his silent response was pointless. “Huh? Oh, y–yeah, yes. I’m here.”

“ _Sasha’s down!_ ”

He smiled, winking at Eren. “Coolio. I’ll text you the information. See you tomorrow, girly.”

He hung up the phone, hearing a groan from Eren as he fell back onto the floor, the dog waking up from the impact of his fall and licking his owner’s face. “Annie might actually drop kick you into a volcano.”

Armin gulped, putting his phone in his back pocket. Oh, he knew.

 

* * *

Eren remembered how excited he used to get for Halloween, begging to start on his costume design months in advance in case he wanted to change his idea. He didn’t know how his parents handled his inconsistent ambitions, vividly remembering when he was ten and changed his costume from a simple cowboy to an intergalactic space zombie whose arch nemesis was a Martian vampire. If the costume wasn’t blatantly obvious to everyone, “everyone” actually being Hange and Erwin, he would throw a fit and claim that Halloween was ruined forever.

The older he got, the less excited he got for the holiday, despite it remaining his absolute favorite time of year. He always tried to decorate the apartment with skeletons or fake spiderwebs, but either Oden would knock everything over or Armin would critique everything and say it was “too tacky.” He secretly wanted to live and breathe Halloween clichés, but as adulthood became the idol of his life and as his belief in ghosts faded away, the thirty-first of October became a less exciting holiday.

He didn’t even have the energy to come up with a decent costume this year, throwing on his work uniform and saying he dressed up as a waiter. Armin was disappointed, going all out and dressing up as Fred from _Scooby Doo_. He spent hours in the bathroom trying to configure his hair into the updo style, neither of the boys knowing what the hell to do and why hairspray made the blonde hair so stiff. When Armin came out of the bathroom after an hour of trying to look convincing to see his friend wear his everyday attire, to say he was infuriated was an understatement. Armin thought he was clever, saying something along the lines of, “Well if Halloween is where you can be make-believe things, then that just means you're a good waiter,” but Eren shrugged off the comment, staring amusingly at the hair sticking out the back of Armin’s head.

They were in Annie and Bertholdt’s neighborhood, pulling up to their rental home that sat on the corner, and Eren noticed Reiner’s blue Fiat and Ymir’s truck, very similar looking to Eren’s if paid not enough attention, already parked in the driveway. Armin parked his beat-up car on the side of the house, the two of them sitting in the car for a moment before going inside.

“So am I designated driver this time?” Eren looked at his friend as he took the keys out of the ignition, looking in the side mirror one last time to check that his parking was straight.

“If that’s okay with you. If anything, Bert said we could spend the night if we both get fucked up.” The ocean cleared his throat, opening the door and stepping out of the car.

The forest mimicked this movement, standing next to the fake Fred as he locked the car. “I don’t know, I’d feel really bad for leaving Oden alone all night.”

Armin shrugged, taking steps around the corner to make his way towards the front door of the rental home, loud music coming from inside. “He’ll be okay. He has plenty of food and water left out for him.”

“Still,” He shrugged, screeching tires coming from behind as they walked. He furrowed his eyebrows, spinning on his heel to see a familiar red Volkswagen bug. His eyes widened, posture suddenly straightening as he watched the car park close to Armin’s. He heard the ocean chuckle next to him, raising his arm and waving wildly at the car. He watched four figures step out of it, waving at the fake Fred with one of the guys letting out a drawn out, “Hey!” Eren took in a deep breath, the last time he saw three of the four individuals was right after he got caught making out with the fourth. The awkward tension had to be gone at this point. They were all mature adults prepared to have fun at a party for the sake of Halloween spirit.

Sasha was the first to walk up, her, surprisingly long, hair down for once as she wore a silver flapper girl costume. She greeted Armin with a hug, nodding her head at Eren with a fond smile. He seemed to get her approval as of late, which was a huge relief to him for some reason. He didn’t know why Sasha’s opinion mattered to him, but he always felt like he needed to be on his best behavior around the girl. Jean was next, wearing a simple baseball costume and greeting Eren with a firm handshake. The same was with Connie, who had a blue arrow painted on his forehead. Eren was going to ask if he was dressed as Aang from Avatar, but the buzzcut seemed hesitant around Eren, probably still haunted by the image of the scene he walked into last Friday. He kept the conversation short with a nod of the head and a quiet, “Hey, man.”

Armin was busy to make conversation with everyone, inviting them into the home as they walked towards the entrance. Eren’s eyes naturally drifted over to the red bug to see a girl in a black and gold flapper dress rummaging in the trunk, her leg lifted as she bent over. He smirked, carefully walking over to her from the behind and tasing the sides of her waist with his fingers, shouting, “Trick or treat!”

She screamed at first but then groaned when her head hit straight into the top of the trunk, her hand quickly placing itself atop her raven hair. Eren’s arms hovered around her as he loudly started to apologize, the sounds of Armin’s laughter coming by the entrance of the home. She stood up from out of the trunk, shaking her head and staring at him with a pained expression as she fixed a feather in her hair. “Why?”

He frowned, quickly kissing the tip of her nose as an apology. “Sorry, I thought it would be funny.” 

He felt bad for it, but his eyes checked her out from head to toe, noticing how the dress hugged her different curves and how the black/gold design complemented her porcelain skin tone and angrily pink cheeks. There was a slight v-neck, a transparent, black shawl covering over it and the spaghetti straps on her shoulders. Whenever he previously saw her, she was wearing either long sleeves or baggy clothing, but the small dress inspired a blush on his cheeks.

“It was more terrifying than funny.” She shook her head, turning around to close the trunk of her car, the dress lifting slightly in the back to show the upper part of her thighs. He cleared his throat, vision looking up at the moon and tongue pressing at the side of his cheek. He couldn’t tell if the stars he saw were in the night sky or buzzing around in his head from the awful thoughts creeping up on him.

She turned around to face him again, those onyx eyes pulling and locking him in their gaze, the lashes longer than usual and her lips a little redder. God, he had seen her in this lighting before, moonlight and distant streetlights the only spotlights to behold her appearance, but it was like the first time all over again. She was too good to be true. He swallowed, “Again, super sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she smiled, his insides twisting as she did so. Was she completely oblivious to the effect she had on him? Looking like _that_ and wearing _that_ dress? “If it was anybody other than you, though, I would’ve knocked you out clean.”

“I’m sure of it,” he forced a half smile, begging the devil on his shoulder to shut the hell up. "I like your costume. You, uh, you look – "  _So good that it makes me want to feel you up here and now._ " –super sparkly." 

"True!" She giggled, the noise torturing Eren further. "There is a lot of sequence on this thing, huh? It's so itchy."

_I could probably help you out with that issue._ "Oh, I bet."

"I can see you were creative with your costume as well."

He shrugged, putting his hands in his apron and forcing a smile. He felt disgusted with himself. "'Creative' is my middle name."

There was a distant shout, Armin waving his hand at her and shouting a hello. “Mikasa! Eren has to ask you a question! See you inside!”

He cursed the fake Fred under his breath, wincing the moment he heard the front door of the house close quickly. He avoided looking at her until she caught his attention with her voice. “You had a question for me?”

He furrowed his eyebrows, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he thought. He couldn’t ask her, not while she looked this lovely and while he was thinking such crude things of her. 

But he promised Armin, and he had been bold before. He had the guts to kiss the girl, to take her on a date, and to call her beautiful. He knew he had the guts to pop the question, so what was holding him back right now? “Girlfriend” was just some dumb label, right? Nothing would actually change between them, other than they’d probably just see each other more. Any changes would be for the better, that they’d just appreciate each other deeper than they could’ve previously before. 

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, will you…”

But why was he so afraid? Why was it that when she peered at him with those cosmos that he felt small? What about the commitment made him terrified? She was an infinite universe, and he was nothing but a finite flame. He wasn’t enough for her. No, he was nothing but a single speck of dust within her eternity. He would be nothing but an inconvenience to her, a name she would cringe at in the future, and a mistake she would regret.

She blinked at him, and he licked his lips. “Will you help me plan a surprise for Armin’s birthday next week?”

_You idiot._

Her eyes widened, a smile cracking on her lips as she spoke in an excited whisper, “Oh, that’s on the third, isn’t it?”

_You absolute idiot._

He nodded his head, taking in a deep breath. “Yes, ma’am.”

_You were so close._

She placed her index finger on her bottom lip to think for a moment before an excited, “ _Oh!_ ” escaped her. “He mentioned needing furniture for when he moves to California! Maybe we can pool our money and take him to a furniture store to let him pick out something he wants.”

_You’re never going to get that moment back._

He forced a smile, nodding his head at her. “You always come up with the best ideas, huh?”

_You absolutely useless idiot._

When she smiled at him, he felt his insides twist with an emotion far from infatuation, but rather out of pain from seeing how gorgeous she was and how awful he was to think that she could actually belong to him. When she grabbed his hand and urged him to go inside of the house they stood in front of, he felt a heavy weight on his chest, self-criticism for how vile he was to think of himself worthy of her touches, kisses, or even her body.

And he felt disgusted with himself, embarrassing himself with cheesy words and kisses he gave her out of his own personal interest. He was so unworthy of that girl, and again, for the millionth time, he was selfish. He was almost relieved when Sasha tore the girl away from him as they entered the house, loud music drowning out any objection she might’ve had. He made a b-line to sit on the couch, lazily waving his hand at his different coworkers, shaking hands with some pair of brothers named Porco and Marcel he had already met briefly at Annie’s last party.

So he sat on the couch, watching his intoxicated coworkers yell and joke about different things in different costumes, Ymir’s voice too loud and Historia’s giggles too obnoxious. He was annoyed with everyone, just wanting to go home to pet his dog while munching on popcorn and watching some b-rated horror movie. Being in the same room, breathing the same air as the black and golden flapper girl hurt him, even if the vicinity drowned her out with the reeking smell of alcohol and flooded with shitty rave music. He searched the place for Armin, his best friend most definitely knowing what to do in this situation, but the blonde was glued to a solo cup, loudly laughing at some story Reiner was going on about. In a room full of people, he was lonely.

He felt warmth next to him on the couch, and he looked over to see a very red faced Bertholdt. He smiled lazily, slurring on his words. “Glad you could make it!”

Eren scooted further away from the dark hair, waving with a forced smile. “Glad to be here.”

His arm extended to point over to the kitchen, nodding his head in the direction of it. “Your girl is over there, y’know?”

The forest looked up to see Mikasa in the kitchen with Armin, the both of them listening to whatever story Reiner was telling. He had a small crowd of people huddled around him, it seemed, probably telling the same story he always did when he was drunk: some useless ramble about a time he went cliff jumping and how exhilarating the experience was. Eren genuinely believed the guy didn’t have any other story to tell.“Yeah, I know.”

He pouted. “Well, why aren’t you talkin’ to her?”

Eren shrugged, hoping that the alcohol would encourage Bertholdt to think nothing much of the forest’s isolation. As usual, he was wrong, and the dark hair arched an eyebrow, tilting his head with drunken concern. “Spill the tea, sis.”

Eren sighed, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. He filled the air with his thoughts, not caring who heard or if his friend could even hear the complaints. “I couldn’t ask her to be my girlfriend.”

His mouth dropped open, a childlike astonishment that Eren couldn’t comprehend. “Bro! On Halloween? That’s some cute shit!”

The forest shrugged, massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Yeah, but apparently I don’t have the balls to do anything right.”

There was a hiccup followed by a giggle. “Of _course_ you have balls, dude. You’re a guy!”

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the vodka-drenched words and continuing on with his rant. “Y’know, I’ve been right this entire time. There isn’t a point to dating. There just isn’t. Maybe it’s for the best.”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Bertholdt shook his head, pressing his finger into Eren’s chest, “there most definitely is a point. You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re frustrated it didn’t work out exactly in your favor.”

He crossed his arms, pouting and turning away from the finger pointed at him. “So what? Let me be grumpy.”

The dark hair smiled, looking up at the ceiling and disregarding the forest’s pessimism to go off on a ramble. Eren forgot how existential Bertholdt got when drunk, his philosophical tangents and slurring words always filling the air. “Ugh, I don’t even know how to explain it, man. I mean, if you think about it, we’re all just a speck of dust when we live on this planet, right? I think that’s what makes life so neat, that while we’re just a mere second within an infinity, we still get the chance to make the most of it and make our time spent here beautiful. It’s even cooler when two specks of dust become harmonious, like Annie. Fuck dude, I love that girl so much. We’re just two specks of dust making one big, beautiful piece of lint. It’s my favorite piece of lint in the whole world.”

Eren laughed, patting his friend on the back and shaking his head. _A beautiful speck of dust within an infinity, huh?_ “You should go tell her how much you love her before you puke all over the floor.”

“I think I will,” the man nodded his head aggressively, standing up and making a heart with his hands at the right side of his chest. “I love you, Eren.”

He laughed, shaking his head and waving at the friend. Another figure sat on the couch, and he turned around to see a black and gold dress. Speak of the devil.

She was sober, greeting him with a soft smile. “Trick or treat.”

He took in a deep breath, the drunken thoughts of his coworker somehow soothing his emotions. “Not drinking?”

The infinity shook her head, shrugging with a lick of her lips. The red had faded, probably from eating snacks in the kitchen or something. “Nah, I’m not in the mood.” 

Eren nodded his head, pointing at himself as if to signal agreement. He shrugged before continuing to speak. “I figured since you came with all of the potheads that you’d be at least a little faded.”

“I,uh,” there was an unreadable blush on her cheeks, her eyes suddenly darting away from emerald. “I'm not in the mood for that, either.”

His eyes widened, his mouth turning to the shape of a small _o_. He was mostly joking about the smoking bit. “You smoke?”

A gentle shrug. “I did for a little bit.”

“What made you stop?”

She didn’t respond.

That damn selfishness was creeping up on him again. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I was just curious.”

She cleared her throat, sighing before she spoke. “No, it’s okay. I used to borrow Sasha’s pen to help me sleep, but I don’t use it anymore.”

Eren nodded his head, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder as some form of reassurance. Her eyes shyly peered up at him. He was confused at her sudden shift in atmosphere. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re not dependent on a drug for sleeping anymore, right?”

She nodded her head slowly, giving a meek agreement if anything.

He felt anxiety suddenly pool in him, the words Bertholdt drunkenly preached suddenly kicking in. Seeing her downcast inspired him to do something about it, to make her feel better in any way, shape, or form. He couldn’t bear to see her timid expression, lackluster eyes that deserved to glisten with elation each second of the day. He wanted to inspire that smile, her laughter becoming his favorite melody and the shade of pink that would paint her cheeks when he’d smile at her his favorite color. Simply looking at his wallpaper, a photo that forever proved that he, alone, made her laugh so loudly that was evidence enough. Of course she would say yes to being his girl, why wouldn’t she? 

Sure, it had only been a month, but he had a gut feeling he just couldn’t deny. It was written in the stars of her eyes when she’d look at him, that he was something special to her and that her eyes told him secrets nobody else in the world would know. He knew it from their silent exchanges, their gentle promises to each other when they danced just the other night. He knew it from how she still held onto his scarf, for goodness sake, wearing it almost every time he saw her. He knew that she cared. He knew that she was willing to give it a chance. He just knew.

But he wasn’t going to ask her in this house with the smells and sounds of intoxicated idiots.

“Fuck it,” he smiled, catching her attention and making eye contact, hoping his glance would inspire her to feel the same as he did. “Do you want to get out of here?”

Mikasa smiled briefly before letting out a sigh. “I’d love to, trust me when I say I would, but I was actually coming over to say goodbye.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “Oh?"

She pointed behind her, her three friends hanging on each other with sloppy smiles. They were waiting at the front door, waving in Mikasa’s direction to get her attention. The girl looked down at her wringing hands. “Yeah, apparently there’s a dorm check going on for drugs and alcohol and shit. Sasha’s worried about getting a violation for her wax pen.”

“Oh,” he sighed.

“I really do want to stay with you, it’s just I’m the designated driver and–”

“Don’t sweat it, Mik.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

She paused before continuing to speak. “I really am sorry, but I’ll see you for Armin’s birthday, right?”

“Yup.”

She got up, looking at him with quick blinking eyes. “I’ll see you around then?”

“I’ll see you around.”

She bent down quickly to kiss his cheek, her soft touch abandoning him within seconds and her presence becoming vacant as he watched her leave through the front door, the sound of it shutting loudly causing a pain in his chest. He felt an arm wrap around his shoulder, and he looked to see Armin, rosy-cheeked and holding a shot.

“So,” the boy slurred, “did you ask her?”

Eren groaned, taking the shot glass from Armin’s hand and downing it quickly.


	15. Hopeless Romantic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a really difficult time articulating this chapter (Chapter is also shorter this time, so my apologies!). The beginning of this came out much angstier than I anticipated, but here it is regardless. Prob not the best but it's as good as it's gonna get
> 
> Part of this chapter might make some more sense with some preface of Eren’s current state of mind: He is ashamed of himself since the last chapter. The best way to describe it is that he feels like a little bitch for failing to ask her to be his, that he ruined his one chance and didn’t care enough to take hold of the opportunity when he should’ve. The thought of Mikasa alone reminds Eren of how cowardly he thinks himself to be.

Mikasa didn’t know what the hell Eren was waiting for. It was as if he wanted to stick with building the skeleton of a relationship, muscle and skin abandoned as he was too reluctant to breathe any life into the structure they created together. 

She knew he wasn’t a fan of the whole “dating” thing. He confessed that very fact to her when they bathed in moonlight just a month ago, but different from Eren and unfortunately for Mikasa, she was a hopeless romantic.

All she wanted was someone to hold, both physically in her arms and emotionally in her heart. Someone to take refuge in the gaps between her fingers and find solace in the space between her arms. She wanted to hear the heartbeat of another, confirming that the blood pumped for her. She wanted to feel the rise and fall of a chest, each breath drawn to sketch an image of undeniable vulnerability and togetherness. She wanted to fall in sync with that image, each “in and out” of her lungs echoing the three words she never understood but wanted so _badly_ to understand.

_In, and out… In, and out…_

So she didn’t know what the hell Eren was waiting for, and, _goddammit_ , she just wanted to finally get it right for once. She didn’t even care if it ended in a blaze of glory, all she wanted was to, for at least once in her life, treasure somebody in a way nobody else could offer. Just one time was all she wanted, all she secretly desired. Was that too much to ask for?

She was so confused. On one hand, his efforts and kisses left her starry-eyed and dazed; however, on the other hand, he was distant. She hadn’t heard from him since the party. He never called her, never texted her. He didn’t call to rant about when there was an annoying customer at work. He didn’t text her the stupidly adorable selfies he’d take with Oden. He didn’t ask how she was or say that he missed her. He told her, “ _I’ll see you around,_ ” never following through with the promise. The only thing she did hear was a rumor from Armin: the forest got drunk the moment she left—no, the boy said he got _hammered_ the moment she left. He said he had never seen Eren so drunk, to be precise, telling a story of how he stood on a kitchen table and tried to crowd-surf, crashing into the floor and tackling Reiner.

Mikasa thought it a reach, but she couldn’t help but feel like she was the reason he drowned himself in alcohol. She couldn’t help but feel like she caused him some sort of extra stress. Sure, he seemed let down when she told him she had to leave, but she figured she’d at least get some sort of call or message within the days before Armin’s birthday. It worried her greatly, the universe analyzing every star within herself to find answers to his sudden isolation. Her dreams even shifted, the boy exchanging death for argumentation. She’d wake up every morning frazzled by the words he shouted at her, the echoes of them still painfully present in the air.

_“I don’t want you.”_

_“Can’t you just leave me alone?”_

_“I hate you.”_

And she fought. Oh, she fought so hard for his approval and for his presence, the bitter taste of the pathetic begs she’d shout back at him also painfully present when she woke up.

_“Stop. Please, just stop.”_

_“I’ll change myself to make you stay!”_

_“Eren. Please, please don’t go. Come back.”_

She knew that her subconscious was just trying to combat the emotions she felt during the day, the persistent glances at her phone waiting for the name “Eren Yeager” to appear on the screen transforming into unbearable fights where he’d turn his back to her, walking away as she remained powerless in any attempts to get him back. She knew her brain was, once again, playing cruel tricks on her. Mikasa knew that very well. She had to remind herself of when he’d look at her, how his eyes would dilate and his cheeks would flush. She had to remind herself of how gentle he was when he kissed her, whether it was apologetically on the nose or tenderly on the lips. She had to remind herself of all the goodness he displayed rather than the evil her mind portrayed. Even still, the dreams left her uneasy, the sight of seeing him leave much crueler than whenever his blood was on her hands.

His absence in contacting her made her feel like her dreams were an interpretation of reality, and, though she knew it wasn’t true, she couldn’t help but feel annoyed and betrayed by him. Up until this point, he had been so persistent in messaging her, so persistent in making the time to see her.

They had the briefest of conversations the day before Armin’s birthday, a simple exchange of plan making before he left her on read (shocker). She asked if he was still planning on the furniture store idea, he provided a simple yes. She asked how much they needed to pool together for Armin’s gift, he suggested they get at least one-fifty. She offered to come over before Armin returned from work to surprise the ocean, he said “alright.” She sent him a smiley face, and he sent nothing in return.

So there she stood: fourth floor, third door from the staircase, knocking on the door with vexation up her sleeve. When he opened the door and Mikasa saw him standing there, hair in a disheveled bun and bags underneath his eyes, she wanted to kick him in the teeth. She wanted to question him for disappearing, yell at him for being so unkind in her dreams. She wanted to hear him explain himself, justify why he ignored her and left her starving for his attention when _he_ was the one who inspired her addiction. She wanted him to feel sorry, to dwell within his wrongdoing. She wanted him to apologize, to beg her to be his. She felt heinous for such desires, but they had festered inside of her overwhelmingly over the course of the days.

He cracked that damn half-smile, his composure too cool, too collected. “Mikasa, hey!”

Though boiling over with irritation, she tried to remain stoic, entering the apartment as he stepped to the side to invite her in. She only nodded her head at him in greeting. “Eren.”

He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his head to knot his bun further. He was hesitant before speaking. “How… how’re you?”

“I’m doing great,” she forced a smile, walking over to the gray couch and sitting on the cushions.

He only nodded his head, a mumbled “That’s good,” escaping him. Perhaps the sarcasm in her voice was too obvious.

Mikasa almost felt bad, almost felt overdramatic for the attitude she was giving him. But she was hurt. God, she was so hurt every single time she looked at her screen, the rising hope inside of her crashing at the absence of his contact appearing on the screen and the excruciating silence that befell upon her instead of solace she found in his hoarse, tired voice over the phone.

She cleared her throat, leaning comfortably in the couch as if the cushions would soften her harsh emotions. “I picked out this small store Sasha and I went to when we refurbished our dorm two years ago.”

A head nod. “Sounds good.”

There was a lull. “He should be home in five to ten minutes, right?”

“Yup.”

“Cool.”

The air had grown thick, and while the duo had their fair share of awkward silences, this exchange instantly became her least favorite of the selection. Any sense of guilt she had for her attitude vanished when she observed how he kept his distance, standing with hands in his pockets, his body language stiff and closed off from her. She was frustrated—livid at how he was acting like _he_ had to be cautious around _her._ She watched as he cleared his throat and scratched at his cheek, eyes staring intently at the dog wandering the living room in search of some sock to play with. He was usually the one to take the lead in conversation during these lulls, but of course, he wasn’t going to this time. Why would he? He ignored her for days. Days. Left her only to reminisce the feeling of his arms wrapped around her, his scent nothing but a longing memory.

She hated the tension, how awkward they always seemed to get. “I heard you had _lots_ of fun at the party once I left.”

The slightest hint of red painted itself on his cheeks, his mouth taking the shape of a small _o_. He took a few moments to heavily breathe before speaking.“You heard about that?”

“Yeah. Armin told me about it,” she was sure to make eye contact with him, her expression still stoic despite slightly furrowed brows. “I was really shocked, too, ‘cause he made it sound like you were in a hurry the moment I left.”

She noticed his jaw clench slightly, his fist balling up at his side. The slightest flame sparked in his irides, and she was afraid it might burn down the trees within them.

She was right to be upset about this, right? It was okay for her to be this starved of his attention after weeks of having it, right? Or was she in the wrong? Was she crazy? It had only been a few days without hearing from him, so was it really that big of a deal? Was she truly _that_ obsessed? He invited her into his home, and when he attempted to greet her warmly, she decided to establish a tone of argumentation the moment she laid eyes on him. She made her nightmares become reality.

“Y’know what?” She sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers.“It doesn’t matter. Forget I even said anything.”

“No, Mikasa,” his voice was stern, and she heard it approach closer. “Talk to me.”

“I said it doesn’t matter,” she crossed her arms, eyes still closed.

She heard him huff, sarcasm in his mumbled voice. “Uh-huh, yeah. Alright.”

Her eyes slowly opened, onyx creeping up to meet emerald. He was in front of her, and, dammit, even with how angry and hurt she felt, she still felt security within his gaze and shadow. “I just…”

He only stared at her.

“I just missed you, okay? No calls, no texts, and last I hear is that you’re getting drunk as if to immediately forget me once I left the party.”

The fire in his eyes extinguished, his features softening and a jaw unclenching. His gaze fixed off to the side, but she was steady in watching him shift from annoyance to something that seemed to represent shame. “Mikasa, I–”

There was a rattling at the front door, a blonde loudly speaking to himself as he entered the apartment. “Maybe my gift can be fixing this stupid door handle.”

Sapphire eyes peered up to see Eren spin on his heel from Mikasa as she jumped up to stand from sitting on the couch. He tilted his head at the two inquisitively as they forced smiles and spoke in unison. “Happy birthday, Armin!”

 

* * *

They arrived at some furniture store, employees leaving the two or three families that lingered within the building alone to observe different couches, bed-frames, and so on. Armin was hesitant to accept the gift, excitement sparkling in him so obviously despite the fact that he tried to hide the light underneath a nonchalant facade. Mikasa wandered off to the ornamentals, clearing her mind by looking through little statues and fake succulents, the obscure tangibles somehow occupying her mind for about a good thirty minutes. 

She didn’t join the guys for a minute, getting lost in the store and wandering about to find them (she swore she last saw them in the bedroom department, but she found them looking at desks on the other side of the building). Apparently, Eren had convinced Armin that a desk would be the most important thing to have, arguing that the pile of homework Stanford was destined to provide couldn’t be completed on the floor. Armin agreed to the task, the two boys wandering among a sea of desks and closely observing the details of each one. 

Mikasa didn’t care much, nor had the energy, for picking apart display desks, so she found a distant, off white couch littered with colorful pillows she took refuge on, her feet resting on a coffee table in front of her. Armin joined her, Eren too stubborn to give up on his mission of discovering the perfect desk for his friend.

The ocean smiled, running his fingers through sandy locks as he watched green eyes run amok. “Mikasa, really, thank you so much.”

“Absolutely, Ar.” She smiled, grabbing a decorative pillow and hugging it between her arms. While annoyance still sat uneasily within her, she knew she had to give credit where it was deserved. “You should thank Eren more than me, though. He was the one who asked to surprise you.”

“Yeah? When’d he do that?”

“Halloween.”

Armin sat up straight, looking away from the forest and peering at the universe. There was a confusion in his composure she couldn’t understand. “When you were outside of the house?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged.

“ _That_ was what he asked you?”

“Yeah…” Her voice trailed off, trying to push aside the sudden interrogation and the genuine shock in his words. Sure, she figured Armin was clueless to Eren’s question, considering it had to do with his birthday and all. He probably just told the ocean something along the lines of, “ _Hey, don’t let me forget that I need to ask Mikasa something later._ ” But the amount of concern he had was peculiar, undeniably odd.

She looked up to see Eren sitting at a desk, slouching his posture as if to mimic Armin’s height. She wanted to laugh at his idiocy, even though the anger she felt towards him still irked greatly. Mikasa heard the ocean speak after a brief minute. “You’re happier around him.”

Mikasa only shrugged at the remark, knowing damn well that she wasn’t happy with him right now.

Eren looked up from the desk he was sitting at, waving an arm and yelling boldly across the store. “Dudes! This desk has a miniature hammock for your feet underneath it!”

“That’s cool, buddy!” He shifted his attention to Mikasa, speaking lowly to her with a smirk. “I saw his wallpaper was a rather cute photo of the two of you.”

Her brows knitted together, a subtle blush rising to her cheeks. “Is it really, now?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Armin smiled, looking back at the forest observe another desk. “He’s happier around you too.”

She rolled her eyes, disbelieving the statement with the evidence of his isolation. “He seems like the kinda guy who’s always happy."

“He’s really not.” Armin sighed, thinking for a moment. “It sucks to say this, but Eren doesn’t have a lot going for him.”

She blinked at his bluntness.

He noticed her shock, shrugging. “I’m his best friend, it’s my job to be harsh on him. His job is shit, he doesn’t go to school, he seems to live and breathe bills,” Armin closed his eyes, massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “I know you probably don’t see it, considering he’s happy around you, but Eren’s an insecure guy. Most of the time, he’s either mad at work or sitting in his room. I get worried about him more than I’d like to admit. He’s just always so stressed about surviving the present that I don’t think he even considers a future.” Armin locked eyes with the girl, a sense of hope residing in his irides. “But maybe _you_ could be his future.”

She scoffed, the hopeless romantic inside of her secretly growing giddy at that last sentence. “As if he’d want me.”

“You don’t know how frustrating it is to watch you two be so hesitant.” Armin rolled his eyes, huffing and crossing his arms. “I didn’t even think it was possible for two people to be _so_ oblivious.”

There was the sound of a small crash, Eren falling out of a chair and just barely holding a desk midair to prevent it from falling over, his eyes wide as he discreetly tried to tidy his crime-scene. She smiled softly, allowing her anger to cease for just a moment to silently laugh at his clumsiness.

He was a dork, impulsively attractive one second and bashfully shy the next. He was a trail-blazer, going about life and relationships at his own pace and own direction, too awkward to ask for guidance when met with an obstacle. And she realized that she _had_ seen it, the insecure Eren Armin had mentioned. The one with that distinct pout whenever he was nervous or hesitant. When he was shy to ask her certain questions, and when he felt bad for pushing boundaries. How he would forget how to speak and his body language would be the only tongue he seemed fluent in.

Mikasa thought about how she wanted to be alongside him as he trail-blazed, each glance and half-smile he would shoot in her direction inspiring life inside of her. The way he’d look at her made her feel worth paying attention to, that she wasn’t a waste of space or a mess of a human being. There was a comfort in their conversations, Mikasa feeling most relaxed and more “Mikasa-like” than ever whenever they’d playfully banter. He inspired her to feel so unique, yet, at the same time, he inspired her to feel most like herself.

And… was she really his wallpaper? Why that detail tugged at the strings of her heart, she didn’t know, but she couldn’t help but feel _something_. What was the word for that feeling? When her insides did backflips and all she could do was blush, sinking her head lowly into a scarf with a smile, a gentle “ _oh_ ” the only word she seemed to remember. When she felt so timid yet so confident when she was stuck in his gaze, laced in his arms, puddled in his kiss. Was there a word for that?

She noticed the romanticist inside of her had become the most prominent sect of her emotions, soothing over the pain and anger she felt over the course of the few days. She thought about how her dreams, her mind, her heart all echoed the same theme, desired the same thing: she needed him to be by her side, and she always wanted to be by his. The image of him leaving her the past few nights flashed before her.

_“Eren. Please, please don’t go. Come back.”_

The forest returned from his desk shopping, slightly jogging to the couch the duo sat at. He was shy to look at the universe, but he splashed his hands into the ocean with a hand on the shoulder. He looked at his roommate with that lazy, lopsided smile. “Armin, I found the _perfect_ desk. C’mon, let me show you!”

And then they were in the parking lot, Eren struggling to lift a heavy cardboard box with the limbs of a desk into the trunk of Armin’s Saturn. The blonde offered to help—no, he grew so worried of the guy breaking his back that he _demanded_ Eren let him help. Emerald kept shaking his head, a lame string of excuses escaping him as he panted to lift the heavy box alone. “Can’t let the birthday boy do any labor. Consider it a Sabbath,” he grew that lazy, lopsided smile when the trunk of the car finally closed (though, it did take a good ten minutes or so for him to pack it away).

“Armin,” the girl spun on her heel, facing the blonde and wringing her hands. “Is it cool if Eren and I talk for a moment?”

He nodded his head, and the moment the car door closed, Eren looked down at his feet. He was shy. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

There was a brief lull. “Listen, about the other night, I’m so–”

“Be my boyfriend.”

He blinked. “Huh?”

“Be my boyfriend,” she repeated, unwavering confidence rising within her as she observed his dumbfounded expression.

Eren broke into a smile, voice scrambling to find even the most basic of words to form _some_ sort of sentence. “Boy–boyfriend? Yes, yeah! Okay! I’d–I’d love to! Only if you’ll be mine, too–well, fuck, only if you’ll be my _girlfriend_ , too _._ Girlfriend, that’s what–that’s what I meant. You couldn’t be my boyfriend. That’s not how it works, shit. I–I mean be my girlfriend…”

She rolled her eyes, smiling fondly at him. It was like she was back in high-school, his youthful nervousness adorable to watch. “Yes,” she teased, “I’ll be your boyfriend.”


	16. There's a First Time for Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Sexual content. If you don't wanna read, just skip this chapter *awkward thumbs up* ツ

He really didn’t know what to expect with the trivial labels of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” whether things would truly change or not. It was one thing to convince himself it would be okay through repetitive pep-talks in the mirror, thoughts much more comforting than any kind of action; however, it was a completely separate thing to sit in Armin’s car when driving back from desk shopping, the forest and the universe the only people in the world aware of their new reality. They were awkward at first, not completely sure of who to tell or to even bother making any sort of deal out of it. There were a lot of, “So, what does this even mean?” type of conversations, Eren incredibly hesitant and Mikasa bubbling over with excitement (he found out that the girl was head over heels for this kind of stuff). Neither of them really cared about minor details, all they knew was they were happy together, willing to commit to one another.

But, man, was Eren glad to find out what dating truly meant.

Each day had a little extra purpose to it, a little more motivation to push through if it meant having a conversation with the girl for even five minutes. He saw her everywhere he went, in the leaves on November branches, memories of how bright she was compared to the rest of the world coming to mind. He saw her in the clouds, the image of the porcelain fingers he loved so much coming to mind, longing for their touch and grasp. He even saw her in the reflection of plates he’d wash at work, wondering if the one in his hands could’ve been the one, out of dozens, she ate off of on their first date. The girl was everywhere, everything. And he was falling hard, so damn hard.

He didn’t realize that opening to doors of a relationship meant opening the doors to the heart he kept so guarded, chains bound with links of excuses breaking the moment onyx eyes looked into emerald. Even the littlest of details he noticed about her: the freckle on her left middle finger, how she had a bad habit at picking the skin on her lips whenever they were chapped, how she would scratch at the tattoo on her wrist whenever she was thinking too hard about something. He saw it all, all of the little pieces of Mikasa amounting into the intricate, engrossing woman she was.

When Eren would glance at the universe, there was this weird sense of pride he carried around that he couldn’t describe nor explain. He was proud of the fact that she simply existed, overjoyed that all of her greatness was to be witnessed by him, elated that _she_ was willing to be associated with _him_ , of all people. He truly didn’t deserve her, and yet she was, willingly, his everything.

It didn’t take long for Mikasa preoccupied nearly all of Eren’s thoughts. She was the coffee that crossed his mind and got him out of bed in the morning, and she was the lullaby that he sang to himself in the evening, sleep taking over his body much easier than it ever had before.

It had been the best month and a half for Eren, December coming to an end and Winter Break just a few days away. He made so many efforts to the girl, longing to see her each passing day and getting her little things to make her smile even slightly. All the things he thought materialistic and trivial in the past had grown more meaningful. He knew how much she loved flowers, so he made sure she had a healthy bouquet. Whenever he noticed even the fewest of flowers start to wilt, he’d get her another one (Sasha wasn’t complaining, thanking him for how much more “alive” he made their dorm look). He loved watching the things compete with her beauty, the fields of roses that would bloom on her cheeks much more bewitching than any of the carnations, chrysanthemums, or daisies he’d hand over.

Often times they would hang out quietly where Mikasa would sit quietly in her bed with her nose stuck in textbooks and her laptop as Eren would pretend to take naps, feeling her fingers play with his hair and rub small circles in his shoulder as he “slept.” The universe was just too exciting to miss out on, each trace of her fingers against his skin too wonderful to sleep through, each hum she would release out of academic frustration too cute to miss out on. He was truly, with every fiber of his being, infatuated with her.

This was one of those times.

She was watching some video on her laptop, a monotone lecture emitting through the speakers as she sat and listened, occasionally pausing the video to rewind a certain part, the sounds of a pen scribbling on a notebook as she wrote down notes. Eren was laying on his stomach and her back was to the wall, her right arm wrapped around him and softly rubbing his back during his “nap.” He was smiling, listening to each breath and pen-scribble as if they were dire information. He heard the lecture end, Mikasa’s hand abandoning its massage to quickly type on her computer. He knitted his brows together, letting out a groan and shaking his shoulders as if to tell her she wasn’t supposed to stop.

There was a giggle. “Morning, sleepyhead.”

He grunted again, facial features softening the moment he felt those delicate, porcelain fingers return to his back. He let out a delighted hum, a shiver running through his body the moment her hand made contact. “Mornin’.”

“How’d you sleep?” Mikasa’s voice was soft, the pillows of her bed feeling like rocks in comparison to her modest decibels.

Forest eyes fluttered open, tracing the curves of her face, how the sides of it would slim down to the point of her chin, smooth and eloquent. Her lips turned at the corners slightly, as if they were a rose petal blossoming at him. Eren’s hand grabbed her thigh, curling her fingers around it and rubbing it with his thumb. She was so warm, so comfortable. He closed his eyes to continue to speak as if he really _was_ asleep, not appreciating all of her small details. “All right. That lecture of yours made it pretty easy.”

Another giggle. “God, right? It’s so boring.”

“What’s it for?”

“Business. Some video Professor Pyxis wants us to watch before class next week. He’s giving us a shit-load of study material for our final.”

He lifted his eyebrows and lazily nodded his head, shifting his arrangement so he was closer to her leg, arm completely wrapped around it as his cheek pressed against her upper thigh. “Wanna ditch all that for the moment?”

He opened his eyes to see her shaking her head, pointing at the computer on her lap. “Can’t. Don’t know if you’ve ever heard of this, but I have this thing called ‘studying’ I have to do.”

His finger lifted to press the power button on her computer, her hand swatting at it before he could. She let out a _tsk_ , Eren pursing his lips and letting out a half-sigh. “Dang. I thought that would work.”

“You thought wrong,” she smiled, lifting arms to stretch briefly. The forest smirked at the opportunity, hastily shutting the laptop and throwing it to the other side of the bed. Mikasa slowly let her arms down, a frown emerging on her lips. “Ugh, you jerk.”

“I just want your attention.”

“I have to do my work, Eren.”

“Are you gonna cheat on me with the old, bald guy in that video?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck,” he frowned, pulling her leg closer to him and burying his nose into the side of it. She let out a laugh, claiming how his nose was too pointy. Eren smiled against the fabric of her jeans, shrugging and stubbornly keeping his face nuzzled. “What does he have that I don’t?”

She made an “I don’t know” sound at the back of her throat, her fingers tangling in brunette strands before letting out a laugh. “His wrinkly forehead is pretty hot.”

He smiled, breathing in the scent of her jeans, lemon and vanilla filling his nostrils. “Didn’t know you were into that,” he teased. “What else?”

“Hmm,” she thought for a moment, tugging at his locks gently before continuing. “He doesn’t have long hair I have to cut every few weeks.”

He opened his eyes again, viewing the smirk on her face attempt to intimidate him. “Touché.”

“For real though, Eren, I have to work.”

“Mikasa, please.”

“Eren—”

He nuzzled his face into the side of her leg, placing a kiss there and singing into it. “Please?” And he _knew_ she melted at that small gesture. She did every single time.

She let out a content sigh, shifting from leaning against the wall to tangle into his arms and lay still, head on the left side of his chest and fingers massaging circles into the right. He held her close, her gravity the focal point of his everything. Forest eyes closed, and he gently ghosted his fingers up and down her arm. She hummed, settling and melting into him. “You’re so stubborn, aren’t you?”

“That’s what makes me so great.”

“Well, that’s debatable.”

“Do you actually like me, or do you like picking on me more?”

“I don’t know,” he felt her smile against the cloth of his shirt, nervous she could feel and hear his heart double in speed. “Though, you _are_ pretty easy to pick on.”

He scoffed, the facade of a nonchalant attitude trying to overshadow the anticipatory zeal pooling inside of him. “Dang, Mik. That hurts.”

“'Tis but life.”

He didn’t know who initiated it, whether Mikasa pulled him in or vice versa, but her lips were soft against his, the girl up and leaning on a single forearm as her other hand cupped his face to weave herself deeper into his kiss, her dark hair slipping to tickle his cheeks whenever her head would nod. It had grown so long, and he thought maybe he should be the one to cut her hair for a change. She released from the kiss briefly to meet his neck, her lips blooming roses with each mark she’d plant. He chuckled, sitting up and pulling her up to sit as well. He joked. “So, you do like me, huh?”

She smiled against his neck, the words she spoke vibrating his skin and inspiring goosebumps. “Only a little bit, but don’t tell anyone.”

“Don’t worry,” he nodded his head, hands ghosting up and down her frame, each wrinkle in her clothes slightly lifting the fabric of her shirt here and there. “I’ll try not to.”

They had danced to this song before. It was another door to dating Eren didn’t realize he would enjoy as much as he did—God, it was unbelievable how good she got at kissing. Maybe it was because he always gave her pointers on the things _he_ liked, but Eren wasn’t one to complain. Mikasa’s lips met his again, this time her tongue boldly swiping across his bottom lip for entry. He smiled into the kiss, tongue meeting hers. And it was sloppy, passionate and messy, but they didn’t care. Being close was all they needed, having no other oxygen to depend on except for each other, lemon breathing in pine and pine breathing in lemon. Funny how he used to be so hesitant, swearing that the lack of oxygen in the universe would stifle his flames. Now she was his source of oxygen, Eren’s flames burning brighter than before.

She took him by surprise, straddling around his lap and tangling his fingers in his hair, the angle improving the kiss as it grew a tad lazier, his hand on the small of her back. He gasped a little when Mikasa started to rock her hips slowly into his center. He chuckled at her adventurous actions, getting into the rhythm for a minute before a vexation showed up, banging pots and pans together as if to ruin the tempo. He paused, separating from the kiss and blushing greatly.

She paused, tilting a head at him and scratching the back of his head with her fingers. “What’s up?”

The fuck was he supposed to say? “I, uh…” The forest only felt his cheeks grow hotter, the fire in his abdomen growing painfully obvious now. She took a few moments to think before an understanding, “ _ah_ ” escaped her, and he started to stammer apologies before she smirked at him and continued to rock her hips. Forest eyes widened, and he grabbed the sides of her waist to stop her. “What’re you—”

“Let’s just see what happens.”

He blinked, somehow blushing even more at the words. Sure, they’d made out plenty before, sometimes a shirt or two coming off in the process, but they’d never done _this_ before. “How bored did that lecture make you, exactly?”

She laughed, placing a kiss on his forehead and shrugging. “I don’t know. I’ve just spent the past while now…”

He arched an eyebrow at her. “Spent the past while now…?” He repeated, trailing off his voice as if to insinuate her to finish her sentence.

She was suddenly shy, biting her bottom lip nervously and speaking in a hushed voice. “Thinking about it.”

“It?” He was confused for a moment, tilting his head with furrowed eyebrows before he let out an epiphanic, “Oh!”

“Yeah.”

There was a pause before she spoke again.

“Look, if you don’t want to, I understand. I don’t want to force you into anything.”

“No!” He was almost too enthusiastic with his response, the both of their demeanors growing chaste despite the position they were in. 

Of _course_ he wanted to, and he’d probably been thinking about it for longer than her. He wanted to know what it was like, to have her body squirm underneath his and cry out for a need only he could provide. He wanted to know the sounds she would make. Would she stifle her little moans, or would she scream out his name so loud she would get noise complaints? He wanted to know how it felt to be inside of her. He was curious to taste all of her, tongue exploring more than just her lips and neck. He wanted to know how she would act. Would she be feverish? Ravenous? Or would she be more reserved? Hesitant? Did she like it gentle, or did she want him to be rough, fuck her so hard to a point where she couldn’t breathe? Eren wanted to know so bad, but he wanted to wait until she was ready.

“I’ve been thinking about it, too.” He swallowed, tucking some strands of hair behind her ear, intently looking into the onyx eyes that pulled him in. “I just didn’t know if you’d be ready to get that…”

“Close?” She finished his trailing sentence.

“Yeah, I guess. Especially with me.” He shrugged, nervously blurting out the thoughts overwhelming his mind. “I don’t know. Some people think sex is a super special thing, and in all reality, we haven’t been together for a whole while, so I didn’t want to push any boundaries. Based off of the hints Sasha’s dropped here and there, I know you’re… inexperienced.” He chuckled, not knowing if any of the words he spoke would potentially make the girl feel less or inferior. “Not that it matters! I really don’t care. Remember, I only hooked up with girls in high school. They were all pretty meaningless to me. Most of them I was drunk, but don’t ever mention that bit to Armin because—”

“Eren, you’re rambling.” She shook her head, a mischievous smirk on her lips.

“I know,” he sighed, cupping her face with his hand and running his thumb across the scar underneath her eye. “I guess what I’m tryna’ say is I don’t want to force you into anything, either.”

Her porcelain hand held onto his tanned one, closing her eyes and humming for a moment as she thought. She looked too elegant to be in his grasp. It took a few moments before the universe fluttered open, and her lips grew into a soft half-smile. “Like I said: Let’s just see what happens.”

He blinked, heart dangerously quickening its pace. “Are you sure?”

She didn’t speak, but instead pulled him into another kiss, this time it was hungrier, desire oozing out of each swipe of her tongue and formation of her lips. Eren didn’t know when their clothes ended up in a pile on the floor, he just remembered flashes of them shaking off the garments as quickly as possible, feverish and excited to press bare skin together.

He was hovering over her on the bed now, her hands pressed against his chest as his fingers ghosted over the curves of her figure, tracing his way down her waist until he could feel the dimples of her back. She bit onto his lower lip, tugging at it slightly and drawing a groan from him. She kept her eyes open, teasing at emerald when she didn’t separate from the kiss. One of his hands traveled to cup her breast, squeezing it in a way that caused her to let out a gentle sigh, releasing him from her grip.

“No fair,” she murmured.

His lips ghosted the curves of her shoulders, planting gentle kisses that crawled up her neck and jaw before nibbling on her ear. His voice was low, his hot breath against her feverish skin. “You were asking for it.”

Her lips were on his again, each kiss a little longer than the last one. Her hands were traveling up and down him now, feeling the different muscles and chiseled curves he had to offer. Porcelain fingers started to trace the v-lines of his abdomen, slowly creeping to the hem of plaid boxers. She looked at him, silently asking if he was comfortable, and he hummed at her for approval. He gasped when her fingers slid underneath the cloth, a hand grabbing his length, his eyes shut and a brow furrowed. She was slow in her movements, stroking the rigid, sensitive flesh. He whispered a “ _fuck_ ,” encouraging her to smile against his lips.

He bucked his hips slightly with her movements, aching for her slow actions to speed up. She took her time, so much time. It was almost cruel. His face nuzzled itself in the curve of her neck with each painfully slow stroke. Her other hand was placed on his bucking hips, guiding them to come to a halt, to let her do the work. Her thumb ran over the tip, causing him to whimper.

“Please,” he pleaded, the vibration of his words against her inspiring goosebumps on her skin. “ _Please_.”

She complied, her hands slowly increasing in tempo and his eyes growing hazier with each measure. Eren was such an independent spirit, child-like and marching to the beat of his own drum. He was so stubborn and hard-headed, resilient to show any weakness or submission, but it someone she managed to make him submit and listen in so many different ways, whether it was through innocent banter. Another door he didn’t imagine he’d open would be an invitation to be made weak, falling apart under her touch and depending on her, and only her, to piece him back together. God, it was all too good to be true.

“I—ah,” he gasped, his pieces crumbling easier as he peered into the universe, the stars imprinting themselves into his memory.

She smirked at him, arching a brow. “You what?”

“I,” he let out another sigh, the words becoming harder to speak as his hips slowly bucked with her rhythm again. “I love your hands.”

“Do you?” Her pace quickened, stroking him faster and causing him to close his eyes, his jaw clenching slightly.

“So much.”

He melted into a puddle for a moment, his head hanging as the girl below him stroked, planting kisses on his shoulders and little bites along the edges. She was having fun. Too much fun. 

He grabbed her wrist, lifting up his head and peering into her eyes. “Your turn.”

He watched her cheeks flush pink, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as her hand released its grip, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him into a kiss. His hands traveled, first cupping at her breasts and then squeezing, his kisses traveling down from her lips to her neck. She hummed with each kiss he planted, each little mark he’d make inspiring a shade of pink, roses blooming everywhere he’d leave a kiss, everywhere he’d softly bite, everywhere he’d gently suck. She was a garden—an oasis—and he was her caretaker—her gardener.

His mouth made his way past the center of her clavicle, planting a gentle kiss there before shifting his attention to her bra. It was burgundy, ripped lace at different pieces of it. “This is a nice color on you.”

She shrugged, reaching behind her to unbuckle the hook for him. He was silently thankful. Bras were too much of a puzzle for him to figure out, sometimes. “Well, it’s your favorite color, so…”

The burgundy fell to the floor, his hands hesitantly grabbing the two bundles of flesh and squeezing them softly to draw a gasp out of the girl. “You’re wrong about that, Ackerman.”

She knitted her brows together, shaking her head. “What’re you going on about? It’s red.”

He planted another kiss on her clavicle before his teeth started grazing against porcelain, reaching a nipple and pausing at it for a moment. His eyes flickered up at her before speaking, letting his breath tickle her skin to taunt at her anticipation. He mumbled just enough for her to hear. “My favorite color’s about to be the shade of pink that flushes your skin when I fuck you.”

Her teeth sank into her bottom lip nervously, humming the moment his tongue met her pink buds. He gave each one equal attention, sucking slightly and holding the nub gently in-between his teeth to tease her. If he was her first time, he was going to give her something to remember. Plus, she had a nice set of tits, so he wanted to spend as much time on them as possible. 

Mikasa’s fingers were playing with his hair, tugging at it slightly whenever a certain flick of his tongue or grip of his teeth appeased her nipple perfectly, and he smiled against her skin to the stifled, soft moans that poured out of her mouth. He never thought his name could sound so beautiful before this point.

“Are you ‘gonna just focus on my boobs, or are you ‘gonna be more fun?” Her eyes were shut.

“Oh?” It was his turn to smirk now, one of his hands starting to rub her outer thigh. “Excited, are we?”

She opened her eyes, glaring at him with impatience. He chuckled, shifting his position so he was in-between her legs now, one of them propped up for him to lean his head against. She rocked her hips, encouraging him to place his fingers or his mouth or anything right at the spot she wanted him to be. He kissed her inner thigh, smiling against the soft skin as she huffed.

“Eren,” she whined. Her eyes hazy and her hair starting to frizz up from the teasing and tugging. Roses bloomed all over her skin, her chest, her cheeks, her shoulders, you name it. And Eren couldn’t help but stare at her, look at her as she needed him, as she craved his touch. It was a good color on her. He couldn’t wait to see it more in the future.

He lifted her up, grabbing the small of her back and aching her to sit in his lap, a hand wrapped around her waist loosely and fingers pressing against the thin fabric. She hummed, the sounds of her little gasps egging him on to coax her into the ecstasy he was going to provide her, to hear the gasps transform into bigger and louder sounds. And he couldn’t wait to be the only man in the whole world who made her collapse, made her squirm and twitch in a way she’d never experienced before.

“Mikasa,” he whispered into her ear, his caution still lingering in his actions, “you’re completely sure about this?”

She nodded her head, grabbing at his hand and causing him to add pressure to the fabric just where she wanted him to be. She started shivered in his arms, her face trying to nuzzle itself in the crook of his neck. His hand began to move into circular motions against the silk, and she placed a hand over her mouth, whispers emitting through the porcelain fingers that begged him to stop teasing, to just _get in there_ already. He took his time, so much time. It was almost cruel. She bucked her hips, pleading for him to go faster, and a chuckle escaped him. He kissed her cheek. “Y’know, you were teasing me just a few minutes ago. Don’t dish out what you can’t take, Mik.”

“Of course I can take it. You just get off on being annoying.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, you really—”

She gasped, not expecting his fingers to quickly go underneath the hem of her underwear, adjusting themselves into a certain formation: two fingers in, palm pressing against her clit. He whispered, “And what’s so wrong with that?”

He sat there, waiting for her to nod her head or to rock her hips before he started moving, his tempo painfully slow at first to get an understanding of her body’s current state before moving into a steady rhythm. She was in a trance, her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth singing staggered sounds of pleasure with each motion of his hand. He watched her chest heave, her roses bloom dramatically, her head thrown back against him, her lips softly crying out his name in broken syllables. And he loved it.

“Eren,” she choked, struggling to cup his face with her hand and press his forehead to hers, sweat sticking her bangs and the little baby hairs that fell out of his hair together. “I want you.”

He watched her, her eyes closed and a brow furrowed. His hand moved faster. He lowered his voice, speaking raspily to her as she fell apart in his arms. “Say that again.”

“Please,” Her voice grew more desperate, her squirms growing more intense. “Just please.”

“‘Please’ what?” He smirked at her, a devilish one that was near diabolical. He was the one having too much fun, now.

Her eyes fluttered open, both of her hands reaching to tangle in his hair and pull his ear up to her lips. She breathed a hot breath, shivers making their way down his spine at the sensation. The sound of her words made him painfully hard, her lips brushing slightly against his earlobe and tickling him as she spoke. “I need to feel you inside me.”

His hands abandoned her core, taking his fingers and licking the contents off of them, a giggle came from Mikasa, a sarcastic remark of saying how gross she thought him to be. She rummaged through Sasha’s belongings to find a condom in some drawer, and when she climbed back into the bed, he helped he helped position her on her hands and knees, and she rested her head against the bed, her elbows rested lazily. She was closing her eyes and humming as he took off her underwear, flinging them to the side of the room in a hasty manner. She giggled again. 

“Excited, are we?”

He was slipping off his boxers, rolling his eyes. “You don’t get to steal my lines.”

“I get to do what I wan—”

He interrupted her another time, her sentence turning into a gasp halfway through, sliding into her slowly and staying still, his hands grabbing her by the sides of her waist. A “ _fuck_ ” escaped her, and he could only see her profile, eyes squeezed shut, porcelain fingers starting to claw the bed sheets. Pink flushed her cheeks, and he leaned down to leave a kiss on the center of her back, mumbling against her skin. “Do you, now?”

Her voice was a whimper. “I want you so bad.”

And that was all he needed to start moving. He was slow at first, gentle to both to tease her and to get an understanding of her body’s state, each sound she would make when he’d move was music to his ears. He stayed gentle for the most part, keeping a slow tempo to savor the sensations she, and only she gave him. It wasn’t until she started to move her hips to match his tempo that he started to go faster, the sounds of his name and a gentle slapping sound filling the vicinity. He thought about the roses that must’ve been blooming on her cheeks. He wanted to see the way her mouth formed whenever he’d hit that _exact_ spot. He thought about her dark eyes. He missed them, missed the way they’d pull him into a gaze he couldn’t escape from.

“I want to see you,” he gasped, her profile peering up in an attempt to look at him. She nodded her head, pulling away laying down so that she was on her back now, and he crawled to hover over her. Legs spread, and she sang his name when he slid into her again, this time, he was rougher. 

Her eyes squeezed shut, but he remained looking at her. Observing all of the shades of pink that flushed her skin, admiring all of the crinkles her face would make from the pleasure. Her hands were on his back, digging into it, her head trying to throw itself back against the bed even further. This only resulted in her arching her back, improving his angle drastically, the two of them immediately cursing and increasing the tempo. She was crying his name, now, burying her face into his neck and telling him to keep moving, to never stop, to just _please_ _keep going_.

And he was happy. He was so, so happy. She was so beautiful, colors and sounds emitting from her that only _he_ could inspire. Every fight they had, every inconvenience they faced, vanished in this moment, this moment where they cast aside all insecurity and doubt to become one, to mold into one another and use their energy to satisfy the other person’s needs. His insecurities didn’t matter in this moment, and neither did hers. Imperfection laid on top of imperfection, creating one perfect moment. The universe was completely his, and he conquered her by making love to her. 

He grabbed her by her hip bones, positioning them downwards to encourage the arch of her back and to improve his angle as she rocked her hips against his, and she threw her head to the side, a loud moan escaping her. She was near her breaking point, and so was he. Her eyes opened, revealing the galaxies he missed so much, and she grabbed the back of his head, pressing sweaty foreheads together. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, and he clenched his jaw at the feeling, cursing under his breath.

“Faster.”

They locked eyes. He was struggling to speak. “Mik, I’m so close.”

She brought him into a kiss, speaking against his lips. Her warm breath contrasted the iciness of their sweating bodies. “Please.”

He squeezed his eyes, both of them stifling moans and gasps against each other's mouths with lazy, _lazy_ kisses. Her hips struggled to match his tempo and his name spilling out of her lips, a beautiful crescendo met with a gasp and silent, staggered breathing. She was trying so, so hard to keep her eyes open, the whole of the universe visible through hazy, half-lidded eyes. Her legs grew tighter, and she stopped the kiss, only speaking against his lips in stammering, broken syllables. 

“Eren—Eren, please,” Her eyes squeezed shut, and he moved a hand to grab the back of her head, his fingers fondling in raven strands and pressing their foreheads together hard so she wouldn’t separate from him. His eyes were glued on her squirming expressions. “Eren, please, please—”

He grew faster, causing her to cry out in the middle of her begs, and they both reached climax, his hips slowly rolling into hers to a slow stop as the tempo died out. He lost strength in his arms, melting into her and resting his head against her chest to feel her fast-beating heart. They were both panting, the last of their moans escaping them before the euphoric hormones and chemicals disappeared. Her nails stopped clawing, now caressing his back and leaving ticklish trails with her fingers. She kissed the top of his head, taking deep breaths with him as he rolled off the condom and placed it on her nightstand.

There were a few minutes of comfortable silence before a soft, breathless giggle filled the air. “I—wow. _Wow_.”

He chuckled, closing his eyes and planting a gentle kiss on her sternum. Her hands were playing with his hair now, massaging his scalp and fiddling with the long strands. He hummed, resting his head against her once more. “Don’t forget to pee so you don’t get a UTI.”

“Sounds good.” She smiled, sounding like she was in a hurry to the restroom, but she stayed stagnant, playing with the brunette strands of the forest’s hair.

“So,” he smiled, opening his eyes and blinking fondly at her. “How’d I do?”

She pretended to think for a minute, placing an index finger against pursed lips before shrugging. Her voice was nonchalant. “You were mediocre.”

“Sure as hell didn't sound like it.” He smirked, mimicking her voice to tease her. “ _Eren, Eren! I want you so bad! Eren!_ ”

She gasped with a smile, smacking the back of his head and laughing. “I did _not_ sound like that!”

“Totally did.”

“I hate you.”

“ _Don’t stop! Please keep going, oooh!_ ”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes, sitting up to throw the condom away. She retreated to the bathroom, and he laid in the bed, hugging one of her pillows and inhaling deeply. The place smelt like sweat, sex, lemon and vanilla. He prayed to God that Sasha wasn’t going to be too harsh on the girl. 

He heard a toilet flush, Mikasa exiting and jogging over to her cabinet to pick out an oversized shirt, slipping it on. 

“Can I stay the night?”

Her eyes widened, blinking quickly before looking at the forest. She was silent, contemplating something in her mind that he couldn’t understand.

“Mikasa, it’s almost nine. I can just text Armin that I’ll stay here. Sasha wouldn’t mind, right?”

She started to stutter, stringing peculiar, nonsensical excuses together. “I-I have work in the morning! Early, yup! You don’t want to deal with me shoving you out of the house, and-uh… I really would love for you to stay, it’s just—it’s just last minute, and maybe we can do it another time, like in the future or something!”

He licked his lips, sitting up while slowly nodding his head and trying to read the girls demeanor. “Look, if you don’t want me to—”

“No, it’s not that.” She sighed, looking down to walk over and hold his hands. She brought them to her mouth, kissing at the fingers and sighing. “Just… Maybe another time, okay?”

He nodded understandingly (even though he didn’t understand at all) and kissed her forehead. Eventually, he got dressed, waited for Sasha to get home from her night class before bidding the girl goodbye, and got in his truck to drive home. Her sudden nervousness plagued his mind, the way her face formed into that anxious state…

Eren didn’t do anything wrong, did he? Was sleeping together and then spending the night too much intimacy for her all at once? He sighed, parking in his apartment complex and shaking the thoughts away. He reassured himself that he’d figure it out eventually, so there was no point in pointless worrying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (first time writing smut like this lol. hope it was alright, or in Mikasa's words, "mediocre")


	17. Bittersweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't want to proof read this so it felt raw (if that makes sense), so I apologize for possible grammatical errors/weird wordings.

_She could just barely see him in the distance, body splayed out on a grass field in the midst of relentless downpour. It was freezing cold, each raindrop mistakable for snow if not paid enough attention, the terrifying sound of howling wind serving as some sort of morbid soundtrack. Her feet could only carry her so far, it seemed, his stature not feeling like it came any closer no matter how fast she tread along the slippery grass._

_Mikasa was going to reach him in time, though. She had no other choice than to do just that._

_She couldn’t recall the reason for the environment, how she was in a vacant plain and why she was running after Eren with rain so hard it punched her skin. She only knew that it was bad, and all of her previous questions of her environment were of no use. There was a body in front of her that she needed to attend to. Needed to. Mikasa only knew that fear plagued her heart and manifested a trepidation she simultaneously knew all too well and understood nothing of._

_The hurried stomping of running footsteps soon treaded to a man on the floor, a deep cut in his abdomen and a crude shade of crimson quickly pooling itself into his shirt. She cradled the boy in her arms, the terrain of the earth smiling weakly. “Hey.”_

_His voice was too weak._

_“Eren, we need to get out of here,” she looked up to see her surroundings, only sporadic streams of water within her view amidst the gray sky. The rain was diagonal, the atmosphere giving out its lungs as wind blew hard._

_Not a hair on his head stirred. “Hey,” he repeated, an arm weakly attempting to cup her face and encourage her to divert her attention from the landscape.“Look at me.”_

_She obliged, piercing emerald irides the only color that seemed to resonate within their current environment. “I’m going to get us out of here. I promise.”_

_“It’s okay,” his half smile was subtle, and she felt her guts twist in an unfamiliar way. No, not with flattery, but with dread. Dread of the inevitable._

_She was blinking quickly to dismiss the tears forming at the corners of her cosmos, but the harsh breath of the earth only encouraged her streams to pour.“I’m sure if we can just get you up on your feet again, we can get some sort of cell reception. An ambulance can meet us here and—”_

_The hand cupping her face squeezed in the slightest way to disrupt her hurried sentences, a thumb running itself across the scar underneath her eye. “What do you think the view is like up there?”_

_Up there?_

_What did he mean by that?_

_Up where?_

_“When I was a kid,” his mouth twitched into a faint, lopsided smile again,“I used to think God was going to give me a ginormous refrigerator with all of my favorite foods when I went to heaven.”_

_Her throat closed, eyelids only capable of blinking faster. He… he wasn’t giving up… was he?_

_“Well, it’s a good thing we have a ginormous fridge already at home,” she shook her head, grip tightening around his body. It was fading in strength, the crimson pooling into a deeper, greater shade._

_He only shook his head at her, and there was a bittersweetness within his expression she just couldn’t understand, and the silence was overbearing, jarring. Her heart doubled—no, tripled—in its speed, a weight placed itself in her gut and started to sink quickly. She could only describe it as the color black—darkness residing in her with each second._

_“Eren, no. Sweetheart, please,” she was begging, the vulnerability of the moment too raw, too human._

_“Maybe I’ll see the fish I had when I was six again.” He continued his feeble words, biting his bottom lip softly._

_He paused._

_“Do you think I’ll be able to see you from up there?”_

_She didn’t know what to do, time ticking all too quickly as he wasted it with nonsensical hypotheticals about the afterlife. They needed to focus on the here, the now. He needed to recognize his mortality, understand that no time was to be wasted. Mikasa could save him if they were productive and proactive with their time. She knew she could. She knew they could. Why was he so quick to succumb to his finite mortality?_

_She shook her head, swallowing hard. “Eren, let’s just see if you can walk.” She shifted slightly, hand on his upper back to encourage him to at least try to stand. “Here, on the count of three, okay? One, two—”_

_“Mikasa, the view,” he choked, and she met watery eyes. His dejected expression battled against her haste. “Do you think I’ll be able to see you from up there?”_

_He had won, and she relaxed her arms to carefully hold him again._

_“Yes,” Her brows furrowed together, the corners of her lips softly lifting into a smile. She couldn’t tell if it was forced or not. “Yes, you’ll see me.”_

_He blinked slowly, eyelids droopily combatting against rain, wind, and the inevitable. His entire demeanor was weak, but piercing emerald still bore so much life—a sorrowful irony. “It’ll be like reality television, huh?”_

_She let out a breathy laugh, wiping away the hair sticking to his face. The strand she had cut months ago still stuck out in comparison to the rest of his brunette strands. “I guess so.”_

_“You better make every moment worth the watch, then.” His fingers curled at the back of her neck, tugging at her to press foreheads together. He was so weak, too weak. His voice was softer, the change in decibels stirring that bottomless pit of dread within Mikasa once more. “I don’t want to spend my days in paradise watching you cry over me.”_

_She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut, wanted to twist her face into the anticipatory grief and mourning that was just minutes away from her, but she resisted. She needed to be present for him, be present in these futile, spare moments. Her voice was but a whimper. “I promise I won’t.”_

_Eren’s voice cracked the slightest as he spoke, her throat closing faster in response at every staccato he’d produce. “Will you still sing me happy birthday?”_

_Their noses brushed against one another, the warmth of his grip and the warmth of his breath hovering over her too beautiful, too simple for the intricacies of the cold rain and irking wind._

_“Every single year.”_

_A pathetic hum was heard at the back of his throat, and she felt his fingers softly tangle into her ink strands, rain encouraging the locks to stain and spill onto his tanned skin. She opened her mouth to speak again, to string together even the smallest of sentences, but she couldn’t think of what she was even supposed to say. He had always taken the lead in conversation._

_But he didn’t speak, he just slightly tugged at her to pull her into a chaste kiss. He was quivering. Mikasa couldn’t tell if he was consumed by the cold or by the fear he was trying so hard to hide from her. But she knew, she could directly feel the anguish that encapsulated his soul as his vision blurred, the corners of it growing dark and hazy until there was no more life left for him to witness. So Mikasa pressed deeply into him, drinking in every shiver and brush of his lips as if he was her lifeline as if breaking away from the kiss would kill her, not him._

_He pulled away, foreheads still pressing together as the rain encouraged the duo to stick together with its texture._

_“Please open your eyes.”_

_She didn’t realize they were closed, so onyx fluttered open, the universe peering deeply into the trees of the forest. They were fading, hints of Autumn possessing green leaves before the Winter winds dominated each branch, each fragment of green._

_There was that dumb, stupid, idiotic smile on his face. The laziness of it all too much to encounter, given how well the simple formation of his mouth suited him even when he looked like this, withered and exhausted. He didn’t even know, didn’t even understand, how cruel that smile was._

_“You’re my favorite.”_

_She shook her head with the softest grin, blinking slowly at the sight of him. “Your ‘favorite’ what?”_

_“Just in general.” A dull shade of emerald grew hazy, disconnecting from his physic as he slowly spoke. “You’re my favorite person, favorite thing…”_

_Mikasa swallowed, the pit inside of her thousands of feet deep. “You’re my favorite, too.”_

_She waited for Eren to respond, waited for him to continue the lightheartedness in contrast to the grim world they resided in, but he never did. She clutched at his shoulders, shaking softly once as if to wake him from some sort of nap. Her voice cooed with false hope. “Eren?"_

_But there was nothing. The only movement that he produced was when she was the one who forced it on him._

_“Eren. Eren, wake up. Eren, now! Do you hear me?”_

_It only took her a few seconds to tighten her grip on his shoulders and shake the body in her arms, tears, and screams pouring out of the universe, a wilted forest in her grasp._

_And though his eyes were green, there was no life in them._

There was an annoying ringing, a buzzing cell phone that sat on her nightstand pulling her into reality. Mikasa grunted, quickly wiping sweat from her brow and tears from her eyes as she sobered from the disoriented state of her wake, the taunting image of barren greens slowly fading away with each movement of her bones. The girl cleared her throat and tentatively picked up the buzzing device, holding it up to her ear. Her hand was shaking. “Hello?”

“ _You’re staying with me when you visit during your break, right?_ ”

She closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers before mumbling, “Morning to you too, Levi.” 

There was a sigh emitted from the other end of the call, a gentle smile creeping up on Mikasa’s lips as she heard her uncle begin to babble in an apologetic tone. The man had always been a little too hasty in his nature, rushing to be productive and not waste time; however, his hurries always encouraged a very direct side to of personality that most people never knew how to react to, a dry stream of blunt words pouring out of him that nearly _always_ came off as rude. 

“ _Sorry, Miki. Good morning, kiddo. Shop is opening up at eight, so I’m stressing to whip everything into shape._ ”

She scoffed, checking the time on the adjacent clock she shared with Sasha. It was just after eight o’ clock _here_ , in Michigan. She did the math quickly in her mind, remembering the three hour time difference that separated them. “What’re you doing up so early?”

“ _Kenny isn’t here today, and the rest of staff doesn’t come in for another two hours._ ” There was a groan, and she could practically see the short-tempered man (haha) in front of her, rushing about a small shop to dust shelves and lining out tea samples as if his life depended on everything being kept in perfect uniformity.

She nodded her head, and understanding “ _ah_ ” escaping her lips as she fluttered her eyes open, sitting up in her bed and stretching an arm out to the side. “Well, to answer your question, yes I’ll be staying with you over break.”

“ _‘Cause your parents are going on some cruise, right?_ ”

She sighed, recalling a five-minute voicemail her father had left her a few days prior, rambled and jumbled sentences justifying _why_ , exactly, her parents decided to go on some “Caribbean Christmas Cruise” the same week she was to visit home. “Yup,” she rolled her eyes, sensing Levi could hear the attitude over the phone by his chuckle.

“ _Buncha assholes._ ”

“You can say that again.” She paused, taking in a deep breath and looking up to see Sasha wandering about in the kitchen, reaching into a cupboard to pull out mugs. Mikasa had _just_ noticed the scent of coffee lingering in the air. “Levi, can I talk to you about something? I… I need advice.”

“ _No,_ ” he was curt, taking a deep breath before realizing his quick response to the question. She wondered what he must’ve been like before the reminder of his niece to take a moment and actually consider how his composure might hurt other people’s feelings. “ _Sorry, I mean not at the moment. I really do need to get back to getting the shop ready, but you can call me later if need be._ ” 

“Sounds good,” she nodded her head, watching Sasha make her way to to the foot of Mikasa’s bed with two mugs in hand. “I’ll call you tonight, then?”

“ _Yes, please do._ ”

“Alrighty. Bye, Levi.”

She could practically hear his head nod to her words, the call ending quickly as she looked up to see Sasha smile patiently at the universe.

“Who was that?”

She shrugged. “My Uncle Levi.”

“Ah,” The brunette nodded her head, sitting on the edge of the bed and handing a mug over to Mikasa. It was a simple, dark brown cup with a wood grain design—her favorite. “You okay? You were mumbling a little in your sleep just now.”

She frowned, arms suddenly feeling the weight of a body in them, sounds of heavy downpour and howling wind resonating in her ears.

“I’m fine.” She decided.

 

* * *

It felt _so_ good to feel his hand in hers, to feel calloused fingers fill the gaps of her small hands, a thumb rubbing the top of her hand to send the smallest of shivers through her body. It felt so good to know that he was alive, to know that he was _right in front of her_ , leaning over a counter with a cheek leaning against his knuckles. She used both of her hands to hold his, leaning on the opposite side of the counter to stare deeply into emerald.

He was right there.

He was animated, complaining about some interaction he had with Ymir, his work apron completely wrinkled, and a stray hair stuck out the side of his head.

He was alive.

“So I told her,” Eren rolled his eyes, “that she could take the menu and shove it up her ass.” 

“Oof,” Armin pitched in, brows furrowing alongside an anticipatory smirk. “And how’d she take that?”

“How do you think?” There was a sigh, his gaze redirecting itself to the blonde adjacent to Mikasa. “I was trying to greet a family and she binder checked me.” The universe let out a laugh, a blush encouraging itself to grow on the forest’s cheeks. “There was a four-year-old with them! Plus, the teenager laughed at me.”

“Oh, _boohoo_ ,” the ocean mocked, nudging Mikasa’s side slightly and speaking lowly to her. “Looks like you’re ‘gonna have to punch a fourteen-year-old in the face for laughing at your man.”

“Apparently,” she rolled her eyes, looking over to meet sapphire. She softly squeezed Eren’s hand as she spoke. “He’s so sensitive sometimes.”

“ _He’s so sensitive sometimes,_ ” Eren mimicked in a high pitched voice. He had recently discovered how annoyed Mikasa had grown whenever he did so.

“Ten times more emotional than me.”

“ _Ten times more emotional than me._ ”

“Like, he even cries after sex.”

“ _Like_ , _he even cries after—_ ” his voice cut short, mouth hanging open as facial expressions formed into absolute exasperation. She only smiled back at him, knowing damn well that their first time was _just_ yesterday. 

Armin didn’t need to know that, though, and seeing the ocean slap a hand over his mouth to muffle booming laughter raised a victory inside of Mikasa.

He rolled his eyes, a huff escaping him as he retreated his hand from her hold, crossing arms in defiance to her affection. “Oh, fuck you.”

“What, are you gonna cry after that, too?” Armin choked, hand slamming on the wooden counter as he let the laughter boom at the front of the restaurant. 

Eren pressed his lips together, shrugging his arms so palms facing the sky in defeat. He shook his head, stepping away from the counter. “I can never win, can I?”

“Hmm,” she thought for a moment, index placing itself on her mouth as she stared up at the corner to think. She took a few moments before shrugging. “Nope. Doesn’t seem like you can.”

“God,” Armin scoffed, rolling his eyes and resting his face into his hands, elbows cutting into wooden grain. “You two. What would I do without you both?”

Eren made an “I don’t know” sound at the back of his throat, quickly whipping out a phone at the back of his pocket to check the time. There was a frown on his face, and he let out a sigh. “My break ends in two minutes.”

Mikasa let a frown tug at the corners of her lips, her disapproval (surprisingly) apparent to the man in front of her, and he grabbed her hand again kiss the top of it. “Hey, I’m sure we can meet up later after I get off of work.”

“That’d be nice,” she softly smiled, at him.

There was an awkward cough adjacent to her, and the forest and universe directed their attention to a hesitant ocean. He took in a sharp breath before speaking flustered sentences. “Well, uh, I don’t mean to be selfish or anything, but I… I get my letter from Stanford today, and I wanted you guys to be there when I opened it.”

Her eyes widened, mouth taking the shape of a small _o_ , and Eren mirrored the expression as well. Selfish? Selfish for wanting to open a letter that held the contents of his future with his two best friends? _Selfish_ for wanting to _share_ that special moment? Mikasa started to blink quickly, shaking her head and stammering as she did so. “Oh, oh, my God! Yes!”

Eren was stammering as well. “Absolutely, man! Bro, dude! We wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

“Why didn’t you say something during class this afternoon?!”

“How are you not shitting your pants right now?”

“Oh, I am,” Armin laughed, embarrassed roses blooming on his cheeks as he scratched the back of his neck. “It seems like the more I avoid thinking about it, the better I feel.”

“Well, that’s no way to go about your day when you’re guaranteed to get in,” Eren smiled, reaching over to ruffle the ocean’s sandy locks of hair. “I’ll even order some celebratory pizza or something.”

Sapphire eyes blinked, shocked at the simple offer. “But you did the checkbook last week. We’re short on money, aren’t we?”

“I’ll help with the cost,” Mikasa butted in with a reassuring smile at the nervous waves that crashed within ocean eyes. “A ten dollar pizza is nothing compared to the bountiful future ahead of you, Ar.”

“Yeah!” Eren nodded his head, ruffling blonde hair again with that damn smile. “If anything, it’ll make a good newspaper title for when you’re a successful businessman or whatever!” His gaze shifted somewhere off to the corner, lifting his hands and moving them across the air as if spreading a poster on an invisible wall. “ _World’s richest man tells an endearing story of when he could hardly afford Domino’s when opening his acceptance letter to Stanford._ ”

Mikasa shook her head. “No, you have to say Little Caesars to make it sound like he was more desperate.”

“Ah, good catch.”

“You guys…” Armin nervously laughed, shrugging with his small words. “You guys are really confident that I’ll get in, aren’t you?”

“Well, of course we’re confident, Ar,” Eren’s voice was suddenly calm, and the air shifted from lightheartedness to something more vulnerable.

It was bittersweet.

A timer beeped softly, and Eren let out a frustrated groan. His break was over.

“Well,” Armin knocked on the wooden counter, forcing a smile at Mikasa and nodding his head to the doors behind him, “I’ll get the car started, then.” He waved at Eren to bid a goodbye before exiting the restaurant, the _brrring!_ of a bell echoing throughout the vicinity as he did so.

“Hey,” Eren started the moment the door closed, stalling his break just moments longer to talk to her. “Don’t say I cry after sex ever again.”

Mikasa leaned over the counter to place a kiss on the forest’s forehead. “Nah.” She mused before spinning around on her heel to cause another _brrring!_ to echo.

 

* * *

**_hey mind if i swing by right after my shift?_ **

_I thought we were all meeting up at your apartment to open Armin’s letter._

**_well duhhh. i’m gonna get him a cheesy “congrats” card :D_ **

_Oh, that’s perfect!!! He’ll love it!!!_

**_right? so it’s cool if i swing by beforehand? we can carpool to my place afterward._ **

_Sounds good to me. I’ll see you after your shift, then_

 

* * *

There was a knock on her door, and she ran over to swing it open for the man in front of her. Emerald eyes flashed a cheeky smile, and she stepped to the side to welcome him inside. He lifted a white envelope in his hands. “Hey!”

She smiled, rushing over to shuffle any pen or pencil out of the messenger bag lazily thrown on her bed. He walked over to her, taking a card out of the envelope. She knitted her brows together, taking the card out of Eren’s hands and staring at the contents within it. There was a watercolor bouquet of roses on the cover, the inside reading “ _Congratulations on the engagement_ ” in a _hardly_ readable script.

“Eren, what the fuck?” She pointed at the calligraphy, shaking her head. “This isn’t…”

He laughed at her trailing voice, shrugging and scratching his cheek. He hadn’t shaved in, what she observed to be, a week, and she could clearly hear each scratch of his fingernails against the prickly scruff.

“I, uh, I thought it would be funny.”

She arched a brow. “Funny?”

He shrugged, taking his phone out of his back pocket and throwing it to the corner of her bed. “Y’know, cause the card is _sorta_ right for the occasion but also _completely_ wrong.”

She sighed, shaking her head and clicking a pen to write within the card. “You’re so dumb.”

“It’ll make him laugh! I know it will.”

“Uh-huh, if you say so.”

She quickly glanced over the inside of the card to read over the calligraphy once more. Okay, so it was _kind of_ funny. It wasn’t a hilarious joke, but it was the sort of thing that makes a person shake their head and go, “Lame, but I’ll take it.” Fine, she’ll give him _that_. 

She noticed Eren’s handwriting was tucked away in the corner of a card, surprisingly neat letters written in all capitals, the font small and spaces compressed. It was a long note, given the space within the card, and she found herself glancing over the words to study off of. She decided it’d be best to mimic the same vibe of his sentences to form her own, that way she wouldn’t be too sappy or too abrupt. 

But when she noticed the first words were, simply, “ _Armin, you will never understand how fucking proud I am of you,_ ” she stopped, her gut wrenching with guilt. It was an invasion of privacy. The two boys were best friends, living together and _raising an_ _animal_ , for Christ’s sake. Their relationship was at a tier she was levels upon levels below, and it was wrong, _so_ wrong of her to try and mimic a note shared between two candid, seventeen-year-old boys standing on a beach together. The simplest of words probably held mountains of emotion between the spaces of each letter. How dare she even think she could compare her own relationship to the fruitful, old one shared between the forest and the ocean. They were Earth, and she was nothing but a universe observing from a third-person perspective.

So it was only natural of her to then she reflected on her own relationship with Armin, how the two of them had grown to know each other over the course of three years. 

And then it hit her, fear settling in at a rate no nightmare could compete against.

He was going to move halfway across the country and leave her and Eren behind _._

There was a heavy weight growing in her chest, her hand absentmindedly placing itself over her heart as if fragile porcelain over would soothe and ease her internalized pain.

Eren blinked, noticing the movement. His voice was full of confusion. “You alright?”

She blinked, staring deeply at the card as if she could find answers inside of the white paper.

Armin was leaving.

She didn’t want him to. 

No. No, no, no.

She didn’t want him to go anywhere, to abandon her.

To abandon Oden. To abandon Eren. To abandon Professor Pyxis’ class. To abandon their study sessions. To abandon when he’d visit her at work. To abandon their comical banter. To abandon their car rides to Fleetwood Mac. 

No. No, no, God, _no_.

Her brows furrowed, tears aching to pour out of the ducts in her eyes, but she refused. She blank quickly to fight against the water. She had already cried once this morning, and she didn’t want to have yet _another_ melodramatic moment.

Mikasa knew he was going to leave from the very start, and there was absolutely no need for her to feel sorry for herself, to mourn the absence of a friend who had been destined to leave the moment she met him. Was this what her life was meant to be—to watch the forest die every night while the ocean moved hundreds of miles away? Shouldn’t she have been more prepared for this?

But signing her name on a card like this was the contract to the death of a friendship—a will leaving nothing but memories in her inheritance.

It was too real. This idiotic engagement card was physical evidence that she couldn’t blink away or wake up from.

A hand placed itself on her shoulder, and she looked up to meet emerald. He tilted his head at the girl, brows furrowed with worry. “Are you go—”

“He’s actually leaving,” was all she could manage.

She watched features of the forest wilt into something sorrowful, a pained expression she didn’t know was possible for an individual to bear. He shook his head, the Adam’s apple on his neck bobbing as he swallowed, and she saw the memories of Earth flash through green eyes as if they were movies. “I know.”

It was almost instantaneous, the way his arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug, and eventually, they were kissing. This one was different than all of the others, arms embracing in their fears of losing the ocean and lips brushing against one another for comfort. _Comfort_. The physical softness of each other’s warmth somehow strong enough to ward off the hardness of their hearts, their predicaments. Woeful kisses, comforting kisses.

It was bittersweet.

She found herself placing a hand on the bed behind her, finding any form of stability as he crumbled into her mouth, both emotionally and physically. But his hand met the small of her back to lay her on the bed, each mournful exchange growing more passionate and needy. They were so, so needy, pouring every piece of themselves into each kiss to find _something_ within the other person, whether it was the acknowledgment of their emotions or the confirmation of their situation. She drank and swallowed each kiss as he stole her breath, hoping that each pucker of his lips and swipe of his tongue would tell her _something_. Tell her that he understood, tell her that he sympathized, tell her that he _knew_ her pain in a way she wasn’t even fully aware of. 

But he needed more. If Armin was leaving, Mikasa realized that Eren would need _her_ above all else, one of the only few things that would be left of Armin amidst the future graveyard of their apartment. Each corner would reek of the ocean, memories and nostalgia at every corner. And, God, she was so worried about how he would react, how he would cope. She was worried if she would be enough. He needed her to be enough.

Her fingers reached underneath his shirt, encouraging the fabric to lift over his head, and he was quick to throw it over his shoulder, hands quickly unbuttoning the cardigan she wore. He tugged on her bottom lip with his teeth, and she furrowed her brows at the sensation. She needed this. He needed this. A phone started to buzz somewhere off in the corner, but they ignored the sound until it stopped, continuing to strip the clothes that separated comfort and validation.

And he was so alive underneath her touch, the goosebumps creating braille against his skin as she deciphered the body language of his need, of his hurt. The pain he was too afraid to admit, too afraid to dwell in. She started to rock her hips against his, a gentle gasp escaping him as she did so. He reciprocated, and their movements became a game of give and take, help and receive. 

The phone started to buzz again, and Mikasa broke from the kiss. She mumbled the very words she wanted to reject. “Maybe you should get that.”

He nodded, reaching over to the side of the bed where his phone rested, answering and speaking into it as he struggled to catch his breath over her. “Hey, what’s up?”

But Eren’s face changed the second he heard a response from the device, blinking quickly and looking… conflicted? He hastily ended the call, pulling Mikasa up from the bed and throwing her shirt at her. “We have to go.”

She blinked. “Is everything okay?”

“We have to go _now_.”


	18. Oh Dramatic Irony, How I Loathe You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all wouldn't believe how many times I rewrote/drafted this chapter sigh. But here's yet another song that contributed to this fic: [ Nuvole Bianche](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VR-6AS0-l4) by Ludovico Einaudi. Heavily listened to this beautiful piano piece while writing this chapter to help evoke emotion, specifically the beginning. Don’t know if it’ll add to the reading experience at all, but *shrug*. As always, thank you endlessly for the support.<3

Eren got exactly what he wanted.

Armin sat on the couch, a saltwater veiling his eyes that was far different than the usual, oceanic blue. Oden was barking, his tail wagging greatly when Mikasa had entered the apartment, her brows knitted together in concern and feet running to splash into the waters of the ocean with a hug. The blonde’s elbows dug into the tops of his thighs, face pressing into his palms as he ignored his two best friends. A letter sat on the coffee table in front of the gray couch, Armin _cautiously_ keeping his distance from the thin piece of paper. Eren approached with hesitation, picking up the letter and reading the first line.

“Armin…” his voice trailed off.

There was a storm in the eyes of the ocean, skies so gray and waves so monumental that Eren was terrified sandy locks might actually drown within the salt waters, yet simultaneously, they were shallow—undeniably empty and utterly hopeless, as if his waters felt the trepidation of this exact moment all along. Ships and boats of hope, dreams, and ambition had been destroyed, lost at sea to face the resentful cumulonimbus that rained inside of him. Looking into his eyes alone, receiving a simple _glimpse_ of the emotion irides so passionately produced was intense enough to understand his bleeding shorelines. Enough to understand his raging waves, his dejected sea, his barren ocean. 

But this is what Eren wanted, wasn’t it? Didn’t he want this all along? Wasn’t he supposed to feel joy after hearing the sorrow in Armin’s voice over the phone—the staccato of, “ _I just was so excited and couldn’t wait for you two to come home._ ”

His voice was small—so, so small. “I should’ve worked harder.”

“No,” Mikasa cut in, placing a hand on his back and shaking her head. “You did everything you could—”

“Well obviously fucking not!” He snapped.

The room grew quiet for a moment, Mikasa startled on what to say and Eren at a loss for words. He couldn’t understand what he was feeling, not even a little bit. For fuck's sake, _Armin_ was the one who always helped the forest weed through the confusion and contradictions of his emotions to maintain even the smallest grasp of them. He felt anger, and he felt relief. He felt confusion, and he felt satisfaction. He got exactly what he wanted, so why did he feel such a cocktail of emotions? Armin wasn’t going anywhere—he was going to continue to miserable life alongside Eren as they struggled with expenses each passing week.

Armin hated living here. The boy would never admit it to anyone, but it was so obvious to Eren. The excitement that would shine in his eyes at the very mention of abandoning the city, the amount of commitment he poured into his education just for the hope of moving away. Stanford’s acceptance rate was less than five percent, yet the blonde _threw_ himself at the opportunity. He didn’t want to live in their cramped up apartment, surviving off of frozen burritos and eating on the living room floor because they didn’t even own a kitchen table. It was so apparent how the ocean wanted to retreat to Northern Californian shores. Even back in high school, the boy dedicated himself to his studies, the daydream of Stanford projecting itself like a movie against old, wire glasses.

Naturally, he was angry at this idiotic college for not recognizing _Armin Arlert_ , of all people, for his academic demonstration and potential. He hurt for his best friend, the sight of a mourning ocean all too painful to behold because Eren _knew_ how deep the waters were—he knew how hard Armin worked, knew how desperately he wanted to accomplish his dreams. Eren knew those things better than anyone else, and he truly believed Armin deserved even the biggest of his ambitions to come true. No, he deserved so much more than that.

Emerald felt so powerless, watching shattered sapphire sit in front of him. Of course he wanted the best for his friend, absolutely he did. Why wouldn’t he want Armin to achieve his greatest goals? To have the countless hours he dedicated to textbooks and extracurriculars finally amount to something incredible. Armin functioned that way. He was just like water—he let all of the little things he put energy into represent single droplets of water until he had enough molecules to form a tsunami. That was why he studied so often with Mikasa, why he spent every Friday grimacing at flashcards Eren knew nothing about.

He blinked, mouth turning into a small _o_ , realization striking a chord him as he stared blankly at Armin. No, they hadn’t been studying every Friday, had they? No, not since Eren had met Mikasa. 

_Are you selfish with everyone and everything,_ Eren seethed internally, biting on his bottom lip, recounting all of the past Fridays he had ditched Armin on. The afternoon Mikasa came over to visit when Armin got called into work, the ocean declined studying—that was a Friday. The week afterward when Armin had invited the girls over for dinner—that was a Friday. The day Eren finally asked Mikasa out and Armin offered to help plan an entire date when he came home—that was a Friday. That was the day he retook his state tests for better scores on his resumé too, wasn’t it? Not to mention all of the times Armin ditched studying with Mikasa so that his friends could spend time sucking each other's faces off instead of focussing on the academics he needed to.

_“Whenever Mikasa and I hang out to study, we end up seeing you instead.”_

Eren felt his breath grow heavier, his fingers gently crumpling the letter in his hands. Guilt started to pool inside of him, each nerve in his body heightening.

Armin closed his eyes and let out a sigh, throwing himself back to sink into the cushions of the couch, staring directly at the ceiling. “I should’ve worked harder,” he repeated.

Emerald eyes could only shake his head, swallowing hard as his grip on the flimsy piece of paper grew tighter. Armin had been so selfless this entire time, encouraging his friend to “get the girl.” He rejected his own personal needs for _Eren’s_ sake, only to have the deeply rooted, selfish nature of the forest quickly consume absolutely every ounce of generosity Armin produced. And Eren had been so oblivious, so _stupid_ to even stop and think about how the ocean sacrificed so much of his time and need for the forest’s benefit.

There was a sad chuckle heard from the boy on the couch. “You look like you’re about to rip that thing in half.”

And Eren had the _audacity_ to feel relieved, to feel thankful? Armin sacrificed his life’s ambition so that Eren could get exactly what he wanted. He even inflated the kid’s ego time and time again, thinking that his own personal faith in his friend outweighed Stanford’s entire application system.

“ _Trust me, you’ll be out of here in no time._ ”

He felt himself cringe at the past words. He had been so caught up in the idea of the ocean leaving that he took for granted the help he could’ve absolutely provided his friend. _Eren, you bonehead,_ he groaned, looking away from the blonde to stare at the words of the letter in front of him. It was the thing he secretly hoped for, the devastating piece of paper he _wanted_ Armin to receive, the desire lurking down in the deepest parts of his selfish heart. The dumb, flimsy piece of paper in his hands was the crushing blow that forced Armin to remain stagnant in his miserable lifestyle, and it was Eren’s best case scenario. 

Now he didn’t have to worry about waking up in an empty apartment. He didn’t have to worry about the loneliness he was dreading, Oden the only thing to converse with when Mikasa was at school or working. He could keep making robot jokes only to feel an annoyed elbow nudge his side. He was still going to get lectured for talking with a full mouth. They could still bicker about the laundromat. They could still sit on their couch and complain about everything to each other for hours on end.

The forest didn’t have to worry about the fear of losing the ocean anymore. He got everything he wanted: for his best friend to stay in town with the price of Armin’s confidence and happiness. The Earth was still going to stick together, even though it meant the ocean was miserable, and the forest delighted in that fact. He couldn’t bear to lose the seventy percent that kept him in check.

So why did he feel so awful?

“Armin, I really am so sorry.” Mikasa sighed, closing her eyes as she was hesitant to speak. “I don’t even know what to…”

And why did he feel so guilty?

The ocean shrugged once more, sitting up straight and massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “There’s no need for you to be sorry. You didn’t do anything.”

So, _so_ guilty.

“It’s just one of those things, I guess.” She shrugged, running fingers through dark hair.

Eren decided it was his fault—he was responsible for the letter in his hands. He was responsible for ripping off the flesh and muscle of the dream that Armin spent _years_ building life into. He was responsible for the tentative tears in his best friend’s eyes. It was all his fault. That was why he must’ve felt so guilty, right?

“Eren,” Mikasa’s voice pulled him out of the consuming thoughts, her head tilted slightly. “You’ve hardly said anything.”

He blinked. “I…”

There was a lull.

What was he supposed to say? He was holding the very weapon he _hoped_ would kill Armin’s future. 

“I just, uh…”

A cell phone started to ring, Mikasa quickly whipping out the buzzing device from her messenger bag. She sucked in air through her teeth, looking up at Eren to motion towards his bedroom. “May I?” Emerald nodded his head, watching the girl swiftly walk over to his bedroom, closing the door with a gentle, “ _Hey, what’s up,_ ” leaving just the two of them, brief silence taking ahold of each for completely different reasons.

“You really don’t have to say anything, Eren,” the ocean spoke up after a minute, the attention of the forest immediate in response. “It’s not like there’s a tutorial on how to comfort your friend who was just denied the school of his dreams.”

“Ah,” he let out a slight laugh, hesitant to let humor lighten the palette of a dark sea. “There should be.”

But then a certain Armin made an appearance, the one who needed to articulate all the specifics of a situation to accept it. “Where do you think I messed up?”

“Who knows,” _It was me—I’m the one who distracted you from your studies._ “They’re idiotic for not taking you in.” _But I’m so thankful you’re not leaving me._

There was a sad chuckle, and Eren could feel his insides cringe and twist helplessly at the sound. “I guess this means you’re stuck with me, huh?”

Eren’s gaze redirected itself back to the piece of paper.

_“Armin Arlert, I am very sorry to let you know that we are unable to offer you admission into Stanford University.”_

“I guess so.”

He felt like he should say something, to at least string at least an apology for being the cause of a crushed future, but he stopped himself because that would be even _more_ selfish, wouldn’t it? Here Armin was, digesting a hard-to-swallow reality, yet Eren decided he was going to suffocate the air—to make it all about himself and carry the weight on _his_ shoulders as if Eren was the one who received the crushing blow. Oxidation of ocean waters didn’t matter when it was the forest who decided he needed the most fresh air. Any kelp or seaweed rooted within oceanic floors didn’t need oxygen because they didn’t matter—because everything had to be about emerald trees, didn’t it?

Eren was disgusted with himself for letting his insecurity and selfishness yet _again_ be the focus of attention, to be the thing prioritized above all else. Here he was standing in his living room with such a cocktail of emotions, and he licked the glass clean until he had every last drop of oxymoronic vermouth, contradicting gin, all topped off with a regretful olive.

“I’m taking the dog on a walk.”

He didn’t even realize Armin was already up with a leash in hand, throwing on a coat and kneeling to tighten a harness on Oden. The dog was so excited, so blissfully ignorant to the emotion resided within the air with a wagging tail and tongue lopsided at the side of his open mouth. He could only blink, finally setting the letter back down at the coffee table. “Want me to tag along?”

“No.” The response was fast, the confidence in the two letters ceasing once met with a stammering explanation. “I… I just need some fresh air—really bad. I feel like there’s—ugh—like five different brains crushed in my skull right now, and they’re all trying to process my… to process _that,_ ” he sighed, gesturing at the letter on the table. The blonde stood on his feet, leash tight in his grip as he made eye contact with emerald. The grief-stricken ocean was blinking quickly. “Is that okay? You understand, right?”

“You don’t have to ask me if you can take a walk to clear your head,” Eren forced a half-smile, hand meeting his friend’s shoulder to serve as some sort of physical comfort. “I just want to make sure you’ll be okay alone.”

There was an honest laugh. “Probably not, but I’m ‘gonna end up alone at some point or another, right? Besides,” he shook the leash, the dog’s tail wagging faster, “I’ll have this fool with me.”

“You better be on your best behavior, buddy,” Eren’s gaze looked at a pair of floppy ears, index finger pointing at the dog. “Go take a shit on Stanford’s front steps.”

Armin shook his head, making his way towards the front door. “Will do. See ya, man.”

“See ya,” Eren waved, lips pressed together as he watched the blonde make his leave, the _slam_ of a door resonating throughout the apartment.

He decided the room was stuffy, the need for fresh air suddenly relevant to Eren as well. If only he could open a window in his forehead or something, let clean, fresh air bounce around in his skull and embrace every bump and crease of his brain. He cracked open the window, chilly air flooding in the room and breathing against his face. Eren closed his eyes and let out a gentle hum. _At least something feels nice,_ he mused. He looked at the door to his bedroom, imagining Mikasa still on the phone, but his eyes met a digital clock in the open kitchen. 

**_6:15 PM_ **

The forest let out a groan, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. He got off of work only an hour ago, and he felt so, so drained from the day. Maybe he should ask Mikasa to get Sasha to bring her wax pen over, conflicting emotions waaaay too harsh to actually endure.

“You okay?” A voice came, and Eren looked up to see the dark palette of a girl, tightly holding a phone in porcelain hands.

“Yeah,” he sighed, walking over to a gray couch to throw himself against the cushions. “Long day.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, joining him on the gray. “Where’d Ar go?”

“On a walk with the dog.” There was a lull, the two hesitant to break the lingering grief the ocean had filled the air with, even with the winter winds flooding into the room. Eren decided a conversation change would be best for the both of them—a distraction from the reality of their heartbroken friend. “Who were you on the phone with?”

“Oh, my uncle,” Mikasa lifted up her phone to show the boy, placing it in her messenger bag as she continued to speak. “He’s helping me out with somethin’ when I go back home for the break.”

“Helping you out with somethin’?” He repeated. Great, was everyone in his life struggling with something? Was he the cause for a secret pain his own girlfriend was enduring as well? "You haven't talked to me about anything… Is something wrong?”

“Oh, right. Well, it’s not exactly anything you’d be able to…” She trailed off, thumbs twiddling together as she slightly stammered. “He owns this tea shop so I was ‘gonna ask him about starting a business, y’know? Need to start on that flower shop at some point, I guess.”

He awkwardly laughed, brows furrowing together. “You do realize my parents own a restaurant, right? I’m sure you could—”

“I know.” Eren was taken aback by her haste, and she let out a sigh. “Sorry. Yes, I know.”

He slowly nodded his head, blinking at Mikasa as she bit scratched at the tattoo on her wrist absentmindedly. She was hiding something. He knew she was.

“Alright, then.”

_Perhaps another conversation change would be a good idea_ , he decided. “Hey, what do you say to spending the night for Armin’s sake? He really needs the both of us right now, and I’m sure having his two best buds here to support him tonight would mean a whole lot to him. We can make makeshift beds here in the living room and just… just make sure he’s okay, y’know?”

But she didn’t react the way he expected her to—no, not even a little bit.

“I… can’t.”

“C’mon, Mik,” Eren furrowed his brows, thinking that maybe encouragement would entice her to stay. Why wouldn’t she want to stay and support one of her best friends through a troubling night? The forest batted his eyes at her, hoping his charm would melt her heart like it usually did. “Please?”

“Eren, my flight leaves tomorrow afternoon, and I need to pack still and—”

“But listen,” he lazily smiled, repositioning his seating so he faced her completely. “We can order that pizza we promised him this afternoon and watch some movies off of his laptop. Christmas is next week, right? Have you seen _Just Friends_? Dude, talk about a good film—”

She put a hand up to stop his ideas, voice stern and gaze stoic. “I can’t.”

He huffed, shaking his head slightly as he spoke. “Can’t or won’t?”

“I…can’t.” She repeated for the third time.

“Why?” It was a simple question, one she should be able to easily answer.

“I’m not getting into it.”

Eren clenched his jaw, blinks growing slow as he observed the demeanor of the universe. She wasn’t even making eye contact with him, her galaxies distant—lightyears apart from him. But he let his own insecurity slide for the moment, given the fact that this was about _Armin_ , not Eren or his feelings. Mikasa needed to do the same for herself. So he thought he’d start with the whole, “ _this is for Armin’s sake_ ” shit.

“But Armin really needs the both of us here to support him, and—”

“Eren, just…” She knitted her brows together, gaze focussing on the twiddling thumbs in her lap. “Please just try to understand for right now.”

Understand? What the hell was he supposed to understand? She was being weird—distant and weird and refusing to talk to _him_ , the man she was _supposed_ to confide in. What the hell was she hiding?

“Why are you being selfish?” He couldn’t stop the words before they were pouring out of his mouth, forest fires sparking inside of him, but he needed to know—needed a justification for her sudden detachment.

Mikasa looked up to meet eyes, head tilted at him. Offense drenched her words. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah,” he knew he should stop talking, but the words didn’t stop; however, he still found truth in the absentminded syllables pouring out of him. “You’re being selfish. Armin just got _rejected from Stanford_ , and you can’t even stay a little longer to support him through this?”

She shook her head, eyes blinking fast. “Well, of _course_ I want to support him—”

“Then what’s your excuse?”

“I told you,” she sighed, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose and eyes squeezed shut, “we’re not getting into it.”

He let out a _pfft_. “Uh, yes we fucking are.”

He had to know what she was hiding, had to understand what her _deal_ was. But she decided that the silent game they were notoriously known for to be her response. They both sat on the couch, just staring at one another in anticipation as the air grew heavy, and _God_ , Eren hated it so much. He hated how they always got like this—hated how her slow blinking eyes were making him feel like an idiot, like he was the one in the wrong here. But he knew that he was right—that she was hiding something when there was no need for her to. He just wanted her to stay longer, to spend the night to support a friend. What was so bad about that?

“Mikasa—”

“Can we just move on?” Onyx fluttered open, an illegible dread inside of the big orbs.

He huffed, crossing his arms. “No.”

“Eren—”

“You’re being weird and secretive about _something_ , and I don’t know what to do about it.”

There was yet another lull, and Eren’s gaze was stuck on her as her eyes surveyed the cosmos within herself, _heavily_ contemplating something _._ She only let out a sigh, though, shaking her head.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

He scoffed once more. “You’re kidding me.”

She shook her head again.

“Fine.”

“Eren, it’s not that I—”

“I said _fine_ ,” he spat, a hint of regret pooling inside of him at to how harsh his voice sounded. He knew he needed to take it down a notch, but he just couldn’t _stand_ her attitude—how her distance left him feeling so _cold_. “If you want to keep secrets, then be my guest.”

There was a beat of silence before her voice came, sounding both small and accusatory. “Why are you being so difficult right now?”

“Oh,” he laughed, “look at who’s talking!”

“Why can’t you understand that there are some things I’d just…” she started wringing her hands, gaze focused back on the porcelain, “I’d just rather not…”

“Well, if you can’t tell your own fucking boyfriend about these ‘things—’”

“You’re being _so_ argumentative for no reason! Seriously, what is your deal?”

He clenched his jaw tighter, passive aggressiveness possessing him. “Sorry I just want to know what you’re hiding from me.”

They only stared at each other, raging fires within forest eyes and… hurt within the universe.

She stood up, grabbing her messenger bag and flinging the strap over her shoulder. “Tell Armin I’ll give him a call later.”

He blinked, quick to mimic her stance. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m going.”

“No,” he scoffed, “no, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am,” she hissed.

Eren grabbed at her wrist before she could walk too far, tugging at her slightly so she faced his direction. Their hands were mid-air, her breathing suddenly shallow as his grew heavier.

“Mikasa, why won’t you just talk to me?”

There was a beat of silence. “I told you… You just wouldn’t…”

“Fine,” he was abrupt. If she didn’t want to talk, then there was no point in trying to fight for her justification any longer. He dropped her wrist to throw a two finger salute, gesturing towards the front door she was hasty to greet. “Bye, then. Have a safe fucking flight, sweetheart.”

She knitted her brows together, shaking her head and letting out a defeated, “ _Asshole_ ,” the echoed _slam_ of a wooden door the only company Eren had within his apartment.


	19. Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Split chapter perspective. The regular narrative order will return next chapter starting with Mikasa.

Nature fought a civil war. Winter is bound to win at the end of each year, chilling winds and barren branches serving as the threshold of each sidewalk and each park. Mikasa thought it ironic how, despite the death of nature at the end of the year, humanity worked so hard to decorate each street corner with tinsel, lights, ornaments, and etcetera as if to revive the death of nature—to combat against anorexic trees with the satisfaction of Christmas spirit. As if to fill the hunger of desolate vegetation in a starving environment.

It was cold. Freezing, in fact. Dry, bitter Nevadan winds nipped at each and every bone in her body, Mikasa’s limbs and fingers wrapping around her frame in an unfruitful attempt of conjuring up at least _some_ form of warmth. _Desert weather is the worst_ , she internally grimaced, cursing the mountainous valley for the metronome that would click one way for unbearable heat and click the other way for the dreadful cold. Before moving out to Detroit, she hardly experienced any form of nice weather. Instead, she had endured the never-ending tempo of the metronome when nature would switch from one extreme to the next. _Click, click, click…_

It was cold. It was freezing cold and everything looked gray and dead—the only form of green that could somehow manage to inspire beauty within the biting weather hundreds of miles away, probably _just_ waking up from a nap or something. 

The greens didn’t call her before her flight, nor did he send a text message of any form—not since the “conversation” that took place just the night prior. She heard through word-of-mouth (that mouth belonging to Armin, of course) that Eren _mentioned_ concern for her. However, the legitimacy of that rumor was something Mikasa called into question, knowing the good-hearted but unpredictable tactics Armin had previously been responsible for in the past when it came to setting the forest and the universe up.

The only unarguable evidence that Mikasa was left with were the words Eren spoke to her the night prior—the jarring, _mocking_ attitude in his voice when he dropped her hand and saluted her to the front door.

_“Have a safe fucking flight, sweetheart.”_

It felt like poisonous springs had flown from his lips, leaking into the systems of Mikasa’s bloodstream as each cell within her echoed those _irking_ six words. She couldn’t sleep that night, only achieving a meek two hours where she didn’t dream (that was a plus, she supposed). The tone of his (though usually tender and teasing) jeering voice resonated in her ears with each toss and turn in her nest of nightmares, the pillows and blankets feeling more and more like stones throughout the night. Once again, she had made her dreams reality, and what did she do instead of running _after_ him just as her dream-self had? She ran _away_ —two thousand, thirteen and a half miles, to be exact.

Well, she didn’t "run” back home _because_ of her argument, considering she had to do that anyways for her Christmas break, but it was undeniable that Mikasa had used this trip as an excuse—as a coping mechanism for dealing with their dispute, for dealing with her stubbornness in opening up to him.

It was entirely her fault. She knew that fact all too well. How dare she try and paint _him_ as the bad guy when all he wanted was to understand her hidden pain so that he could _help her_. She hated the glimmer of the fires within his eyes, knowing that her stubbornness and defiance to his assistance was what scorched beautiful trees, the forest fires she so cruelly was responsible for. Why was she resistant? Why was she still holding back? Why was she so headstrong in isolating herself from the person she, arguably, needed the most affirmation from?

She didn’t know. Perhaps she didn’t know anything. All she knew is that she could see a man in the crowd of the airport, sleek black hair accompanied by heather gray irises flickering in her direction with a waving hand in the air.

“Hey, brat!” The man shouted as she walked closer, luggage dragged behind her. “Welcome home.”

 

* * *

_Crack, sizzle, pop!_

“Thanks for helping out today, son.” There was a firm hand clutching Eren’s shoulder, squeezing it firmly as the voice belonging to it continued. “I know you typically have today off, but it means a lot to your mother and I that you were willing to come in.”

“As long as I get extra hours this time,” forest eyes flickered up from his working hands, his lips turning up at the corners to form into a smile. Eren let out a gentle sigh and shrugged once eye contact was made, glancing back down to grab an egg. He was surprised at how graceful his hands moved, cracking a shell against the counter and watching a bright yolk mark its territory on a sizzling cast-iron. The _tss_ made once the egg hit the pan rang throughout the kitchen. “It’s the busiest time of year for you guys, anyway, and I have nothing better to do so…”

“I’m surprised that kid isn’t tired of this place already!” A woman’s voice chirped, Eren glancing over his shoulder to watch Hange waltz in the room, hands fidgeting to adjust her hair into a messy ponytail as she adjusted her apron.

“Oh, I’m tired of it alright,” Eren greeted the woman with a smile, looking back down to carefully watch cooking eggs. Sunny-side up was simple, sure, but the forest always stressed out when it came to cooking them perfectly—the edges of the whites browning at a much faster rate than the area surrounding the yolk almost _always_ seemed raw.

“You’re ten minutes late,” his father groaned, walking over to the chef to greet her with a hug. “I had to call Eren in here to help Erwin with breakfast orders.”

“What a _shame_ that you have a son to boss around, Grisha.” The woman smirked, sarcasm evident in her words. She washed her hands quickly and ran over to a blonde chef, whose face dangerously close to a stove as he flipped a plethora of pancakes.

“Eren,” Emerald looked up from the cooking egg, mouth in the shape of a small _o_ to see his father push glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“What’s up?”

“Your mother and I were talking…”

“Okay…?”

Oh, _God_. This was it, wasn’t it? Eren was going to be fired and have to find a _real_ job. His parents must’ve taken in waaaay too many complaints about his shitty service and the amount of attitude he gave customers on the daily. Wellp, it was a good job. He hated every second of it, but the staff and memories were pretty alright, he supposed. It served a good income. Maybe he and Armin could get involved in some underground business or something to pay for—

“We want to have you and Mikasa over for dinner!”

Oh, _God_. Worse. Much worse.

His father continued. “She’s such a wonderful gal. You really did pick a good one! She’s constantly visiting you during your breaks, occasionally coming in for an actual meal and all…”

Eren felt his chest tighten slightly, the image of tearful onyx eyes plaguing his vision. They were a painful reminder of how he hurt her—how he dug too deep in trying to understand something that he probably should’ve left alone.

There was a hearty chuckle. “Carla and I just haven’t had the opportunity to get to know her—one on one, y’know? It’s the holidays, and I know you’ve mentioned how she doesn’t have family in the area.”

Guilt started to pool inside of Eren, his nerves suddenly jittery as he tapped a finger quickly on the kitchen counter. He felt like if he kept the tapping up, he might accidentally crack the plastic laminate.

“Anyway, I’ll let you talk to her about whenever she’s free. Doesn’t have to be anything super fancy or nice—just a plain ol’ casual dinner. You just let us know—”

“She’s out of town.” He blurted.

The man’s eyes blank, mouth in the shape of a small _o_. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” his voice cracked slightly, all of his physic weakly fighting against the guilt and shame he spent the past two days pushing away. Apparently, the mere mention of Mikasa’s name was just enough to crack open the door, a flood of emotion sweeping him under the current as he so pathetically tried to swim against it—to swim against the truth and reality of how much of an asshole he was to her. “College kids have a month long break right now, and she went to visit home for a week.”

“Ah,” his father nodded his head understandingly, patting his son’s shoulder once more before walking away. “Maybe when she gets back, then.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Eren frowned, looking down at the cast-iron to see his egg was burnt—it was yet another thing he seemed to have ruined. He hastily threw the scraps away, taking another egg and cracking it against the counter. It seemed as if the anger and resentment Eren had towards himself took control over his actions.

_Crack, squish!_

He scowled, lifting his palm from the counter to reveal a crushed shell. Great, now there was yolk all over his hand.

 

* * *

_“We had a good life,” she hummed, head leaning against a boney chest. His breathing was shallow, chest heaving in staccatos from trying to catch his breath. Mikasa’s head was pounding, the taste of iron on her tongue as she also tried to catch her breath, but resting for the brief moment felt nice—soothing, almost. They were leaning against the trunk of a tree, the night sky littered in dim stars as if an artist had flicked the end of a brush on a black piece of paper to create sporadic constellations. The duo was running, hiding from something—whether they were running from a man or some sort of entity, Mikasa couldn’t remember; however, she spoke fluently in contradiction to her confusion of the situation, “Y’know, for being held hostage for weeks with little to no food, your running was hella impressive.”_

_He shrugged, or at least he tried to shrug whilst juggling with fatigue. “I guess you can thank adrenaline for that.”_

_“Yeah,” she cleared her throat, spitting into adjacent grass in an attempt to rid the unsettling taste of iron on her tongue._

_There was a lull, the two bathing in moonlight and sporadic stars. It was a beautiful night despite the tense air, the consistent anxiety that something or someone could jump out and attack at any second. They were foolish to suffocate the air, to selfishly take the spare moments to relax when they should’ve kept running—running out of this eternal forest to get closer to safety._

_She heard his voice, hoarse and raspy. “I guess it’s a best-case scenario.”_

_Mikasa blinked, dark eyes looking up inquisitively at bright eyes. “What makes you say that?”_

_“This way we die together… at the same time,” he let out a sad chuckle, the sound gut-wrenching and uneasy. “I know we get competitive with each other but… don’t beat me to the grave, okay?”_

_She lifted her head off of his chest to look at him, his eyes holding confliction within the trees. It was as if he knew the promise was a load of bull, but hearing it would’ve given him a sense of false hope. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, moonlight creating shadows along his face, his jaw, and his neck. There was dried blood on his bottom lip, hair sticking to different parts of his face due to the sweat that so stubbornly clutched onto the brunette strands._

_Her voice was soft. “I won’t.”_

_There was a pause._

_“When we get out of here, let’s grab some food.”_

_She giggled, resting her head against his chest once more. She relished in the rise and fall of it, finding solace in the knowledge that his beating heart was right underneath her ear. “Alrighty.”_

_“I’m not joking,” he scoffed. She was thankful for the lightheartedness he contributed despite the fatigue and anxiety settling in the air. “I’m famished.”_

_“Hey, you weren’t the only one kidnapped, y’know?”_

_“Whatever,” she could hear his smile through his words, readjusting her sitting to face him directly._

_He opened his mouth to speak again, but she watched his eyes widen, hand hastily grabbing her shoulder to throw the girl into the grass. Mikasa tumbled, suddenly rolling down a steep hill, her vision blackened as she squeezed her eyes. The fall never seemed to end, the little cuts of blades of grass and twigs similar to shards of glass shoveling into her skin as she rolled endlessly._

_“Mikasa, run!” She heard a voice shout, breathless as if wrestling. “Get out of here! You can escape, I know you can—”_

_He was cut short, the sound of a slicing knife meeting a choking man. She finally stopped rolling, her body using all of her energy to look up. There were two men, a hooded figure and a man with a hand tightly gripped around his neck, attempting to stop blood from spilling out. Her eyes widened when she saw the hooded figure kick the bleeding man over, beating him to the pulp._

_“No…” Her voice was soft at first, growing in decibels with each word she spoke. “No, nonono, no, NO!”_

_She forced herself up, legs trembling from exhaustion as she tried to carry her own weight. She fell over, hands against the hill that was now… vertical? Fingers clawed into the grass, rocks, and dirt taking refuge underneath her nails as she attempted to crawl up the vertical slope._

_“Eren! Leave him alone, you bastard!”_

_Her arms were giving out, the attempt of crawling up the hill too hard, too impossible. She kept at it, a sharp twig stabbing underneath and splintering her nail-bed. She retreated her hand from the hill, pain shooting through her body as she let out a cry. Mikasa shook her head, looking back at the top of the hill to see a limp body. The hooded figure started walking away, and she felt tears form in her eyes._

_She was whimpering weak, broken syllables. “No, you get back here, you shit-head.”_

_The hooded figure only ignored her, walking away and flinging a crimson knife over his shoulder._

_“Hey!” Mikasa shouted, her hoarse throat feeling as if she freshly swallowed razor blades. “I’m not done with you yet!”_

_He kept walking, a bottomless pit tunneling itself in her chest at the sight as she screamed._

_“If you’re ‘gonna kill him, kill me while you’re at it!”_

_He kept walking._

_“I’m talking to you! Kill me, too!”_

_Further and further away._

_“I said fucking kill me!”_

_And the figure was gone, a lonesome body on the ground behind him._

_She fell to her knees, eyes squeezed shut as if to lessen reality. She shook her head, whimpering softly, “This was supposed to be a best-case scenario.”_

Mikasa’s eyes snapped open, her body noticeably drenched in sweat despite the blanket thrown on the other side of the room. Her palms lifted to dig into her eyes, the pressure creating stars as she shook her head. She waited, waited to feel delicate arms wrap around her and say something along the lines of, “Don’t worry, sweet girl. It’s okay. I’m right with you.”

But Sasha was on the other side of the country, and Mikasa was all alone.

Or so she thought.

There was a knock on her door, a drawn-out squeak emitting from the old wood as the silhouette of a figure appeared. “Miki…?”

_Fuck, I’m at Levi’s…_ she groaned, slowly sitting up from the bed to force a lazy smile at him. She could only imagine how angry he must’ve been—remembering how Sasha had mentioned the different times Mikasa mumbled on and on in her sleep at night. She shook her head, quickly grabbing the blanket adjacent to her to wipe the sweat pooling on her forehead. She swallowed, compressing all the breathing exercises Sasha had used into a few, quick moments. “Come on in.”

He hesitantly entered the room, flicking on a light switch and sitting at the edge of the bed. His eyes were narrowed, brows furrowed. There was a lull, the man closely observing each shift of the girl. She decided it was probably best to break the silence.

“Sorry if I woke you up. I’m sure you’re super mad, so I—”

“Are you okay?” His voice was drenched in concern, and Mikasa realized she mistook his furrowing brows and narrowed eyes for anger. He looked… worried.

She tittered and forced a smile, shaking her head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He scoffed. "Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s ‘cause you’re crying, you’re drenched in sweat, and you were screaming for someone to kill you just a few seconds ago.”

She was speechless, a hand lifting up to dab at tears in her eyes as if wiping them away would cause her uncle to forget they were there in the first place. The air was filling with uneasiness as she was at a loss of what to say or do.

He carefully spoke as if his syllables would disrupt the air and shake her up even further. “Look, if you’re having night terrors, then I’m sure we can seek some sort of help to—”

“They’re not night terrors.” She butted in, perhaps a little too quick.

Levi tilted his head, an eyebrow arched as he repeated her. “‘ _They?_ ’”

There was yet another pause as the man looked into onyx, digging throughout the shattered, glossy gemstone as if to draw an answer from the girl.

She closed her eyes, slightly stammering. “Remember when I… when I asked for advice over the phone?”

He nodded his head, voice hesitant. “Yeah, and I tried calling you about it, but you told me you’d rather talk about it in person.”

Mikasa took in a deep breath, opening her eyes slowly to see heather gray irides staring at her, deep in thought. She told him everything.

 

* * *

Sunlight poured into the room, Eren crinkling his nose as his eyes squeezed shut, the sound of a deep inhale through his nose filling through the room as he stretched his arm out, a hand hitting the wall behind him as he yawned. His eyes fluttered open, snow drizzling outside his bedroom window as relaxed his body into the covers, head swung to the side to watch the different snowflakes drizzle on outside. It was Christmas morning, and though the twenty-fifth had the grand label slapped across its name on every calendar, the morning didn’t _feel_ all that different. No, the air didn’t hold a different scent, and his eardrums didn’t pick up anything other than the snoring dog on the bed.

He smiled softly, nostalgic memories of when he was a kid coming to mind—how Eren would encourage his parents to wake up at four in the morning because the sound of “Santa’s sled on the roof” had just left (when in all reality, the boy had just stayed up all night gawking at gifts under the tree). He was such a punk, pulling his parents by their arms so they would get out of bed all so that he could rip apart wrapping paper to unveil different nerf guns and toys. He secretly missed those simple mornings, especially with the “magic” seemingly ceasing each coming year; however, he was thankful that he didn’t still wake up so painfully early.

There was a knock on his door, a gentle voice whispering, “Merry Christmas, Eren,” and the forest slowly sat up on his bed with droopy eyes to see Armin standing in the doorway. The waves had grown less mournful, slowly growing into that familiar, striking cobalt again. Watching the ocean slowly cope and rebuild himself over the course of the few days planted relief in the forest.

“Happy Christmas, Ar,” he yawned again, arms reaching in the air. Oden shift in the sheets adjacent to him, groaning loudly and drawing laughter out of the two boys. “What time is it?”

“Just past ten.”

“How sweet of you to let me sleep in,” Eren flashed a half smile, arm absentmindedly searching for the pajama shirt that was thrown off _somewhere_ in the sheets. He slipped the fabric over his head, his hair going static as he did so.

“I was just about to go shop for some stuff for the party. Annie asked we bring plates and cups, so I figured you’d want to tag along,” Armin continued, sitting on the edge of the bed, and Eren noticed the ocean was hiding something behind his back.

He tilted his head, a half smile digging itself into his lips. “Whatcha got there?”

“Oh, this ol’ thing?” The blonde shrugged, a small and unwrapped cardboard box in his hand, a simple, silver bow sitting on the top of the thing. “Just some dumb gift I got for some dumb guy.”

“Sounds dumb.”

“Sure is,” he bit his bottom lip, hesitantly placing the box down on the bed. The boy nodded his head, pushing the gift in Eren’s direction. “Go ahead.”

Even as an adult and even though he told himself the Christmas magic had faded, Eren was still a boy when it came to opening gifts, his greedy hands speaking all too loudly before his pride could protest. He was quick to rip apart the box, tanned fingers pulling out a black scarf. “Armin…”

“Mikasa stole your red one, so I figured you’d need a new one.”

He smiled softly, eyes glimmering up at the ocean. The gesture was too simple yet so thoughtful—Armin taking care of a subtle need Eren didn’t even think about tending to. “I love it.”

“Hey, it’s shit compared to your gift—you bought me a table.”

“No chairs, though.”

The boys laughed briefly, a sigh emitting from each of them before Armin was hesitant to speak once more. “Speaking of Mikasa…”

“Oh, God.”

“Have you guys talked since…” His voice trailed off.

Eren pursed his lips, gaze focused directly on the fabric in his hands as his thumb ran across it to feel the different ridges and texture of the black. He thought about her—inky strands of hair and the two cosmos that left him feeling weightless—wishing the scarf was her strands or hand or anything for his thumb to run across instead.

“I sent her a photo of Oden the other day, and she said it was cute.”

There was a lull, Armin collapsing to lay his back against the gray sheets, the two friends sitting in silence as minds wandered, curious to how their companion was handling desert weather—if Christmas was any less or any more special for her two-thousand miles away.

“You know I can’t solve all of the problems you two have, right?”

Eren chuckled, rubbing his eye and shaking his head. “I know.”

“You’re ‘gonna have to maneuver through rough patches on your own. I’ll always be here to give you my honest opinion. My thoughts and advice will always be endless for you, E, but I can’t always be your constant—”

“Armin,” he made sure to make solid eye contact, hoping the gaze of his emerald would serve as emphasis behind the few words he spoke, “I know.”

There was a lull, Armin nodding his head slightly before standing up from the bed, grabbing a coat that was on the floor and tossing it at Eren. “Alright, get up, lazy-bones. Let’s go get those plates and cups for tonight.”

The ocean left the room, closing a door behind him as Eren took in a deep breath, grabbing his phone and opening up the contact, “Mikachu<3,” his fingers hesitantly dancing across the keyboard to type the words, “ _happy christmas, hun. miss you_.”

 

* * *

“Hello?”

“Mikasa!”

“E-Eren?”

“Ugh, your voice sounds so pretty. Did you know that?”

“Uh…”

“Happy Christmas, darlin’! I hope you have a shit-ton of eggnog and ginger dudes.”

Hesitance. “Ginger dudes?”

“Yeah, the little bro dude homie guys. The ging…” His voice trailed off.

“Gingerbread men?”

“Yes! God, you’re so smart. Your brain must be huge.”

“Are… are you drunk?”

“I’m—” Hiccup. “—fucking great. I’m ballin’, dude.”

“You sure about that?”

“Like I could totally shoot a three-pointer now.”

“Eren, are you with someone right now?”

“Or like a half-court shot but backward.”

“Eren—”

“Total baller!”

“Eren.”

“That’s me.”

“Are you with someone right now? You’re not alone, are you?”

“I’m at Annie and Bertholdt’s party. Hey, everyone! Say ‘hi' to Mikasa!”

“Oh, no. They really don’t have to—”

It was incredibly loud and jumbled. “Hi, Mikasa!”

A pause.

“They just said hi.”

“Yeah, I could hear very clearly, Eren.”

“Anyway, so like I texted you earlier—”

“Are you drinking water?”

“Hmm?”

“Water. Are you drinking water?”

“I’m having a lot of clear shit but it’s not water.” There was a childish giggle.

“Eren, goddammit. Drink water.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious. Water is your best friend right now.”

“Hell yeah.”

A pause.

“Hey, I have a question!”

Hesitance. “Yes, Eren?”

“Did you see my text this morning?”

“Yes, yes I did.”

“Woah, plot fuckin’ twist.”

“…Why?”

“You didn’t respond so I was like, ‘Fuck, she’s gonna break up with me on Christmas.’”

“No, no I’m not.”

“We’re still dating?!”

“I…Eren, can we wait until you’re sober?”

“I think you’re the prettiest and I’m such an asshole and you’re such a wonderful human being and I’m a bonehead.”

“Eren—”

“Erwin always calls Hange a bonehead and I think it’s so fuckin’ funny, dude.”

“That’s great, sweetheart.”

“Anyway, I think you’re so awesome—please never leave me.”

“I’m not…” Her voice trailed off.

“‘Cause if you do, then I won’t have anybody else to cut my hair.”

“We can’t have that, now can we?”

“No, ’cause then I’d look like a pirate. I don’t fuck with pirates.”

She let herself titter. “Pirates are not a thing to fuck with.”

“Anyway, I really hope you had the best Christmas ever and—ooh, ooh, ooh! Ymir! Pour me a round!”

“Water, Eren.”

“Oh, right. Never mind, Ymir!”

She couldn’t bring herself to leave him like this. “Are you having a good Christmas at least?”

“No.”

“Why’s that?”

“I miss you even though you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not… _mad_ at you—”

“ _Pfft_! Ya, you are.”

“No, Eren. I’m really not. It’s… complicated.”

“You sound like an edgy fifteen-year-old.”

“A… what?”

“ _You wouldn’t understand. Fuck off, it’s complicated_.”

She let herself laugh at the teasing. “You’re not wrong.”

“Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

A pause.

“I’m mad at me.”

“Don’t be.”

“Like I wanna punch myself in the face, dude.”

“Please don’t do that.”

He sounded incredibly focussed. “Okay, I’ll try really hard not to.”

“Good.”

“Oh, man. Armin is telling me we have to go home now. Oh, shit he’s stealing the phone from—”

A third voice. “Hey, Kasa.”

“Ar! Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, kiddo. How’s Vegas?”

“Eh, super dry.”

“I’m sure. Can’t be anywhere near as dry as your boyfriend right now. I tried to stop him from calling you, but…”

“It’s okay. I should’ve called him earlier.”

“It’s all good, girl. Here, I’ll let him say goodbye and then I’m taking him home. He’ll be safe, don’t worry.”

“Okay, thank you. Bye, Armin!”

The first voice came back. “Armin says I have to say bye now.”

“Yes, yes he did.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Well, sometimes you ‘gotta do things you don’t want to do.”

“Ugh, you’re so wise.”

“Okay, make sure you drink lots of water when you get home, okay? Maybe grab a snack while you’re at it, too.”

“Okay.”

“Repeat to me what I just said.”

“Water is my homie and food is dope.”

She shrugged. “I guess that counts.”

“Bye Mikasa. I love y—I love getting drunk. I’m fucking drunk. Fuck. I love yearly holidays. That’s what I was saying. Nothing else. I wasn’t ‘gonna say anything else. I’m fucking drunk.”

Her heart stopped. “Yeah… get home safe…”

Awkward. “Ha-happy Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”


	20. The Skeleton In Her Closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one hell of a chapter to write lol
> 
> But friends! FriendsfriendsFRIENDS! I made a small Tumblr post abt this just the other day, but we are entering the homestretch of this fic :( There are going to be 24 chapters—the last serving as an epilogue. Just wanted to address that now so that when the last chapter comes it’s not a total surprise/shocker. I am so, so sad that this story is coming to an end but I’m also bouncing off the walls to share the rest of Eren and Mikasa’s story with everyone.
> 
> Thank you endlessly for the support, kudos, comments, etc. I’ve said this a bunch but when I initially started this, I really thought nobody would pay attention, but now 20 chapters later and I’m still blown away at how receptive you guys are/how many people are *actually* reading (and enjoying?!?what??!) this thing. Agh, I’m too sentimental. You guys wanna read the story, not my tangents lol. Anyways, I hope y’all enjoy. Thank you!
> 
> Slight disclaimer: Sexual undertones

“You missed a spot.”

It was an early morning in _Sina’s Tea Shop_ , a duster dancing across the tops of colorful tin cans—each can holding a variety of different leaves and herbs within each container. Mikasa was on her tippy-toes in an attempt to reach the top shelf of tea-leaves, a grunt escaping her lips as she struggled to reach each corner and crevice, the glare of her uncle’s heather gray irides undoubtedly burning into her from the behind as she dusted. Perhaps memorizing a dictionary would be less excruciating than cleaning under Levi’s supervision.

“I didn’t think dusting could be such a taxing job,” she grunted once more, the spot at the _very_ back corner of the shelf near impossible for her to reach.

“It is when you suck ass at it,” Levi rolled his eyes, his hand quickly snatching the duster from Mikasa’s. She watched him step up on an adjacent stool, the stolen duster swiping dust bunnies off of tea tins expeditiously.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, a frown digging itself into her lips as she watched the man completely re-dust _everything_ she had just spent the past fifteen minutes taking care of. If he thought she was doing a shit job, he could’ve at least stopped her at a halfway point.

“She didn’t do _that_ bad of a job—you’re just a perfectionist, Levi.” A voice spoke up, and Mikasa looked across the tea shop to see one of the employees readying samples for customers. The vicinity started to flood with a mixture of scents and herbs as the blonde employee let the samples brew (she couldn’t remember if this one was named Eld or Gunther—she kept mixing those two up for some reason). Though Mikasa couldn’t identify what the _exact_ flavor of the tea was, she assumed it was some sort of lemon hibiscus, the red liquid and unmistakable aroma of lemon serving as her biggest clues.

She heard Levi scoff, looking over his shoulder and pointing at the blonde employee with the duster. He hissed at the man, genuinely pissed. “Some of us don’t want to sell germs to our customers, Eld.”

_Ah, so that one is Eld,_ she nodded her head. So that must’ve meant the _other_ tall employee must’ve been Gunther. How unfortunate that it took Mikasa her entire week trip to memorize all of their names. God, the game of matching names to faces (and then actually having to _memorize_ those said names and faces) was exhausting.

“You act like we’ll give someone hepatitis if we don’t clean every five seconds,” Eld shook his head, laughing to himself as his gaze refocussed itself on the tea samples. He picked up a tray of them, carrying the small, paper cups towards the front of the store.

“We have health codes we have to abide by, so unless you want this place to get shut down, you’re going to thoroughly clean, and you’re going to love every second of it.”

The blonde smirked, _clearly_ amused with himself. His voice was teasing. “Well then, I won’t tell you I didn’t wash my hands after taking a shit right before I started on these samples.”

“Dang,” Mikasa giggled, shaking her head with a smile. “Sounds like a _shit-tea_ situation.”

Levi glared at her.

“Get it? ‘Cause ‘shitty’ and ‘shit-tea—’”

“Yes, I fucking get it, you dipshit.” He rolled his eyes, stepping down from the stool.

“I thought it was funny,” Eld mumbled, walking away with the samples.

“I’m surrounded by idiots…” Mikasa could _barely_ hear her uncle whisper under his breath. She laughed at his annoyance, noticing the smirk that was begging to turn up at the corners of his lips. He tried so hard to come off as cold (his curt nature heavily helped produce a distant atmosphere), but Mikasa noticed that he was a man of few words—the smallest of actions his greatest forms of expression. She wanted to think that he secretly thought her shit-tea joke (haha) was funny.

The bell to the front of the shop rang, two more figures entering the vicinity arguing over some thing or another. Now _these two_ were easy to remember for some reason, the ginger woman was the only girl who worked at the shop (her name was Petra) and the curly-haired man just had such a unique name that she just _couldn’t_ forget it (his name was Oruo). The duo halted their argument to greet the universe warmly, only to continue yelling at one another while walking towards the back of the tea shop.

Mikasa took a moment to place her hands on her hips, smiling at the empty shop she had spent so much time within the past week. It was taxing, waking up at the crack of dawn to assist her uncle in chores she deemed unreasonable—mop the floors, dust all the shelves, wipe down the front counter with a vinegar spray, clean the keys of the cash register, take inventory of the tea supply, etcetera. It was as if there was yet to be a detail that flew past Levi’s head.

But despite the excruciating tasks that were placed on her shoulders, Mikasa’s time spent with her family (both her uncle Levi and her great uncle Kenny) and their employees inspired a genuine smile on her face at least once a day. She didn’t want to admit it, but it infuriated her how her parents chose some cruise over their own daughter, so adopting a family for her Christmas vacation within the walls of _Sina’s Tea Shop_ left a bittersweet relief inside of her. Eld was funny, Gunther was enjoyable to be in company with, Petra was an absolute sweetheart, and Oruo was too easy to pick on.

Part of her was grateful—grateful for the distraction of nonsensical chores to keep her busy so she didn’t dwell about the _stuff_ she left in Detroit. Grateful to have fresh, _new_ company to entertain her. A part of her dreaded returning home from her trip, that lingering sense of “post-trip sadness” dwelling inside of her before she had even left.

Perhaps she wanted to stay in this tea shop to stay away from the problems she had to face at home—the alcohol-drenched apologies she had inspired to pour out over a telephone. Picking up the phone to hear nothing but slurred regret on the other end _killed_ her. Her resistance to a shoulder to cry on, her stubbornness in opening up to her own goddamn boyfriend were the shields she _begrudgingly_ hid behind. She secretly dread having to face the forest again, his curious trees demanding waters of her explanations. She knew she was dehydrating him of the basic fucking right of communication, his trees parched and wilting faster with each “ _You wouldn’t understand,_ ” that fell out of her lips. Mikasa didn’t want to face reality—intangible dreams much more bearable than facing the person she tangibly hurt.

Selling tea was so much simpler than confronting issues she was liable for.

Mikasa had found herself at the back of the shop, a clipboard in her hand as she was told to count up the quantities of each tea in preparation for the next order the shop needed. Levi stood in front of her, his index finger pointing at each tin as he mumbled numbers under his breath.

“Eight…Nine… Write down ‘ten’ next to oolong.”

She nodded her head, scribbling on the clipboard.

“So, Miki…” His voice trailed off, and she looked up at her uncle as if to encourage him to continue, her mouth in the shape of a small _o_. “How long are you planning on keeping this secret of yours?”

She blinked. “Secret?”

“Yeah, your…” He paused for a moment, hand gesturing vaguely at her head. “Your dream…thingy.”

“Oh.”

There was a pause, Levi’s finger returning back to tin cans as he counted for half a minute. She recalled her second night in town—her uncle entering her room with a concern she didn’t think him capable to have.

“Write down ‘fifteen’ for chamomile.”

Mikasa nodded her head again, scribbling numbers adjacent to tea names. It was quiet.

“Do you ever plan on telling him?”

She looked up from the clipboard. “Him?”

“God, how dull are you?” He rolled his eyes, gaze returning to the variety of teas he strove to count.

Her tone changed, drawing out the syllables of his name out as if to remind him to be polite.“Levi…”

“Seven for chai.”

_Scribble, scribble._

He paused for a moment and sighed.“Your boyfriend.”

“Oh, Eren?”

“Yeah.”

She had thought about it—thought about all the different ways on how to have the whole “I have vivid dreams where you die/something horrible happens to you every single night” conversation. She rehearsed the discussion in her mind over and over again, _especially_ since their argument produced the potential for that very conversation on the cusp of the horizon. Oh, how she dreaded it—dreaded telling him how fucked her mind was. How she held his hand during the day and murdered him at night. How her subconscious tried to drown the captivating _life_ that blossomed inside of him with the harrowing _death_ that so bitterly brewed inside of her.

Mikasa didn’t want to pull him into the mess of her mind. No, he deserved so much better than her. There was no life, no oxygen, inside of her—the universe nothing but an eternal darkness that he would continuously suffer from. There was no life in the universe. It was impossible for there to be. Out of her own desires, out of her own _twisted_ mentality that _he could be her medicine_ , she only suffered worse dreams. She only pulled him into a confusing mess where all he wanted was answers and she suffocated his air. The forest couldn’t survive in the universe. She would only destroy his emerald evergreens.

So she contemplated the idea of running away entirely—to end it all with Eren and leave him in the dust. If she separated herself from his life entirely, it would only benefit him, right? He wouldn’t have to worry about some crazy girl who was nothing but a lamb living in a world full of lion’s. Perhaps he could find someone better—someone kinder, someone prettier, someone more colorful than Mikasa could ever be.

But she was quick to shut the idea when every bone in her body was screaming to stay—that the hues of red he inspired on her porcelain made her the most colorful woman in the world. Talking to him made her feel happy, his gaze made her feel beautiful, his half-smile brought the world to life. If she broke up with him in an effort to protect Eren from her nightmares, she would only open the door to a flood of confusion and hurt—the emotional trauma she would cause him first-hand much crueler than any knife, any wound, any murderer she imagined.

It was a dangerous tightrope to walk along—the choice of either pulling Eren into the chaos of her emotions or to push him away in an effort to relieve him of the burden.

All she could do was let out a sigh, staring at an incredibly focussed Levi ahead of her. “I’ve thought about it.”

“I think you should tell him.” His reply was quick, index finger still bouncing in the air with each tin can he saw. “Twenty-five for the peach tea.”

_Scribble, scribble_.

“I’m surprised you haven’t already, considering you were willing to talk to _me_ about it.”

Mikasa let out a sigh, eyes darting along her jumbled handwriting as she tried to find inspiration within the letters to form a proper response. “Well, it’s different with you.” 

He let out a _pfft_ , taking a break from the tins to face her directly. “It’s really not.”

She was stubborn. “Yes, it is. You’re family.”

“Bullshit,” Levi deadpanned, eyes rolling as his arms he shifted his weight onto one foot.

She only blinked in response.

He shook his head, eyes closing when slender fingers started to massage the bridge of his nose. “Miki, I’m going to be honest with you. You’re not thinking of Eren in all of this. Not even a little bit.”

She furrowed her brows. He was wrong. Her entire dilemma was _out of consideration_ for Eren—how to protect him from the insanity that manifested inside of her.

“Don’t look at me like that. You’re not thinking about him.” He narrowed his gaze to get his point across, Mikasa feeling the heather grays blister her as if she was receiving a lecture. She huffed as the man continued. “Have you thought about how this is affecting him?”

“Of course I am—”

“No, you’re not.”

She blinked, unprepared for the next sentence her uncle spoke.

“I’m sure he’s under the impression that you don’t trust him enough to talk to him.”

She stuttered. “W-what makes you think—”’

“Based off of what you told me,” Levi was speaking very matter-of-factly now, “he figured out you’re hiding something, and all he did was try to understand you. You rejected his help—which he offered _entirely_ out of good intention, mind you—and now you’re on the other side of the country ignoring him.”

“But…” Mikasa shook her head. She certainly didn’t view it like _that_ before. “I do trust him.”

“You’re saying one thing but then doing another,” he spun on his heel to face the tin cans again, index finger bouncing up and down. “Words don’t mean shit if you contradict them with your actions. People pay attention to the things that are unspoken ‘cause that’s what tends to be the loudest.”

And she could only hold onto the clipboard, her fingers curling around the masonite so tightly that she might have broken it in half if she wasn’t paying enough attention. Of course she trusted Eren—absolutely she did. Or did she just tell herself that? Had she not trusted him from the very start? The questions swarmed her mind as her uncle only continued to bounce his finger, Levi looking over his shoulder to mumble, “Five for Earl Grey.”

 

* * *

_It was dark. She was walking in an endless corridor, the clucks that came as Mikasa’s heels made contact with the concrete below her echoing out into a vicinity that simultaneously felt confined and vast._

_“Escape…” She whispered to herself. “You just need to escape.”_

_Candlelight was the only tool that served as pathetic illumination, the warm yellow so, so small in comparison to the never-ending curtain of blackness that was ahead of her. Mikasa’s hand was shaky, her breath shallow in a feeble attempt of preventing the smallest of her breaths from extinguishing the small fire. The little light was everything to her—she couldn’t risk smothering it, hence it was her only means of survival in this horrifying, unexplored territory._

_There wasn’t much to think about, wasn’t much to contemplate at the moment. Her only thoughts seemed to cycle through the same few phrases. Just keep walking. Make sure the light is okay. You just need to escape._

_Perhaps she was stuck in this eternal walk of confusion—not an end in sight as her steps served only as vanishing echoes in a dark world._

_Mikasa noticed something shift ahead of her, her hand carefully lifting the candle up to get a better view of what was ahead of her. There was a figure standing with unnaturally straight posture, its head hanging so that the crown of its head was to the floor. Mikasa hesitated, her steps growing slower as she approached the figure._

_She soon realized it was a person._

_Mikasa held the light closer to the hanging head of the figure, the faintest reflection of brunette strands in the light becoming recognizable. Onyx eyes gasped._

_“S-Sasha?”_

_The girl’s head lifted to make eye contact with Mikasa. Her hair was knotted and shaggy—bangs greasy and stringy looking as if she hadn’t showered for weeks. Cuts were all over her face, dried blood and scabs sporadically against once smooth skin. The worst of it all was how thin Sasha appeared, her cheeks sunken in and unnaturally gray pigmentation painting itself along the shadows and curvatures of once youthful features. She looked skeletal. Mikasa shook her head, brows furrowing together as she stared at the physical state of her friend._

_Sasha opened her mouth to speak, syllables so painfully coarse that it caused Mikasa’s insides to churn. “What took you so long?”_

_Her breathing was heavy. “What’re you doing just standing here?”_

_“I’ve been waiting this entire time,” Her voice started to grow louder, the brokenness growing more evident with each ragged word that came out of her mouth. “This entire time, Mikasa, I waited for you.”_

_“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mikasa shook her head in response to the rising decibels. She noticed how her own voice started to grow weak. “I just got here, Sa—”_

_The voice grew louder. “Where were you?”_

_“I don’t know what you’re—”_

_“Where were you?!” Sasha was screaming now, somehow growing in height. Mikasa noticed the absence of any flesh or muscle in the girl’s torso, her spine start to lengthen in a jagged motion as she started to tower over the cowering universe. It was as if a centipede was standing vertically and looking down on Mikasa. “Where were you?!”_

_“I-I—” Tears were welling up in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”_

_The voice was piercing. “You were supposed to be here with me! You were supposed to protect me!”_

_“Sasha, please… Agh, please stop yelling—”_

_“Where were you?!”_

_Mikasa fell to her knees, face pressing into her palms as she started to sob. Pathetic apologies were streaming out of her, and the candle in her hands toppled over, the flame stifling and the world suddenly dark without the small light—the only thing Mikasa could sense were the tears in her eyes and the perpetual shrieking emitting from the creature in front of her. It wasn’t Sasha—it couldn’t be. Something was wrong. This wasn’t real, was it?_

_But the screaming stopped abruptly, and Mikasa heard a familiar voice shout in the distance—one that wasn’t hoarse or broken. It was a youthful Sasha—the one that would wrap her arms around Mikasa each morning. The one who always greet her friend with forehead kisses and perfectly brewed coffee. That was real. It had to be._

_“Mikasa!”_

_“Sasha?”_

_“He’s hurting me!”_

_“Sasha!” She bolted to her feet, arms spreading around her in an unfruitful attempt of trying to make understanding of her surroundings. “Where are you?!”_

_“Right here!” Her voice came north, and Mikasa started to walk in the direction. “Hurry—agh!”_

_The sounds of struggle became more apparent with each step Mikasa took, her faint night vision showing the silhouettes of a man wrestling a woman on the floor. Onyx eyes screamed, charging towards the man and tackling him to the ground. She blindly started punching at his face, her knuckles feeling as if teeth were cutting at them._

_The figure was crying out in pain underneath her ruthless fists. “M-Mikas—ah!”_

_“Bastard!” She shouted, punches only growing faster and stronger with each second. “Never touch Sasha again!”_

_He was struggling to speak, syllables growing more hoarse with each punch. “It’s me! Stop—please, sweetheart, please!”_

_She ignored the cries, warmth covering her fists and splattering itself on her face. Blood. It had to be blood. There was tons of it, her punches growing sloppy and lazy in response to the texture of the unseen red. “Die!”_

_“It’s me! It’s me, it’s me, it’smeit’sm—”_

_And suddenly she could see. She was straddling a man, and there was red everywhere. Red was his mouth, red were her fists, red were the paint splatters on her face. There was so much of it, and, God, the color was too familiar._

_But green were his fading eyes._

_Mikasa shook her head rapidly, cupping the beat up face. “Fuck! Oh, oh, my God. No, no, no. Eren I—”_

_“Mikasa, it was me—”_

_“I’m so sorry! Eren, holy fuck. Oh, my God, Eren I—”_

_“Why did you do that?”_

_“Eren, please. Please believe me. I didn’t know—”_

_“Why would you hurt me like this?”_

_“I didn’t know. I never would— Shit, what do we do? I would never ever  hurt you like this. I promise. I would never—”_

_“But you did.”_

_“Eren—”_

_“You… you killed me.”_

_“Eren, sweetheart, please believe me. Eren—”_

_“You killed me, Mikasa.”_

_“Eren! I didn’t kn—”_

Mikasa woke up to her body jerked around, eyes snapping up to meet clouds and what looked like an eternity of earth miles upon miles below her. Right, she was on a plane. _Turbulence,_ she reasoned, quickly blinking her eyes in an attempt to nonchalantly rid of the tears welling up in her eyes. The last thing Mikasa wanted was for nearby passengers to have the story of “a girl who was totally crying on the plane” once the flight landed.

Almost immediately—terrifyingly all too naturally—Mikasa’s eyes diverted to her hands. They were clean. Not a speck of blood was on them. A long sigh emitted from the girl, eyes closing slowly as she practiced Sasha’s breathing exercises. _In, and out… In, and out…_

She couldn’t keep this a secret anymore.

 

* * *

The idea was _much_ easier said than done. Mikasa thought the scene multiple times over during her flight, rehearsing the lines she would say, how she would say them, what her posture would be, how her facial expressions would appear. It was as if she was rehearsing for a performance—the act that would determine a turning point in her life.

Okay, well, she was dramatic for thinking of it like _that_ , but her feelings of the intensity of the conversation were valid nonetheless.

He deserved to know. Communication was something Eren deserved—it was a basic necessity to the growth of their relationship, and that was important whether they viewed each other romantically _or_ platonically. She couldn’t, just couldn’t, deprive him of that necessity—to hand over deficiencies to the forest as his leaves turned into ugly shades of purple, yellow, and brown.

He deserved to know. It was that simple.

And she knew that, _God_ , she knew. But as porcelain lifted to knock against wood in the corridor of an apartment complex, Mikasa took note that her hand shaking midair. Her heart was beating rapidly and _not_ in delighted anticipation like she usually felt. She was just here a week ago—Armin choking back tears on the couch and Eren angry at her defiance to him. The last thing she said to him when they stood in that room was “ _asshole_.” And what did that lead to? A drunken Christmas phone call where he apologized for a situation that wasn’t his fault.

He didn’t send a text the morning after, and they had played their awkward, silent game hundreds of miles away from each other. He never apologized for the drunken call, which she figured was typical, common-courtesy to do when one unruly slurred over the phone. Perhaps he was just as insecure and embarrassed to see her as she was to him, but Eren had _no reason_ to feel like the bad guy in all of this, and _that_ was convincing enough for her to push down the anxieties and knock on the door. There was a barking dog behind it in response.

“Just a second!”

She felt her insides twist at the sound. His voice was a rose. The color was on her cheeks, the beauty in his syllables, the thorns spiking at her heart.

And so the door swung open, Eren’s initial smile fading into the shape of a small _o_ as his eyes darted all around the universe. “Oh…” His voice trailed off, still trying to determine if the girl in front of him was real or a phantom.

Mikasa blinked slowly, her eyes darting around the man as well. There was a small cut on his cheek, potentially from shaving just a few minutes ago. His hair was tied into that traditional, messy bun, and the piece she had cut months ago was just below his nose now. She loathed the reminder of how perfect he looked—how put together and truly handsome she found him to be when she only carried ugliness and destruction inside of her.

She took in a deep breath. “H-Hi.”

“Hey.”

The air grew awkward, the duo staring at one another as if to beg the other to break the silence. His eyes were asking what she was doing here, and her eyes said they needed to talk.

He stepped to the side of the doorway, gesturing for Mikasa to enter the olive-green walls. “Uh, c’mon in.”

And so she did, immediately bombarded with an excited, floppy-eared dog jumping on her and begging to lick at her face. She let out a slight laugh, kneeling to the floor to pet the overly excited dog. “Oh, hello, Oden. I missed you.”

“Something tells me he missed you, too.” Mikasa looked up to see the forest behind her, his elbow in the air as he scratched the back of his neck.

“Yeah.”

They both let out an awkward laugh.

Then it was silent again—Eren staring at his feet and Mikasa preoccupied with the dog in front of her. She started to question why she was even in the apartment, what force actually _pushed_ her to see him. She felt out of place. It felt entirely _wrong_ to be in these four walls, petting the dog of the man she consistently hid from. It was awkward and weird and wrong and unfair. Maybe she should leave him alone, walk out the front door and abandon the olive-green for the sake of avoiding awkwardness. She contemplated it for a moment. Oh, how the fickle emotions of a human heart can transcend common courtesy.

But she clenched her jaw in resilience to her fight-or-flight. She was going to endure this tension. She had to. “You just shave or somethin’?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out through a sigh, Mikasa standing up to face him. “Armin made me.”

“Dang,” She forced a casual smile. “He stole my job of bossing you around, huh?”

_What?!_ Mikasa prayed her expression didn’t crack to reveal the thoughts stirring inside of her. _That doesn’t make any sense—that’s such a weird thing to say. “Job?” What? What the fuck?_

He forced a half-smile back. “Apparently.”

And it was quiet again, the universe internally seething at her awkwardness. Eren walked over to the kitchen, grabbing one of the colorful cups and filling it with tap water. “Uh, how was your trip?”

She was closely observing the water fill the cup in his hands, quickly blinking when she had almost forgotten to respond to the question. “Good.”

He leaned against the counter, speaking before he took a sip. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah.”

He set the cup back down on the counter, Mikasa’s eyes diverting to the smallest droplet of water that settled on his bottom lip. She watched each movement of his as Eren wiped away at the drop with his sleeve. Each movement of his was so swift, so graceful in contradiction to his appearance. She could watch him all day, silently appreciating all of the little small details he had, and how _dare_ she hurt someone so captivating through her stubbornness. She didn’t belong. No, not in this room or in his gaze. The insecurity was pooling fast, Mikasa nearly drowning underneath the tides of it as she grew hyper-sensitive to each and every movement of both Eren and herself.

But she had to talk to him. She was in his apartment and she had readied the stage for this much needed moment. It was a point of no return. “H-How’s Armin?”

Eren picked up the cup again, his finger tracing the circle of it. He was deep in thought, potentially weeding through the past of week of mourning he had spent with the ocean. “Better. Obviously he’s still upset, but… he’s getting better.”

She nodded her head. “I’m really glad to hear that.”

“Yeah,” He sighed again, taking a sip of the water. “He’s working right now, so…”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

A pause.

Eren stood up from the counter and pointed to the cup in his hands, eyes widened as if he forgotten something. “You, uh, you want a water? Or tea? Coffee, even?”

“Oh, I’m okay."

“You sure?

“Yeah, but thank you.”

He only nodded his head in response, gaze focussing back down to the water in his hands.

And Mikasa’s mind wandered because she felt like _this_ was the moment to open up to him—to begin the process of debriefing her nightmares and explain that her distance was out of twisted consideration, not directed aggression towards him. She needed to tell him that she _did_ trust him, but she just didn’t trust herself. She needed to lift the veil of her secrecy, taking the empty air and filling it with her vulnerability in a desperate hope that he would understand and forgive her.

She opened her mouth to speak, but, as always, Eren had taken the lead in conversation.

“Mikasa, I…”

She blinked, mouth taking the shape of a small _o_.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted.

No, _she_ was supposed to be apologizing. “For?”

Eren set the cup back down on the counter, standing up from leaning against the laminate. He was staring at the ground, eyes darting across the kitchen tile as if a desperate attempt to find answers from it. “For starters, I’m sorry about calling you hammered the other night.”

_I’m the reason you even got to that point. That’s my fault._ “I’m just glad you were in good hands.”

“And… for being a douchebag before you left.” Mikasa blinked, Eren _struggling_ to conjure up an apology an apology. “I was so rude talking to you in that tone and… and for forcing you to talk about stuff you weren’t comfortable with sharing.”

No. No, no, no.

“And I was rude afterward for not calling, not even texting. For not checking up on you.”

Her breathing was heavy. “I didn’t do those things either. Keeping contact is a two-way thing. Don’t be sorry for not calling.”

“Still, you had a reason to ignore me—one that I can understand.”

Her awful dreams were watering his insecurity, blooming and rooting self-hatred in the illusion that she didn’t want him. She started to hate herself for that. 

“It’s okay, Eren.”

So she accepted the apology, hoping that the feeble three words would bring ease to the self-resentment that he was trying so hard to hide from her. But when he responded through silence, Mikasa felt herself begin to hate herself more. She had inspired Eren to put the blame on his shoulders. He had taken the issues of the universe and deemed his trees responsible for things that were _too big_ to be in his world. And he was making that dumb face he always made when he was sad or insecure—that little pout his lips formed into and the way his eyes would dart around as if to avoid every biotic and abiotic thing in his environment.

She walked up to him until she was about a foot away. “Eren, really. It’s okay."

“I don’t mean to be what—I don’t mean to _cause_ any issues or…” And he was a stammering mess, a hand brushing the long strand she cut behind his ear as he struggled to form sentences. “I-I’ve always been so bad at… at _these_ sorts of things, and I really want to try and understand and fix… fix whatever is going on between us right now ‘cause I have no idea what to say or what to do, but all I know is I don’t want to ruin _us_ or ruin your life—”

“Don’t…” she shook her head, voice but a whisper. “Don’t say those things.”

“It’s just the truth—”

“Absolutely not.”

He looked up, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he made genuine eye contact, peering intently into the universe as if to emphasize the words he spoke. “Please don’t try to make me a good person.”

And so Mikasa scooted closer to grab his hand and squeeze it. She was angry, _aghast_ at how her tentativeness and secret-keeping had amounted to this moment—where he was doubting his own character all because she couldn’t bring herself to have a collected, _needed_ conversation with him.

She swallowed. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

She squeezed his hand once more. “ _This._ ”

Eren clenched his jaw, and she decided it was out of desperation to keep his composure from unraveling in front of her; however, the one thing that _truly_ conveyed the depth of his undeserving guilt was the clouds conjuring up above his forest, rainy weather in a near-future forecast. He broke the eye contact, gaze directed at her collar bone as he spoke. She could see the glimpse of a conversation he had thought one too many times over within his irides. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

This was the exact opposite of what she intended. “Eren…”

He lifted the hand she wasn’t holding to cups her face, thumb running across her juvenile scar. “I don’t want to make you hate me or make you leave or—”

“Eren,” seemed to be the only word she could remember. Porcelain grabbed the hand that was cupping her face, and she was hypersensitive, all too aware of how his thumb sent a subtle shudder through each of her bones. She had missed his tender touch all too much.

“I just…” His eyes had transformed into rainforests, tears pooling at his ducts as he forced them back. “I don’t want to lose you.”

She was silent, peering deeply to observe rainforest eyes. The pain that resided in them killed her.

“At all,” he choked.

Her fingers laced into the back of his hair, fingers tangling into the brunettes strands as she pulled him in. Eren was initially shocked at the kiss, standing still for a moment as she worked to send him forgiveness through each brush of her lips, and within time he reciprocated. She pressed up against the kitchen counter, and she found security as his hands made their way to wrap around her, one placing itself on the small of her back and the other on her upper back. She missed this— _God,_ a week was far too long without him.

They separated from the kiss, Mikasa’s hands cupping his face as he settled his hands to hold her waist. He shook his head, struggling to maintain eye contact with the girl. “Don’t pity me like this.”

She shook her head. “I’m not.”

“I was so rude to you, Mikasa. I don’t deserve this—no, _you_ deserve better.”

The contradiction, cruel irony of it all was too much for her. Here, in Mikasa’s arms, was the man she pushed aside and cast herself away from, and here he was saying _she_ deserved more. She swallowed, pulling him into another kiss, this time extra careful to pour evident pieces of her soul into him. He needed to know it was okay—that he did nothing wrong. He needed to decipher the _paragraphs_ she was expressing to him through their intertwining mouths. He _needed_ to.

“You’re not going to lose me.” She spoke lowly against his mouth.

He was hesitant, eyes fluttering open to make eye contact. Solemn were the trees. “Promise?”

And she only pressed herself deeper still, arms wrapping around his neck as he fluttered his eyes shut to soak in all of the words she was desperate to portray to him—the unspoken explanation of his misdirected accusation _drenching_ each kiss as they grew more intense, hungrier and _desperate_. And he was gaining confidence—hating himself less and less with each brush of his lips and swipe of his tongue. _Good_ , she mused. He couldn’t hate himself, just couldn’t.

Her hands were tousling his hair, and Eren bit back with strength as his hands swiftly picked her, legs wrapping around his waist. She hoisted herself up to change the angle, hand tracing his jawline with each exchange. She was breathless, desperate for air, but he was her oxygen—the lifeline that was once more bringing to life all of the death inside of her. Each nightmare disappeared, each bead of sweat vaporized, each tear pooled into springs of eternal creation, not a barren universe. But she needed more. She needed him to fill her in order to combat all the insecurity and death inside of her.

“Eren,” she gasped, breathless eyes fluttering open to peer into emerald. “Your… your bedroom.”

And he nodded his head, standing up from leaning against the counter as they continued their messy kisses, the sound of a hurriedly shut door resonating throughout the apartment.

 

* * *

They were wrapped in each other’s arms atop gray sheets, her head on his chest as his thumb was rubbing small circles into her shoulder. Their legs were comfortably tangled. Mikasa felt a kiss placed in her dark hair, a gentle, “I missed you,” whispered into the strands.

She could only remain quiet, humming in response to his tender words.

They were both helpless in each other's arms as if separating from any tangled limbs would inspire the end of the world. Mikasa seemed to enjoy the post-sex euphoria the most, hormones floating away and out of the window. It was like suddenly entering a completely different atmosphere, one that was tender and entirely chaste—as if his hands hadn’t just roamed every curvature of her figure. As if his tongue hadn’t lapped itself against her bare skin, and as if she didn’t feel him tighten in her arms as they climaxed, muscles flexing underneath her fingertips until he unwinded—melted into a puddle in her arms against her heaving chest.

They were so vulnerable—so raw.

So why was she still so afraid, still so reluctant to open up to him? He was willing to open his heart up to her, let her see his inner turmoil and understand the hurting of his heart. He was willing to lay his physical self atop hers, how he let her tune into embarrassing, low moans when he whispered sweet nothings in her hair about how _good_ she made him feel. His vulnerability, his openness was admirable, and it should’ve been, if anything, inspiring the universe to unveil her secrets to the forest. But she still felt herself drowning in that cursed pool of anxiety.

_Why_ , was all she could ask herself. _Why can’t I just talk to him?_ She had been on the verge of opening up to him all day, and yet when the perfect moment came, she couldn’t bring herself to open her mouth.

But when he simply asked, “Are you okay,” something stirred inside of Mikasa.

She didn’t realize that her internal anxiousness was becoming evident in her physic. The closeness they exchanged must’ve been _just_ enough for her to break the dam she spent months building, floodwaters starting to pour out of her. The simple question caused Mikasa to sit up, tearing herself from Eren’s arms as she pressed her face into her hands. She was mumbling, shaking her head as the most random words fell from her lips. “I’m crazy. I’m actually, literally insane.”

No, no. This was _not_ how she had rehearsed it. This was supposed to be _civil_ , calm and collected! What on earth had taken control of her?

“What’re you… What?” Eren slowly sat up, eyebrows knitting together as he stared at the girl.

“I just… There has to be something wrong with me, right?” She let out a pathetic laugh, shaking her head and pressing her palms deeper into her eyes until she saw stars. “That’s the only explanation, huh?”

Concern was in his voice. “Mikasa, what’re you talking about?”

“I—”

And she lost it. There were tears in her eyes, and they just _couldn’t stop_. She couldn’t blink them away, couldn’t wipe them in an attempt for Eren to forget they ever happened. No, crocodile tears were streaming out of the universe. God, she _must’ve_ looked ridiculous in that moment, suddenly jerking up from her boyfriend’s arms to claim insanity and then bursting into tears right afterward. She could only stammer, trying to explain her actions. “I-I don’t even know where… where to start or how to even explain—”

But the anxiousness that paired with justifying her sudden outburst was overwhelming. She couldn’t tell him, there was no way. There was a reason she was avoiding telling him to begin with. Eren deserved better than to be roped into the evil, the death that had festered inside of her soul. He didn’t need the absolute burden of worrying about her each morning. It hurt Mikasa to know that Sasha had to ease the universe’s nerves every day, and she didn’t want to invite another person into such a cruel state of life.

Her personal pride came into the equation as well, how he would most likely view Mikasa as demented and _messed up_ after this. Surely he would leave her, telling all of his coworkers how “ _She was bat-shit, man. Obsessively dreaming about me like some sort of serial killer._ ” She didn’t want that in the slightest. She couldn’t sacrifice herself, place her reputation in his hands like that. But this was a point of no return, and here Eren was, rubbing her back and lifting up her chin to lock eyes.

“I’m right here. What is it?”

“I…” And she felt so shaky, suddenly an absolute _weakness_ taking control of her. “I’ve been… hiding something from you.”

He didn’t seem surprised, only nodding his head in patience for her to continue.

She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, voice shaky as she spoke against tears. “I… I have these dreams.”

And when Mikasa flutters her eyes open, he’s staring at her _so intently_ with concern painting the greens of his eyes. “Alright…” He presses on for more explanation.

“Yeah, and—well, they’re—they’re actually, uh… nightmares.” Mikasa pauses, insecurity taking hold of her once more. She felt stupid that this was even an issue to begin with—that this was something she needed to talk about, never mind the fact that she felt entirely ridiculous for admitting these dreams _out-loud_ to _him_. Here she was, sitting on the bed they just slept together on and openly admitting to Eren how fucked her mind was. “Every single morning I… Sasha has to calm me down and stop me from crying and,” sad laughter snuck its way through her tears. “I’m such a pathetic mess right now, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no,” he was quick to shut down such a statement. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I-I’m sorry for dragging you into this—

“You’re not dragging me into anything,” his voice was so soft, so reassuring. “It’s my job to be here for you.”

Mikasa took a few moments to steady her breathing, reviewing the lines she rehearsed in her brain from how she _intended_ this conversation to play out. It was much more hectic than when she talked about it with Levi. Sure, it was awkward, but at least she could get her damn point across.

After a bit of silence, Eren spoke up again. “Do you know what started them?”

She shrugged, still stammering with jumbled words with broken sentences “I-I don’t really know, believe it or not. Sasha thinks it might’ve been stress—y’know, starting the semester and my brains trying to cope with my stress in a weird way. Does that make sense? I don’t know… There isn’t a clear answer. They just started _happening_.”

“When did they start?”

“Beginning of September.”

“That might make sense,” Eren slowly nodded his head, deep in thought. “Do… do they have a theme to them? That might help in relating to the source of ‘em.”

The tears started to well into bigger ones, and she shook her head. This was it. “I…”

“If it’s too personal or difficult for you to talk about, then we don’t have to get into it completely.”

No. She had to get into it.

“You…” She choked. “Every night, you…”

He blinked. “Me…?”

“I… fuck,” she squeezed her eyes, the English vocabulary feeling like a bowl of alphabet soup as she swam within the broth to pick words and phrases together.

He was silent.

Another dam was broken, and she erupted into a ramble, the words spilling out of her mouth faster before she could even process what she was even saying. “At first, I would be put in these—in the most random situations where I would try to save someone or a group of people. I… I was never able to. Everyone I met or saw was… was always _dying_. I was always so, so powerless, Eren. It was so awful. But… but then I met you and... they changed.”

Her eyes flickered to make contact with Eren’s, and there was an emotion she couldn’t identify residing within the emerald. He was just staring at her, silently and intently.

She took in a deep breath to continue. “It wasn’t a… a random _lottery_ of people I was trying to save anymore. You… you were—you _are_ always involved somehow. I… I can never…” She choked back tears, squeezing her eyes again, shaking her head as she spoke the thoughts that occupied her mind into reality. “I try so hard to save you, Eren. So, so hard, but I—ugh. I _never_ can. Every single night I watch you…” She forced her eyes open, staring at her wringing hands, Eren’s sitting figure hardly visible in her peripheral. “Sometimes it’s even my fault that you… that you die. You die every single night, Eren, and I can _never_ help you or save you.”

Her eyes tentatively looked up to see him sitting with a mouth slightly agape, and Mikasa noticed how the hand on her back stopped all movement to simply rest against it. He was speechless, completely and utterly mute on what to say or what to do.

She interpreted it as recognition of her insanity. Surely he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted.

Instantly, he pulled her into a hug, strong arms wrapping around her quivering frame as his face nuzzled into her hair. And she was  _crying_ , relishing in his grip despite the fact that she didn’t deserve to be in his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” she whimpered.

His grip around her tightened in response.

"I don’t mean to be a burden—”

“Shut up.” He cut her short.

“I really, really am sorry—”

“S _hut up_.”

And he refused to let her go.


	21. The Self-Endowed Responsibility of Alleviating the Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but necessary chapter

“You have these dreams… about me?”

Tentatively, Mikasa nodded her head.

“Every night?”

Another head nod.

Eren struggled to keep the fragments of the universe intact—the shattered shards of glass that reflected trillions of stars, the very stars that were bleeding out tears in his arms. He never thought to consider what the components of her galaxies were, the water-colored nebulae that hid so much fear underneath each brush of purple. He tried to imagine what it was like—the struggle she tried so hard to keep lightyears away from him. The asteroids of her dreams and the comets of her mind kept in absolute secrecy in an attempt to protect his forests—an attempt to free him of a devastating collision in fear that _she_ would destroy _him_.

She had the same insecurity as him. She had the same heart that preferred to worry instead of to beat. This whole time Eren thought _he_ would inspire the death of the universe. Meanwhile, Mikasa was convinced she would wreak havoc on his evergreens with the asteroids of her inner turmoil. He found both comfort and heartbreak in the parallels they shared. Comforted that he wasn’t alone in his insecurity. Heartbroken that something as ethereal as Mikasa Ackerman carried such an ugly burden in her heart.

Not only did she hold this burden so heavily (it was evident in her broken syllables alone), but she had the audacity to apologize for _being a burden_. The audacity to take something she couldn’t control and _apologize for it_. Her broken apologies caused Eren’s insides to churn. Mikasa Ackerman? A burden? There was no way. He wanted to take the very idea and throw it out of the window of his bedroom. A person is _never_ a burden. The things they deal with are burdens, sure, but those things never replace an individual’s identity. She was not her nightmares. She was not her tears. She was a warrior—a warrior who fought the battle of her subconscious versus her reality every night. A warrior who chose to smile throughout the day as if she didn’t bleed out in anguish the same morning. She was strong. So, so strong.

He didn’t know what to do.

The eyes he adored were completely glossed over, eternity bounded by tears she tried to hide from him. She kept wiping away at her eyes as if ridding the evidence would clear his memory. And he was staring so intently at her, trying to muster all the empathy in his bones to simply _understand_ —to understand what made these dreams so horrific that she was an absolute mess in his arms. To understand what made them so jarring that she happily lived alongside him whilst her worries lurked beside her in stealth. 

And for a brief moment, he was upset. Upset that she didn’t trust him enough to sit down and say, “Hey, I watch you die every single night and I don’t know why.” Upset that she didn’t ask for comfort and help he could’ve so easily provided. Upset that he hadn’t been there for countless mornings, wiping tears from her eyes and placing kisses on her forehead to whisper, “It’s okay. I’m alive, and I’m right here.” He knew something was wrong—that she was hiding something from him, and the hunch encouraged him to pry open the door to unveil her open wound. And he was upset that she didn’t ask for help—the ointment of his kisses and the bandages of his affirmation. But she didn’t let him. He could’ve been there for her. He _should’ve_ been.

But he wasn’t, and he couldn’t contemplate hypotheticals when the universe was solemn in his arms. Though he didn’t understand her motives, he understood that she had the courage to open up to him just a few minutes ago. She proved her trust when she took solace in his arms. She proved her faith through the way her shaky hand clutched so tightly onto his shoulder as she spilled rivers of grief against his chest.

Nothing else mattered other than the moment that was present. Not the past, and not the future. He needed to be _there_ , in his grayscale bed, to support Mikasa. To take the rivers that flowed from the universe and turn them into rainwater, sprouting an oasis of life despite the death of her optimism. Her cheeks were flustered with wilted roses, a crude shade of pink Eren quickly learned to despise. He wanted to see the roses _he_ would bloom on her cheeks—that subtle red that he adored so much.

Then he had an idea. 

“What was the last dream you had?”

Mikasa looked up to lock eyes. “What?”

“The last dream you had,” he was cautious to keep his voice soft, “what happened?”

She swallowed, contemplation evident in her darting eyes as her fingers gripped further onto his shoulders. “Are you sure you want to know? They… they can be pretty awful at times, dude.”

He only nodded his head. “Just trust me.”

So she paused, taking a deep breath before sputtering. “I was in this… this dark place, and I only had a candle to guide me. After a bit, I found Sasha, and…” Her eyebrows furrowed, forehead crinkling her porcelain further into grief. “She turned into this weird, skeleton monster thing, and w-was just _screaming_ at me.” Mikasa paused once more before her voice turned much weaker as she spoke hasty sentences. “And then the monster disappeared and I heard Sasha—the real one—scream out for help, and I was just trying to save her ‘cause this man was attacking her… So I tackled him and started hurting him and—”

Tears started to flow from her eyes again, Eren’s hand rubbing her back as he placed a kiss on her forehead. “Shh, it’s ok.”

Mikasa swallowed, struggling to continue. “I-I didn’t know it was…”

And she looked at her hands, eyes darting around her fingers in horror. It was _just_ enough for him to understand. There was a brief lull.

“Let’s rewrite it.”

She sniffled, shaking her head in confusion. “Huh?”

“Let’s say…” Eren thought for a moment, taking the time to brush raven strands behind her ear. “Sasha never turned into some sort of monster. Her munchies got _really_ bad, and she was yelling at you about it.”

She tittered, wiping away tears from her eyes. They stopped falling. “What are you… what?”

“And so she thought, ‘ _Hey, Er-bear works in a restaurant. Surely he has food on him at all times, right?_ ’” His hands cupped her face to wipe away the tears instead. “So Sasha tried to wrestle me for food.”

Mikasa sniffled once more, eyebrows shifting to knit together inquisitively rather than sorrowfully. “Okay?”

“So,” he smiled softly, hoping the lopsidedness of it would combat her sadness. “You came over and were like, ‘ _Wait, I’m hungry, too_ ,’ and you tackled me to wrestle for the food instead.”

“You’re so silly,” she laughed softly with a roll of her eyes, and Eren relished in the sound. Mikasa paused for a moment, eyes dropping to stare at his sternum. Her voice was painfully gentle. “There was so much blood, though.”

And his heart broke at the whisper, Eren’s arms pulling the girl to rest her head against his chest in response. He pursed his lips, deep in thought for a moment. God, it was torturous that he couldn’t climb into her mind and rid of all the awful horror films she was forced to see.

“Bottle of ketchup.”

She exhaled a laugh through her nose. “Why would you have a bottle of ketchup on you?”

“It’s a dream. Doesn’t have to make sense.”

She shook her head, and he felt her eyelashes flutter shut against his skin. “I would never wrestle you for a condiment, though.”

“Maybe dream-Mikasa just _really_ needed some ketchup,” he smirked and placed a kiss on the crown of her head. He felt porcelain arms tighten around his waist. “Again, it doesn’t have to make sense.”

There was a brief lull before Mikasa spoke, hope evident in her syllables. “Can we rewrite a few more?”

And Eren shut his eyes, exhaling in relief. She was okay.

“Absolutely.”

 

* * *

Eren didn’t think it possible for him to research a topic so heavily—to use plethoras of Google searches and YouTube videos as the macronutrients and the fertilizers of self-education. It started with the simple thought of, “ _Why do people have nightmares, anyway_?” Before Eren knew it, he had spent weeks researching the six worded question.

He was squeezing as much research in his brain as he could. He knew about the cortex and hippocampus of the brain trying to process memories/emotions endured throughout the day. He knew about the REM period of sleep state, how the brain was most active right before an individual woke up, therefore most dreams occur at that phase. He knew all the different names of chemicals produced and halted during the sleep process: norepinephrine, serotonin, histamine, and etcetera. It wasn’t long before Eren deemed himself a Neuropsychologist (a term he had also learned from a Google search).

He was also quick to become overprotective of Mikasa, a thing she found both endearing and ridiculous. He read that nightmares were influenced through drug use (antidepressants especially), and he had many lectures with Sasha of, “Don’t let her smoke from that stupid pen of yours, got it?” The ponytail would only sit crosslegged, smirking and nudging Mikasa’s side to whisper, “Maybe you shouldn’t have told him. He’s like a scarier version of my mom.”

Eren had also read somewhere that the colder a person was at night, the more prone they were to nightmares, so he bought an extra blanket for the girl. He’d swaddle her in the thing, demanding that the blanket was the best friend she could never abandon at night. 

But his favorite part was rewriting the dreams with Mikasa—where she’d call him first thing in the morning and he’d turn the stories of pain and horror into stories of humor and fantasy. He’d turn her cries into laughter and her tremors into stillness. He’d turn murderers into strangers and weapons into Nerf guns. He’d turn monsters into stuffed animals, and blood was always ketchup. The relief he’d feel when he’d hear the words, “ _I think I’m okay now—thank you_ ” was overwhelming, all-consuming.

Eren only wanted to help the universe in every way he could, and his arms could only do so much. So he turned to self-endured studies where he’d list out the cause and effects how her daily life would be reflected in the horror films. Where he’d closely observed the potential variables of what caused them. Where he’d use some search engine on his cellphone in an attempt to weed through reiterated dream-information to try and understand the intricacies of Mikasa’s mind.

But the internet could only provide so much reliable information.

Standing in the threshold of a bedroom, Eren lifted his fist to knock on the door. Armin was sitting crisscrossed on the floor of his room, nose buried in his laptop to type away at, assumably, an essay. Eren let out a sigh, gently knocking the wooden door to catch the ocean’s attention. “Knock, knock.”

Armin bolted up his head, flashing a smile at his roommate. “Oh, hey dude. What’s up?”

“You took Psychology last semester, right?”

Blonde eyebrows knitted together, a head was cocked to the side. “Yes.”

Eren swallowed, shifting his weight to one foot and scratching the back of his neck. “Do you still have your textbook?”

“Yes.” The answer sounded more like a question rather than a response.

“Can…” He let out a titter, and he felt _awkward_ for asking such a simple request. “Can I borrow it?”

There was a beat of silence before Armin questioned, “Why?”

“Just curious.”

Armin hesitantly stood up from his floor, shuffling over to some retro looking desk Eren had handpicked months ago. He watched his roommate’s hands shuffle through piles of paperwork and thickly bound pages before landing on a book. The ocean walked over to the threshold of his door and placed the relatively heavy thing (though Eren would fib that it weighed nothing) in the hands of the forest.

“Thanks!”

So he sat on the couch in the living room, fingers underlining each sentence he read as he tried to flower the fruit of education unto his juvenile branches. But the information was all the same—all the reiterated REM talk and prefrontal cortex information he had read time and time again. A scowl dug itself into his lips before a figure appeared in front of him, leaning over the textbook to read off the page.

“‘ _A Study in Oneirology_.’” Emerald looked up to lock eyes with sapphire. “Trying to learn about dreams, huh?”

Eren blushed, subtle anxiety irking in his bones.

He didn’t talk to Armin about Mikasa’s nightmares—about when Eren held the shattered fragments of a broken universe, how mourning stars found solace in his arms. How he encouraged dejected nebulae to build a firm foundation upon his trees. The last thing he would want to do was invade more of her privacy, to force her to pry open doors and expose deep wounds she was selective in keeping intimate.

So he figured a white lie was justified. “I already told you I was curious. I think it’s an interesting topic, y’know?”

There was a beat of silence.

“Your ears are red.”

“Fuck you.”

“Well, I won’t bully you into telling me the reason,” Armin flashed a smile, and his waters were smug. So damn smug. “But if you want to learn more, there’s this thing called ‘school.’”

“Yeah, but there’s also this thing called ‘money,’" Eren should’ve guessed the conversation would lead to _that_ topic.

“And there are things called ‘financial aid’ and ‘scholarships.’”

The two boys only blinked at one another in some type of staring contest. And they stood still to stare at each other in competition for a good moment until Armin let out a sigh. “You can’t be flippin’ pancakes under your parent’s supervision forever, Eren. You really should think about going back.”

And for once, Eren didn’t reject the idea. He actually considered it.

So much so that several days later, when he was washing Mikasa’s back in the shower with some lemon-scented soap, he spoke the idea out into the tangible world.

“What if I went back to school?” His voice echoed in the tile, warm water sprinkling down on him.

She hummed, nodding her head slowly, deep in thought. Tanned fingers brushed the long, inky strands of Mikasa’s hair over her shoulder to expose the upper part of her back. “It’s not a bad idea.”

Eren pursed his lips, loofah in hand as he gently washed away at the dirt the universe had accumulated throughout the day. He stared at the white bubbles as he cleaned soft porcelain, his hands moving in circular motions in all of her hard-to-reach places. 

And Eren thought about it, imagining himself in college. There would be an actual classroom with an actual professor where he would sit at an actual desk with an actual pencil in his hand. He let out a sigh, the imagery in his mind both convincing and incredibly boring.

Mikasa broke the silence, sensing his internalized contemplation. “Whatever you decide to do, I support you entirely.”

And he smiled, arms wrapping around her frame to pull her into a hug. He placed a tender kiss against the nape of her neck, lowly speaking against the dewy skin. “You’re the best.”

A smirk dug itself into her lips as she turned around to face him, fingers amorously tracing his v-line until porcelain met his center.


	22. Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Sexual content

It was cold, and then it was warm.

Mikasa’s back was against the wall, cold tile combatting against warm water and, well, the warmth of Eren’s body pressed against hers. He was panting, paused right where their lips barely touched to breathe in one another’s air as her porcelain stroked his length.

She loved this—watching him unravel underneath her touch as he ached for more, the softest of curses falling from his lips as he struggled to keep his composure. Onyx was stubborn in locking eyes with emerald, and she took note of the smallest details—the way he leaned over her with his forearm against the tile wall, how their bottom lips just _barely_ brushed against one another as she stroked him.

And Mikasa became intoxicated at the sight, the staccatos of his breath against her mouth and his roaming hands encouraging her to feel an absolute dizziness. She could only tune into the sounds surrounding her, the sheen layer of water on their bodies crashing against the shower floor, the echoed pitter-patter of the dewdrops complimentary to the coarse moans Eren kept at the back of his throat.

“Armin will be home soon,” he rasped, eyebrows knitted together as he gazed deeply at Mikasa with half-lidded eyes.

She only pecked his lips, hands stroking the slightest faster to draw a groan out of him. “Well, we better hurry it up, then.”

And he flashed a half-smile, Mikasa feeling herself grow red at the sight, the laziness of it all enough to slow her movements. He grabbed her wrists, pinning them to the tile.

She frowned. “I thought you liked my hands.”

“Yeah,” he lowered his head to plant a kiss on her neck, lips ghosting the curves of her shoulder as he murmured against the dewy skin, “but I like watching you better.”

Mikasa flushed red, her breath hitching when his hand slid down to her core, fingers only gently cupping the area to tease her. She bucked her hips, her leg propping to the side as if to plead for entry.

“Eren,” she gasped.

“Hmm?” He smirked, and it was devilish. 

“Please.”

So he slid in a finger, and she squeezed her eyes shut, face twisting in the sensation as she started to see stars.

“ _Please_ ,” she repeated, fingers tangling into his hair.

“Greedy today, huh?” His voice was low, rough against the curve of her ear, and Mikasa felt herself shiver at his words.

She rolled her eyes, tugging at his hair to let her annoyance be known. “I don’t know why you always have to be so difficult—”

Eren cut her short, sliding in a second finger and drawing a soft moan out of her. She sputtered, back arching slightly to press further against his skin, and he was smiling in the curve of her neck. But it was when he used a third finger that she threw her head back against the wall. She was docile to his touch, his name falling from her lips she rode his fingers.

He was planting kisses along her collarbones, shades of peony, amaryllis, rose and hibiscus blossoming upon her skin as he left a trail of flowers. She was blooming, basking in the rain of the shower and growing in the fertilizer of his hands as he tended to her most primal needs—ghosted each curve of her figure with his fingertips and teased along her supple breasts with his teeth. She was littered in pink flower petals, the life he carried within those green eyes rooting bountiful bouquets within her.

But she wanted more—to feel more, to create more. She wanted to litter _him_ in carnations and chrysanthemums. She wanted to hear her own name uttered in shaky, breathless syllables.

Mikasa grabbed his wrist, lifting his hand up to her mouth, her tongue curling around his fingers to relish in the taste of the universe. She watched the Adam’s apple on his neck bob at her actions, and she leaned forward to whisper against his lips. “I’d say we’re clean enough, wouldn’t you?”

He nodded his head dumbly, hand reaching to turn the shower off. It was so natural, the way he lifted her up and the way she wrapped her legs around his waist. Mikasa was cupping his face, kissing him _deeply_ as he shuffled to carry her out of the shower. It was dangerous, and perhaps they would slip in fall in the midst of the passion, but neither of them seemed to care.

They stumbled into his bedroom, Mikasa’s back against gray bedding as he hovered over her, kiss still intact. She sort of felt bad, the both of them still drenched from the shower water only to immediately crash into his clean sheets. Nobody liked a wet blanket, but when he tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth and drew a moan from her, she remembered that water evaporates and dries, anyway.

Once he readied himself with a condom pulled from his nightstand, Mikasa spread her legs to let him enter, his initial thrust lazily rough. He sputtered a, “ _fuck_ ,” and Mikasa rolled her hips in reaction. They found a rhythm, Mikasa biting at the freckles on his shoulders as he thrust a steady tempo.

It was beautiful, the way two people were so fond of one another that they trembled in uniform vulnerability—how Mikasa was infatuated with Eren to the point where she allowed him to see when she was emotionally unguarded, when she was physically sensitive. It was beautiful how he did the same, how he whispered sweet nothings into the strands of her hair and begged her to help him achieve the goals of his most primal desires.

And she couldn’t describe the feeling. No, not the physical one where she saw stars and was drunk off of the lazy thrusts and the whimpered utters of her name. Everything inside her just seemed to fly when she simply looked at him. It was like her chest became an open sky, her heart soaring among his tranquil blue. Every cloud she’d fly past was a kiss, every ray of sunshine was a lopsided smile, every tree was a joke he’d make whenever she surveyed the stratosphere of Eren Yeager.

She couldn’t seem to identify _what_ that feeling was, for it seemed to be a word that transcended the very alphabet. Was there even a word for what she was feeling?

All she knew was that when Eren pulled her in with his gaze once more, she was waltzing among the clouds. His mouth was slightly agape, hitched breathing his only form of communication. Mikasa pulled the boy into a kiss, drinking from the gentle moans that poured from his lips as if he would quench her thirst. As if he was filled with pools and springs of eternal creation.

He was thrusting much faster, now, and Mikasa arched her back to lift her hips, the two gasping as they were closer and closer to their end. She pressed their foreheads together, water now replaced with sweat and their lips only centimeters away as they breathed in each other’s jagged pants. Mikasa felt herself go lightheaded, dizziness occupying her mind as she started to lose control over her body, unable to continue rocking along to his movements.

“Eren, I—” She threw her head back, eyes squeezed shut as she tried to encourage him to continue, to just keep going.

But his hand was quick to press their foreheads together again, his thrusts increasing in tempo as he murmured against her lips. “Don’t look away.”

And so they kept eye contact, the universe and the forest peering into one another _deeply_ as abdomens clenched and pulsed together—when she came and he followed soon after. And there was a lingering of exhilarated hormones flooding her brain, their foreheads pressed hard as she was left to stare into emerald, euphoria rippling through her body. She wanted to stay like this—completely still whilst holding one another as they physically were one.

And they did, Eren letting out a panted laugh before placing a tender kiss against her lips. “You… you always take my breath away.”

She reciprocated the kiss, fingers tangling in his brunette locks as she poured herself into his lips. They shared messy, _lazy_ kisses that only encouraged her to feel drunk off of him once again. He slid out of her, and she was quick to frown, missing the intimacy of their physical togetherness. But his hands ghosted her curves once more before pulling her up to sit upright, tanned fingers cupping her breasts to softly squeeze.

She gasped and then paused, pulling away from the kiss. “You said Armin was coming home, didn’t you?”

“Armin will just have to deal with it,” Eren rasped, and she was quick to gasp his name when a hand slid to meet her core once more.

 

* * *

There was an aroma of deep-fryer oil, cluttering dishes echoing throughout the vicinity that was _Grisha’s Family Diner_. It had been ages since the last study session Armin and Mikasa shared, one that was entirely just the two friends without the distraction of Eren.

Well, while this study session wasn’t _entirely_ separate from Eren, considering they were in his workplace, they had made a request that the forest would leave the universe and the ocean alone to have some bonding time (to which Eren was incredibly butt-hurt over).

The two friends sat in a red booth, flipping pages upon pages of textbooks as they studied, Ymir walking up to their table to refill drinks.

“What’s the cosine of three-hundred degrees?” Armin looked up from a flashcard to watch Mikasa ponder the answer.

“Uh… square root of negative three over two?”

“No, that’s the sine,” he sighed. “It’s one half.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?” Ymir scoffed, topping off Mikasa’s iced tea.

“Trig,” Armin shrugged, taking a sip of his water before rubbing an eye. “Mik has a test tomorrow.”

“Oof,” Ymir smirked, placing her hand on Mikasa’s shoulder as some form of affirmation. “Bless your poor soul.”

“Thanks,” Mikasa murmured, gaze dropping back down to the mathematics textbook in front of her. _Oh, the unit circle,_ she frowned, _how I loathe you_.

Breakfast was excruciating, the combination of toast, eggs, square roots, and negative numbers nowhere near appetizing. It didn’t help with Ymir’s occasional snarky comments, and the face Armin would make when Mikasa gave the wrong answer was getting on her nerves.

Mikasa took a bite of her toast, chewing thoughtfully as she shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be good at math.”

“You’ll get it in time, don’t worry,” the ocean flashed a smile, reassurance laced within its intent. He placed the flashcards down, closing an adjacent text book. “Why don’t we take a break?”

She nodded her head, perhaps a little _too_ excitedly, and the duo cleared their table, sprawled books and pencils quickly piled neatly atop the spacious seats of their booth.

“Hey,” came Armin’s voice, and Mikasa turned away from piling study books to face a nervous demeanor. “So, I’ve been thinking.”

She blinked, struggling to decode the body language of the ocean. “What’s up?”

“Well,” he was playing with his food, fork twirling itself within scrambled eggs. “Since I’ve had some time to process the whole Stanford thing… I’ve been rethinking about what I wanna do with my life, and I may or may have not have an idea.”

She blinked. “Okay?”

He cleared his throat, quickly taking a bite of his eggs before speaking once again. “You still want to own a flower shop, right?”

Mikasa nodded her head, eyebrow arching as if to beg the boy to continue.

“And I’ve always wanted to start my own company or shop or whatever.”

“Ar, what’re you—”

“Let’s run a business together."

She could only blink rapidly, mouth taking the shape of a small _o_. “Wait, are you for real?”

He shrugged, gaze falling down to his twirling fork. “I mean, why not? We’ve been majoring in the area for a few years now, and we both have the passion and motivation for like… the same thing—”

“Yes!”

It was Armin’s turn to blink rapidly, head bolting up from eggs to lock eyes with onyx. “Wait, really?”

She was smiling like an idiot now, hands dramatically gesturing as she spoke. “Yes! I mean it’s gonna take time—”

He was reciprocating her smile now. “Well, yeah. Of course! Lots of time—”

“And we’d have to figure out so many specifics—”

“ _So_ many.”

“But…"

The two friends could only smile at each other with big, goofy grins, imagining a future together. Mikasa couldn’t fathom his proposal, the perfection of it almost movie-like. Running a business with Armin, one of her best friends, and a _flower shop_ of all businesses, the very dream she had always desired to come true.

Armin jumped when a hand ruffled sandy-locks, a half smile paired with forest eyes. “Hey, you two.”

The blonde scoffed, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. “Thought we told you to leave us alone.”

“Yeah, you did.” Eren shrugged, using Armin’s head as an armrest. “I wanted to see my girlfriend before you corrupt her with your robot technology."

“How do you know I’m not already corrupted,” Mikasa smirked, taking a bite of her toast before continuing her argument. “I’ve known Armin much longer than I’ve known you.”

“Oh, fuck.” Eren let out a long sigh before he pressed his lips together in a thin line.

“Yeah,” Armin smirked, brushing the forest’s arm off of his head. “For all you know, she could be a robot, too.”

“Cyborg girlfriend.” Mikasa pointed her finger at Eren, and the ocean and the universe stared at the forest with teasing eyes.

“Okay, well I was just coming over to say ‘hi,’ but you guys made it fucking weird,” Eren rolled his eyes, standing up and straightening out his apron. He did a two finger salute before stating, “Bye!"

Despite the annoyance he produced, Eren leaned over the table to give Mikasa a gentle kiss, and she could hear Armin let out a teasing, “ _ooh_.” She crinkled her nose. “Did you eat bacon from the kitchen or something?”

“Yeah.”

She shook her head, taking a quick swig of iced tea to rid of the lingering grease Eren had left on her lips. The forest ruffled sandy locks once more before disappearing into the busy buzz of _Grisha’s Family Diner_.

“He’s so easy to pick on,” Armin smirked.

“Tell me about it,” she laughed.

“Anyway, back to what we were talking about,” he cleared his throat, his smug demeanor fading to unveil one that was a combination of hope and anticipation. “Would you really want to start a business together?”

Mikasa took a moment to think, and she could see it all so clearly—walking into a small store whilst surrounded by the colors of Spring. She could see the ocean at her side, doing all the math and expenses she would struggle to accomplish. She could smell the flowers, see the clock that sat at the entrance of the shop, feel her feet tread along the uneven wooden floor. The imagination was almost convincing enough for Mikasa to walk right into the fantasy.

She could only smile, nodding her head with childlike enthusiasm. “I’d love to, Ar.”

 

* * *

It had happened again.

Mikasa’s eyes snapped open, hand quick to clutch her mouth as she practiced those damn breathing exercises. _In, and out… In, and out…_

She was coated in sweat, her hair feeling dirty from all the tossing and turning she must’ve done. Tears welled up in her eyes, and God, how bad she wished to remove her ducts entirely so that familiar sting would just _go away_ already.

Tonight she was Cassandra. There was a blonde trying to solve some sort of puzzle in order to unlock the secrets of the world, but the riddle was boobytrapped. Mikasa _knew_ it was boobytrapped, and she was crying out to him to stop, to “ _get away from there_.” He didn’t listen, though, stubbornly solving the puzzle until it was too late. Until she witnessed the ocean get caught in an explosion, red water sprinkling and splashing _everywhere_.

She swallowed, hands pressing themselves over her eyes as she reminded herself how to breathe. Though still tormented by her dreams, they had gotten better.

The nightmares had decreased down to only once or twice a week where she had no hint on which night the horror film could possibly premier. Most mornings she woke up disoriented, anxiety irking in her despite the fact that she couldn’t remember what her dream-self endured.

Mikasa let out a long sigh, and she jumped slightly when arms wrapped around her from the behind to pull her in, the universe taking the role of the “little spoon.” She smiled softly, closing her eyes and sinking into the arms.

“Sorry if I woke you up,” she sighed, her legs intertwining with the ones behind her.

“‘Sall good,” his voice was low, handsomely tired. She found solace in the decibels he managed to reach. “What happened this time?”

And she fluttered her eyes shut, telling the tale of Cassandra—the woman who was cursed with the gift of foretelling prophecies and not a single person would ever believe her. She told him about the red sea, how it cruelly split and rained down to remind her how, once again, she was powerless.

A gentle kiss planted itself on the nape of her neck. “So Armin’s just as much of a smart-ass in your dreams as he is in real life, huh?”

“Eren,” she rolled her eyes, a subtle smirk digging itself into her lips. “That’s mean.”

“What?” She felt him exhale a laugh through his nose, the breath tangling itself into her hair. “Just the truth.”

She shifted underneath the covers to place her head on his chest, the _thu-thump_ of his beating heart so, so soothing. Eren planted a rose on her forehead before nuzzling his face in her hair, the terrain of the earth losing itself in the universe.

“I’m sorry you get these dreams,” he whispered into the strands.

_I’m sorry you have to see me like this_ , was what she wanted to say, but Mikasa allowed her eyes to flutter shut in tempo to the beating heart underneath her ear. It was comforting, so soothing the way each _thu-thump_ encouraged her to drift deeper into the sound—to sink further into emerald pools that felt so warm, so inviting. She was so comfortable that she even managed to fall back asleep.

Mikasa didn’t wake up to another nightmare the next morning.


	23. The Colors of Spring's Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will serve as an epilogue<3

Eren was staring at the ceiling, arms sprawled out against gray bedding as he listened to the April showers pouring outside of his window. He was smiling to the melody, the rhythmic pitter-patter of downpour inspiring a childlike bliss to sprout among his trees. Each droplet of water was a mallet crashing into the symbols of drizzled rooftops, the crescendo of a soft smile inspired on Eren’s lips. Man, did he love Spring.

It was just past noon on a Tuesday. He had taken the day off of work to talk to academic advisors, financial aid, and counselors, emerald irides flickering in the direction of a potential future; however, his meetings at the college had finished much faster than Eren had anticipated, a vacant evening set out before him. He had gotten paid today, so perhaps he could take Mikasa out to _Bott’s Café_. He could actually _pay_ for her drink instead of accepting Marco’s, although kind, adamant “on-the-house” coffees.

Eren smiled to himself at the thought of her. What was she up to right now? Perhaps she was working on campus, selling study materials and salt and vinegar chips to her peers. Or maybe she was in class, scribbling away at notes for whatever she was studying in. He thought to send her a text, but it seemed Eren preferred to stare at his ceiling and think of the girl instead. Man, was she something—a nymph who dwelled within his forests and stirred magic inside of his soul.

The rain outside his window started to sound more like an opening act for the headliner that was the universe. He got lost in her symphony—the chords of her voice, the acoustics of her breath, the melody of her swaying hips. Simply looking at her felt like listening to a song he hadn’t heard in years, the anticipation that came with chord progressions and lyrics that felt so familiar. So nostalgic. So _peaceful_. He could dance, waltz, and sway to her music forever it seemed.

And it fascinated him—how her inky strands of hair were the strings of a guitar, how her dark eyes were the sound-hole, how her arms were the headstock that kept him perfectly in tune. What fascinated Eren the most was that _she_ trusted _him_ to breathe music into her—to be the musician that brought life to his instrument and sing songs of elation in her hours of despair. Each chord was a giggle he’d ring out of her, each note a smile. And that fact couldn’t help but make him… feel.

What was that feeling called? The one where trivial, stupid cliches became the only things Eren seemed to understand—how the world faded out entirely and Mikasa was the only thing he could see.

Eren jumped when he heard a voice ask, “Whatcha thinking about?”

“Jesus, Armin,” Eren groaned, sitting up from his bed and rubbing his eyes. “Do you get off on sneaking up on people or something?”

“Sorry, dude.” He chuckled, the blonde walking over to sit at the foot of Eren’s bed. “How’d your meetings go?”

“Alright,” Eren shrugged, positioning his seating crisscrossed to face Armin. Oden trotted into the room, his floppy ears making a b-line towards the boys for attention. The ocean chuckled, petting the animal as its tail waved excitedly. “How was work?”

“Work was whatever,” Armin shrugged.

They sat in silence, the boys staring intently at the dog who ached for their attention. Eren wondered what it was like—to only worry about treats, sleep, and attention instead of the abstract emotions of the human heart.

“I think I’m ‘gonna go out later today,” Eren mused.

“Okay?” Armin let out a confused laugh.

Eren pursed his lips. Typically the boys didn’t give exact details on their daily plans. “I was just thinkin’ out loud,” he justified.

“Seems like it,” the ocean gave a reassuring smile, continuing the conversation. “I was going to check out places Mikasa and I can get a lease on or rent or something.”

“Oh, right,” Eren tilted his head back, nodding slowly. “‘Cause you guys have your thingy.”

Letting out a _pfft,_ Armin rolled his eyes. “ _Thingy,_ ” he mimicked.

“Whatever, you know what I mean.” It was Eren’s turn to roll his eyes, and he lifted his elbow in the air to scratch the back of his neck. “Don’t you need Mik with you for that, though?”

“Nah,” he shook his head. “We’re doing more research together on Thursday. I just wanted to get a general idea of what’s out there, know what I mean?”

“Oh, makes sense. Well, good luck man.”

“Thanks,” Armin smiled.

The two boys diverted their attention, pushing away conversations of the future to play with the dog that excitedly wagged his tail in front of them. Man, being a responsible adult was absolute bullshit.

 

* * *

_come over at 3_

**_Okie dokie lol. What’s the occasion?_ **

_i just miss u_

**_Ugh you’re so needy_ **

_yeah, so what?_

**_Lol_ **

_so does 3 work for u?_

**_Yes, sir_ **

_cool beans. i figured we could take the dog on a walk and get some coffee or smthn_

**_That sounds great :)_ **

_sweeeet. i’ll see u then!_

 

* * *

Marco’s hands were quick to prepare drinks as he faced an espresso machine, casually talking about his day over his shoulder. It was just another afternoon in _Bott’s Café_ , sunlight pouring through the windows to touch the different succulents and wooden grains it saw, ground coffee beans and tea leaves greeting any nose that confided within the four walls of the café.

The universe was leaning against the front counter, elbows rested on the wood as her face cupped itself in her hands to listen to Marco’s stories. Meanwhile, Oden seemed to have an extra amount of energy this afternoon, and Eren was preoccupied with keeping the dog out of trouble.

The barista spun on his heel, placing a black coffee on the counter. “Here ya go, guys.”

“Thanks, Marco,” Mikasa smiled, swiping the cup off of the counter.

“Yeah for sure,” he cracked a smile, waving as the two made their way out of the café. “You guys have a good one, alright?”

And they bid water colored freckles goodbye, walking back to the apartment that sat a few blocks away. There was the slightest drizzle outside.

“Marco is so nice,” Mikasa mused, thoughtfully sipping on her coffee.

“Yeah,” Eren nodded his head. “He’s a good dude.”

Eren’s eyes surveyed the sidewalk the duo was approaching, and he recognized it as the very one they had walked along so many months ago. The one where yellow, red and orange painted itself in the wind as the universe held her hand to her chest, laughing over some dumb joke he couldn’t even remember. The scene was much more vibrant than the last time he was here, flowers peeking out of grass to feel sunlight and paint the world with pinks, reds, purples, and blues. He thought it beautiful, how the colors of Spring bloomed alongside the forest and the universe.

But when he looked over to see Mikasa struggle to take a sip of her coffee, cheeks stained with cherry blossoms and hair graceful to frame her face as it blew within subtle wind, the world grew monotone. Nothing could compare to her—not the flowers around them, not the greens of the trees, not the blue sky, nothing. She was so beautiful, so captivating. For a brief moment, he thought about the music she produced—how he swayed so easily to the beat of her footsteps. What was that feeling called again?

Mikasa let out a yelp, cursing under her breath when she took a sip of her coffee. “Fuck! I burned my tongue!”

Eren boomed with laughter. “Did you seriously—”

“Yes, goddammit! Agh,” She scrunched up her face, eyes squeezed shut and nose crinkled at the corners as she stuck out her tongue in an attempt to cool it off.

“God,” Eren placed a hand on his chest, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he chuckled at the girl. “I love you so much.”

Mikasa stopped walking, standing still in the middle of the sidewalk to blink at him. “What?”

And Eren snapped his eyes open, stopping in his place as well when she was a few feet away. He felt the dog tug on the leash in an effort to continue walking. “I, uh…”

“Do you really?”

The dog was still tugging, and embarrassment washed over Eren’s body as he processed what had just fallen from his lips.

“Eren?”

“I…”

Oden tugged once more, Eren letting out a “ _woah!_ ” as he fell to the ground. The dog was barking, hopping up on the forest’s chest to lick his face ruthlessly. Mikasa let out a giggle, running over and squatting to help Eren stand back up, but the dog only grew more excited. Oden jumped up on Mikasa, causing her to fall flat on her back as well. The sidewalk filled with barking and laughter.

“Oden—hey, buddy, hey,” Eren was helpless in giving commands to the dog, his words incredibly broken through laughter. He shook his head, sitting up from the ground and carefully pushing the dog off of Mikasa.

“Big dummy,” she laughed, petting the animal behind his floppy ears. He responded by barking excitedly in her face.

“I guess someone didn’t want to stop walking,” Eren smirked.

“For real,” Mikasa laughed, face quick to turn in Eren’s direction. He watched her mouth turn into the shape of a small _o_. 

They were close, sitting on the ground together and their faces only a few inches apart.

It was silent for a moment.

“Eren?”

When she spoke his name, he felt nervousness creep up on him. He swallowed. “Yeah?”

“Do…” her eyebrows knitted together, eyes falling to the ground to stare at the centimeter that separated their thighs from touching. “Do you really…?”

The world felt so modest, so chaste when her question trailed off. Eren couldn’t understand, nor could he comprehend, why he was drowning in so much anxiety.

He _knew_ Mikasa. He knew her physically, knew the spots on her back that grew tense throughout the day. He knew her ticklish spots, knew the constellations of freckles on her shoulders, knew exactly how to make her feel good. He knew her emotionally, knew her little pet-peeves and annoyances, knew what words to speak when she was most panicked and fearful, knew exactly how to be there for her. He _knew_ Mikasa.

So why did he feel so nervous? Perhaps he was overthinking—surely she would accept him, be willing to listen to the emotions he hardly understood.

But when he took time to stare at the pinky red on her cheeks, that favorite color of his that he had painted on her skin time and time again, Eren was overwhelmed with a sense of understanding—understanding of _what_ he was internally experiencing. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and his anxiousness seemed to vaporize in her presence.

“Yes,” his voice was soft.

She only stared at him, an illegible emotion placing itself on her face. Eren felt brief panic fill his heart, mistaking her expression for rejection. He was moving too fast, wasn’t he? Maybe she wasn’t ready yet, ready to care for someone at an intensity as complex as… love. That word was so overused to the point of becoming white noise, yet it was all so terrifying at the same time. How idiotic of him to let those three words so _carelessly_ fall from his lips.

He opened his mouth to continue, perhaps to apologize or to explain himself, but Mikasa threw her arms around his neck to hug him. He struggled to keep his back from crashing into the sidewalk again from her sudden attack. Eren let out a titter, “Hey, there.”

Her arms tightened around him, and she nuzzled her face into the curve of his neck. “I love you, too.”

He blinked, Eren’s arms now wrapping around her frame in response to the four words. “Really?”

“Yes.”

He paused. “Are you sure?”

Mikasa pulled back, staring intently into emerald as porcelain fingers laced themselves into his hair. She only nodded her head.

He didn’t quite remember _how_ it happened, but Eren seemed to forget how to breathe when her lips met his. She tasted different this time, and he was reluctant to pull away—she completed him.

Nature had fought a civil war, and Spring always bounced back with an overwhelming supply of color and rebirth. Eren discovered Spring within himself. He saw color in the way she said his name, hues of pink and reds in her syllables. And he found rebirth in the places where he had notoriously hated all the trivial, stupid cliches. Eren thought it near impossible to digest the butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

Something had landed itself on Eren’s lap, and he snapped his eyes open to find the dog begging for attention once more. The duo erupted into laughter, the symphony of their elation accompanied by a barking dog as they laughed within the colors of Spring’s passion.


	24. Epilogue

Hanakotoba—the Japanese form for floriography, otherwise known as “the language of flowers.” It’s a universal truth that certain flowers represent certain words or certain meanings. Four-leaf clovers represent luck, roses represent romance, cherry blossoms represent gentleness, and irises represent loyalty. It was beautiful, the way humanity annotated the colors of Spring to find symbolism in plants that conquered over bitter, Winter winds. In-between the lines of creation was a story, conveying soft petals as victorious metaphors.

Armin had loved the word, the concept of floriography entirely intriguing to him, and he had _begged_ Mikasa to name their flower shop _Hanakotoba_. She was hesitant of the idea at first, but thankfully the ocean’s waves were talented in persuasion.

Business was small. Granted, Armin didn’t expect their mere flower shop to grow immensely in the short, few years it had been around, but he was quite impressed with the number of locals who purchased from their small store. Perhaps it was Mikasa’s keen eye for design or possibly it was Armin’s talents in strategically advertising their shop. Whatever it was that kept _Hanakotoba_ alive, the blonde was immensely thankful for it.

Mikasa’s hands were busy to prepare a bouquet, her porcelain fingers delicate to maneuver through purple and blue petals. It was a rather large bouquet, one of the more expensive items in their catalog.

“Oh, man,” Armin smirked, leaning against the counter across from the working girl. “Big order, huh?”

“Yeah,” her eyebrows were knitted together in concentration, gaze hard locked on soft flowers. “It’s for a sick family member or something like that.”

“Ah, I see,” the ocean nodded his head, watching her fingers trim away any wilted leaves, the subtle flash of a modest ring on her left hand catching his attention. Armin only smirked at the sight.

“The customer was supposed to be here at four,” she vaguely gestured to a clock that hung at the front of the shop. Armin noticed it was just over fifteen minutes past four o’ clock. “He could be here any second now, so I’m stressing out to finish this up.”

He stood up straight. “Need any help?”

“Yeah…” Mikasa’s voice trailed off, staring at her working hands for a brief moment to think. “Can you grab me a bundle of white poppies?”

Armin nodded his head, hasty to walk to the back of their small shop, entering their makeshift greenhouse, a garden placed before him. Sapphire eyes scanned the vegetation—peonies, daisies, lavender, and the like vibrant to catch his attention. It wasn’t until he heard a _brrring!_ at the front of the shop did his eyes finally land on the modest, white poppies. He could only imagine a panicked Mikasa at the counter, stammering an apology for her unpreparedness. Armin snatched the flowers, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he conjured up a justification for the bouquet not being prepared in time. Though, he was a bit peeved. Perhaps the customer should’ve been on time, to begin with.

White flowers loose in his grip, Armin trotted from the back of the shop to the front, eyes immediately landing on a tired man. There was an open backpack loose around the guy’s shoulder, his shirt stained with coffee and hands comfortable in the front pockets of worn out jeans. Messy papers and packets crumpled up inside the bag, textbooks dangerously close to falling out of the thing. His hair was in a signature loose bun.

Armin let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, it’s just you.”

Fragments of emerald flickered within the man’s irides, a scoff escaping him. His voice was sarcastic. “Wow. Good to see you too, man.”

“We’re expecting a customer.” Armin rolled his eyes, greeting Eren with a hug.

“Yeah,” the universe pouted and let out an exaggerated sigh, taking the flowers out of Armin’s grip to refocus her attention on the large bundle in front of her. “You gave me a heart attack.”

Eren leaned over the counter to place a quick kiss on Mikasa’s forehead, murmuring an apology before walking over to join the universe and the ocean. He placed his bag on the ground behind the counter, finally zipping the thing up when papers started to fall out.

“How was class?” Armin smirked, leaning against the counter to watch his friend struggle in organizing paperwork.

The boy shrugged, standing up and loosely stretching his arms above his head. “I had the _hardest_ psych exam today, but the professor smiled when I turned in my test, so I think I’m in the clear.”

Mikasa looked up from the flowers for a brief moment to smile at him. “Look at that! You’re only a year away from getting your bachelor’s!”

“Yeah, but then I gotta work on my master’s after that,” Eren groaned, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose.

Sapphire eyes smiled to himself, reminiscing over the hard work Eren had dedicated to his educational growth. His sudden motivation to return to school seemed to take the whole world aback, his parents in particular overly excited over their son’s decision.

He wanted to become a therapist, to assist others through the mental wounds and unseen brokenness. Initially, Armin didn’t understand the decision—the boy didn’t seem particularly interested in anything that wasn’t Oden or cheeseburgers; however, over time learned to the job could be more perfect for the forest.

Armin observed Eren as too insecure for his own good, needing guidance and direction in nearly all aspects of his life. The guy would never admit to his own internal struggle, but the lack of purpose Eren felt was burdensome. It made sense for him to discover a passion for helping those who struggled with the same emotions he so heavily endured. At least, that was the best understanding that Armin could conjure up.

“Oh!” Eren interrupted the ocean’s thoughts with a hearty laugh, hand clutching onto Mikasa’s shoulder. “Did you tell Armin about your dream?”

The universe started to laugh alongside the forest. “Oh, oh my God! I forgot!”

“You _have_ to tell him.”

“What?” Armin tilted his head in curiosity, smirking at the giggling mess of his friends.

“So in my dream last night,” she started, eyes and features glowing with each word she spoke, “I was hanging out with Sasha and we were at this carnival-festival sort of thing, right? So we walk over to a stand to play some game, and lo and behold, you and Eren were working the stand. So—”

The duo started to erupt into laughter again, Armin furrowing his brows in confusion at the anticipatory humor.

She flattened her hand on her chest, taking in a deep breath before continuing. “So halfway through the game, you looked all red in the face like you were about to cry, and Eren—” She burst into laughter again, gently hitting Eren’s arm. “Y-you complete the story. I can’t.”

The brunette let out a chuckle, turning his attention to the ocean. “Apparently Mikasa asked what was wrong, and I looked at her dead in the eyes and said, ‘ _Armin really wants milk._ ’”

“Milk?” He started to join into laughter with his friends.

“Yeah!” He was speaking with over exaggerated hand motions. “This girl woke up _so_ panicked that she couldn’t get you a glass of milk. I thought she had a bad dream or something.”

“That’s so dumb,” Armin was laughing hard now, cheeks rosy to match his friends and the flowers.

“Right?”

The trio only laughed, the bliss of the moment fading into a comfortable silence, one that was interrupted with a half-chuckle or a quick exhale through the nose every few seconds. Armin quietly watched onyx and emerald flicker at each other, exchanging a silent conversation that he would never know. All he understood was there was reassurance within the exchange, some sort of reminiscence with a hint of relief.

Mikasa’s hands went back to work, fitting white poppies alongside bluebells, purple carnations and baby’s breath. A _brrring!_ echoed at the front of the shop again, nature’s elements all glancing up their eyes to watch a disheveled, blonde man enter the vicinity.

“Ah!” Mikasa smiled, her porcelain slipping away from the flowers. “You must be Mr. Hannes!”

The man nodded his head hastily, stepping up to the front counter and speaking in an apologetic tone. “Yes, yes. That’s me. I’m really sorry I arrived so late.” He softly gasped at the sight of the bouquet.

“I needed to add finishing touches, anyway,” she responded with a smile.

“Don’t even worry about it, sir,” Armin dressed himself in the suit of the happy businessman, the one who _wasn’t_ peeved that a customer was twenty minutes late for an order.

“Well, you folks did a wonderful job,” the blonde smiled, hazel eyes dancing across the cool-toned flowers. “My wife will absolutely adore these.”

“We’re glad we can be of service,” Eren cracked a half smile, leaning against the counter to shake the Mr. Hannes’ hand.

Armin broke his work facade for a brief moment to roll his eyes. Every now and then, Eren thought it funny to convince customers _he_ worked at the flower shop, too; however, his joke _did_ prove profitable whenever there were those rare, busy afternoons. It was quite convenient to have a dependable, capable person to help out around the store in times of need.

“Do you need help carrying this out to your car?” Eren continued, pointing to the adjacent bouquet with his thumb.

“No, I should be good. Thank you,” the man smiled, pausing for a moment before speaking once again. “But I wanted to know if you guys could print up a receipt. I paid online, but I like having physical copies of receipts, y’know?”

“I can help you with that,” Armin raised a hand, smiling at the fellow blonde. “If you’ll just follow me to the cash register right over here…” He walked Mr. Hannes over to a cash register at the far end of the store counter, loading up the flower shop’s website. “Is that ‘Hannes’ with one ’n’ or two?”

“Two,” the man responded. It was quiet for a brief moment before he started that dreaded small-talk both customers and cashiers begrudgingly exchanged. “You folks seem quite young to be runnin’ a shop like this.”

“We’re all twenty-five, sir.” Armin forced a smile, pulling up customer purchases on the computer screen. “Hard work can get you anywhere.”

Mr. Hannes nodded his head silently in response, and it was quiet until Mikasa let out a soft giggle. Armin glanced up from the computer screen for a moment to see Eren had hugged her from the behind, placing kisses on the back of her head.

“I’m guessin’ those two are trouble,” the man spoke lowly over the counter, catching Armin’s attention.

The ocean smirked, shrugging with one shoulder. “They keep my day interesting. I’d rather that than have coworkers I awkwardly get along with.” 

The man let out a hearty laugh, bidding the elements of nature goodbye as he exited the store, cool-toned flowers in hand. Armin let out a sigh, his work facade fading to unveil his normal self again. God, the requirement of being socially adept at the snap of a finger in the name of prosperous business was overly exhausting.

The blonde slumped onto the counter, letting out a sigh and rubbing his eyes. He was quite tired, fatigue taking over his body from the nine-to-five job he created. Armin’s eyes glanced over to the clock at the store. Only thirty more minutes until he could close up shop and leave, perhaps making homemade dinner plans with his friends at the duo’s rental-home. He smirked to himself, thinking of the dog that was stolen to live with the forest. Though Oden had always preferred green over blue, Armin did miss the animal dearly, and he’d make an effort to visit the floppy ears at least a few times a week.

Sapphire eyes glanced over to the forest and the universe, his mouth slightly agape. Perhaps he was going to ask for plans, to invite himself over for a night of fellowship and friendship, but Armin was quick to close his mouth, gaging the sight in front of him.

They were so absorbed in each other, Eren running his fingers gently through inky strands of hair as Mikasa murmured about this or that. She would occasionally point a finger at a certain flower she’d need to prepare a bouquet, and tanned hands would happily oblige in relaying flowers to the universe.

There was something about the way they stood next to each other—something about those unspoken conversations and silent exchanges that Armin would never understand. He found beauty in those moments, the ones where their gemstone eyes would only flicker at each other, paragraphs fluttering out of each blink of onyx and emerald.

It was like being in the same room as the two individuals required cautiousness, Armin always nervous that a simple breath would intrude on the little moments the duo shared. And it was beautiful how they complemented one another: how Eren’s trees needed a sky, an eternity to look up to and to confide in the gravity she provided when he was helplessly floating; how Mikasa’s stars needed evergreens to tend to and color to contrast the darkness she would easily get lost in.

When Eren placed a gentle kiss on the back of Mikasa’s neck, fingers delicate to gather her long strands into an awfully messy braid (seriously, it was terrible), Armin couldn’t help but let a soft smile dig into his lips.

They needed on another, it seemed—the trees of forest whispering hymnals to the night sky where she would glow in response, nebulae swift to embrace blades of grass.

Perhaps Armin’s saltwater would never understand, never know the little exchanges that made something as simple as braiding hair in a flower shop feel so monumental, so sweet. He would never get to annotate between the lines of their conversations, never get to search for the symbolism in their body language, never get to analyze the emotions that _only_ Mikasa and Eren would ever know. Perhaps his blissful ignorance was _exactly_ what made the relationship seem so wonderful, so awe-striking, a whisper in the night that only lingered.

Emerald eyes flickered up at sapphire, motioning his arm for the blonde to walk over. “C’mon, Ar. You guys close in a bit. I’ll help break things down so we can all head home early.”

“It’s not like you have a choice outside of helping out,” Mikasa murmured a tease, Eren rolling his eyes in response.

“You guys wouldn’t want to, uh,” Armin bit his bottom lip. “Would it be okay if I came over for dinner tonight?”

“Sounds like fun! We can play board games or something!” Mikasa lit up, grabbing the bouquet she was previously arranging and setting it aside for later adjustments.

The blonde nodded his head. “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

So, after shop breakdown, the trio trotted outside of _Hanakotoba_ , eyes shimmering in the direction of the night set out ahead of them.

And the ocean smiled to himself, relishing in the unspoken story that was shared between the forest and the universe.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you took the time to read this story, I want to thank you with my whole entire heart. I left an extended author's note on [Tumblr](https://mikasuhdude.tumblr.com/post/182994307850/reason-for-dreaming-epilogue), but I truly, truly am overwhelmed with gratitude and love for each person who took the time to read my silly words. I hope you enjoyed. Duces! <3


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